


Reasons to Go, Reasons to Stay

by txrches



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 89,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3876949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txrches/pseuds/txrches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren Jauregui and Camila Cabello knew from the moment they met on the playground that they would be best friends. What they didn't know, was that something would separate them from each other at an early age. When Camila confesses something unthinkable, Lauren vows to stick by her side. But when she wakes up to news of her best friend's death, Lauren's heart is shattered. That is, until a chance encounter reveals that Camila might still be alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. tell me anything but the truth

**15 years ago**

_Karla sat on the edge of the playground, pulling out handfuls of grass and throwing them in the wind, watching as the green blades scattered and flew in different directions. She was torn from her blissful dream world by an ear-piercing wail that carried over across the blacktop. Her previous game was forgotten and she clumsily climbed to her feet, scurrying over to where a group of students had gathered._

_“H-he said it was a crown!”_

_Karla stood on her tiptoes to see over the kids blocking her view. They were all focused on the small girl in the middle of the circle, her hands were tightly clutching her brown hair and tears were streaming down her face. Her teacher was knelt down next to her, trying to calm the crying girl down._

_“They won’t come outta’ my h-hair…” the girl said softer, keeping her voice down as she was suddenly becoming aware of everyone’s eyes on her. She let go of her hair and let it hang down in front of her face, using it to shield her eyes from the group of children around her._

_Lauren didn’t like crying in front of people. But she was too frustrated to keep that in mind. An older boy had thought it would be funny to tell her that a collection of burrs he had picked from the bushes was a crown, and not knowing any better, Lauren had placed it atop her head. She quickly realized she wasn’t a princess when her ‘crown’ wouldn’t come off of her head._

_The teacher was saying something to try and calm Lauren down, but the young girl was too scared of the group of kids surrounding her to pay attention. She hated being the center of attention, especially for reasons like this._

_The first day of kindergarten had been something she was looking forward to, but now she just wanted to go home and never go back._

_“Hey everybody! Look! I’m a princess!”_

_The small voice rang out from outside the circle of kids, and the attention was immediately stolen from Lauren. She shyly looked up, curious to see what the other kids were now looking at._

_There stood a tiny girl with curly hair, who now had a collection of burrs arranged in a circle around the crown of her head. Her white dress rippled in the slight breeze as she threw her hands in the air to gain everyone’s attention. The teacher gasped and Lauren’s classmates broke out into laughter, completely forgetting about Lauren and running over to Karla, who was now spinning around in circles and claiming she was the ‘best princess in the whole wide world’._

_Lauren remained standing where she was, her shoulders drooping. The other kids crowded around Karla, and the teacher had run over to make sure no one else got the same idea._

_“Why are you crying? You’re a princess!”_

_Lauren jumped when she heard the same small voice from before, only now it was just inches away from her. The small girl stood in front of her, proudly adorning her crown of burrs. She spun in a circle and giggled at Lauren._

_“My name’s Karla, but you can call me Camila. That’s my middle name, and I only let special people call me it. I think we should be friends because no one else here is a princess, and I don’t want to be a princess all by myself. What’s your name?” she asked, leaning in closer to Lauren._

_“Lauren…”_

_“Lauuuuuren,” she hummed, feeling the girl’s name roll off of her tongue. “Lauren. Princess Lauren!”_

_“I’m not a princess.”_

_“Yes you are, silly.”_

_Lauren tilted her head to the side, confused._

_“Princesses shouldn’t cry, Lauren. Oh, and I have a secret,” Camila stated, leaning in closer to Lauren so she could whisper in her ear._

_“My underwear has Sleeping Beauty on it,” she whispered, giggling into Lauren’s ear before leaning back and covering her mouth with her hands._

_Both girls burst out into laughter, even though tears were still streaming down Lauren’s face. She wiped her eyes and looked back at Camila, who was itching at the burrs on her head._

_“Ouch.”_

_The teacher interrupted them, coming back over and ushering both girls into the school and down the hallway to the nurses office._

_“Do you think they’re gonna have to cut our heads off?” Lauren asked, looking over at Camila who sat next to her on a plastic bench, their legs dangling down above the ground._

_“No, silly. They’re gonna give us real princess crowns and then we’re gonna go to Disneyland, cause’ that’s where Cinderella lives. And then Cinderella is gonna let us live in her castle and wear fancy dresses and we can all be best friends. Forever.” Camila replied with a curt nod, obviously satisfied with her explanation._

_Lauren giggled. “You’re crazy.”_

_“I know,” Camila smiled proudly._

* * *

_That same afternoon, their mothers took them both to the hair salon to get haircuts. Camila and Lauren now stood in front of the large mirror, leaning in closer to look at their short hair._

_“I look weird,” Lauren whined, turning to her mom and pouting._

_“No you don’t! We look like just Rapunzel, remember? She got all her hair cut off, but she was still a princess. A beautiful princess,” Camila defended, giggling and spinning in a circle in front of the mirror._

_“But the kids at school are gonna laugh at me.”_

_“I won’t.”_

_Lauren thought about this for a moment._

_“Will you be my friend?” she asked Camila, turning back to look in the mirror._

_“No.”_

_Lauren’s shoulders dropped._

_“I’ll be your best friend, silly!” Camila exclaimed, hopping forwards and wrapping her arms around Lauren. The other girl was taken aback by the hug and stumbled back a few steps before returning the gesture._

_Lauren giggled. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror, deciding that this was the most she’d ever smiled in her life._

_“Hey mom! Look! I made a best friend! Her name is Lauren!” Camila called across the store, drawing looks from a few of the customers._

_Little did those two giggling girls know that that day would be the first of many to come, that they would spend._

* * *

**11 years ago**

_“I brought you a flower. It’s purple, the kind you like.”_

_Camila glanced up from her book, smiling when she saw Lauren. The small brunette scooted up in her bed, leaning against the headboard._

_“How do your tonsils feel? I mean… wait…” Lauren said, causing Camila to giggle._

_She took the flower from Lauren, spinning it between her index finger and thumb before placing it on her nightstand._

_“My throat hurts…” she whispered, clutching her hands to her throat to prove her point._

_Lauren sat down on the end of Camila’s bed, crossing her legs and facing the smaller girl._

_“Did they give you ice cream?”_

_“No. They gave me water. With ice. But it hurts to drink it.”_

_Lauren frowned, looking around the room. Camila’s room was a perfect representation of her personality. The walls were covered with a pastel yellow paint, which Camila had insisted on painting herself. The flowers that Lauren had been bringing her daily were tied to a long piece of string, handing above her dresser so each time she looked in the mirror Camila was surrounded by a halo of Lauren’s gifts._

_“Well we should get ice cream when your throat feels better. It’s really nice out today, I’m wearing shorts for the first time this year,” Lauren smiled, motioning to the pair of denim shorts that hugged her hips._

_“It’s that nice out?” Camila asked, glancing towards the window._

_“Yeah, wanna see?” Lauren asked, not waiting for an answer before walking over to the window and pushing it open. A cool breeze flew through the room immediately, causing Camila to shiver. Both girls laughed._

_“Why aren’t you outside, then?” Camila asked, looking back at Lauren._

_“Cause’ it’s no fun when you’re up here all alone. Besides, I brought stuff for us to do. Oh, and Mrs. Baldwin gave me your homework to give to you, but I already filled out your math worksheet because I know you hate it.” Lauren giggled and grabbed her backpack from the floor._

_Camila laughed and shook her head, sitting up and scooting closer to Lauren while she dug through her bag._

_“I brought movies. I snuck one of my dad’s favorites. It’s called ‘The Dawn of the Dead’. It’s rated R,” Lauren said, excitement evident in her voice._

_“Are you crazy?” Camila asked, sitting up straighter to look over at the DVD Lauren held in her hands. Lauren was just beginning to show interest in being a teenager, while Camila was still perfectly content with being a kid. Little did she know, she’d never fully accept the fact that she was growing up. Lauren had come to love her best friend’s childish nature. She found it endearing._

_“I am,” Lauren confirmed, walking over to the DVD player and inserting the movie._

_“You know if I get nightmares and wake up screaming, I’m blaming it all on you. And then I’ll get revenge. When my throat isn’t on fire, of course.”_

_Lauren rolled her eyes playfully, hopping onto the bed next to Camila._

_“I’m not the crazy one here, Camz.”_

_“I know.”_

_Both girls laughed, and snuggled up under the blankets before the movie started._

* * *

**6 years ago**

_“I think Gregory likes Hannah.”_

_"Hey! Don’t say that!”_

_“You’re blushing! Hannah! Do you like him?”_

_“No.”_

_“She does. Look how red her face is.”_

_“He is kinda cute…”_

_“Told you.”_

_The group of girls burst into laughter around the bonfire. Camila could barley make out Lauren’s face in the darkness. Lauren met her gaze and smiled softly. Camila laid back on the blanket, laying her head in Lauren’s lap and looking up at the stars._

_“Reagan, did you talk to Joey?”_

_“No. He likes Beth.”_

_“Beth is gross.”_

_“I like Beth. She’s nice,” Camila spoke up, turning her head to look over at the other girls._

_“You like everyone, Camila.”_

_Camila shrugged, laughing softly and looking back up at the sky._

_“Camila, do you like-like anyone?” someone else from the circle spoke up._

_Camila furrowed her eyebrows, sitting up a bit and leaning against Lauren, who was also looking at her for a response._

_She shrugged. “No one catches my eye.”_

_“Not even Austin? He’s all over you, Mila. Right Jessie?”_

_Jessie shot the other girl a glare, nodding softly. “Yeah... Right.”_

_“Jessie likes Austin!” one of the girls blurted out, and Jessie scowled while a few of the girls giggled._

_“You should talk to him,” Camila said innocently, looking over at Jessie._

_“But I thought you liked him?”_

_Camila shook her head._

_“You’re crazy, Camila. He’s like… the hottest guy here. And he totally wants you.”_

_“She knows.” Lauren spoke up for the first time that night. Camila looked over at her but Lauren refused to meet her eyes._

_“Really, Jessie. I don’t like him, you guys would seriously be cute together. I can talk to him for you, if you want,” Camila laughed._

_“You would?” Jessie beamed, and Camila nodded._

_“You need to find a boy you like, Camila.”_

_“Yeah, you do. You’ve turned down like… every guy this summer.”_

_“I’m not interested.” Camila shrugged._

_“In guys?” one of the girls giggled._

_Camila swallowed hard and shook her head. “In dating. Not right now, at least. It’s summer, I want to enjoy it.” She felt Lauren squeeze her hand and smiled softly._

_“Oh, right. I forgot. Camila loves Lauren.”_

_A few of the girls covered their mouths to muffle their giggles._

_“I do.” Camila shrugged._

_The girls around the campfire all whipped their heads to look at Camila. She felt Lauren tense next to her and grew confused._

_“She’s my best friend…?” Camila scanned the circle of girls._

_“Oh thank god, Camila. We thought you were gay for a second,” one of the girls broke the silence._

_Now it was Camila’s turn to tense, and she quickly shook her head. “Nope. She’s just my best friend. That’s all.” Lauren relaxed._

_“Even if she was gay, that shouldn’t matter,” Lauren said, causing all of the other girls to turn their attention on her._

_Lauren lifted her hands in the air as if she was surrendering. “I’m just saying.”_

_“I’ll tell Austin to kiss Jessie,” Camila blurted out, wanting to break the tension between them. Jessie gasped and all the girls erupted into laughter._

_The conversation soon found a different direction. Camila was thankful, but she could tell something wasn’t right with Lauren. She didn’t take Camila’s hand that night when they were walking back to their cabin, like she normally did._

_Camila had never realized how lonely she would feel without it._

* * *

**4 years ago**

_It was 3am. Lauren was half asleep, staring blankly at her laptop as the unwritten essay she was trying to find the inspiration to start mocked her. Sighing, she shut her computer and shoved it aside, disappearing into the bathroom to get ready for bed._

_She smiled when she stopped to admire the drawings Camila had made on her mirror after finding a dry-erase marker on Lauren’s desk. For someone who was just learning to drive, Camila still had the artistic skills of a three year old. Lauren thought it was adorable._

_Once she finished her nightly routine, she yawned and walked back into her room. At first everything seemed normal, but she froze when she saw the figure in her bed, curled up under the blanket. If was thinking clearly, she could’ve sworn the blanket was shaking._

_“Camz?” she whispered, and the object under the blanket stilled._

_“Mila…” she said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. The girl hummed from under the covers and Lauren sighed softly._

_“You’ve gotta start warning me before you show up out of nowhere, kid. You scared the shit outta’ me,” Lauren chuckled, walking over to the window and closing it. “Plus you’re gonna hurt yourself climbing through the window. I could always just let you in the front door.”_

_“I’m pregnant.”_

_“All the more reason you should start using the front d —“_

_Lauren froze while her mind took a second to fully grasp what Camila had just said._

_Her mind quickly caught up. Luckily Lauren knew how to handle these situations, especially with Camila. She was aware that if she made a big deal of it, Camila would panic even more than she already was._

_“Okay…” she said softly, moving over to sit on the edge of her bed. Her composure remained fairly calm. “How do you know?”_

_Camila didn’t reply and Lauren could tell she was crying. Sighing softly, she gently pulled the blankets off of the girl._

_Camila lifted her head so their eyes met and burst into tears seconds later. As she always did when her best friend was upset, Lauren pulled her into her arms and held her close to her chest._

_Pregnant? Her best friend was pregnant?_

_She knew better than to push any questions, so she settled for rubbing small circles in Camila’s back while the younger girl cried into her shirt._

_“Sometimes the tests can be wrong, y’know… when my mom was pregnant with me the test told her twice that she wasn’t pregnant when she really was…” Lauren said cautiously._

_Camila shook her head furiously. “I took fifteen.”_

_“Fifteen what?”_

_“Tests.”_

_“You’re crazy.”_

_“I-I know.”_

_Lauren laughed softly, scooting back on the bed and laying down so Camila was still in her arms. A few minutes passed of pure silence before Lauren spoke again._

_“I’m gonna be the best aunt ever.”_

_“Lauren!” the smaller girl hit her._

_“What?”_

_“This is serious!”_

_Lauren nodded softly, her expression softening._

_“You’re not dating anyone… I thought you were a v —“ Lauren started, but Camila’s panicked eyes met hers and Lauren quickly shut herself up._

_“Was.” Camila mumbled. “I was.”_

_A sudden realization hit Lauren and she sat up quickly, startling Camila._

_“Were you…?”_

_Their gazes met and Lauren saw a fresh set of tears threatening to spill over Camila’s eyes. The small girl pursed her lips and nodded softly, the first tear breaking its way down her cheek._

_Lauren quickly pulled her friend closer to her, wiping the tears off her face with the pad of her thumbs. Camila buried her head into Lauren’s shoulder and Lauren could tell how hard she was trying to not cry._

_“When I find that fucking bastard he’s gonna regret ever c—“_

_Camila’s body shook at Lauren’s words and she let out another sob into her shoulder._

_“No.. no, Mila. I’m sorry, I—“_

_“I don’t k-know who… I didn’t see h-him…” Camila’s squeaky voice interrupted hers._

_“Oh, Mila,” Lauren said softly, brushing her friend’s hair out of her face. Truth be told, she wanted to crawl into Camila’s mind and see just exactly what had happened so she could track down the man who stole her best friend’s innocence and make sure he wouldn’t do it again. But she contained her questions, knowing that Camila would tell her in time._

_“What do I do?” Camila asked, her eyes pleading into Lauren’s._

_“I-I don’t know, exactly,” Lauren said honestly, squeezing Camila’s hand. “Whatever happens, I’m gonna be there, okay? I’ll always be here. I promise.”_

_Camila nodded, staying quiet in fear she could cry even harder if she spoke again._

_The girls laid in silence for what felt like hours, Lauren humming softly as Camila fell asleep on her chest. Lauren wondered how someone with such an intricate mind could seem so peaceful._

_She decided something that night._

_It was her job to take care of Camila. She didn’t trust anyone else to._

_Camila was her responsibility._

* * *

**2 weeks later**

_Lauren hadn’t seen Camila since that night... the night Camila told her she was pregnant. Lauren had walked home with her to be there when she told her parents, which ended in a screaming match between Camila and her father, and Lauren was asked to leave._

_Camila wanted to keep the baby. That was just the way she was. Everything had value to her, and Lauren knew that the pain of knowing she ended that possibility would be even more painful to Camila than actually going through with the birth. Camila could barley handle killing a spider, and Lauren knew if she went through with something as emotionally tolling as an abortion that it would haunt her for the rest of her life._

_Unfortunately, Camila’s parents didn’t want her to have a choice in the matter. Her father claimed having a pregnant daughter would ruin his reputation. Her mother did nothing but agree._

_And that’s about all Lauren knew. She’d tried contacting her best friend every day, but Camila had gotten her phone taken away. Lauren even shown up at her house a few times, but she was never allowed inside._

_She felt powerless. There was nothing she could do to help Camila, but Lauren’s parents assured her that once the baby came, things would calm down. She hoped that was true._

_She never got to find out if it was true._

_It had been one of the coldest nights of the year, and Lauren was locked in her room, curled up in her favorite hoodie and cramming for an exam she had the next day. Looking back, Lauren considered it ironic that the weather outside was an exact representation on how she had felt on the inside._

_There was a knock at the door and her father peeked in, sending his daughter a small smile._

_“There’s an emergency at work, they need another pair of hands. House fire. Bad one. I’ll be home when I can.”_

_Lauren simply nodded, too tired to think much of anything. She heard the front door shut and her dad’s car speed down the road._

_She didn’t remember falling asleep. The only thing she remembered was waking up on the floor with a stiff neck. She checked the time. Noon._

_Noon? Oh god, she was going to be late for school._

_She got dressed quickly, hopping downstairs while simultaneously pulling on a pair of sweats. She didn’t take the time to observe her childhood pictures like she normally did. Camila was present in almost every one, and Lauren regrets not taking a few seconds to glance at them that morning. Maybe if she had, the inevitable wouldn’t have happened._

_When she entered the kitchen, it grew silent. Both of her parents were sitting down at the kitchen table, looking at her with an unreadable expression on their faces._

_“I can explain,” Lauren started, shaking her head._

_“I-I didn’t think you’d notice it was missing. It was just one beer. It wasn’t even for me.” Lauren quickly said, but her voice trailed off when she saw the confusion on her parents faces._

_“What are you talking about?”_

_"Uh… nevermind. I need to get to school.”_

_She saw her parents glance at each other, and her mom stood up. “Lauren, there’s something we should talk about first.”_

_Confused but curious, Lauren followed her parents and took a seat next to her dad at the kitchen table. She fooled with the sleeves of her sweater. An awkward silence fell over the room._

_“Remember the house fire I got called out to last night?” Her dad finally spoke up. Lauren nodded, unsure of where this was going._

_“It was on Windsor Drive.”_

_Lauren’s head shot up. “That’s Camila’s street.”_

_Both of her parents nodded, and Lauren felt her breath catch in her throat._

_“You’re not….” Lauren shook her head “It was her house? Is she okay?” Her heart was racing. She hated how her parents were jumping around the subject._

_“She was home alone when it happened. The paramedics found her and took her to the hospital, b—“_

_Lauren pressed her palms on the tabletop and hopped to her feet. “I’m going to visit her. I need the keys.”_

_Her parents just stared at her._

_Lauren’s heart stopped._

_“Honey… she… she took her own life at the hospital..”_

_Lauren’s heart broke. No, it shattered. Into a million tiny Camila-sized pieces._

_“N-no… you said… they t-took her to the hospital, right? The hospital w-wouldn’t let that h-happen…. You’re lying… r-right? You have to be lying…” Lauren said, feeling tears brimming her eyes. Her hands were shaking and she stood frozen in the middle of the kitchen._

_“She must’ve gotten a hold of something overnight, and used it to....” Her dad nodded, hoping he wouldn’t have to explain any further._

_“Her parents called about an hour ago…” her mother softly added, moving forward to place a hand on Lauren’s shoulder._

_Lauren moved out of her mother’s reach, shaking her head and taking a few steps backwards._

_“You’re lying! Camila would never d-do something like that!” she yelled, balling her fists._

_“Sweetie… I know this is hard for y—“_

_Lauren’s fist collided with the wall and she fell to her knees, sobs racking her body._

_“Y-you… you have to b-be lying…”_

* * *

**Earlier that day**

_Camila winced, pain shooting up her legs, but thanking the nurse as she adjusted the bed so she could sit up._

_The nurse offered her a small smile before disappearing into the hallway, leaving Camila alone in the hospital room once again._

_She was snapped out of her thoughts by a knock at the door, and she looked up to be greeted by an older woman holding a clipboard. Her social worker._

_“Is Lauren coming?” she asked for the millionth time, sitting up straighter in her bed._

_Silence._

_The woman walked over to her bed, pulling out a chair and sitting down next to her._

_“You remember what we talked about, about how you were attacked a few weeks ago?” Attacked. Camila hated that word. She nodded._

_“They still have no leads on who the attacker is.”_

_Camila nodded again. She already knew this._

_“But there was evidence at your house yesterday. We have reason to believe that the fire was intentional.”_

_She paused. Camila raised an eyebrow in confusion._

_“You’re being targeted by a gang, Camila.” She pursed her lips, studying Camila’s face, which was blank. “You… and your baby. You aren’t safe here.”_

_"We can move,” Camila shrugged._

_“We?”_

_"My family.”_

_She saw the woman’s expression change and suddenly became concerned._

_I’m going to be completely honest, okay?”_

_Camila nodded._

_“For your own safety, Karla Cabello is dead.”_

_Everything that followed was just empty air to Camila. Practically going deaf, she stared down at her hands and dug her nails into her palms._

_Camila suddenly found herself wishing she was actually dead._


	2. hollow bones and a heavy heart

**2 years ago**

_".... And I'm sorry, Camila. I'm so sorry."_

_Camila swallowed hard, setting down her phone and looking at the small child in her arms._

_She'd just gotten yet another voicemail from Lauren. Camila had lost count of how many times Lauren had called her phone, just to hear the Camila's voicemail and leave a message._

_She knew it was stupid. When she left the hospital that day, she was instructed to dispose of her cell phone as soon as possible._

_But then Lauren called._

_Karla Camila Cabello was dead. She was Camila Cabello now. Just Camila._

_And Lauren thought she was dead._

_She wasn't safe at home, she knew that. Someone wanted her and her baby dead. So now here she was, in a different state, all by herself, alone._

_Well, not completely alone. She had Rowan._

_Her daughter had just turned a year old. Tiny little Rowan Michelle Cabello, Camila's prized possession. Her middle name wasn't a coincidence. Camila wanted to always have a piece of Lauren with her, and that was the best she could do given her circumstances. She hoped by weaving a remnant of Lauren into her child, they could have a bond similar to the one she and her best friend had once shared._

_Over a year had passed since she left Florida for the last time without a single goodbye. She now lived in a quiet apartment in Decatur, Georgia. It was small, but she made do. Camila worked nights, which in combination with the checks from the government, was enough to provide for herself and her daughter._

_The transition from being a normal teenager, to being a normal teenager thrust into the world of adulthood was the hardest thing Camila had encountered. The days she spend in the hospital with her newborn daughter, completely alone, made her realize just how much she missed the comfort of being surrounded with familiar faces. It wasn't how she'd imagined the birth of her first child to go._

_Her phone rang again. Lauren._

_This was what most of her nights consisted of. Her phone would ring over and over, and each time she had to force herself not to answer it. Lauren thought she was dead. That was how it had to be._

_But that didn't stop her from listening to the countless voicemails, begging herself not to cry as she listened to Lauren's emotional monologues. Camila was practically torturing herself._

_The phone silenced after a few minutes, and Camila looked down to find that Rowan had finally fallen asleep. Her daughter looked so peaceful. It calmed her._

_After putting Rowan in her crib, Camila walked back into the living room. The screen of her phone lit up to indicate she had received a new voicemail. She sighed, sitting down on the couch and pressing play._

_".... Hey. It's me again. I can't sleep... again. I should just stop trying." Lauren laughs, and then there's silence for a few moments. "Remember when we were little, and we got lost in the woods, and you told me that it was okay because even if we were lost, we were still lost together? Yeah... well, it's not okay anymore. I'm lost and we're not together." Silence. Camila swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened to fall._

_"Anyway... I'm sorry. I should've done something. I could've done something to stop you from hurting yourself. You're crazy." There was a sad laugh on the other side of the line, and Camila bit her lip._

_"I know," Camila whispered, for no one to hear._

_"I love you, Camz. I hope you were happy while you were here, I really do. I tried my best to make sure you were. I hate myself for not knowing how close you were to doing something like that... I could have done something..." There was a paused, and she heard Lauren drawing in a deep breath. "I'll call tomorrow, like always... Can you do me a favor and stay out of my dreams tonight though? Just for tonight. I have a big exam tomorrow and I'd like to pass it." Lauren laughed softly. Camila cursed herself for letting all of this happen._

_"I'm sorry Mila."_

_"I'm sorry Lolo."_

_Both girls spoke at the same time, and the voicemail ended._

_In every single one of the hundreds of voicemails she'd gotten from Lauren, only one thing was constant. Her parting words were always "I'm sorry."_

_And they never failed to break Camila's heart every time._

* * *

**1 year ago**

_Lauren downed another shot, laughing at something one of the guys had said to her. She was bored. She walked over to the dance floor, feeling a pair of arms immediately snake themselves around her waist._

_"All alone, are we?"_

_Lauren just nodded, feeling herself being pulled further into the dance floor. Their bodies got lost among all of the other dancers, the vicious beat of the bass sending chills down Lauren's spine._

_She felt his hand move on her waist, sliding under her shirt and grazing the smooth skin of her stomach. Lauren tensed._

_"Stop."_

_"Your place or mine?" he whispered into her ear. He reeked of alcohol and Lauren grimaced, pulling away from him._

_Obviously he didn't get the message, or he didn't care. Either way, he just moved closer to her, leaning in and attempting to kiss her neck. Lauren shoved him away from her. He stumbled a few steps backwards, confused._

_"I said stop."_

_He took another step towards her but Lauren shot him a glance to show that she meant business. He saw this, and quickly found another girl to take home with him._

_At that point the alcohol in her system wasn't helping much. She pushed her way through the crowd, before disappearing out the front door of the large house._

_"Lauren! Wait up!"_

_She turned around to see one of her close friends, Dinah, running towards her. The Polynesian girl slid to a stop on the grass next to Lauren, catching her breath. "Where are you going?" she asked, sending Lauren a questioning look._

_"Home."_

_"You can't do that, you're drunk."_

_"I'm not. I'll be fine."_

_Dinah shook her head, grabbing Lauren's arm and dragging her over to her own car. "You owe me," she huffed, pulling the car out of the driveway and heading down the street._

_Lauren remained quiet for most of the ride. She was too numb to say much of anything._

_Dinah pulled to a stop in front of Lauren's apartment, but made a move to grab Lauren before she exited the car._

_"Talk to me."_

_Lauren huffed, slumping back down in her seat and crossing her arms. "There's nothing to talk about."_

_"It's been a year, Lauren. Don't you think it's time to move on?"_

_"Fuck you."_

_"Thanks."_

_Dinah never took anything Lauren said personally when she was drunk. Once Camila passed away, Dinah and Normani had taken it upon themselves to look after Lauren. When the trio found they actually had a lot in common, they grew exceptionally close. No one would ever replace Camila, though._

_Both girls stared at each other before Lauren made a move to leave again. The locks clicked shut and Lauren whipped her head around to glare at Dinah._

_"This isn't funny."_

_"You're not leaving unless we talk."_

_Lauren rolled her eyes._

_"Lauren, listen to me, please. Camila is dead. You have to accept that. No matter how much you cry or scream or drink, she's still going to be dead. Death is irreversible," Dinah said softly, reaching over and squeezing Lauren's hand._

_"You're lying." Lauren muttered the same words she repeated over and over the day she found out Camila was dead._

_"No I'm not, Lauren. You have to move on sometime."_

_"I can't just forget about her," Lauren said softer, her tough exterior starting to break down._

_"You don't have to forget about her, Laur. That's not what anyone is asking you to do. It's not about forgetting. It's about accepting. I just... the way you're holding onto her isn't healthy. We're all worried. You can move on without forgetting her, Lauren."_

_Lauren swallowed hard, nodding softly. She understood what Dinah was saying, she just didn't want it to be real. This was all some sort of fucked up dream to her._

_"Just... just try to give yourself some closure, somehow. Please. For me and Mani."_

_"M'kay" Lauren hummed, running a hand through her hair and begging her tears to wait until Dinah was gone._

_Dinah knew that was all she was going to get out of Lauren for the night, so she reached out to give the girl's shoulder a light squeeze before unlocking her door._

_"Thanks, DJ," Lauren said softly. Dinah nodded. "Anytime."_

* * *

_"Thank you!" Camila praised her daughter, laughing after Rowan walked over to her and placed a crown on her forehead._

_Rowan giggled, momentarily forgetting about the crown and plopping down into Camila's lap. The small girl yawned, her fingers finding their way to wrap themselves around Camila's thumb._

_"Y'look tired, Ro," Camila laughed, standing up with Rowan in her arms and holding her against her chest._

_Camila helped Rowan get ready for bed, the toddler engaging her in a heated conversation about her purple pajamas. Rowan crawled into her bed, snuggling under the covers instantly and looking up at her mother._

_"Sing?" the tiny voice pleaded._

_Camila laughed, nodding softly and sitting on the edge of Rowan's small bed. She reached out and ran her fingers up and down her daughter's arm._

_"I fell in love, next to you._

_Burning fires, in this room._

_It just fits, light and smooth._

_Like my feet, in my shoes._

_Little one, lie with me._

_Sew your heart, to my sleeve._

_We'll stay quiet,_

_Underneath,_

_Shooting stars,_

_If it helps you sleep..."_

_Once Camila finished the song, Rowan's breathing had slowed down, and her body had melted into her pillow. Camila smiled warmly at her daughter, leaning down to plant a kiss on her forehead before quietly slipping out of the room._

_Her phone was ringing when she entered the living room, and she didn't even bother to look at the caller ID. It was Lauren. It always was._

_Camila made herself a cup of tea, changed into something comfortable to sleep in, and curled up on the couch with a book in her hand._

_Before she could read a single word, her phone buzzed to notify her of a new voicemail. She was too tired to fight the urge, so she set her book down to grab her phone._

_"Hey. It's me. I just got home from a party. Remind me to stop going out as much, kay'? It sucks." There was a muffled laugh on the other line. "I ended up leaving, but Dinah drove me home. You know Dinah, right? I've talked about her before. You would've liked her, I think. We talked for a bit..." Camila heard Lauren take a deep breath, her voice was shaky._

_"I can't keep holding on, Mila..." Camila sat up straighter, holding the phone to her ear and listening as the voicemail went silent. She was relieved when Lauren spoke again. "I just... I can't keep having this false hope that this is all going to be a dream. And one day I'll wake up and see you and all this crap will be over. It'd be a cruel fucking dream..." She laughs. "But it'd be worth it. I need to get over you. I never should've fallen in love with you in the first place, Mila. I'm so stupid."_

_Camila's cup fell out of her hand and shattered on the ground._

_"Fuck," she hissed, hopping to her feet and peeling off her tea-soaked pants. She was too engrossed by the phone call to care about the broken cup, and she hopped back onto the couch, pulling a blanket over her exposed legs._

_Love._

_She fell in love with her?_

_Lauren? No way. This wasn't true. She was lying._

_Camila swallowed hard._

_She had to be lying._

_"This is my last call. You're dead. You killed yourself. Camila Cabello is dead. The girl I love is dead. And I can't do anything. She's dead." Lauren was repeating those words as if she still couldn't believe them._

_Camila buried her face in a pillow and screamed._

_"So this is it, Mila. Camz. Camila. Catch you on the flip side, I guess."_

_There was silence on the other line and Camila was just about to lock her phone when she heard Lauren speak again._

_"I'm so sorry. I love you. I always will. I'm sorry."_

_Silence._

_That was it. It was over._

_Camila sat frozen, stunned. She knew this day would come, obviously. She knew the calls were bound to stop. But she didn't know it would be so soon._

_She didn't know Lauren had loved her._


	3. who am i to love?

**Present Day**

“Banana?”

“What do you say?” Camila prodded, looking over at her daughter who was scribbling furiously on a piece of paper with a crayon.

Rowan paused and looked up at Camila, thinking for a moment before her face lit up when she realized what her mother was hinting at. “Banana… please?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

Camila couldn’t help but smile at Rowan. “Coming right up,” she laughed, ruffling her daughter’s hair and planting a kiss on the top of her head before heading into the kitchen.

She grabbed a banana and began cutting it into thin slices, tossing them into a small plastic bowl and setting it on the counter. When she moved to get something from the refrigerator, she paused for a moment to admire the pictures of Rowan she had hanging up.

Her eyes stopped when they landed on a certain picture. This one wasn’t of Rowan. She’d shoved it to the far side of the fridge to keep herself from looking at it, but she never could bring herself to take it down.

Two little girls stood in front of a colorful wall, both holding balloons. Their hair was short, choppy, as if they had given each other a haircut with a pair of dull scissors. The smaller one had a giant grin on her face, her smile spreading from ear to ear as she greeted the camera eagerly. The other girl was more subtle. She wasn’t looking at the camera, instead her green eyes were on the girl next to her, and the picture was taken just as they entered a fit of giggling.

Camila missed that. She missed them. She’d never brought herself to take the picture down.

Lauren had kept true to her word. Camila hadn’t heard from her since that night. The same night Camila had crawled into Rowan’s bed and held her daughter close to her, clutching the only thing she had left tight to her chest.

She sighed, tearing her eyes away from the picture. Camila opened the fridge, grabbing the milk carton and walking back over to the counter.

* * *

“Dinah, I’m fine. I just need to hear her voice.”

“Lauren, you’re drunk. Please don’t do this. You’ve been doing so well,” the Polynesian girl begged her, both of their hands resting on the phone in front of them.

Lauren pulled her phone away from Dinah, shaking her head and clutching it to her chest. “I deserve this.”

Dinah sighed, shaking her head and standing up.

“Whatever, Laur. I really have to go, okay? Don’t do anything stupid.”

Lauren nodded. “I’ll be fine, Dinah, really. I just don’t want to forget what her voice sounds like.”

“I get that, I really do,” Dinah said softly, leaning forward and squeezing Lauren’s forearm. “Just take care of yourself.”

Lauren waited until she heard the front door shut to unlock her phone, dialing the number that she knew by heart.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

“…. Hello?”

* * *

Camila poured a cup of milk for Rowan, and was just about to put the milk back into the refrigerator when she heard her daughter talking in the other room.

“What do you need, Ro?” she called, grabbing the bowl and cup and hurrying back into the living room.

“My Mama,” Rowan cooed, turning towards Camila. In her hand was Camila’s phone, pressed snugly against her ear.

“Rowan Michelle, I swear,” Camila laughed, walking over and quickly distracting her daughter with the food before slipping the phone out of her hand.

Camila didn’t bother to check who had called. She already had been expecting a call from her neighbor about watching Rowan that weekend. Wiping her phone on her jeans, she brought it to her ear.

“Hey, sorry. Rowan’s been trying to get into telemarketing lately. I keep telling her it’s a terrible market, but you know how she is,” Camila laughed. “Toddlers, what are we gonna do with em’?”

There was silence on the other line and Camila furrowed her eyebrows, sitting down on the couch and watching as Rowan shook her cup of milk furiously, visibly satisfied when she saw the bubbles she had created.

“Don’t spill it, Ro.”

“Bubbles,” Rowan observed, walking over to Camila and shoving the cup in her mother’s face.

Camila laughed and used her free hand to move the cup out of her way. “Yeah, Ro, bubbles. Drink em, kiddo, they taste good.”

Rowan nodded eagerly and brought the sippy cup to her mouth, giggling and walking back over to the table.

Camila forgot that she had been on the phone and quickly turned her attention away from her daughter’s antics.

“Hello? Ally?” she asked, trying to turn up the volume on her device.

“….C-camila?”

Camila froze. She knew that voice.

Her hands fumbled with her phone and she quickly hung up, tossing her phone on the other side of the couch and sitting in shock.

Seconds later, she heard her phone start to ring again. It was a race between her and Rowan, and luckily Camila was able to get to it first. She looked down at the caller ID, cursing herself for being so careless.

Lauren continued calling over and over. Camila turned her phone off and buried it in the back of her kitchen cabinet, trying to forget about what had just happened.

* * *

**4 days later**

Lauren clutched the rim of the toilet seat as the contents of today’s lunch reappeared. The alcohol burned the back of her throat and she sat up, flushing the toilet and clutching her hands around her stomach.

This was her life now, and she hated it.

“Babe? You alright?”

Lauren turned her head towards the door, meeting her boyfriend’s heated gaze.

“Fine.”

“You don’t look it.”

“I said I’m fine,” she said between gritted teeth, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and using the sink to pull herself up to her feet.

“The party’s downstairs, y’know,” he muttered, exiting the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Lauren rolled her eyes.

She took her time to fix her appearance, stalling as much as she could before people would wonder where she disappeared to.

Eventually she ended up back in the kitchen, mixing herself another drink and downing it almost as fast as it had taken to pour it. She strolled into the living room, leaning against the doorframe and scanning the room absentmindedly.

“Lauren!”

She looked up, finding Normani and Dinah motioning for her to come over. She wandered over to the group of girls on the couch, standing next to Dinah, who was standing with her back leant on the wall.

“You okay?” Dinah asked quieter so only Lauren could hear.

Lauren nodded and gave Dinah and made an “OK” sign with her thumb and index finger.

“Lauren, hey. We’ve met before, right?”

The blonde girl in front of Lauren extended a hand, and Lauren looked at it questioningly. “I’m Aimee, I think we’ve met?”

Lauren shrugged, still not taking the girl’s hand. Aimee drew her arm back awkwardly.

Lauren finally spoke up “I know who you are.” Of course she did. Aimee was the girl her boyfriend had cheated on Lauren multiple times with. Not that Lauren cared. She didn’t love him. Heck, she barley even liked him. She just tolerated him because needed a place to stay.

The girls talked for a while, Lauren keeping her mouth shut except for an occasional comment here and there.

As time passed on, the number of guests at the party slowly dwindled. It was now just Dinah, Normani, Lauren, Aimee, and a few other girls in the living room.

“So, like, why’d you move in with Keith?”

Dinah and Normani both instantly glared at Aimee, who was now considerably more drunk than the rest of the girls. All eyes then turned to Lauren. Dinah and Normani both gave her a look that meant _‘You don’t have to say anything_. _’_  


“I wanted to,” Lauren shrugged, taking another sip of her drink. It burned as it went down but she ignored it, taking another large sip. If she wanted to make it through the rest of the night it was what she needed.

“Oh. Cool. Someone at school said you got kicked out of your house cause you liked girls, but I’m glad it isn’t.” Lauren tensed, clenching her teeth. “I wouldn’t want a _dyke_ within a mile of me, and I bet Keith feels the same way.”

Normani instantly grabbed Lauren’s arm to keep her from lunging forwards and Dinah sent her a warning glare. Lauren’s grip on her cup tightened.

“That girl… what was her name… Camille? Camilla?”

Lauren grit her teeth. “What about Camila?” she asked, her voice low in the back of her throat.

“I always thought you guys were fucking or something. But then she killed herself, so. I can’t believe she would do something so stupid. Especially when she was pregnant.”

Lauren looked at Normani, who gave Lauren a nod and let go of her arm. Both of Lauren’s friends knew when to let Lauren pick her battles, and when Camila was involved, they knew not to interfere.

Lauren’s cup was tossed aside and she walked swiftly to Aimee, grabbing her by her shirt and tugging her up to meet her eyes.

“Don’t you _ever_ talk about Camila again.” She hissed.

Aimee just laughed. She was too drunk to realize how much she was at a disadvantage with the stronger, infuriated girl holding her up. Lauren’s fist tightened at her side.

“Trying to protect your little dead girlfriend?” Aimee mocked, raising a challenging eyebrow at Lauren.

That was it.

Lauren’s first collided with Aimee’s face and she pinned the blonde on the ground. She felt Dinah and Normani peel her off of the girl moments later, warning Lauren to calm down.

She took one look at the girl on the ground who was now clutching her nose, which had blood gushing out of it. Lauren scoffed, grabbing her beer bottle and storming out of the room.

Shoving her way through the bodies in the hallway, Lauren finally found the door to Keith’s basement and slipped through it, locking it behind her.

When she moved in with Keith, the basement had automatically become hers. It was the only place she could have privacy. Even Keith was barley allowed down there. Whenever they had sex, it was always in Keith’s room.

The alcohol in her system was still in full effect, and she was still fuming after her confrontation with Aimee. That wasn’t a good sign. Lauren sat down on her bed, bringing her bottle to her lips and nearly chugging the entire thing.

Why did Aimee have to mention Camila?

_Camila._

Lauren wanted to hear her voice.

If she had been sober, Lauren would probably fight the urge to call Camila. She’d convinced herself she was hallucinating when she thought Camila answered the phone the other night. She was drunk, after all, and it was pretty late.

But now, drunk Lauren wanted to call Camila. And drunk Lauren never questioned what she wanted.

Soon her phone was in her hands and she was dialing Camila’s number. The green-eyed girl didn’t realize she was crying until she pressed her phone to her ear and felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.

* * *

Camila parked her car in front of her building. She hated taking late classes, but it’s what worked out the best for her. Soon she found herself in front of her apartment, unlocking the door and quietly slipping inside.

“Mommy!”

Camila looked down when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her legs. She bent down to pick up her daughter and smiled.

“What’re you doing up so late, bug?” she asked, slipping her backpack off of her shoulder and letting it fall on the ground by the door.

“We had a nightmare,” Ally answered, appearing from the kitchen.

“Again?” Camila asked, setting Rowan down when she wiggled out of her arms and ran over to Ally to retrieve the glass of water the girl had gotten her.

“Yeah. T’was a bad one, too,” Ally said softly, warning Rowan to be careful with the cup before walking over to Camila.

“I’ll bring it up with her doctor again, we go next week,” Camila said, glancing over at her daughter. “Poor kid.”

“At least she seems unphased now,” Ally laughed, nodding towards Rowan who had run into the living room and was now using one of the pillowcases on the couch as a puppet. Both girls laughed and Rowan turned to look at them, confused as to why they were laughing.

“How was class, _chiquita_?” Ally asked, following Camila over to the couch. Camila shrugged and made a disgusted face at Ally.

“So the usual?” Ally laughed, and Camila gave her a thumbs up.

The girls chatted for a while until Rowan ended up falling asleep in Ally’s lap. They placed her in her bed and Camila thanked her for watching Rowan.

“No problem. She’s my _princesita_.”

Camila laughed and waved to Ally before the girl disappeared out of the front door, leaving her alone in the small apartment.

She walked into the kitchen, making herself a cup of tea before transporting both herself and her backpack into her bedroom to try and get some homework done.

She emptied the contents of her backpack onto her bed, an array of colors spilling over her plain white sheets. Camila’s eyes landed on her phone and she grabbed it, wanting to text Ally and thank her again for watching Rowan.

Camila paused when she saw the number of notifications on her phone.

Two missed calls, A handful of texts, and one voicemail. All from Lauren.

She took a deep breath and opened her messages.

  
**Lolo** : B)

  
**Lolo** : _wheere are u_  


  
**Lolo** : _I missS you_  


  
**Lolo** : _camillllllla._  


  
**Lolo** : _< 3.3qf_  


  
**Lolo** : _that was supposed to b a hart_  


  
**Lolo** : _whyd yiou die_  


  
**Lolo** : _i vloved you_  


  
**Lolo** : _fuck_  


  
**Lolo** : _im duknk_  


  
**Lolo** : _durk_  


  
**Lolo** : _drunk_  


Camila couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s various drunken misspellings, but the fact that Lauren had said “I loved you” was painful. Loved. Past tense. She couldn’t help but feel selfish for being upset over that.

Sighing, she opened her voicemails. One more voicemail and then she could go to bed. She could do it. She didn’t have to break.

She pressed play and immediately regretted it.

Instead of being met with the usual confused, questioning monologue, she was met with a drunken, slurring, infuriated Lauren.

“You know what, Camila? _Fuckyou_.” Camila could easily tell she was drunk, and winced at her language. “Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you for leaving me and fuck you for haunting me instead of letting me move on.”

Lauren was crying.

Camila started crying.

“I hate you for leaving me here all alone. H-how could you be so selfish? Did you do it on purpose? What did I do wrong? I hate you… so… fucking… much, Camila…. I….”

It grew silent and Camila could hear how heavy Lauren was breathing. She shoved her books off of her bed and clutched a pillow to her chest, biting down on her bottom lip to try and get herself to stop crying.

Camila jumped when she heard the sound of something shattering on the other line. She guessed it was a beer bottle, hoping Lauren hadn’t injured herself somehow. Then an even louder noise came, muffled jostling around on a hard surface. Lauren had dropped her phone.

She held her breath, trying to listen as close as she could. Which was hard because she was overtaken by sobs every few seconds. She could hear that Lauren was doing the same thing.

She heard Lauren fall to the floor, too, most likely forgetting about her phone. Both girls were crying.

That’s how the rest of the voicemail went on. Lauren’s quiet sobs and Camila’s muffled cries with her head buried in her pillow. This lasted so long that she was about to let sleep overtake her, but then she heard shuffling on the voicemail.

Lauren had picked up her phone.

Camila lifted her head, wiping her hair out of her tear-soaked face. There was just the sound of Lauren’s shaky breathing for a moment before her strained, quiet voice came out in barley a whisper.

“I-I’m so sorry.”

The voicemail ended.

 


	4. ressurection

Camila had been staring at her phone for the past hour or so. She felt horrible. Physically and emotionally. Her body was sore from crying so hard, and her face was red and puffy for the same reason.

She needed to call Lauren, she knew she did. She was just scared. What if she hated her?

She wouldn't blame her, actually.

There was really nothing to lose, when she thought about it. She was already dead, right? Camila couldn't help but laugh at herself. She felt so... pitiful.

She wondered if that's how Lauren felt.

Camila inhaled deeply, turning her phone around in her hands.

She started playing mind games to talk herself out of it. She'd tell herself if the current time ended with an odd number, she didn't have to call Lauren. She looked over at the clock.

_1:22 PM_

"Shit," Camila breathed.

She tried distracting herself. She paced around her bedroom. She got up to get a drink from the kitchen, which only made things worse because she found herself staring at the picture of her and Lauren the entire time instead of actually getting a drink.

So now here she sat, in her room, with her phone, and once again with tears streaming down her face. She was going to do this, she owed it to Lauren. She just prayed that she didn't hate her more than she already hated herself.

She dialed the first number and took a deep breath, doing the same with every number in-between. And then she pressed call.

* * *

Lauren was brought out of her drunken slumber when she felt something move on her hand. Groggily, she sat up, realizing she was still on the floor. Her phone was buzzing.

"What the fuck do you want? It's two in the fucking morning!" she snapped, bringing her phone to her ear without checking to see who was calling. Anyone who called her at this time deserved whatever they got.

" _Lauren_..."

Lauren froze. She was going insane. She had to be. Just as she was opening her mouth to speak, she heard a different voice through the phone.

"Mommy?"

"Ro?"

"You are sad."

"N-no I'm not, bug. I'm just tired."

"Sometimes I cry when I'm tired, too."

"Everyone does that sometimes, Ro."

"I can't find my pillow."

"How?"

"He ran away!"

"Rowan Michelle, if you threw your pillow out the window again I'm gonna have to throw you out after it!"

There was giggling on the other line and Lauren heard two pairs of footsteps exit the room. She realized she was smiling and quickly bit the inside of her cheek.

Camila was dead, this was a dream.

She set her phone down on her bed, putting it on speaker and walking over to the mirror. She grimaced when she saw herself. She was a mess.

"Sorry about that... I-I... uh, hi?" a small voice came from her phone, and Lauren whipped her head around. She stayed quiet, pinching her arm to see if she was dreaming.

Lauren sat down on her bed. Camila was dead, that's what everyone had told her. That's why she hadn't heard from her in years. Maybe this was some sort of cruel joke.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" she mumbled to herself, wiping her eyes and bringing her phone back up to her ear.

"Camila...?"

Silence.

"...yeah?"

Lauren bit her lip. What was she supposed to say?

"C-camila. Camila?" she repeated, the girl's name rolling off of her tongue like second nature.

"Lauren?"

That sobered her up pretty quick.

Lauren stood up, pacing back and forth. It _was_ Camila. She wasn't going crazy, hopefully. She stopped walking and scanned her room, thinking for a moment.

"Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

* * *

Camila froze when she heard what Lauren had said.

"I... uh, y-you can't do that," she said quickly, stumbling over her words.

"Why not?"

Camila panicked.

"I'm dead..."

Both girls were silent for a moment before she heard Lauren take a deep breath.

"Fuck you."

Camila winced, hearing the three beeps to signify that Lauren had ended the call. She balled her fists, throwing a pillow across the bedroom and falling back onto her bed.

She knew she had to call back. She wouldn't let those be the last words Lauren would ever speak to her.

Not even a minute passed before Camila grabbed her phone again, dialing Lauren once more and praying that she wouldn't ignore her.

"I thought you were dead," Lauren bitterly said once she answered, with an annoyed laugh.

Camila took a deep breath, choosing to ignore Lauren's comment. She deserved it.

"I-I can't tell you where I am," she half-whispered, bringing her knees to her chest and leaning against her headboard.

"Shut the fuck up, Camila."

Camila tensed, moving her phone a few inches away from her ear in case Lauren started yelling. Her voice caught in her throat and she couldn't form a response.

Lauren broke the silence again, and this time there was a hint of something else in her voice. It was almost... fear.

"I'm not fucking losing you again, I swear to god Camila, if you don't tell me where you are I'll-"

"I'm in Georgia," Camila blurted out, squeezing her eyes shut.

"What?!"

"Decatur, Georgia," Camila reaffirmed, biting her lip. She was terrified.

There was movement on the other line, and Camila couldn't figure out what Lauren was doing. She heard the engine of a car roar to life and suddenly realized what was going on.

"Text me your address," Lauren said casually, as if it wasn't the first time they'd spoken in years.

"Lauren... I-"

"Camila, shut up."

"I... It's like a ten hour drive," the small girl mumbled.

"Who said I was driving?"

"Lauren..."

"Camila."

"Hm?"

"Stop."

There was a long pause before Lauren spoke again.

"Now text me your address."

Camila nodded softly, but realized that Lauren couldn't see her. She didn't want to fight with Lauren, and she knew that was what was going to happen if she continued to hold out. She put her phone on speaker and sent her apartment's address to Lauren, hearing the girl's phone buzz on the line a few seconds later.

"See you soon," is all Lauren said before the line went dead, and Camila realized that if this happened in any other context, she'd be horrified that the person on the other end of the line was coming to murder her. But it was Lauren.

Lauren was coming.

Camila's phone fell out of her hand and onto the floor when the full reality of the situation hit her.

_Lauren was coming._

* * *

Lauren tapped her foot impatiently, leaning against the interior wall of the crowded airplane. They'd been boarding for what felt like forever. How many people flew from Florida to Georgia at this time of day?

She was brought out of her train of thought when the woman next to her cleared her throat rather loudly. Lauren's head snapped up and she gave the tanned woman a questioning look.

"You better not be one'a those kids that's running away from home, child."

Lauren studied the woman for a moment, shaking her head quietly.

"Well then, speak up. We've both got two hours to kill, and my husband's already out cold," she laughed, nodding towards the man across the aisle. "The moment I saw you I knew you was up to something. I don't want you thinking yourself into a frenzy. Now tell me, what's got you so worked up?" The woman eyed Lauren, but her gaze was inviting.

Lauren glanced out the window one last time before she turned back in her seat so she could face the woman.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she said with a frustrated laugh.

"It makes for a good story either way, _kaikamahine_. I'm listening."

* * *

"... and my friend Dinah, she wouldn't let me leave the car until we talked. So we did. Well, she did most of the talking. I just listened. And she told me I needed to let go of Camila, that she was dead, right? Which is funny because she's not dead. Either that or I'm insane."

Both of the girls laughed, and Lauren shook her head at herself.

"Anyway, so after we talked, I went inside and I left Camila another message. It was supposed to be short, right? Because I was letting go, so I wasn't supposed to care anymore. But then somehow I started rambling and I told her I loved her. Like, in a romantic way. Which isn't a big deal because she's dead, so she'll never know."

"I thought you said she was alive?"

Lauren froze, the realization dawning upon her for the first time since she realized Camila was alive. Her eyes darted to the woman next to her who looked just as surprised.

"She is."

"So she knows you love her."

"She knows I'm _in love_ with her." Lauren corrected her, her eyes widening.

"And..?" the woman questioned, unsure of why it was such a big deal for the younger girl.

"That's it. She knows I'm in love with her. And now I'm going to see her."

"Ah, _hoaloha_ , and why is that such a bad thing?"

Lauren thought for a moment, biting her lip and turning to look out the window at the dark city underneath them.

"Because, she is _-was-_ my best friend."

"And what's changed?"

"Did you hear anything I told you earlier?"

"And...?"

Lauren sighed, slumping back in her seat.

"She was dead. I thought she was dead," Lauren said softer than before, combing her fingers through her hair out of nervous habit.

"Sometimes the heart knows but the brain doesn't, _kaikamahine_."

Lauren didn't have a response, but the woman next to her could tell she was thinking. After a few minutes, Lauren spoke again.

"I just... I thought she was dead. It's been years, why do I still care this much? What if she hates me?" Her voice cracked on the last word.

" _Pili olua e, moku ka pawa o ke ao_ ," the woman stressed her words and turned to face Lauren.

"I don't speak Spanish," Lauren mumbled, her tone slightly annoyed. She gave up on the conversation, sighing and leaning further back in her seat.

"It's Hawaiian."

"Oh," Lauren bit her lip "What's it mean?"

"You two are now one, the darkness has past."

Lauren bit her lip and clasped her hands together in her lap, letting the words settle in. A voice came over the intercom to inform the passengers on the flight that they would be landing soon.

Lauren kept to herself for the rest of the ride, keeping her gaze fixed in her lap. Everything was starting to become too real for her, and she wished she could turn the plane around and go home. Before, this had just been a fucked up fantasy to her. But now it was becoming reality.

Lauren didn't even realize they were landing until the jolt of the plane's wheels hitting pavement snapped her out of her thoughts.

Once in the airport, Lauren stood by baggage claim for a good ten minutes before realizing she hadn't brought anything with her. Wow, she was an idiot. Just as she turned to leave, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

" _Pomaika'i,_ Good luck," the woman from before smiled at her, pressing something into Lauren's palm before walking away.

"Thank you!" Lauren called after her, but she had already disappeared into the crowd of people. She looked down at her hand, opening her palm. A simple silver ring laid there, embellished with a small green gem on top. Lauren smiled to herself, shoving the ring into her pocket and heading towards the door.

* * *

"I can't sleep."

Camila looked up to see her daughter's small figure, standing in her doorway for the second time that night. She smiled sadly and opened her arms, and Rowan took that as an invitation to crawl into her mother's lap.

"Me neither, bug. Did you have another nightmare?"

The small child nodded softly, her hand finding its way to clutch onto Camila's thumb.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Rowan furiously shook her head.

"That's okay, kiddo. But I have a secret for you... whenever you have a bad dream, sometimes if you just replace the bad guys with something funny, it makes the dream less scary."

"Funny... like a big giant panda bear?" Rowan asked, stretching out her arms to show Camila just how big the panda bear would be.

Camila giggled and nodded. "Exactly."

"How'd you know that secret?" Rowan asked, squirming in her mother's lap so she could lie down and still see her face.

"It helps me whenever I have a nightmare."

"You have nightmares?" The small child was astonished.

"I do. Even big kids have nightmares sometimes."

Rowan giggled. "You're not a big kid, mommy, you're an old lady!"

Camila tickled Rowan and shook her head, causing the small girl to giggle furiously.

"Well, even old ladies have nightmares, too," Camila said with a nod.

"Like what?"

"Like tonight I had a nightmare about a scary person with dark hair and big green eyes," Camila started before she even realized what she was saying. She'd convinced herself that her conversation with Lauren was just a dream, which is what it really felt like. Truth be told, everything had seemed like a dream since she first smelled the smoke in her house. "But then I used the trick I taught you, remember? So instead of making her a scary person with dark hair and green eyes, I turned her into a funny looking kangaroo."

Rowan burst into giggles and cupped her hands over her mouth. "A kangaroo? You're crazy, mommy."

"I know."

"Am I crazy?"

"I dunno, are you?"

"I think so. Sometimes."

Camila laughed and kissed Rowan's forehead, reaching for her phone to check the time. She was interrupted when she heard Rowan scream "I'll get it!" and hop out of her lap.

Confused, Camila quickly got to her feet and followed her daughter out of the bedroom. She hadn't even heard the knock at the door.

"Rowan, don't-"

"It's the kangaroo!" Rowan shrieked, running away from the open door and hiding behind Camila. Her small hands dug into the fabric of her shirt and it took Camila a moment to realize what had just happened.

She couldn't bring herself to look at the door.


	5. after all these years

“I… uh, That’s not the kangaroo, silly. Dreams aren’t real, remember?” Camila asked, kneeling down next to Rowan. She accidentally looked up and locked eyes with the girl at the door for a moment, feeling her heart drop in her chest. She quickly drew her eyes back to her daughter.

 The small child nodded softly, still clutching onto Camila’s shirt.

"Do you think you could sleep a little longer if I put on some music for you?” Camila asked, picking Rowan up and carrying her towards her bedroom. She wouldn’t allow herself to look at the door again, not until Rowan was away.

“I like music,” Rowan nodded, hopping onto her bed once Camila placed her down. Camila quickly put a CD in the CD player next to Rowan’s bed and turned it to a low volume.

“Goodnight mommy. Have fun with the kangaroo,” Rowan giggled from underneath her blankets. Camila made a funny face at her daughter before kissing her forehead and slipping out of the room.

She looked back to the door, expecting to see Lauren standing there, but instead seeing the empty hallway. Her breath caught in her throat and she hurried over to the door, looking out into the hallway just in time to see a figure disappear into the elevator.

Camila didn’t realize she was running until she skidded to a stop in front of the elevator, practically throwing her body in the space between the two doors to stop them from closing.

“Please don’t go,” she breathed, trying to catch her breath. She looked up and met Lauren’s eyes for the second time in years, and felt tears brimming in her own.

Lauren’s eyes were still the same shade of green that Camila had found comfort in all those years. But something was different. They looked almost… lifeless. Silence enveloped both of the girls, their eyes still locked on one another.

Lauren eventually looked away, fixing her gaze on the floor.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” Lauren finally said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. “I don’t know what you want me to do… you’ve been alive all this time… why didn’t you…? I- _I called so many times…”_ she rasped. Her voice grew quieter and quieter with every word.

Camila sniffed, wiping her eyes and shaking her head. “I can explain. Please.”

Lauren looked back up at her. Camila could tell she was unsure.

“Please, Lauren. I haven’t been able to talk to you in years. Please just give me this chance.”

Both girls didn’t say anything else, but Lauren exited the elevator. She shoved her hands in the pocket of her hoodie and waited for Camila to lead her back down the hallway.

When the apartment door closed Lauren broke the silence.

“I always envisioned myself as more of a panda.”

Camila shot her a look of confusion, and Lauren smirked.

“The kid,” she said, nodding towards Rowan’s bedroom. “I’m a kangaroo, apparently.”

“O-oh, yeah. That’s… that’s a thing she does, sometimes,” Camila stammered, instantly regretting telling her daughter about her ‘dream’.

“I take it that answering my calls is a thing she does, sometimes, too?” Lauren said, raising an eyebrow. Camila swallowed hard and turned away, walking into the kitchen and busying herself with the coffee maker.

“Do you want something to drink…?” Camila asked carefully, keeping her eyes off of Lauren. Her hands shook as she moved to grab a mug from the cabinet.

“I thought I came here for an explanation, not coffee.”

Nodding quickly, Camila abruptly yanked the cord for the coffee maker out of the wall and turned to face Lauren. “Couch?” she stammered, motioning to the living room.

Lauren followed Camila, sitting down on one end of the couch while Camila sat on the other. As far away from one another as possible. Lauren didn’t like this.

Camila didn’t like where this was going.

“So…” Lauren hummed, turning to face Camila and pulling her legs up on the couch.

“I’m not dead,” Camila finished her sentence, laughing awkwardly.

Lauren didn’t find it funny.

"I figured,” she replied. “Care to explain why?”

Lauren’s dominance was scaring Camila. She’d seemed so vulnerable before. It was as if she’d rebuilt all her walls in the short walk back from the elevator. Camila hugged her knees to her chest with a soft nod. “I just don’t know where to start.”

“The last time we talked.”

“When I told you Rowan was going into telemarketing?” Camila bit her lip.

“You know what I mean.”

Camila sighed, looking up at Lauren. She hated the feeling she got from looking at the girl. She hated the control it had over her.

She took a deep breath before talking. “Okay… so…  I told you I was pregnant. When I told my parents I got in a lot of trouble, I got grounded, you know all that already. I don’t really… I… I was home, by myself. I smelled smoke. Long story short, there was a fire. Your dad was there, I remember seeing him.”

Lauren nodded, which gave Camila the confidence she needed to continue.

“I don’t really remember the rest, I just know I woke up in the hospital and the first thing they told me was that my baby was fine. And I remember thinking it was really smart of them to make that the first thing I knew, or else I would’ve freaked out. I thought you were there because of that. Cause’ you would’ve known that about me, and I assumed you told the nurses to make sure I knew my kid was okay.”

She wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw a small smile on Lauren’s face. She didn’t look long enough to be able to tell.

“But you weren’t. Neither were my parents. I was told that the fire… wasn’t… it wasn’t an accident.”

“What?” Lauren spoke up for the first time since Camila had started her story.

“Someone started it.” Camila explained.

“I got _that_ , I just don’t get why someone would do something like that,” Lauren said with astonishment clear in her voice.

Camila cleared her throat, looking down at her hands in her lap. “That’s the thing. It wasn’t just a single someone. It was a lot of someones. A gang, they believe.”

“That’s bullshit. There’s no gangs back home.”

“I said the same thing. Apparently they’re everywhere, but we just don’t know about it because the cops are so good at keeping them under control.”

“Not in your case,” Lauren scoffed. She was annoyed that someone could get away with what they did to Camila. _Her_ Camila.

“Yeah…” Camila mumbled. “Rowan’s father… the guy who… you know… They think he had something to do with it.”

“When I get my hands on that fucking bastard I’m g _—_ “ Lauren stopped talking when she heard Camila laughing. “What?”

“You said the same thing when I told you about him the first time,” Camila said quieter, quickly silencing.

“I did?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Camila giggled, shaking her head at Lauren’s bluntness. This felt… normal. She liked it. She hadn’t realized how much she missed it.

“I still don’t understand. They said you…”

Camila shook her head quickly to cut Lauren off. “Don’t say it. I didn’t.”

“You didn’t kill yourself?”

Camila closed her eyes. “I told you not to say it.”

“Sorry. But you didn’t?”

“Does it look like I did?” Camila said with a laugh, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh. Not really.”

“I wasn’t safe back home. Especially while I was pregnant. They said he would keep targeting me until he got what he wanted. Which meant my family might get hurt in the process… or even you.”

“I’m starting to get it now,” Lauren said, biting her lip. Camila looked at her and nodded.

“So Karla Cabello is dead. And Camila Cabello…. is alive. And here. In Georgia. At night. Sitting on a couch, with you,” she shrugged, trying to lighten the mood.

Lauren didn’t respond. Her mind was racing. It was as if her brain was vividly reliving the past few years, knowing that Camila had been alive the entire time.

She had told her she loved her.

Camila knew she loved her.

Camila knew she loved her _and she still ignored her._

Lauren swallowed hard, sitting up straighter and standing up to her feet. She didn’t want to stay any longer and chase someone who obviously didn’t want to be chased. Or caught.

Camila saw Lauren stand off the couch, and quickly scrambled to her feet, almost tripping over the coffee table in the process. Inhaling sharply, she clutched her knee to and looked up at Lauren.

“Where are you going?” she asked, her heart speeding up when Lauren walked towards the door.

“Home. I got the explanation I wanted, and now I’ll leave you guys alone.” Lauren turned the doorknob, but didn’t have time to open the door. She was pulled backwards by her hoodie and suddenly a pair of arms were clinging to her, burying their face in her chest.

Camila was crying.

No, Camila was sobbing.

Lauren stood frozen, her hands still hanging at her sides.

“P-pl-please don’t go…” Camila said quietly between sobs. “I…. I… It’s s-so…. I’m so l-lonely,” she stumbled over her words, and Lauren bit her lip, patiently waiting for Camila to get her thoughts out. The smaller girl was embarrassed for breaking down like this in front of her, but she was so desperate for the human contact she’d craved all those years.

“I don’t wanna lose y-you…. I’ve lost everything…” her small voice whimpered, and Lauren could barley make out what she was saying.

Lauren’s heart eventually caught up with her brain, and her arms wrapped themselves around the small girl, pulling her closer to her. If she was thinking clearly, she could’ve sworn she felt Camila sigh in relief.

“I can’t lose you…” Camila whispered, more to herself than anyone. She felt utterly pathetic for showing so much emotion, but she couldn’t control the emotions she’d bottled up for years.

Camila bit her lip when she felt Lauren pushing her away, and was about to retreat back into her bedroom and spend the rest of her life hibernating when she felt a pair of hands cup her face and lift her gaze to meet Lauren’s. She shivered.

“You think I’d fly 2 hours, and then spend 3 hours on a bus, stuck in traffic, next to a questionable man who wouldn’t stop asking me if I thought the space landing was a conspiracy, just so I could see you for five minutes and then leave?”

Camila bit her lip and shrugged.

“You’re supposed to say no,” Lauren said, laughing softly.

Camila just shrugged again.

“Mila, look at me, of course I wouldn’t.”

“If I were you, I’d hate me right now,” Camila spoke up.

Lauren swallowed hard and shook her head. “Honestly, I’m just glad you’re not dead.”

Camila smiled sadly and Lauren pulled the smaller girl in for another hug.

“I’m glad I’m not hallucinating, either,” Lauren added, and she felt Camila laugh underneath her.

“I’m glad Rowan wants to be a telemarketer,” Camila said, and both girls laughed.

_“Moooooooom!”_ ” A small voice whispered aggressively from across the room.

Camila pulled out of the hug and looked over to Rowan, who was peeking out from behind her bedroom door.

“Was the kangaroo trying to hurt you?” she whispered again, and Camila and Lauren glanced at one another.

“I told you she’s not a kangaroo, Ro. She’s a person.”

“I have my sword, just in case,” Rowan stated, walking out from behind her bedroom door and holding up a small plastic sword for Camila to see.

Camila laughed, shaking her head and walking over to her daughter. “This is my friend, she’s not a kangaroo, she’s a human. Her name is Lauren.” Camila bent down to pick up Rowan, balancing her on her hip.

Lauren walked over to Camila, sitting down on the couch. Camila did the same. Rowan stayed put in her mother’s lap, sending questioning glances over to Lauren every few seconds.

“What’s your name?” Lauren asked softly, looking down at Rowan. The small girl grew shy, looking up at Camila for help.

“You can tell her your name, bug,” Camila reassured her, smoothing out Rowan’s hair.

“Rowan Michelle Cabello,” Rowan stated with a proud nod, looking over at Lauren.

Rowan Michelle.

_Michelle_.

Lauren’s eyes darted up to look at Camila, who was already looking at her with embarrassment evident on her face. She’d forgotten that very tiny detail.

“I think that’s a beautiful name,” Lauren finally said with a soft smile, keeping her eyes locked on Camila’s when she spoke. Camila breathed a sigh of relief.

“Do I have to go with Wyatt today?” Rowan asked, crinkling her nose and looking up at her mother.

“I told you that last night, Ro, remember? I have school today, and Wyatt and his mom are gonna take you to daycare.”

"I don’t like Wyatt. He pulls my hair sometimes.”

“Do you pull his hair sometimes too?”

“Maybe.”

Lauren giggled at their back and forth banter and Camila looked up at her, rolling her eyes dramatically.

“I have class in like… an hour. Rowan gets picked up for daycare then, too… I don’t what you plan on doi—“ Camila started, worried that Lauren would be gone by the time she got back. But Lauren interrupted her before she could finish.

“I could watch her,” she shrugged, looking down at the girl in Camila’s arms.

Lauren’s eyes met Camila’s again, almost pleading for the chance.

“Is that okay with you, Rowan? Would you rather stay with Lauren today?” Camila asked her daughter, who seemed deep in thought for a few moments.

“Are we gonna make cookies?” the small child asked, as if it was the deal breaker.

“I’m sure something can be arranged,” Lauren laughed, and Camila met her eyes before mouthing a ‘thank you’. Lauren nodded understandingly.

Camila’s phone buzzed and she grabbed it, her eyes widening when she realized what time it was. “Crap. I’m gonna be late. Can you watch her while I get dressed? There’s food in the pantry, she’ll eat almost anything, really. I swear, one time we were out of cheese and she was perfectly fine just eating plain macaroni noodles, I—“

“Go get dressed,” Lauren laughed as she interrupted the rambling girl, motioning for Camila to hurry up.

“Right,” Camila nodded, hurrying off into her bedroom.


	6. of apples and apple pies

"Do you live in a house?" Rowan asked, her focus set mainly on the sprinkles she was placing precisely on each cookie, one-by-one.

"I do," Lauren nodded, sitting on the counter and watching as the small child continued perfecting her creations.

"I live in a house."

"I know you do, we're here right now."

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

Lauren laughed, realizing just how much Rowan favored her mother. She slid off the island, grabbing a paper towel and wiping the crumbs off of the countertop.

"I'm done, see? They're colorful," Rowan observed, pointing out each individual cookie to Lauren, who listened intently as the small child explained the meaning behind every one.

"They look delicious. Let's let them cool off and then we can put them in a pretty jar for when your mom gets home, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan, kangaroo," Rowan hummed, hopping off the stood and running off into the living room. Lauren chuckled to herself, putting the sprinkles away before heading into the room after Rowan.

"I know this song!" Rowan exclaimed, running up to Lauren and holding up the older girl's phone. Camila's name flashed across the screen and Lauren looked down at Rowan, confused.

"I know this song, kangaroo! Mommy sings it every night, that's how I sleep. See?" she said, running over and setting the phone on the coffee table. She proceeded to spin around in a circle, humming along to the Lauren's ringtone.

"It's about fireflies," Rowan said, growing dizzy and sitting down on the floor.

"I know," Lauren smiled, walking over and picking up the phone off the table, which had now stopped ringing.

She called Camila back, sitting down on the couch.

"Hello?"

"Rowan knows our song?"

Lauren smirked when there was silence on the other end of the line, knowing she had obviously caught Camila without an explanation.

"It's a good song," Camila finally said.

"That it is," Lauren laughed. "What's up?"

"I'm in-between classes. I just wanted to see what you guys wanted for dinner."

"What makes you think I'm staying for dinner?" Lauren joked. But Camila took it seriously.

"Oh... I-I just figured. That's fine... Can you ask Rowan what she feels like, then?" Camila stammered.

"I'm kidding, Mila. Rowan wants ice cream. Right Rowan?"

"Rowan wants a veggie burger, kangaroo," Rowan stated in the background.

"Your kid is weird," Lauren teased, and she heard Camila laugh on the other line.

"Psh, you're crazy."

"I know."

There was silence on both ends, which lasted a few moments before Camila spoke up again.

"Takeout it is then?"

"Works for me," Lauren laughed, running a hand through her hair.

"See you soon, then."

"Don't fall asleep in class."

"Don't count on it," Camila groaned dramatically before ending the call.

* * *

"Real dinosaurs don't laugh, Lauren," Rowan said, crossing her arms.

"Right, sorry," Lauren corrected herself, biting the inside of her cheek to try and stop herself from laughing once more. She was growing impatient waiting for Camila to get home. Not that she didn't mind spending time with Rowan, in fact she was having more fun that she expected to. She just missed Camila, and the absence was eating away at her.

"Roar!" Rowan suddenly cried, taking her plastic dinosaur and chucking it across the room.

"Woah kiddo, don't break anything," Lauren said quickly, watching as Rowan scurried after her small toy.

"He was flying."

"Dinosaurs don't fly."

"Dinosaurs don't laugh either, _Lauren_."

"You're crazy just like your mom, did you know that?" Lauren asked, laughing softly.

"I know," Rowan chimed, bending down to grab her toy but becoming distracted by a knock at the door. She forgot all about the dinosaur and scurried over to the door, followed quickly by Lauren who tried to grab her before she reached it.

"Allyson!" Rowan called down the hallway, and Lauren stepped out of the doorway, watching the small girl run and hug the girl who had just turned to leave.

"I told you to call me Ally, weirdo," the girl laughed, bending down to give Rowan a high five. "What's up, Ro?"

"I was being dinosaurs with kangaroo," Rowan exclaimed, pointing to Lauren, who still stood in the doorway.

"I thought your mom had class t-" Ally shut up when she looked up and saw Lauren, recognizing her from Camila's description of her eyes the second she saw her. She quickly composed herself, and gave Lauren a warm smile.

"I'm Camila's friend," Lauren quickly explained, watching confused as Ally let herself into the apartment as if it was her own.

"Same here," the girl laughed, setting down a book on the table. "I was stopping by to give Camila back a book she lent me, but then I remembered she had class. I didn't expect you guys to be here."

Lauren nodded softly, looking over at where Ally had placed the book. "Yeah, it was sort of a last minute thing," she shrugged, keeping an eye on Rowan, who was back to playing with her plastic dinosaurs.

"I see," Ally nodded, looking over at Rowan and smiling softly. "Well I wish I could stay and chat, but my boyfriend's waiting for me. I'll see you later, yeah?"

Lauren nodded.

"Alrighty, you two have fun!" she called over to Rowan.

"You got it dude!" Rowan responded, not even looking up from her toys. Both girls laughed and Ally gave Lauren a warm smile before walking to the door.

"It was nice meeting you, Lauren!" she called as the door closed behind her. Lauren laughed to herself, starting to walk back towards Rowan but froze when she remembered.

She had never told Ally what her name was.

Lauren didn't have time to ponder on the subject, though. Rowan ran up to her and tugged on her sleeve before she could. "I have a question," the small girl said bluntly, gazing up at Lauren.

"Ask away," Lauren laughed before plopping down on the couch.

"Why was mommy sad when she saw you?"

Lauren's eyes widened and she averted her eyes from the curious child in front of her. She bit her lip and stayed quiet for a moment before answering as best as she could.

"I think she was just tired. I _did_ come over pretty early."

"Yeah, you did. You're crazy," Rowan shrugged, accepting Lauren's answer to her question.

"I know," Lauren chuckled to herself, watching as Rowan quickly lost interest in their conversation and became enthralled by a bouncy ball she found in-between the couch cushions.

* * *

"Are you tired, Ro?"

"No," the small girl objected, shaking her head.

"You just yawned like, a million times," Lauren argued with a small laugh.

"I did," Rowan shrugged.

"So you're tired."

"Maybe. But I can't sleep right now."

"Why?" Lauren asked, tilting her head to the side slightly.

"Cause I wanna be awake with you, silly."

Lauren laughed and shook her head, patting the couch next to her. "How about we just watch a movie and relax then?"

"Sounds like a plan, kangaroo," Rowan giggled, hopping over to the couch and crawling straight into Lauren's lap. This took Lauren by surprise, but she quickly got comfortable and found a movie on Netflix.

Rowan was asleep within the first five minutes.

Lauren laughed softly at the small child who'd lost her fight against sleep. She turned slightly to grab her phone from the coffee table, but realized it had fallen on the floor and out of her reach. She groaned, realizing she was stuck there until Rowan woke up.

She tried to pay attention to the movie, but she'd seen _Lion King_ so many times that she could recite it word for word.

Eventually, Lauren lost her fight to sleep, too.

* * *

"Why is there a dinosaur in the hallw-" Camila paused when she entered the apartment, her eyes landing on the sight in front of her.

Lauren was asleep with one arm draped off the couch, and the other wrapped around Rowan, who was also asleep with one of her hands clutching a fistful of Lauren's hair. For the first time in years, she felt her heart flutter.

Camila laughed softly to herself, surprised that Rowan had actually fallen asleep. The small girl's sleeping problems usually prevented her from sleeping soundly, especially when Camila wasn't around.

She put her backpack away before walking over to the sleeping duo, prying Rowan's hands out of the girl's hair and slipping her daughter off of Lauren's chest. After tucking Rowan into her own bed, Camila reappeared into the living room to see that Lauren was already awake.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she laughed, walking over to the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of water.

"Did Rowan wake up?" Lauren asked groggily, standing up and stretching out her arms.

"Nah. That kid would sleep through a hurricane. I even vacuum in her room while she's asleep."

"You could've told me that before you left," Lauren laughed, kicking herself for not knowing that beforehand. She grabbed her phone from the floor and walked into the kitchen, scrolling through it as she leaned against the counter.

"I need to talk to you," Camila blurted out, forgetting about whatever she was doing and turning to Lauren, who was more than confused.

When Lauren didn't respond, she continued talking.

"You're allowed to stay here for as long as you want, you know, but you didn't tell your parents about me, right? No one can know, not even you. Well, you weren't supposed to. But if people find out it could get out, and then I could get in trouble, and things w-"

"I haven't talked to my parents in four months," Lauren cut Camila off. They seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

Camila's eyebrows shot up and Lauren laughed at her reaction.

"You haven't? Why?"

"Got kicked out," Lauren shrugged, grabbing an apple from the counter and biting into it to try and release some of the tension that came with this subject.

"Why? Where do you live?"

"My boyfriend's basement" Lauren mumbled, ignoring Camila's first question.

"Boyfriend?" Camila asked, a little too quickly.

"His name is Keith," Lauren shrugged.

"Oh. Nice," Camila said, turning her attention back to the pictures on the refrigerator. "Shit," she mumbled a few seconds later, and Lauren raised an eyebrow from across the room.

"I forgot dinner... we can go out?" Camila offered, glancing back at Lauren.

"Works for me," The green-eyed girl laughed.

"I'll go get Rowan," Camila nodded curtly, quickly exiting the kitchen to avoid letting Lauren see how flustered she was.

Lauren had a boyfriend. That thought had never crossed Camila's mind until that moment, and it sure took her by surprise. Lauren's drunken confession over voicemail must've been an accident, she told herself.

Lauren stood in the kitchen, ignoring the multiple texts from Keith. He could wait. She had more important things to do at the moment.

* * *

"Do kangaroos lay eggs?" Rowan asked, wrapping her arms around Camila's neck and turned to Lauren as they exited the apartment building.

"I don't think so. At least, I hope that they don't, if you think I'm a kangaroo."

Rowan giggled and hid her face in Camila's neck, and Camila glanced over at Lauren, rolling her eyes playfully.

"Mila!"

Both girls turned their heads in the direction of the voice, and Lauren recognized Ally running to catch up to them in the parking lot.

"Hey Lauren," Ally smiled once she caught up, sending Rowan a small wave.

Camila visibly tensed. Ally knew it was Lauren.

  
_Her_ Lauren.

When Camila had met Ally, the two became close friends rather quickly, and Camila had ended up telling her about her situation back home, and her situation with Lauren. She knew she wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but the loneliness had become crippling and she needed to confide in someone.

And by the looks Ally was sending Camila, it was obvious she had put two and two together and figured out who the mysterious stranger in Camila's apartment was.

"Camila?"

Camila snapped out of her thoughts and turned to Lauren with a confused expression on her face, causing the girl to laugh.

"I said is that okay with you?"

"Is what okay with me?"

"If Ally comes to dinner with us...?"

"Oh, yeah, sure!" Camila chimed, trying to distract herself from her thoughts. She met Ally's eyes and gave her a pleading look. A _'please don't tell Lauren that I've confessed my feelings for her multiple times when I was crying to you'_ kind of look.

Ally got the message.

* * *

"I want vegetable soup and a hot dog. And mac and cheese, with ice cream, please?" Rowan asked, pointing to each item on the menu and circling it with her finger. Camila laughed and told Rowan she could only pick one.

"I think I'm gonna get the spaghetti," Lauren said softly, glancing over her menu.

"Wait! Nevermind. I want the spaghetti, mommy."

_\--_

Camila groaned, growing impatient that the food was taking forever to get to their table. Lauren laughed at her anxiousness.

"Hungry?" she asked, poking Camila's leg with her foot under the table. Camila jumped, looking up and nodding. Suddenly her eyes focused on something behind Lauren's head. Just as Lauren was about to ask what she was looking at, Camila ducked under the table, bumping the leg and causing the table to wobble.

Lauren steadied the table before turning to Ally, and then glancing behind her. What had Camila seen?

"Laur," Ally whispered, and Lauren jerked her head around.

"I've got Rowan."

Lauren was confused at what Ally was implying, but she glanced down at Camila when she heard how heavy the girl was breathing.

Without a second thought, Lauren ducked under the table beside Camila, scooting next to her and trying to judge what was going through her mind. The two girls under the table earned a few questioning stares, but Ally glared at anyone that slowed down long enough to look.

"Mila?" Lauren said softly, cautiously reaching out to put a hand on her friend's shoulder. Camila jerked her head up and bit her lip.

"I'm s-sorry..."

"For what?" Lauren said softly, scooting closer to the smaller girl.

"I thought I saw h-him...."

Lauren silently understood, nodding and reaching out to take both of Camila's hands in hers. She felt how much the girl was shaking, and felt her own heart breaking in two.

"It's okay, Mila. He's not here. I won't let him hurt you, okay?" Lauren swallowed hard, hoping she would always be able to keep that promise.

Camila nodded, sniffing softly. It was only then that Lauren realized she was crying. Lauren squeezed her hand before nodding towards the aisle between the tables. "Let's go walk outside and get some air, okay?"

Nodding silently, Camila let Lauren help her out from under the table. Rowan was too engrossed by showing Ally the picture she had drawn to notice the two girls slip out of the building. They sat down on a bench and suddenly Camila let the tears flow freely.

Lauren sat frozen for a moment before pure instinct kicked in, and she pulled the small girl into her arms.

"It's gonna be okay," she whispered. She wasn't sure what else she was supposed to say.

"It makes me feel guilty..." Camila breathed after a few minutes of them sitting in silence. Lauren raised an eyebrow.

"What he did to you wasn't your f-"

Camila shook her head. "Not that," she pursed her lips for a moment before speaking once more. "I just... I think I see him, and I _hate_ him s-so much... but then I feel guilty for hating him because he's Rowan's father... and I feel like that's the equivalent of hating h-her..."

Lauren bit her lip and shook her head. "It's not, Mila. Please don't think that."

"You can love Rowan without having any positive feelings towards him. Just think of him as an apple, and Rowan as an apple pie," Lauren laughed softly and Camila looked up at her for an explanation.

"You don't like apples, right?"

Camila nodded.

"But you always used to devour my mom's apple pies."

Camila nodded again.

"Just because you hate apples, doesn't mean you are obliged to hate any product that comes from them. You can like cookies without liking raw eggs, but there's still eggs in the cookie. So just think of him as a gross, slimy egg, and think of yourself of the sweet sugar, and the chocolate chips. When you bite into a cookie, that's what you taste. You don't taste the gross egg. But without eggs, the cookie would taste different. Sometimes it takes a couple bad things to contribute to a good thing, Mila. I know that's probably the worst analogy ever, but I-"

"No, no. That really helped, actually. Honestly, Lauren. I... thank you," Camila said softly, wiping her eyes and looking up at her friend.

"Anytime," Lauren smiled, feeling relief wash over her.


	7. the bridge where it all started

The girls sat in silence for a while longer, Camila taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself down before they went back inside. Ally was the first to speak up after their food got to the table.

"So tell me about your life, Lauren, what do you do for fun?" she asked with a warm smile, and Lauren had to genuinely think about the question for a moment. She was sure _'get drunk and leave a certain someone voicemails until I fall asleep'_ wouldn't be an acceptable answer.

"I'm a pretty boring person, really. I paint and stuff, or go to the gym, or read. That's about it," she shrugged, feeling somewhat embarrassed that she wasn't exactly an expert at anything.

"God, you and Mila both. I don't get what you guys see in books. They're so boring," Ally laughed, taking a bite of her food.

"They're an escape," Lauren and Camila both spoke up at the same time, repeating something their third grade teacher had told them when a boy had picked on Camila for reading her book instead of playing at recess. Lauren saw Ally shoot Camila an unidentifiable look, and Camila raised a threatening eyebrow at her.

"So is there anyone special in your life?" Ally questioned, ignoring the warning glance from Camila.

"I have a boyfriend, yeah. Keith," Lauren shrugged, not really in the mood for talking about him.

"Do you love him?"

Camila kicked Ally under the table, but Ally trapped Camila's foot between her legs and stopped her from doing it again.

"Yeah, sure, I guess," Lauren said, twirling a noodle around her fork. She looked up just in time to see Ally giving Camila a sympathetic look, but quickly looked back down before she got caught.

"Go Spiderman!" Rowan cried, breaking the silence and flinging a noodle across the room, which landed on the next table over. This earned them a few judgmental glances from the occupants of the table. Lauren and Ally burst into laughter while Camila scolded her daughter, apologizing to the family at the next table.

* * *

Dinner was over rather quickly, with all three girls rushing to finish before Rowan pulled another 'Spiderman' and got them kicked out of the restaurant. Lauren insisted on paying, arguing with Camila that she should be able to make up for the years they missed. As per usual, Camila gave in.

Now the girls stood in the parking lot, Rowan tugging on Lauren's hand to try and show her the shiny rock she had found on the sidewalk. Lauren laughed and agreed, following the small child and showing interest.

"I'm taking Rowan with me," Ally stated, shooting Camila a look once Lauren was out of hearing distance.

Camila's head shot up and she furrowed her eyebrows, confused at Ally's comment.

"What?"

"I'm watching Rowan for the next couple hours."

"I never asked you to...?"

"I know," Ally shrugged. Camila noticed she was nodding her head over at Lauren, smirking in Camila's direction. Camila got the hint.

"No you're not."

"Yes I am, Mila."

"Ally-"

"I'm not arguing with you."

"But-"

"You _died_ , Mila. That girl thought you were dead. She hasn't seen you in years. You know she's dying to be able to talk to you without having to censor herself around Rowan. You owe this to her."

Camila looked down at the pavement, rocking back and forth on her toes.

"Camila..."

"Make sure she's in bed on time."

"You plan on staying out past her bedtime?" Ally smirked, nudging Camila playfully.

"Oh god, Ally. Don't even go there," Camila groaned, giving Ally a menacing glare and causing the smaller girl to laugh.

"Lauren is pregnant!"

Both girls turned their head around to see Rowan running towards them, a small white flower tucked behind her ear and an exhausted Lauren following close behind her.

"What?" Camila laughed, looking down at Rowan.

"She has a baby in her tummy!" Rowan exclaimed, running over to Lauren and pointing to her stomach.

Both girls looked at Lauren for an explanation, and she just rolled her eyes. "My boyfriend called and Rowan heard me say that I had a food baby in my stomach," she shrugged.

Ally burst into laughter, composing herself before leaning down to correct Rowan and explain what Lauren actually meant. Camila stood still, forcing a laugh and keeping her eyes off Lauren.

She had to stop getting so jealous of Lauren's boyfriend.

"Mommy, I wanna watch a movie," Rowan chirped, tugging on Camila's sleeve and looking up at her expectantly.

"Hey Ro, you're gonna come hang out with your Aunt Ally for a bit, is that okay? I have tons of movies that we can watch. And ice cream." Ally smirked, winking at Camila before kneeling down to match Rowan's height.

"Ice cream with gummy bears?"

"I'm sure we can figure something out."

"Deal, Allyson."

"It's Ally, silly."

"Allyson."

Ally laughed and picked Rowan up, hoisting her on her hip and looking back and forth from Lauren to Camila.

"You girls have fun," she smirked, winking at Camila before turning and carrying Rowan back to her car, on the other side of the parking lot.

Camila watched them walk away for as long as she could, using it as an excuse to not turn back and face Lauren. The dark haired girl cleared her throat, scaring Camila and forcing her to turn around and meet her eyes.

"What was that about?" Lauren asked, looking more relaxed than Camila had expected her to be.

"Huh?" she mumbled, glancing back at Ally's car, which was now pulling out of the parking lot.

"I dunno, she was smiling and acting all weird."

"That's just how Ally is," Camila forced a laugh, shrugging her shoulders.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" Lauren asked. She was confused at the sudden shift in Camila. The other girl seemed visibly tenser than she had been before.

"I-I don't know," Camila bit her lip.

Lauren needed to ease the tension. It wasn't comfortable. She thought for moment.

"Well what do you do for fun around here?" the taller girl asked, walking over to Camila's car and nodding for the girl to follow.

Camila laughed at her question, sliding into the driver's side of the car and shrugging. "Nothing, to be honest. Unless you want to go to Rowan's favorite park, but that's about all I know." She laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Works for me," Lauren shrugged.

"Wait, really?" Camila asked quickly, turning to face Lauren with confusion evident in her face. She had just been joking.

"We haven't talked in years, Mila. I'd be fine if we spend our time in a prison, for all I care."

"Well if you say so..."

Lauren laughed, hitting Camila's arm playfully. "Shut up and drive."

Camila giggled. The tension was starting to go away, no thanks to her. Lauren always knew what to say to make Camila feel comfortable. No one else did. This time they were spending together was whisking her back to a few years ago, when it was just _them_. Lauren and Camila. Camila and Lauren. No complications. She had missed that. She had missed _her_.

More than she was willing to admit.

* * *

The car ride was quiet for the most part. At first it was awkward. Both girls felt pressured to say something. But soon it became comfortable, Lauren and Camila both grew used to the absence of sound.

"Deer," Lauren noted, nodding out the window and breaking the silence to point out the animal in the field next to them.

"Where?" Camila asked excitedly, nearly swerving the car.

"Calm down, weirdo. It ran into the trees," Lauren laughed, reaching over to straighten out the steering wheel. Their hands brushed for a moment and Camila jumped, swerving the car slightly again.

"Shit. Sorry," Camila muttered, focusing on the road. "Your hands are cold," she lied.

Lauren just laughed and shrugged it off.

"Y'know one time when I was little, my dad and I were at the park, and there was a baby deer all by itself, and it was super skinny. So my dad called Animal Control and we went to visit him the next day and I-"

"-got to help feed him. I know Mila, I was with you," Lauren laughed.

"Oh. Yeah, right," Camila mumbled, resolving on keeping her mouth shut for the rest of the car ride.

A few minutes later, they found themselves pulling into the empty parking lot that bordered a small park. Lauren exited the car first, looking at Camila, who hesitated before following suit.

"I know there's some trail in the woods over there. I dunno where it leads but..." Camila trailed off, shrugging her shoulders.

"We should start walking, then."

"Right."

Camila jogged to catch up with Lauren, who was already a few yards ahead of her. She smoothed out her shirt, combing her fingers through her hair before walking beside the taller girl.

They walked for a while in comfortable silence, which Camila was thankful for. She was almost positive that if she hadn't had that time to calm down she would've blurted out something she didn't intend on saying.

A certain three word phrase.

"You just gonna stand there?"

Lauren's voice snapped Camila out of her daze, and she looked down at the girl. They were now on the bridge that the path led them to. She hadn't even realized Lauren had sat down until she looked next to her and realized she wasn't standing there.

Camila laughed softly, sitting down next to Lauren and letting her feet dangle over the edge of the bridge. Lauren got up for a moment, walking over to the edge of the path and grabbing a handful of pebbles. She returned, spilling them in the space between both girls.

"Try to hit that plant over there," Lauren nudged Camila, dropping a pebble into her palm and pointing to a fern that stood out of the running water.

"I can't believe you're an adult," Camila giggled, watching as Lauren threw the pebble, successfully missing the plant by a mile.

"I still throw like a child," the green-eyed girl chuckled.

"You're crazy."

"I know."

* * *

"How's my family?" Camila asked softly, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over the two girls as they sat and tossed pebbles into the river.

The question took Lauren by surprise, and she turned to face Camila, tilting her head to the side.

"You sure you want to know?" Lauren asked tediously, biting her lip.

Camila raised an eyebrow, turning to face her so both girls were now sitting cross legged with their knees touching. She nodded softly.

"It was pretty bad for a while, if I'm being completely honest. They didn't take it well. They seemed..." Lauren paused to think. "Angry. They didn't understand why you would... do what they think you did."

Camila swallowed hard, nodding to allow Lauren to keep talking.

"I used to go over every day. Your mom was devastated. I ended up cooking them dinner almost every night because your mom could barley step foot in the kitchen without crying."

Camila saw something flicker in Lauren's eyes. Pain.

"Thank you... for taking care of them," Camila half-whispered. Lauren nodded, not making eye contact with the other girl.

"And then one day, they just stopped letting me in. They said being around me reminded them too much of you. That whenever they saw me, they always expected to see you right by my side, and-" Lauren cut her sentence short to clear her throat.

"We haven't really stayed in contact since then. I thought they'd come around eventually. I mean, they were like my second family. But they never did. The last I heard of them was that..." she grew quiet.

"That... what?" Camila half-whispered.

"Your mom is pregnant."

Camila clasped her hands together and forced herself to take a deep breath. Lauren kept her eyes directed in her lap, breaking a stick into tiny pieces to keep her hands busy.

"Oh," Camila finally said, her voice cracking. Lauren noticed this and looked up slowly.

"I shouldn't be thinking like this," Camila whispered, looking away from Lauren.

"What?" Lauren leaned in, placing a hand on top of Camila's. The girl tensed.

"I shouldn't be... I don't know... I shouldn't feel replaced."

"I knew you would think that."

Camila turned back to face Lauren. "Huh?"

"I know how you think, Camila. I was your best friend at one point, y'know."

"Was?" Camila asked quietly before she realized what she had said. She felt Lauren's hand grow cold on top of hers.

"I-I just figured... it's been years," Lauren tried to explain.

Camila nodded.

"You are."

Camila sent Lauren a look of confusion.

"I still consider you my best friend," Lauren took a deep breath. "I just figured you didn't."

Camila couldn't help but laugh, shaking her head. "We've been out of contact for years and somehow you still know I would get excited over something as small as seeing a deer. I think that's saying something."

Lauren smiled softly, squeezing Camila's hand before placing her hand back in her lap.

Camila couldn't help but shiver at the loss of contact.

"I think a baby will be good for your parents."

Camila bit her lip, staying quiet.

"I really do, Camz," Lauren continued. Camila bit her cheek to keep herself from smiling at the old nickname. "I don't think they're trying to replace you. They just... they had so much love left to give you. I know that sounds cheesy, but I think it's a good thing that they have a new baby to take care of."

"Rowan's an aunt," Camila gasped, looking up at Lauren, causing them both to giggle.

"I don't think they could replace you if they tried, Mila."

"I'm sorry," Camila blurted out.

"What?"

"For leaving you."

"You did what you had to do." There was an edge to Lauren's voice, and Camila didn't like it.

"I could've done something."

"You made sure Rowan was safe, Mila. I get that. You shouldn't have to apologize for that."

Camila nodded softly, focusing her eyes on the slow moving water under them.

* * *

"It's getting late."

Camila looked up at Lauren, realizing it was nearly pitch black out. She jumped to her feet and Lauren did the same.

"Shit. Ally's gonna think we ha-" Camila shut herself up .

"Think we had what?"

"...had trouble getting home," Camila lied, shrugging her shoulders and walking down the path. Lauren followed.


	8. it's not technically eavesdropping

"That sounds fun, Ro," Camila smiled as she unlocked her apartment door, pushing it open and letting Rowan and Lauren pass though before locking it behind them.

The girls had just returned from picking Rowan up from Ally's, and it was clearly past the small girl's bedtime. Camila bent down to pick up her daughter.

"I'm gonna put her to bed, you can grab something to wear out of my dresser. I have hoodies and stuff in the bottom drawer," Camila said, adjusting Rowan on her hip.

Rowan reached out with her small hands and wrapped them around Lauren's neck, leaning in and kissing the dark-haired girl on the cheek.

"G'night kangaroo," she giggled before turning to kiss Camila on the cheek. "G'night mommy."

"Sweet dreams, Ro," Lauren laughed, watching as Camila turned to carry Rowan to bed.

"Wait!" the small child exclaimed, causing Camila to stop in her tracks. "You have to give each other goodnight kisses too, silly."

Camila and Lauren instantly looked at each other. Camila's face grew pale. Lauren adorned a nervous smile though, and took a few steps forward.

"G'night Ro," she said, kissing Rowan's forehead and ruffling her hair. "Goodnight, Mila," she said softer, gently kissing Camila on the cheek before disappearing into the bedroom.

"Your face is red, mommy."

Camila shook her head to bring her out of her trance, looking at her daughter in her arms.

" _Your_ face is purple, Rowan," she teased, trying to take her mind off of things. The smaller girl giggled, wrapping her arms around Camila's neck as she was carried back into her bedroom.

* * *

Lauren pulled on Camila's gray hoodie, tossing her shirt on the floor near the door. She was about to head back out into the living room when Camila hurried back into the bedroom, nearly bumping into the taller girl.

"Careful there," Lauren laughed, squeezing Camila's shoulder.

Camila swore she was going to pass out at the sight of Lauren in her hoodie. _Her_ Lauren in _her_ hoodie.

Her breath got caught in her throat and she ended up coughing instead of saying what she had meant to say. She held up a finger to tell Lauren to wait before regaining her composure, clearing her throat and walking over to her dresser.

"I have to get up early tomorrow. We should get some rest," she said, pulling her shirt over her head and letting it fall to the ground.

Now it was Lauren's turn to lose her breath, and she quickly turned her eyes away from Camila.

"M'kay. Goodnight, Mila."

Camila could've sworn she saw Lauren blush, but she wasn't positive.

"Night Lo."

* * *

Camila didn't have a spare bedroom, and Lauren wasn't about to share a bedroom with her on their first night together in years. So she found herself on the couch, which wasn't as uncomfortable as she thought it would have been. Just as she was about to drift off to sleep, she heard a muffled cry coming from the other room.

She must be hearing things. Lauren ignored it, turning over on the couch.

There it was again.

She sighed, pushing the blankets off of her and walking over to Camila's door, pressing her ear up against the crack and listening. All she heard was the smaller girl's rhythmic breathing, signifying she was asleep.

It wasn't Camila.

Lauren hurried over to the only other inhabited room in the house, slowly sliding open the door.

Another whimper.

"Rowan?"

When the small figure didn't respond, Lauren knelt down next to the bed and gently shook the small girl's shoulder.

"Rowan, it's me, wake up," she said a bit louder, realizing that the smaller girl was shaking.

She didn't wake up.

"Rooowan," she whispered softly, picking up the small girl and sitting back down on the bed with Rowan in her lap. A pair of eyes blinked open, clouded with tears. She glanced around the room in a panic, looking up at Lauren. Her bottom lip quivered.

"Lauren?"

"It's me, Ro," Lauren answered softly, feeling Rowan move in her lap so she was now clinging onto the hoodie she was wearing.

"I had a bad dream," Rowan whimpered, wiping her eyes on the fabric.

"I heard," Lauren leaned back against the headboard of the small bed. "Do you wanna talk about it? Sometimes that helps."

* * *

Camila was awoken by a voice, and she sat upright in bed, startled.

"I'm s-scared."

Camila raised an eyebrow in confusion at the sound of her small daughter's voice, following the sound with her eyes until she realized where it was coming from.

When Rowan's nightmares began, Camila had brought out her old baby monitor to place in her daughter's room. The child was such a deep sleeper that she struggled to wake up even when she was having a nightmare. The baby monitor helped to alert Camila if she needed to go comfort Rowan.

And this night didn't seem any different. Camila swung her legs over the edge of the bed, grabbing the monitor but freezing when she heard a different voice through the speaker.

"I've got you, nothing's gonna hurt you. It's all just a dream, Ro. Promise."

Camila swallowed hard.

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

Camila set the baby monitor back down on her nightstand, sitting cross legged on her bed and listening to the conversation between the two girls in the other room.

"Y'know your mama used to have nightmares sometimes, too," Lauren said, and Camila tensed, embarrassed that Lauren remembered those nights.

"Really?" she heard Rowan's small voice pipe up, full of curiosity.

"Yeah," Lauren said softly, and Camila could tell she was deep in thought. "I always made sure she was okay though. Just like she takes care of you and makes sure you're okay, too."

"Do you still take care of her?"

"I try my best."

Camila felt her cheeks grow warm, and she pressed her cold hands to her face. She felt guilty for listening, but she couldn't tear herself away.

"I'll take care of her for you when you go back home. Don't worry, kangaroo."

Lauren had to leave eventually, Camila realized. Should she feel guilty for wanting her to stay? She shook her head and listened as Lauren's voice broke the silence in the other room.

"You do a good job of that already, Ro. You make her smile all the time."

"I know, she loves me."

Lauren giggled and Camila couldn't help but smile.

"Are you sleepy?" Rowan must've yawned.

"Yeah," the small girl sighed. Camila heard shuffling.

"Please don't leave," Rowan's voice reappeared, small and fragile.

"I wasn't planning on it, Ro," Lauren comforted her.

Camila couldn't help but hope that Lauren wasn't just talking about leaving Rowan's bed for the night.

* * *

Waking up was a struggle for Camila, but she eventually pried herself away from the warmth of her bed and made her way into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee.

Morning classes were the worst, she decided.

The single mother made her way across her apartment to wake her daughter, but jumped when she opened the door and remembered last night's events. She quickly calmed down, though, and smiled at the sight in front of her.

Lauren had spent the rest of the night in Rowan's room, and judging by the looks of it, Rowan took up more of the bed than she had planned. Lauren lay on the carpet, one of her hands resting on the bed where Rowan clutched onto her thumb. She must've fallen off of the bed in the middle of the night. Camila giggled at the sight.

After taking a picture of them, she slid her phone back into her pocket and pried Rowan off of the bed, waking her up as she carried the small girl back out into the kitchen.

* * *

Lauren woke up a few hours after Camila did, groaning and bringing her hand to the back of her neck, which was stiff due to her sleeping position the night before. Realizing she was on the floor, she sat up slowly and looked around. Rowan was gone. She was about to call out for the small girl when she noticed a piece of paper on the bed.

_Morning sleepyhead._

_I have class this morning, and you were out cold when I came to get Rowan. I figured I'd let you sleep, I'm pretty sure you're still not a morning person, haha._

_I'm about to drop Rowan off at Ally's. I don't know what you plan on doing, or when you plan on leaving or anything. But if you get bored you should check the brown shoebox on the bookshelf in my room, I think you'd like what's inside ;)_

_I'll be home in a few hours or so, if you're still here. Have fun!!_

_\- Camila_

_PS - Your neck is gonna hurt like hell. There's Tylenol under the sink. Don't say I didn't warn you._

Lauren found herself smiling at Camila's sense of humor, folding up the letter and sliding it into her pocket for safekeeping. Her curiosity took her straight into Camila's room, and she sat down next to the bookshelf before pulling out the brown shoebox Camila had mentioned in her letter.

Opening the lid carefully, Lauren's lips curved into a smile when she realized what was in the box. Camila had kept them all these years.

When Camila and Lauren first became friends, they had found an old Polaroid camera in Lauren's basement and begged her parents to let them use it. It ended up turning into their camera, and the two girls had hundreds of pictures split between them. Lauren had hers tucked away in her nightstand, buried inside a shoebox just like Camila's.

She noticed something scrawled on the lid and set the box down, narrowing her eyes to see the faded handwriting.

_"Karla Camila Cabello - R.I.P."_

Lauren shuddered and slid the lid away from her, pushing the memories out of her mind. She dumped the photos out of the box and began to go through them one by one. She had all the time in the world.

One picture in particular caught her interest.

**8 years ago**

_"You're crazy!"_

_"I know!"_

_"Lauren, it's impossible. You're gonna hurt yourself."_

_"Don't be so scared, Camila! Watch this."_

_Lauren gripped the rope, tugging on it to ensure that it was tightly attached to the tree branch above her. Camila had come on vacation with Lauren's family, just as she did every year. Today, both girls had woken up early and wandered down to the river behind their lake house, where Lauren had climbed a tree to find a tangled rope swing in the branches. She threw it down, and was now attempting to use it._

_"Lauren, you're too young to die!" Camila cried dramatically, causing Lauren to giggle._

_She stuck her tongue out at Camila, taking a few steps backwards and then running forwards, holding tight to the rope as she was propelled over the river._

_Lauren let go of the rope just in time, and she flew onto the grassy area on the other side of the river, giggling in excitement._

_"You actually did it!" Camila called from the other side, but grimaced when Lauren's feet hit the ground and she flew forwards, practically faceplanting._

_"Are you okay?" Camila called out, running to the edge of the river and biting her lip nervously._

_"It's muddy!" Lauren shrieked after a few seconds of silence, scrambling to her feet and turning to look at Camila. The smaller girl burst into laughter at the sight in front of her. Lauren's entire frontside was soaked from head to toe in dark, thick mud._

_"Camila! It's not funny!" the other girl yelled across the river, trying to stop herself from laughing._

_"Hate to say I told you so, Lolo," Camila sung, making a face at Lauren from far away._

_Lauren crossed her arms, pondering her situation for a moment._

_"Hey Camila! Come give me a hug!"_

_"No way, Jauregui. I'm not stupid!" Camila giggled, shaking her head._

_"You're gonna give me a hug whether you like it or not, Cabello!" Lauren called, back, kicking off her shoes and running through the shallow river towards the other side, where Camila stood._

_It took Camila a few seconds to realize what she meant, and by that time Lauren was only a few feet away from her. She squealed and tried to run in the opposite direction, but Lauren stopped her by grabbing her arm and pulling her back to her._

_Camila stumbled towards Lauren, bumping into her and sending both of the girls stumbling backwards, landing in the cool water of the river._

_"Lauren!" Camila shrieked, looking over at the older girl, now soaked in head to toe, laughing hysterically at their situation._

_"I just wanted a hug, Camila, don't cry," Lauren pouted, reaching out and slathering mud on her friend's cheeks, pretending she was wiping away her tears. Camila gasped, flinging the mud off of her face and splashing Lauren with the cold river water._

_"Oh, thanks Mila. I needed to take a bath anyways," Lauren smirked, causing Camila to stop her actions. Both girls burst into laughter, and Camila dug her hands into the bottom of the river, reaching out and smearing mud over the front of Lauren's shirt._

_"Hey! Way to kick me while I'm down, Cabello," Lauren giggled, doing the same and flinging mud on Camila. The smaller girl gasped and grabbed for another handful of mud._

_When both girls walked back up to the house later, they were both completely covered in mud, with proud smiles on their faces. Lauren's mother scolded both of the girls, but her father thought it was hilarious. Her mom brought out the Polariod camera to take a picture, but just as she snapped the picture, Mr. Jauregui blasted both of the girls with the house, causing them both to squeal and run off in different directions._

Lauren missed those memories. She smiled, looking down at the photo in her hand. A stream of water blasted out from the edge of the picture, and both girls in the picture wore shocked expressions. Lauren had just hit her growth spurt in this picture, and Camila looked so tiny standing next to her. She laughed softly.

Taking out her phone, she snapped a picture of the photograph, setting it as her background.

Once she put the box back where she had found it, she stood up to leave the room but noticed a few photo frames on the top shelf of the bookshelf. She picked one up, realizing it was a picture of Rowan as a baby. She looked so... familiar. Lauren figured she favored Camila more than the father. Smiling softly, she placed the photo back and made her way into the kitchen.


	9. i just happened to overhear

“Who is it?” a small voice rang out from the other side of the door, and Lauren laughed.

“Definitely not a kangaroo,” she replied with a smirk on her face.

The door flew open and Rowan ran into her arms. “Roo!” she squealed.

Lauren laughed, slipping into Ally’s apartment and closing the door behind her.

“Ally’s peeing.”

“Rowan!” Ally’s voice rang out from the other room, making both her and Lauren giggle.

Ally emerged from the bathroom a few seconds later, shaking her head at Lauren. “I don’t know how Camila handles her,” she joked, poking Rowan on the nose.

“Camila told me you’d show up eventually. Make yourself at home,” Ally smiled, motioning around her apartment.

Lauren smiled, walking over to the couch that Rowan had just run over to. She immediately climbed onto Lauren’s lap. Ally came and sat down next to them. They picked a movie on Netflix, and Rowan fell asleep only a couple minutes later.

Lauren raised an eyebrow when Ally paused the movie, looking over at the girl with a confused expression on her face.

“I know about Camila.”

Lauren tilted her head to the side.

“I mean, Karla,” Ally nodded once.

Lauren understood. “She told you?”

Ally nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t be able to hold something in like that for very long. I’m just glad she told me and not some random stranger on the street.” Lauren nodded in agreement. “I just had to tell you. I know who you are, I recognized you from the pictures Camila’s shown me.”

Lauren smiled softly, thinking back to the pictures.

“She’s really happy you’re here, Lauren,” Ally said softly, squeezing Lauren’s shoulder.

“So am I.”

* * *

“How’d you meet Camila?” Lauren asked, watching a sleepy Rowan pick at the mac and cheese Ally had made for her.

“Funny story, actually…”

**1 year ago**

_“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Camila gasped, running after her daughter and scooping her up into her arms._

_The other girl eyed her car, which now had a fresh layer of finger-paint smeared all over the side. Camila bit her lip and proceeded to scold Rowan._

_“I’m so sorry,” Camila breathed again, shaking her head. “It was so nice out today I figured we’d do something fun and I look away for one second and then all of a sudden she’s running off, I swear she’s a human tornado, I can pay you back or s—“_

_“It’s okay,” the other girl smiled, Camila could’ve sworn she was laughing. “Really, it’s fine. I have tons of cousins, I know how it is. I was thinking of getting a new paint job anyway, she just beat me to it. What’s her name?”_

_“Rowan,” Camila said softly, relieved that the other girl didn’t seem phased._

_“Mama,” the toddler cooed upon hearing her name, bringing her hands up to grab Camila’s face, covering her cheeks in green paint. Camila gasped and the child giggled._

_The other girl laughed and shook her head. “I’m Ally, did you just move in? I haven’t seen you around.”_

_Camila pulled Rowan’s hands away from her face, which was now covered in paint. She laughed softly and nodded. “I’m Camila. I moved in not too long ago.”_

_“Oh, okay. I’d love to stay and talk but my boyfriend’s waiting for me, and I figure you’re in a rush, too,” she motioned to Rowan, who was now smearing paint all over her own face, and the front of Camila’s shirt. “I’ll see you later, yeah? Here,” she said, grabbing Camila’s phone from her front pocket and putting in her number._

_Camila smiled, thanking her and taking her phone back, watching as Ally’s car disappeared down the street._

_“Mama messy,” Rowan giggled._

“Wait, you’re telling me Rowan covered your car in paint and you didn’t flip out?” Lauren laughed, raising an eyebrow.

“Okay, okay, I admit I was a little mad. But I saw how flustered that poor girl was, so I kept my mouth shut.”

Lauren laughed and shook her head. Part of her hated herself, though. She hadn’t been there when Camila needed her. Once Rowan finished eating, Lauren thanked Ally and carried the smaller girl back to Camila’s apartment.

* * *

"Do you believe in magic?" Rowan's small voice rang out. Her and Lauren sat out on the balcony. Rowan had moved so that her feet hung between the rungs of the fence, letting them dangle down over the street below them. 

The small child's question brought Lauren's attention away from her book, and she looked at the girl with amusement. 

"I dunno, do you?" she replied, turning the question back around on the curious child. 

"Duh." Rowan laughed, almost as if she thought Lauren's question was ridiculous. 

Lauren chuckled to herself and looked back down at her book, keeping an eye on Rowan who was now focusing her attention on picking at the peeling paint of the balcony fence. 

"Do I have a daddy?"

Lauren bit her lip, swallowing hard and glancing overtop of her book to look at Rowan. The girl had turned around completely, giving Lauren her undivided attention. 

"Everyone has a father," Lauren answered, hoping it would be enough of an answer for Rowan. It wasn't. 

"I know that."

"Well then why'd you ask?"

"That's not what I was asking, kangaroo," the small child giggled, shaking her head at Lauren, who she thought was especially goofy today. 

"Well then what were you asking?"

"Wyatt has a daddy."

"He does," Lauren nodded. 

"So why does Wyatt get to see his daddy, but I don't?" 

Lauren grew silent.

"It's not fair," Rowan continued, jutting out her bottom lip. "His dad takes him to the park, and it's not fair. Because I'm supposed to have a dad that takes me to the park too. Right?" 

Scooting over in the lounge chair, Lauren patted the seat next to her. "C'mere, kiddo."

Rowan curiously got to her feet and crawled next to Lauren. 

"Can I talk to you like a big kid?" Lauren asked, reaching over and ruffling Rowan's hair. The small girl nodded, interested in what Lauren had to say. 

"Sometimes things aren't fair," Lauren started, wetting her lips. "Wyatt has a mom and a dad, and you only have a mom. That sounds pretty unfair, doesn't it?"

Rowan nodded. 

"Wanna know a secret?"

"I like secrets," Rowan noted, a small smile creeping on her face. 

Lauren lowered her voice and leaned in closed to Rowan, reaching out and squeezing the small girl's hand. 

"I think you're pretty lucky. Your friend may have a mommy and a daddy, but he doesn't have  _your_  mommy. And I think your mommy is even better than any other mom or dad in the world."

"You do?" Rowan asked, scooting closer to Lauren and listening intently. 

"I do," Lauren laughed softly. "And not only do you get a great mommy, but you also get a fun Aunt Ally."

"Allyson. Her name is Allyson."

"Right. You get a fun Aunt Allyson. Not many kids get to say that, do they?"

Rowan thought about that for a moment before shaking her head gently in agreement. 

"They don't have a kangaroo either."

"Huh?"

"That's you, silly." Rowan whispered as if it was a secret. 

Lauren laughed softly and made a funny face at Rowan. "Is that a good enough answer, kiddo?"

"I have another question."

"Ask away, Ro."

Rowan stayed quiet for a moment, pondering her next question. The small child cleared her throat and gazed up at Lauren. 

"Do you love my mommy?"

"Of course I do, Ro."

"No, kangaroo. Do you  _love_  my mommy?" 

Lauren paused, choking on her breath that got caught in her throat. 

"Your mom and I have been friends forever, silly."

"That's not what I asked," Rowan pouted. 

"Why'd you ask me that?" Lauren rebutted, hoping to distract Rowan from the original question. 

"I watched Cinderella yesterday."

"You did?" Lauren asked, thankful that Rowan seemed to be thinking about something else. 

"Yes. I did. I just told you that."

"You did."

"You're crazy, kangaroo."

"I know."

Rowan giggled and stuck her tongue out at Lauren, who returned the gesture. 

"Mommy looks at you the same way the prince looked at Cinderella."

Lauren's book nearly fell out of her hands and she had to scramble to grab it. "W-what?"

"When the prince sees Cinderella, he looked at her like this," Rowan explained animatedly, widening her eyes, tilting her head to the side, and imitating what she had seen the fictional character do. 

"Everyone makes funny faces sometimes. Especially your mommy."

"It isn't a funny face. She loves you."

Lauren couldn't find her words. 

"O-oh," she finally stuttered. 

Rowan nodded, satisfied with herself for informing Lauren of something she considered extremely important. 

"You didn't know that?"

"N-no, I didn't," Lauren half-whispered. 

"Wow, kangaroo. You need to start paying attention," Rowan giggled, crinkling her nose and sliding off of the chair. She had clearly gotten the response she wanted, and now she busied herself with watching the cars drive past on the street below. 

"I know..." Lauren whispered, staring down at her hands in her lap. 

* * *

Camila got home from her classes later that night, bringing a pizza for dinner. All three girls sat out on the balcony, laughing as Rowan took it upon herself to viciously scream a hello to every stranger who walked by.

“I have a plane ticket for tomorrow morning,” Lauren finally broke the silence.

Camila choked on her food and quickly composed herself. “You do?”

“Yeah. Keith won’t stop bugging me where I am and I can’t make up excuses for much longer.”

Camila nodded in understanding. She despised the way his name sounded coming out of Lauren’s mouth.

“You’ll come back and visit though, right?” Camila asked, biting her lip.

“Of course. As much as I can,” Lauren answered honestly, smiling when she noticed Camila was blushing.

Camila was about to respond when she saw Lauren looking at Rowan and laughing, Camila followed her eyes, looking at the small girl who had fallen asleep sitting up. Both girls laughed.

“I’m convinced she’s actually a kitten in a baby suit,” Camila confessed, making Lauren laugh and nearly choke on her drink. “I’m gonna take her to bed, can you throw our plates away?” Lauren nodded, and Camila disappeared into the apartment.

* * *

Camila reemerged from Rowan’s bedroom while Lauren was on the phone.

“No, Keith. I’ll be home tomorrow. It’s fine… Don’t you dare… My parents don’t care, Keith…. Y-yeah, sure…. Yeah… Okay… Love you too.” She hung up, groaning and tossing her phone on the couch.

"Boy problems?” Camila asked before she could stop herself. Lauren jumped when she realized Camila was in the room. She walked over to the mirror on the wall and shrugged her shoulders, fixing her hair.

“Your eyes are really green today,” Camila noticed, walking up behind Lauren in the mirror. Lauren nodded, trying to keep her eyes off of Camila.

She spun around to sit back down, but misjudged just how close Camila was standing to her. Their heads bonked together, and Camila brought her hands to her forehead.

“Shit, are you okay?” Lauren asked, seemingly unaffected. She had a hard skull, she could deal.

Camila nodded, feeling Lauren pull her hands away from her face. The girls were only inches away from one another, and Camila thought she had forgotten how to breathe.

Lauren reached up to run her thumb over Camila’s forehead. “Ouch,” Lauren mumbled, biting her lip. “Sorry about that.”

“I’ve had worse,” Camila shrugged.

Lauren nodded, her breathing turning shallow when her eyes trailed down to Camila’s lips. She wished she could just kiss her, no strings attached. She wished she could know how Camila could react.

Camila locked eyes with her and saw Lauren look down at her lips again, almost asking for permission. A few seconds passed before Camila nodded softly, edging Lauren to go on.

"You're supposed to kiss her now!" A voice hissed from the other side of the apartment. Both girls pushed the other away and whipped their heads around to find the source of the noise. 

"Rowan Michelle, you're supposed to be in bed!" Camila exclaimed, clearly flustered by the before events. Lauren still got goosebumps each time she heard Rowan's full name. 

"I was, mommy," the small child shrugged, stepping out from behind her bedroom door. 

"You're not sleeping now."

"And you're not kissing," Rowan huffed, staring her and Lauren down and crossing her arms. 

"We weren't going to kiss," Camila protested, glancing apologetically at Lauren before walking over to Rowan and ushering the small child back in her room, leaving Lauren alone in the living room. 

Sighing, Lauren took a deep breath. It just wasn't meant to happen. 

After composing herself, she entered Camila's bedroom, finding her bag and digging through it to try and find her cell phone charger. 

"But I thought you wanted to kiss her?" a small, static voice whined from somewhere in the room. Lauren's breath caught in her throat and she stood up slowly. 

"Rowan..." 

Lauren bit her lip at the sound of Camila's voice, following the sound with her eyes until they landed on the baby monitor that sat next to Camila's bed. 

"You said so!" the small child huffed, and Lauren could practically picture the annoyed expression on Rowan's face. 

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did. I heard you with Allyson."

"Rowan, that's not what I meant when I told Ally t-"

"Allyson."

Camila sighed. "That wasn't what I met when I told  _Allyson_  that." 

"Then what did you mean?" 

"I said I wouldn't mind if  _she_  kissed  _me_. I never said I was going to kiss her." Lauren had to sit down. She felt lightheaded. There was a long pause before Camila spoke again. 

"Oh my god, I'm discussing my love life with a three year old," she muttered to herself, and Lauren imagined she had her face in her hands right about now. 

It was silent for too long, and Lauren moved away from the baby monitor, about to disappear into the bathroom and hide for the rest of her life when the baby monitor crackled to life again. 

"Are you crying?" 

"N-no." Camila’s voice cracked.

Lauren turned back around.

"I'm sorry mommy..." Rowan's tiny voice echoed. 

"No, no, Ro. You don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything," Camila quickly said, composing herself. "I'm just tired."

"You cry a lot when you're tired."

"I know."

"You cry more than I do," Rowan giggled. Lauren heard Camila laugh softly, too. 

"Go to sleep, silly," Lauren heard Camila stand up from the bed. 

"Are you gonna kiss Roo?"

"Roo?" Camila questioned. 

"Kangaroo."

"Rowan... That's not gonna happen, babe. She's only visiting for a little while, okay?"

There was a pause before the small child answered. 

"I love you mommy. Even if kangaroo doesn't."

Lauren heard Camila take a deep breath, and felt her heart drop in her chest. 

"That's more than enough for me, Ro," Camila whispered, leaning down and kissing her daughter on the forehead. Lauren heard the echo of Rowan's bedroom door a few seconds later. 

Lauren forgot all about her missing phone charger.


	10. the abc's of missing 'u'

"Sorry about that," Camila laughed nervously, pushing open her bedroom door. "I need to stop letting her watch so many romance movies with m-" she was cut off when a pair of arms snaked around her waist and pulled her into the room. She was about to cry out when a pair of lips met her own.

Lauren's lips.

Every instinct inside her was screaming for her to pull away, but Camila practically melted into Lauren's touch.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds before Camila panicked, placing her hands on Lauren's shoulders and separating them.

She swallowed hard, trying to find her words before she spoke.

"W-what was that?" she breathed. Camila was fighting the urge to bring her hands to her lips. This had to be a dream.

Panic flashed in Lauren's eyes and suddenly both girls realized just how close they were in proximity to one another. Each took a step back.

"I-I...." Lauren's voice croaked out. She was instantly regretting her burst of courage. The dark-haired girl shook her head and turned to leave.

Rowan's voice flashed in the back of Camila's head.

"Do it again." Camila blurted out.

Lauren turned around. "What?"

"Do it again..." Camila said quieter than before.

"Camila, I..."

"Lauren, shut up."

Lauren tensed at the tone of Camila's voice, taking a step backwards.

Camila took a step forwards.

"Please, Lauren, please," she pleaded, shaking her head. "You need to... I-I need to know I'm not going crazy."

"You... Camila... I-I wasn't thinking... I'm sorry.... You don't... Y-"

Lauren's stuttering was cut off when Camila took a step forward, closing the gap between them and pressing Lauren up against the wall. Their lips connected only moments later.

Camila's assertiveness took Lauren by surprise, but she quickly kissed the girl back. It was slow, hesitant, but still shaking with the shock of the entire situation.

The kiss broke after what seemed like too short of a time. Their eyes met and Camila suddenly became aware of the fact that she was holding Lauren up against the wall. She quickly let go of the older girl and moved away.

"You heard..." she realized, her eyes landing on the baby monitor next to her bed. Her cheeks grew red and she cursed herself for leaving the small device on.

Lauren followed Camila's line of sight. She nodded, unsure of what to say.

"I'm sorry," both girls blurted out at the same time. They both froze.

"I-I'm gonna go to bed..." Lauren said quietly, tearing her eyes away from Camila and turning to walk out of the room.

Camila opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The bedroom door shut behind Lauren and Camila brought her hand to her lips, still tasting Lauren on them.

Why was she crying?

* * *

Neither of the girls mentioned the kiss the next morning. Lauren was leaving. Nothing could happen. Camila drove them to the airport, making up an excuse so she could stay and wait with Lauren for her plane to board. Lauren didn't mind.

"Where are you going, kangaroo?" Rowan asked, standing in front of a seated Lauren.

"I've got to go home now, Ro. I told you that, remember?"

"I don't want you to leave. You make it fun."

"So does your mommy."

"Yeah, but mommy has more fun with you here, too."

Lauren looked over at Camila, who was blushing. She had to stop telling Rowan these things.

"I'll come visit really soon, I promise," Lauren said, holding out her pinky for Rowan to take. She happily obliged.

"I'm gonna miss you, Roo."

"I'm gonna miss you and your mommy, too."

"We all miss a lot of things," Camila spoke up before she could think, with a hint of bitterness in her tone. Lauren sent her a confused glance.

"Uh, yeah. Everyone misses someone or something at one time or another," Lauren said, turning back to Rowan. "There's a lot missing in my life too, but I know things will get better," she said with a sad smile.

Camila scoffed, causing Lauren to turn her attention away from Rowan and look at Camila with confusion flickering in her eyes.

"What could possibly be missing in your life, Lauren?" she practically hissed, causing Lauren to tense. Lauren bit her lip, looking away from Camila. She was about to respond when a voice came over the intercom, informing her that her flight was boarding.

All three girls stood up, and Lauren handed Rowan to Camila. She hesitated for a moment.

"Hey Rowan, can you tell your mommy what letter of the alphabet we learned about yesterday?" she asked, biting her lip nervously.

"U!" Rowan exclaimed, proud of herself for remembering.

"There's your answer," Lauren nodded at Camila, smiling shyly before disappearing in the crowd of people who had began to board the plane.

It took Camila a few seconds to register what had happened, so she stood frozen, Rowan still repeating the letter over and over in her arms.

Lauren was missing her?

* * *

Lauren's speakers blasted _The 1975_ , and she laid back on her bed, tossing a rubber ball against the wall and catching it each time it bounced back. It'd only been four days since she'd been home and she already missed Camila. Being with Camila and Rowan felt more like home than her actual home did.

She was homesick for Camila.

After the incident at the airport, they'd started texting as if nothing had happened. Calling was still a sore subject for Lauren, and she couldn't bring herself to pick up the phone and call Camila in fear she would be sent to voicemail and wake up to find out this was all a dream.

Her phone buzzed on the bed next to her, and she reached out to grab it, letting the bouncy ball fall to the floor. She smiled when she saw Camila's name flash across her screen before opening the message.

  
**Camz** : _rowan wants to know when we can see you again. i don't care either way. it's totally just rowan's idea. hhodsdsfFSdskbvh <\-- that was her, she told me it says "i love kangaroo" she's a creative genius ;)_  


Attached to the picture was a selfie of Rowan and Camila, both sticking out their bottom lip and pouting. Lauren could tell how hard both of them were trying to look serious, and it made her laugh harder than it should've.

Her fingers grazed atop the keyboard, trying to think of what to say. Just as she was about to start typing, she heard footsteps coming down the basement stairs. She quickly locked her phone and sat up.

"You've been down here all day," Keith said, entering Lauren's room.

"I don't feel good," Lauren lied, biting her lip.

"I can tell. You look sick."

Lauren frowned. "Thanks."

Keith laughed, sitting down on the bed next to her and taking a bite into the apple he had brought down with him.

"So Jake is throwing a party tonight and I told him we'd be there. What time is it?" he asked, not bothering to wait for a reply. He grabbed Lauren's phone from the bed and unlocked it, reading the time. His eyes landed on something else, though.

"How do you know Karla Cabello?" he asked, causing Lauren to snap her head up and look at him. She grabbed her phone from his hands, thankful that her background wasn't any of the recent pictures of them.

"She's my best friend," Lauren shrugged, biting her lip. She saw Keith giving her a funny look and quickly corrected herself.

" _Was_... Camila _was_ my best friend. How do you know her?" she asked, curious.

Keith paused for a few moments, confusing Lauren.

"I just heard she died from the news stories and stuff a few years ago."

Lauren swallowed hard and nodded, looking away from Keith and down at her lap. She shoved her phone under her pillow and took a deep breath.

"So, anyway, the party," he started, tossing the apple core but missing the trash can. "We leave in a few hours, so be ready."

Lauren furrowed her eyebrows. She was in no mood to go to a party.

"What makes you think I'm going?" she asked, testing to see if he was serious or not.

"Don't be annoying, Lauren."

"I literally just told you I was sick. I'm not going."

"You know you want to."

"Shut up."

"Lauren, why are you being such a bitch? Look, I get your grandma died, but you need to move on."

Lauren laughed bitterly. Her grandma had been dead for a long time. Keith obviously didn't know that, though, because she'd told him she was attending her funeral when she was really visiting Camila.

"Keith, I'm not going. Get out of my room," she said, trying to stay calm.

"Get a life, Lauren," he muttered, glaring at her for a few seconds before leaving her room and slamming the door behind him.

Lauren groaned. She hated how Keith thought he had control over her. That was her biggest pet peeve, and he seemed to take advantage of it. Even his parents agreed that he was a control freak.

Shaking her head, Lauren was distracted when she heard her phone buzz from under her pillow.

  
**Camz** : _NJFSIHfdjflSIO_  


Lauren raised an eyebrow, seeing Camila was typing again.

  
**Camz** : _rowan's practicing her typing - sorry :)_  


Lauren laughed and rolled her eyes. She put her phone down, reaching under her bed and pulling out her laptop.

She needed to see them again.

After a few minutes, she took a picture of her screen and sent it to Camila.

  
**Lolo** : _don't tell rowan ;)_  


  
**Camz** : _what's with the plane ticket?_  


  
**Camz** : _wait_  


  
**Camz** : _oh my god i just screamed so loud and now she won't stop asking me what it was about._  


  
**Lolo** : _good luck with that_  


  
**Camz** : _i just told her that you told me a really funny joke and now she's asking what it was. help._  


  
**Lolo** : _tell her that i will tell her the joke the next time i see her_  


  
**Camz** : _it better be a good one - says rowan_  


  
**Lolo** : _it is, trust me_  


  
**Camz** : _i'm looking forward to it. i've gotta go... taking her and ally to the park to wear off some energy (it's more for ally than it is for rowan tbh) see you in 5 days?_  


  
**Lolo** : _see you in 5 days :)_  


  
**Camz** : _bring clothes this time ;)_  


  
**Lolo** : _shut up_  


* * *

The bottle was calling her name.

She missed Camila. Keith was being himself, which wasn't a good thing.

She wanted the weekend to come quicker so she could trade the dark basement she called home for the cozy apartment with the two people who made it feel like home.

Lauren took another look at the unopened beer bottle sitting on her nightstand. She didn't consider herself to be at the point of developing a drinking problem, but she definitely downed a little bit more than she should on a weekly basis. It was the easiest way she knew to mute all the thoughts in her head.

She'd always planned on stopping once she graduated, but when the time rolled around, she never got around to it. Lauren continued to stare at the bottle, about to make a reach for it when her bedroom door swung open.

She had to hold back a groan when Keith walked in, completely unphased by the fact that Lauren had obviously been crying minutes ago.

"You've ditched every party this week. Drake's parents left for the weekend. We're gonna invite as many people as we can, and you know how crazy Drake's parties get. You're coming," he demanded, turning to leave her bedroom without another word.

"No I'm not."

He turned around and glared at her. "What's your excuse this time?"

"I don't have one. Oh, buy me tampons while you're out?" Lauren smirked. Keith got the message. Groaning, he rolled his eyes and turned to leave again but Lauren called for him to wait.

"Take it with you. I don't want it," she motioned to the beer bottle on the table. He gave her a questioning look, but she raised an eyebrow at him to signify she was growing impatient.

"Have fun with Aimee," she blurted out before he left. He just laughed and slammed the door behind him.


	11. knock knock jokes

“I still don’t get why you’re leaving again,” Keith rolled his eyes, pulling to a stop outside of the airport.

“I told you already,” Lauren sighed, hopping out of the car to grab her suitcase. Her boyfriend didn’t even bother getting out, he rolled down the window and waited for her to reappear.

“You’re telling me your grandpa died like a week after your grandma’s funeral?”

“Must’ve been a broken heart,” Lauren shrugged.

“You don’t seem too affected by this.”

“I’m crying on the inside, Keith. Let me grieve.”

“Whatever, Lauren,” he groaned, taking off without another word.

Lauren rolled her eyes, watching his car disappear. Good riddance.

He’d been like this all week. Yesterday he had even confronted her, asking if she was seeing another man. Lauren just laughed in his face, knowing that he’d cheated on her more than once.

She turned to face the airport, a small smile creeping on her face at what was to come.

* * *

  
**Lolo** : _knock knock_  


  
**Camz** : _huh_  


  
**Lolo** : _i have a joke for rowan_  


  
**Lolo** : _knock knock_  


  
**Camz** : _she says who’s there_  


  
**Lolo** : _me_  


  
**Camz** : _what?_  


  
**Lolo** : _who’s there?... lauren is_  


  
**Camz** : …. _i don’t get it_  


  
**Lolo** : _just come to the door_  


Lauren laughed when she heard a gasp of realization come from inside of the apartment, and then a squeal from Rowan. Two pairs of footsteps grew closer, and then the front door was flung open. Lauren was immediately wrapped in a hug, with Rowan clutching to her legs and Camila reaching over her daughter to wrap her arms around Lauren’s neck.

"Ladies, ladies, there’s enough of me to go around,” Lauren laughed. Camila pulled away from the hug, realizing their faces were only inches apart. They locked eyes for a moment, and Camila quickly cleared her throat and took a step backwards.

“I thought you were coming tomorrow?” she asked, bringing her hand to cup the back of her neck.

“I couldn’t wait,” Lauren shrugged. She saw Camila blush and bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smiling.

“M’ not lettin’ you go!” Rowan giggled, her voice muffled against Lauren’s legs, which she was still hugging tightly.

“It’s nice to see you too, Rowan,” Lauren laughed, following Camila back inside the apartment, pulling Rowan behind her.

“Am I interrupting something?”

All three girls turned to look in the doorway, and Lauren gave Ally a warm smile.

“Allyson!” Rowan smiled, running over to hug the other girl. “All my favorite people are here today!” the small child exclaimed, looking up at the three other girls.

“What are you doing here?” Camila asked. She was almost positive that Ally told her she was working today. She saw Ally and Lauren make eye contact.

“I asked her if she could watch Rowan for a bit while we went out,” Lauren answered with a nervous smile on her face, turning to look at Camila.

“Oh, okay,” Camila smiled, trying to hide her excitement. “You’re gonna go with Aunt Ally for a bit, Ro, okay? And once we get back Lauren will be all yours.”

Lauren smiled softly at Camila’s comment and Rowan nodded excitedly. The girls said their goodbyes and Rowan skipped happily down the hallway after Ally.

“What was that about?” Camila asked once it was just them, closing the apartment door. Lauren tilted her head to the side.

“You asked Ally to take Rowan?” she added.

Lauren nodded. “Yeah, I mean, I wanted to go out and do something with you. Are you ready to go now?”

Camila was taken aback by how direct Lauren was being, and she nodded quickly after checking what she was wearing. “Where are we going?”

“I figured we’d get dinner or something and then see a movie?” Lauren said, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“Is this a date?” Camila asked in a sudden burst of confidence. She saw Lauren tense, but the dark haired girl quickly regained herself.

“It’s whatever you want it to be.”

* * *

“I don’t get it,” Camila whispered, leaning over in her seat so Lauren could hear her.

“Of course you don’t,” Lauren laughed after turning her attention away from the movie.

“What?”

“It was a dirty joke.”

“Oh,” Camila blushed, making Lauren laugh even more.

The girls had just spent the last half-hour at IHOP, Lauren ordered pancakes and Camila ordered waffles, and then they split the both evenly between them. It was an old tradition of theirs, and it felt amazing to rekindle it. Now they sat in the middle of a movie theater, but neither of them knew what exactly what was going on.

Together, they could recall the entire movie, but apart, they only had bits and pieces. This was because every time Camila wasn’t looking at Lauren, Lauren was looking at Camila. And every time Lauren wasn’t looking at Camila, Camila was looking at Lauren.

After Lauren explained the joke to Camila, and Camila got scolded by the older woman sitting in front of them for gasping, both girls fell back into comfortable silence.

It was Camila’s turn to stare at Lauren. But she quickly looked away when Lauren turned her attention from the movie, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone to check what time it was.

Camila cautiously glanced over, narrowing her eyes to see the time. A small smile crept over her lips when she saw Lauren’s background. It was one of her favorite picture of them as kids.

For some reason, seeing that Lauren had set them as her background gave Camila a sudden burst of courage. Once Lauren put her phone back in her pocket, Camila slowly inched her hand over the arm rest, finding Lauren’s hand and shyly taking it in her own.

Lauren didn’t look at her, but she laced their fingers together and gave Camila’s hand a light squeeze, trying to hide how red her face was getting.

Neither of the girls could pay attention to the rest of the movie.

Once the credits started rolling, both girls looked at each other. Neither one of them made an effort to unlock their fingers. Instead, their hands stayed together until they reached Camila’s car.

* * *

“Aren’t we going to get Rowan from Ally?” Lauren asked, confused when Camila pressed the button for her floor in the elevator instead.

“I figured we could hang out by ourselves for a bit,” Camila said softly, looking down at her feet.

“Didn’t we just do that?” Lauren asked. “I thought y—“

“Shut up and kiss me.”

Lauren froze. Her stomach jumped, and it wasn’t just because the elevator was moving them upwards.

“Wha…?” she turned to look at Camila with a look of confusion on her face.

Before she had time to think, she was pressed up against the wall of the elevator. Camila’s hands were around her neck and their lips crashed together. Shocked, Lauren quickly realized what was going on, and placed her hands on Camila’s waist, pulling the girl closer to her.

“What are you doing?” Lauren breathed when the kiss broke, and Camila pressed her forehead against hers.

“I want this.”

"Want what?”

“ _Us_.”

Lauren’s breath caught in her throat. Camila saw her tense and took a step backwards, suddenly regretting her assertiveness.

Just as Lauren was about to speak up, the elevator doors dinged open and Camila disappeared in a blur down the hallway. Lauren stood frozen for a few moments, bringing her hands to her lips as a smile formed on her face.

She wanted this too.

She reached the apartment door just as Camila was about to shut it, using her foot to prevent the door from closing all the way. She saw a panicked look on Camila’s face and she quickly slid inside, kicking the door shut with her foot. She grabbed Camila’s arm before she could flee and spun her around to face her.

“Can I kiss you?” Lauren breathed, catching her breath after sprinting down the hallway.

Camila nodded.

Their lips met once more, this time both girls knew exactly what they wanted. Lauren ran her tongue across Camila’s bottom lip, asking for permission, which the girl quickly granted.

Camila couldn’t help but moan softly when Lauren’s tongue danced against hers. Instead of freaking out like she thought Lauren would, the green-eyed girl only kissed her harder.

Lauren’s hands trailed down Camila’s body, squeezing her hips and lifting the small girl off the ground. Camila brought her legs around Lauren’s waist and wrapped her arms around the neck.

When they pulled away, Lauren brought them both into the bedroom, lying Camila down on the bed. She carefully crawled on top of her so she was straddling the girl, and Camila impatiently pulled Lauren down into another kiss. She’d waited too long for this.

The kiss only broke when they needed to catch their breath, and Lauren looked into Camila’s eyes, trying to understand what she was thinking. She felt one of Camila’s hands slip under her shirt, grazing the smooth skin of her abdomen.

“Are you sure?” Lauren breathed, looking down at Camila. She was concerned this wasn’t something Camila wanted.

Camila nodded, but then bit her lip. Lauren noticed her hesitate for a moment.

“What?”

“I haven’t… since he… you know. I’m not a v-virgin but… I have no idea what I’m doing,” Camila said timidly, and Lauren understood what she meant.

“You are a virgin.”

“No I’m not, I have a daughter, Lauren,” Camila rebutted.

“Your virginity is something you give away, Mila. No one can force it away from you. Did you give him that permission?”

Camila shook her head.

“Then I still consider you a virgin,” Lauren said softly, bringing one of her hands up to cup Camila’s face. “And that’s okay, trust me.”

Somehow Lauren always knew what to say to comfort Camila.

“Okay,” Camila finally spoke.

“Okay?” Lauren questioned.

“I’m ready.”

(a/n: if you haven't figured it out already, there's smut after this, so consider this your warning!!)

Lauren nodded, smiling comfortingly at the girl below her. She kissed her forehead gently before pulling up to look at her again.

“I’ll be gentle, okay? You just tell me if it’s too much,” she looked at Camila, studying her eyes. Camila nodded softly, wrapping her arms around Lauren’s neck and pulling her into another kiss.

Lauren happily obliged, trailing her hands up and down Camila’s sides. The kiss broke and she tugged on the bottom of Camila’s shirt, asking for permission. The smaller girl brought her hands down to help Lauren pull the shirt over her head, throwing it onto the floor.

Heat rushed through Lauren’s body when she looked down at Camila. She swore she forgot how to breathe until she felt Camila pull the bottom of Lauren’s shirt upwards, and she lifted her arms upwards to help slide her shirt off.

Camila pulled her down, and Lauren lingered over her lips for a moment. Just as Camila leaned in to kiss her, Lauren moved out of her reach. Camila whined, but it quickly turned into a moan when Lauren’s lips attached to her neck.

Camila’s soft moan rushed straight to Lauren’s core, and she swore she could get off just from this foreplay. She peppered smaller kisses across Camila’s chin, down her neck, and then found her pulse point and sucked softly.

“Don’t leave a mar—“

“Oops,” Lauren smirked, cutting Camila off. The smaller girl gasped, causing Lauren to laugh.

Lauren connected their lips again to quiet Camila, snaking her hands around the girl’s back and unclasping her bra with ease. She tore the material from the girl’s torso and let it slide off of the bed. Drawing back, she looked down at the girl underneath her.

“Holy shit,” she breathed, taking in Camila’s exposed torso.

“What?” Camila asked, suddenly becoming insecure.

“You’re fucking gorgeous, Mila.”

Before Camila could protest, Lauren closed the space between them, connecting their lips once more before trailing kisses down to Camila’s chest. The other girl’s breathing grew shallow, until it completely stopped when she felt Lauren’s tongue flick against her nipple.

She inhaled sharply, and only seconds later Lauren’s lips attached to her breast while her hand reached up to give the same amount of attention to the other. Camila felt Lauren’s other hand slide down to the waistband of her jeans and she froze.

“Wait,” she blurted out, lifting her head to look at Lauren.

The green-eyed girl quickly stopped her actions, withdrawing her hand and looking up at Camila.

“I-I… my legs, Laur. The fire… it just… they’re disgusting.”

Lauren suddenly understood what Camila was so worried about, and she nodded softly. Her hands found Camila’s and gave them a comforting squeeze.

“Nothing about you is disgusting.”

“Lauren…”

'They make you who you are, Camila. They’re a part of you,” Lauren said softly. _“And I love every part of you”_ is what she wanted to say. But she refrained.

Camila didn’t respond, so Lauren carefully moved her hands back down to Camila’s waist, unbuttoning her jeans and looking up at her for approval. Their eyes met and that was all she needed.

Hooking her fingers, Lauren pulled off Camila’s jeans and panties, throwing them out of the way. She moved back up her body, subtly studying the burn scars that ran up her legs.

They didn’t disgust her. She honestly didn’t mind them. They were a part of Camila and she loved Camila.

But, they did infuriate her. Because she knew someone had purposely caused them. And the thought of anyone hurting Camila was the one thing that angered Lauren the most.

“Told you they’re disgusting,” Camila said quietly. Lauren didn’t realize she’d been staring.

“No, Camz,” Lauren shook her head, running the tips of her fingers up and down Camila’s torso. “I don’t think they’re disgusting at all. Honestly, I just hate the bastard that did this to you, Mila. He’s the disgusting one.”

Camila nodded, sending Lauren a soft smile.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Lauren asked, her facial expression softening.

“Lauren…”

“Hm?”

“Touch me.”

Lauren’s eyes widened and she shivered at Camila’s whispered words, growing flustered and nodding quickly. Camila giggled at her reaction, reaching up and pulling Lauren down to connect their lips once more.

Camila moaned into the kiss, which only drove Lauren even further. The older girl trailed her hands down Camila’s sides, and Camila felt goosebumps run down her arms.

Lauren pulled away from the kiss, keeping her forehead pressed against Camila’s. Green eyes met caramel eyes, and seconds later the caramel eyes disappeared between Camila’s eyelids as Lauren ran a finger through her folds.

With anyone else, Camila would feel embarrassed at just how wet she was just from foreplay. But with Lauren, she didn’t care. She wanted the girl on top of her to know the things that she did to her.

Camila’s back arched off the bed when she felt Lauren slide one finger into her, inhaling deeply. Lauren cut her off with her mouth, trapping Camila’s bottom lip between her own. She slowly began to move her finger back and forth inside of her, causing Camila to moan softly into her mouth.

Lauren loved being able to see Camila like this. She loved the intimacy. When the kiss broke, she planted a kiss on Camila’s neck before moving down her body. Keeping her fingers moving at a steady pace, she kissed right above Camila’s waist, smirking when the girl shivered underneath her.

She waited until Camila lowered her hips back down to the bed, looking up at the girl before flattening her tongue against her clit. Camila’s hips jutted upwards again and Lauren brought her free hand to hold Camila’s leg and help the girl steady herself.

“Oh my god,” Camila breathed out, knowing she wouldn’t last much longer with the things Lauren was doing to her.

Lauren continued her movements, adding a second finger and curling every few thrusts, earning a loud moan that slipped past Camila’s lips. The younger girl felt a knot beginning to form in her stomach.

"Lauren.. I-I’m gonna…”

Lauren’s fingers curled and hit just the right spot, and combined with the sensations her tongue was sending through her body, Camila could barley finish her sentence before she was crying out Lauren’s name, shaking in pleasure.

Slowing her movements, Lauren helped Camila ride out her orgasm before gently sliding her fingers out of the girl. Camila lay breathless on the bed, lifting her head to smile softly at Lauren when she crawled back up to lay next to her.

Lauren moved to pull Camila closer to her, but the smaller girl rolled to straddle Lauren instead, biting her lip nervously and looking down at Lauren.

Her shoulders fell when Lauren shook her head, moving Camila off of her. Camila feared that Lauren was starting to regret letting this happen.

“You don’t have to do that, Mila,” Lauren said softly, pulling Camila down next to her. “I don’t expect anything in return. It’s okay, really.”

Camila nodded, relieved. Lauren understood that she was still a little bit hesitant. She allowed Lauren to pull her closer.

“You’re beautiful,” the green-eyed girl whispered, tucking her head into the crook of Camila’s neck. Camila hummed softly, embarrassed at how much she was smiling.

Their moment was cut short by a buzzing on the nightstand, and Camila shot up.

“Shit. That’s probably Ally,” she shook her head, hopping up from the bed and quickly getting dressed back in her clothes. “She’s going to think we—“

“We did,” Lauren finished her sentence.

Camila’s face flushed red.

“Well, yeah… but she doesn’t need to know that.”

Lauren laughed at Camila’s shyness. She swung her legs off the bed, stealing a hoodie from Camila’s dresser and throwing it over her head.

“I’m gonna go get Rowan,” Camila nodded, slipping on her shoes. She turned to slide out the bedroom door but was stilled when Lauren grabbed her wrist.

“You may wanna put your shirt on the right way first,” she smirked, nodding at the inside-out v-neck on her torso. Camila blushed, looking down and her shirt and nodding softly.

Laughing, Lauren let go of her wrist and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving a bashful Camila standing in the doorway.

She had just had sex with Lauren.

  
_Her_ Lauren.


	12. dinosaur bites

Camila knocked softly on the door, only for it to be opened by Ally seconds later. She smiled at Camila, nodding towards Rowan, who was asleep on the couch.

"Sorry I took so long," Camila said softly, walking quickly past Ally to pick her daughter up, holding her gently against her chest. She saw Ally giving her a suggestive grin from across the room.

"Told you so."

"Ally! We didn't!" Camila lied, feeling her face turning red.

"Whatever you say, Mila," the other girl smirked, holding the door open.

"Goodnight, Ally," Camila laughed, rolling her eyes.

Just as Camila set foot in the hallway, she felt Rowan stir in her arms. The small child looked groggily at her mother, a sleepy smile on her face.

"Hey there, sleepyhead."

Rowan paused, tilting her head to the side and observing her mother's appearance.

"Mommy! You got bit by a dinosaur?!" Rowan exclaimed, pointing to the mark from earlier on Camila's neck. She heard Ally gasp and then crack up from down the hallway, and flicked her off then Rowan wasn't looking.

"Get it, Cabello!" the other girl called, still laughing as she closed the door to her apartment, leaving Camila to explain her 'dinosaur bite' to Rowan.

Camila bet that Lauren would get a kick out of this.

* * *

"She's finally asleep," Camila whispered, closing the door to Rowan's room and walking softly into the living room, where Lauren sat on her phone. The green eyed girl looked up and smiled when Camila sat down next to her.

"Dinosaur bite?" Lauren smirked, turning her body so she was leaning against the arm of the couch, letting her legs lay across Camila's lap. Rowan had continued interrogating Camila about the mark on her neck until she fell asleep, and Lauren had heard most of it through the bedroom door.

Camila's face flushed red and she hid behind a pillow, causing Lauren to laugh.

"You should've warned me."

"I told you about your shirt," Lauren argued, shaking her head.

"Yeah, but Ally was there when Rowan discovered my 'dinosaur bite'," Camila peered up from behind the pillow, locking eyes with Lauren and quickly blocking her face again. Lauren reached over and pulled the pillow down.

"What'd you tell her?" she laughed. Camila bit her lip.

"I said we had a pillow fight and you got a little too carried away," Camila giggled, refusing to make eye contact with the other girl.

"Camila!"

"I was under pressure! It's the first thing I thought of!"

Both girls laughed, and Camila brought the pillow back up to cover her face.

Lauren was acting completely normal, if not even more comfortable with her. Camila was thankful for that, but she also wanted to know what was going on between them. The thought of bringing it up scared her though, so she resolved for deciding what happened before didn't mean anything.

Friends hooked up, right?

Lauren couldn't possible love her. She had a boyfriend.

Shit.

She had a boyfriend.

Camila visibly tensed, and Lauren saw this.

"Mila?"

"Hm?" the small girl mumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"Something wrong?"

"M'just tired."

"Oh," Lauren shrugged it off.

"Where did you tell your boyfriend you were?" Camila asked, slowly lowering the pillow. Maybe mentioning Keith would get some sort of reaction out of her.

"Funeral," Lauren said casually, not even flinching.

"Again?"

Lauren didn't seem to care that she'd just had sex with Camila while she had a boyfriend. Camila hoped this was really true.

Lauren nodded, combing her fingers through her hair. Camila couldn't find anything to say to fill the silence.

"I'm tired," Lauren yawned, her voice coming out raspy and causing Camila to shiver.

"Same here. I'm going to bed," Camila mumbled, throwing the pillow aside and slowly getting to her feet. Heading to her bedroom, she heard a pair of footsteps behind her and turned around in the doorway.

"Wha...?" she mumbled, confused at why Lauren was following her. She'd always slept on the couch.

Lauren's face dropped and Camila noticed her skin flush red.

Oh.

Lauren wanted to sleep with her.

Camila smiled softly but Lauren had already turned to walk back to the couch. Camila wasn't going to let her leave this time, though. Grabbing the girl's wrist just in time, she squeezed Lauren's hand and nodded gently.

She couldn't help but giggle at the sudden change in Lauren's expression.

Camila's heart was racing. Sure, she'd just had sex with Lauren barley even an hour ago, but that wasn't what she was craving the most. She wanted to hold Lauren, in a more innocent way than sex. She craved that intimacy she'd been missing all these years.

Her small gesture must've been more than enough for Lauren, because the girl slid into the bedroom, and without another word, she crawled onto Camila's bed and looked up at the smaller girl expectantly.

"Tired?" Camila giggled, softly closing the door behind them and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yes. No talking. Sleep," Lauren mumbled, and Camila suddenly felt a pair of arms snake around her waist and pull her down. She bit her lip, giggling quietly when she was pulled closer to Lauren. Reaching for the lamp on her nightstand, she turned it off before she was pulled down completely. Once darkness washed over them both, she scooted closer to Lauren, rolling over so she could nuzzle her face into the crook of her neck, becoming overtaken with the smell of her shampoo. This all felt so... natural.

One thing bothered her, though. And it was the only thing she thought about while both of them laid there in silence.

The events of that night had just... happened. Neither of them had actually talked about it.

She should say something. Camila knew it was going to eat away at her until she did. The mind games started again. She needed to work up the courage to ask Lauren what was happening between them.

After countless back and forth conversations with herself, she took a deep breath and propped herself up on her elbow to face Lauren.

"Lauren?" she asked quietly, biting her lip nervously.

No response.

"Laur," she whispered, reaching out and cupping her friend's cheek. She had fallen asleep.

Relief washed over Camila. Now she didn't have to say anything. She laid back down, reaching one arm over the sleeping girl's waist and melting into her.

She was disappointed, she realized. Now she'd have to work herself up all over again to mention something to Lauren. Camila sighed softly and inhaled the scent of the girl next to her, feeling comforted by the familiar aroma. She could wait.

She'd wait forever.

* * *

"This is only gonna hurt a little."

Camila jolted awake, flinching at the poke on her arm and covering the skin.

"Rowan?" she whisper-yelled, looking at Lauren next to her and remembering the events of the night before.

"You need a shot, mommy. I'm a doctor, see?" Rowan smiled from her spot on the bed, holding up her pretend doctor's kit and motioning to the oversized lab coat she had thrown over her shoulders.

"Rowan, it's early," Camila laughed softly, running a hand through her hair.

"Kangaroo didn't complain."

Camila raised an eyebrow, looking at Lauren and doing a double take when she noticed the green-eyed girl's face was now covered in band-aids. How had she slept through all of that?

"I was scared when I didn't see kangaroo," Rowan said, forgetting about her toys and crawling to sit in Camila's lap. "But then I came to find you, and she was in here. Does that mean you're married?"

"What?" Camila laughed, confused by Rowan's question.

"Wyatt's parents sleep in the same bed, and that means they're married," Rowan explained, causing Camila's eyes to widen.

"Oh..." Camila mumbled, biting her lip and trying to think of an answer.

"Are you in love with Lauren? Wyatt says his parents love him, but they aren't _in love_ with him. Inside love is only for big kids who want to get married," Rowan made a heart with her hands and showed it to Camila, whose face was now bright red.

If there was one thing anyone should know about Camila, it's that she's an incredibly bad liar. And that's only heightened when she's sleepy.

"I'm in love with Lauren, yeah," she yawned, wiping her eyes and moving to get off the bed.

"You are?" Rowan squealed, and Camila quickly moved to shush her daughter, realizing what she had just said without thinking.

"No... I-I mean I love her like a friend... yeah, a friend. I'm not in love with her, Ro."

"Do you think you'll be in inside love with her one day? Like Wyatt's parents?" the small girl asked softly, reaching up and patting her mother's cheek.

"Maybe," Camila answered honestly, not bothering to lie to her daughter.

"Can you tell me when it happens?"

"Sure."

Rowan giggled, pushing herself off the bed. "I made breakfast while you were asleep, mommy," she smiled, standing proudly in front of the door.

Camila quickly got to her feet, following Rowan out into the kitchen and trying to hide her shock. "O-oh... that's... nice," she said with a forced smile, trying not to laugh at the kitchen table, which was now neatly covered in slices of bread.

* * *

As soon as she heard the bedroom door shut, Lauren kicked the blankets off of her and sat up, pushing herself off of the bed.

"Shit," she winced, stepping on part of Rowan's doctor kit and hopping away from the plastic syringe.

Yawning, she moved into the bathroom that was connected to Camila's bedroom and inspected the damage Rowan had done with her band-aids while she thought Lauren was asleep.

Lauren had woken up while Rowan was playing 'doctor' with her, but pretended to still be asleep to humor the child. When she was about to 'wake up', Rowan had started talking to Camila about her and Lauren sleeping in the same bed. And Lauren couldn't help but eavesdrop.

Camila said she loved her.

At least, before she corrected herself. But Lauren couldn't help but hope there was some truth in what she said.

She couldn't wipe the smile off of her face.

* * *

"Rowan made us breakfast while we were as-" Camila burst into laughter when she turned around and saw red, band-aid shaped blotches all over Lauren's face when she emerged from the bedroom.

"I fixed you!" Rowan cried, hopping down from her stool and running over to Lauren, holding her hands up to be held.

"Yeah, you did, kiddo," Lauren laughed, bending down to pick up Rowan and sending Camila an amused glare. The brown-eyed girl giggled from across the room.

"I made toast," Rowan smiled proudly, pointing over to the plates on the kitchen table. "Mommy helped me a little. But just a little." Camila shook her head from across the room and Lauren laughed.

"Sounds delicious, kiddo."

* * *

It was now lunchtime, and all three girls had sat down on the couch to watch a movie together. Camila had 'forgotten' about her classes that day.

A knock at the door caused both Camila and Rowan to sit up, but Lauren didn't stir. Camila laughed when she realized she had fallen asleep.

"Wyatt!" Rowan exclaimed, flinging the door open and hugging her small friend. "I made breakfast today," she smiled.

"My brother ate a whole penny yesterday!" the curly haired boy announced, and soon the two children were immersed in a heated conversation. Camila smiled as she walked up behind Rowan, greeting Hazel, Wyatt's mother.

"We were on our way to the park and Wyatt wanted to see if Rowan could tag along," the other woman explained, earning an excited squeal from Camila's daughter.

"Can I mommy? Please? Can kangaroo come?"

This earned a confusing glance from Wyatt's mother, and Camila just laughed. "I have a friend visiting and that's Rowan's nickname for her," she explained, and Hazel chuckled.

"Rowan can go as long as she behaves herself, right Ro?" Camila asked, and the small child next to her nodded furiously before running off down the hallway after Wyatt. Hazel and Camila said their rushed goodbyes before the other woman hurried down the hallway after the small children. Camila chuckled to herself, watching the trio disappear into the elevator before closing the door behind them.

Heading into the kitchen, Camila was surprised when she nearly ran into Lauren, who was just coming out of the kitchen.

"Morning again," the younger girl giggled, and Lauren grunted tiredly in response.

"Rowan just left with Wyatt to go to the park," Camila explained, walking over to the panty and smiling when she realized Lauren had turned around to follow her.

"Tea?" Camila added, turning around and holding up a box of teabags for Lauren to see. The dark-haired girl shrugged, hopping up to sit on the island and let her feet hang down, watching Camila, who raised an eyebrow.

"I'll take that as a yes," she smiled, grabbing two mugs and setting a pan of water on the stove to boil. She felt Lauren's eyes boring into her, and swallowed hard. This was her chance.

"Did y- Shit!" Camila yelped, her hand knocking the handle of the pot when she turned around, spilling water all over the stove and the floor. "I-I..." she gulped, looking down at the water dripping down the front of the stove and abruptly deciding it could wait until later. She crossed the kitchen to stand in front of Lauren, tapping her foot nervously.

"Aren't you gonna clean t-"

"Did you mean it?" Camila blurted out, cutting off a sleepy Lauren.

Lauren sent Camila a look of confusion from her perch on the island and Camila took another step forward, shaking her head quickly.

"On the phone... the voicemail... when you said it was your last..." she swallowed hard and looked away. "Y-you said you were... in... y'know..."

Lauren woke up pretty quickly. "I said I was in what?" she asked, testing to see if Camila would answer her.

Camila's face grew red and she looked down at the floor. "In love," she half-whispered. "W-with me."

Lauren's face grew red and she was thankful Camila wasn't looking at her.

"Did _you_ mean it?" Lauren asked, turning the question back on the younger girl. Camila's eyes shot up, confused at what Lauren was inferring.

"Huh?"

"I guess I'm a pretty good fake sleeper, eh?" Lauren laughed nervously, and Camila froze.

"Shit... I-I need to clean this up.. w-" her voice squeaked when she felt Lauren grab her hands and pull her closer to her.

"Yes, Camila."

"Huh?" Camila whispered, her thoughts racing.

"I said yes. There's your answer," Lauren bit her lip.

"You meant it?"

"I did."

Camila fought the smile that was begging to creep on her lips and swallowed hard. "You're lying."

"Looks like you caught me, Camila, I am most definitely lying because if I loved you, I would be stupid not to kiss you right now," Lauren said firmly. Camila paused, widening her eyes.

"I don't u-"

Camila was cut off when Lauren pulled her closer towards her, leaning down from her perch on the counter and connecting their lips. She felt Camila inhale sharply at the contact and trailed her hands to snake around the smaller girl's waist.

"Believe me now?" she panted once the kiss broke.

"Mmmmhm," Camila mumbled, her face bright red. She brought a hand to her bottom lip and rolled it inbetween her fingers. This felt like a dream.

Lauren giggled, taking Camila's hand again and bringing it away from her face. "Was that a good enough answer for you?"

Camila nodded.

"You've gotta say something, Camz," Lauren laughed, biting her lips.

"I love you."

Lauren hadn't expected that, and she felt a smile tug at her lips.

"I... I love you too."


	13. keeping karla a secret

"I need to tell you something," Lauren said shyly. Her and Camila now lay on the bed in Camila's room, watching TV in comfortable silence.

"Hm?" Camila hummed, turning her attention away from the television.

"You know how I got kicked out?"

Camila nodded.

"I told my parents I was bisexual."

Camila bit her lip. "That's why they kicked you out?"

Lauren nodded softly, studying Camila's face. Camila saw that Lauren was trying to gauge her reaction and laughed softly. "You seem scared of what I think."

"I am," Lauren answered truthfully.

"We literally just kissed an hour ago and you're afraid I'm going to judge you for liking girls?" Camila raised an eyebrow playfully, and Lauren's mouth formed an 'O' shape.

"If anything I'm glad," Camila shrugged, but quickly corrected herself. "Not that you got kicked out, I'm not glad about that, but that you like girls... cause', well, I'm a girl."

Lauren giggled and shook her head. "I don't care that I got kicked out."

Camila tilted her head to the side. "You don't?"

"If I didn't get kicked out I wouldn't be in this room, with the girl I love, talking about how I got kicked out."

"You're a dork," Camila giggled.

"You're crazy."

"I know."

There was a buzz from the nightstand and Camila turned to grab her phone, sighing when she read the message.

"Hazel just texted me. Rowan fell asleep at Wyatt's house and I need to go pick her up," Camila said, rolling over so she could face Lauren, who had her eyes focused on the television.

Lauren pulled Camila closer to her and whined.

"I have to go get her, Laur," Camila giggled, prying herself out of Lauren's grip, much to the girl's disappointment. "I'll be back as soon as I can, promise," she blushed, kissing Lauren on the cheek. "We can all go out to dinner after?"

Lauren hummed in response, waiting until she heard the front door shut to roll out of bed, lazily making her way into the bathroom after grabbing a change of clothes from her suitcase. Before she had a chance to change, she felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

_Incoming Facetime Call - Keith_

She sighed, knowing she'd have to face him at one time or another. Positioning her phone down on the counter, she plastered a fake smile on her face and answered the call. His face appeared on the screen moments later.

"Hey," she said softly, grabbing Camila's makeup bag from underneath the counter to borrow for tonight.

"All I get is a hey?" his voice rasped from the other line, and Lauren walked out of view of the camera to roll her eyes and grab a hair tie.

"I don't know what you expect," she mumbled, pulling her hair up and leaning in closer to the mirror so she could proceed to do her makeup.

"You could take off your shirt."

Lauren snorted. "Nice try."

"I'm serious," he huffed from the other line.

* * *

"I am not taking off my shirt, Keith."

Camila bit her lip, hearing Lauren's voice echo through the apartment as she quietly closed the door behind her. She was thankful Rowan was still asleep, and carried her small daughter over to the couch, tucking her in under a blanket.

"Keith, are you kidding me?"

Camila winced, noticing the edge to Lauren's voice. She slipped into the bedroom, about to poke her head into the bathroom to let Lauren know she was back when she heard the man on the other line speak up again.

"You know you want to."

Camila's breath caught in her throat and she had to put one hand on the wall to keep herself upright. She'd heard those words before. She knew that voice.

"Keith."

"Lauren, don't be such a prude."

Yep. She definitely knew that voice.

She didn't realize how much she was shaking until she looked down at her hands, feeling a tear roll off of her face and onto her palm. Feeling like she couldn't breathe, she turned around and sprinted out of the bedroom, into the guest bathroom on the other side of the apartment.

* * *

Lauren swore she heard footsteps.

She heard a door slam and raised an eyebrow, setting down her foundation and wiping her hands on the towel.

"Camz?"

No answer.

"Camila?" she called again, becoming worried.

"What?"

Shit. Lauren turned her attention back to her phone. "I.. uh, nothing. I've got to go," she stammered.

"Camila?" Keith asked, his voice growing cold. "As in Karla Cabello?"

Lauren quickly shook her head, taking a deep breath and forcing a smile. "Are you crazy? It's my cousin Camila, I've told you about her before, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," he lied.

Lauren rolled her eyes. "I really have to go," she said, glancing at the doorway.

"La-" Lauren cut her boyfriend off by ending the call, hurrying out into the living room.

"Camila?" she said louder when she realized Camila was definitely home. Her shoes were off by the door and Rowan was asleep on the couch. A crash from the other room startled her and she realized where Camila was.

She knocked on the bathroom door softly. "Everything go okay, Mila?"

No answer.

"Camila?"

The door opened slowly. Camila forced a smile. Lauren knew better than to believe it.

"What's wrong?"

She saw Camila's face drop and instantly moved forward to grab her hand, Camila moved it away.

"Camila."

"Hm?"

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

Camila shook her head, fighting back tears.

Lauren bit her lip, trying to think what could've bothered Camila. Something crossed her mind and she looked down at Camila, who spoke up.

"I-I heard..."

"You heard me talking to Keith," Lauren said, finishing her sentence. Camila nodded.

"You're ridiculous, Camila."

Camila flinched, looking up at Lauren and taking a step back. "What?"

"You have no reason to be jealous of him," Lauren rolled her eyes, laughing bitterly.

Camila's eyes widened and she couldn't help the sob that escaped her lips. She took another step backwards and slid down against the wall, hiding her face in her knees.

"He's my boyfriend, Camila. Yeah, stuff happened between me and you, but I'm not just gonna leave hi-"

"Shut up!" Camila huffed, shaking her head and trying to remember how to breathe. There was too much going on. Lauren didn't understand.

"I knew you were jealous of him," Lauren's voice ran cold.

"Lauren..." Camila mumbled, looking up at the girl standing above her, tears brimming her eyes.

"You're making a bigger deal out of it then it needs to be, Camila."

"He's Rowan's father...." Camila mumbled, stumbling up to her feet and pushing Lauren out of the doorway, trying to shut the door behind her. Lauren stuck her foot in to prevent Camila from doing so.

"Please j-just leave me alone right now..." Camila whispered, hugging her torso.

"Oh my fucking god, Camila."

Lauren was laughing.

Lauren was laughing?

"Wh-what?" Camila stuttered, biting her lip and taking a step away from the door as it swung back open and Lauren re-entered the room.

"I can't believe you would lie about something that serious," Lauren spat.

Camila's heart dropped into her stomach and she quickly shook her head, trying to defend herself. "I'm n-not... Lauren..."

"Save it, Camila." Lauren turned to walk out of the room.

"Why don't you trust me?" Camila asked innocently, bringing her hands up to wipe her eyes. Lauren turned around on her heel and Camila flinched at the sudden movement.

"You were gone for two years, Camila. I thought you were dead. I don't trust you because you kept that secret from me for two fucking years," she laughed bitterly, shaking her head. "Two years! Even when I told you that I loved you! You just didn't care."

"I d-did care..."

"And now you're pinning a rape on my boyfriend just so I'll break up with him? Really? Don't you think that's a little ridiculous?"

Camila shook her head and moved quickly towards Lauren. "I'm telling the truth," she said quietly, blinking away the tears in her eyes. She reached out to grab Lauren's arm but the girl yanked out of her grip.

"I'm done, Camila," she warned, meeting Camila's eyes for a split second before turning and walking towards the bedroom. "Tell Rowan I'm sorry."

Camila stood frozen in the middle of the living room for a full minute, her hands shaking when Lauren emerged from the bedroom with her suitcase.

"I-"

She was cut off by the slamming door, before she crumpled to her knees as the second wave of tears washed over her.

* * *

A week had passed since Lauren left Camila's apartment. Camila had tried calling her a few times after, but Lauren ignored them all. She was too busy with drinking her thoughts away to care. After vowing away alcohol when she met Camila, things had been fine. But the vow crumpled along with her and Camila's relationship.

Most of her time was spent drunk, alone by herself in her bedroom. Keith assumed she was just taking the death of her grandfather pretty badly, and Lauren was thankful she had chosen to go with that excuse.

She heard a knock at her bedroom door and tossed her phone aside.

"Come in," she sighed, kicking her feet off the wall and turning around so she was sitting up in her bed.

"Drunk?"

"No," she lied. "Maybe just a little."

Keith groaned and sat down on the floor across from her bed, studying Lauren from across the room.

"You look like shit."

"Thanks," she laughed bitterly.

The two sat in uncomfortable silence for what felt like hours. Lauren reached for the book on her nightstand, eager for something to ease the tension.

When she returned the book back to her lap, something slid out from between the pages and landed on the bed next to her. She picked up the picture and inhaled deeply.

**10 days ago**

_"Is that me?"_

_Lauren looked over at Rowan, who was walking over to her with a picture in her hand. It was one of the Polaroid pictures from Camila's shoebox._

_"That's your mommy when she was your age, silly," Lauren laughed, pulling Rowan up on the bed next to her and looking at the picture in her hands. "And that's me," she smiled, pointing to the little girl who was kissing Camila on the cheek._

_"That's you?" Rowan gasped, looking between Lauren and the picture, trying to figure out if she was telling the truth._

_"Yes ma'am" Lauren said, ruffling Rowan's hair. "You and your mom look a lot alike, huh?" Rowan nodded happily._

_"Can we make it again?"_

_Lauren tilted her head to the side, confused._

_"Can we make the picture again, right now?"_

_Lauren realized what Rowan was trying to ask. "You want to reenact it, with me and you?"_

_Rowan nodded, a wide smile on her face. "I have a camera!" She was already running off into her bedroom before Lauren could get a word in edgewise._

_A few minutes passed and Rowan finally reappeared, plopping a baby blue Polaroid camera into her lap. Lauren's jaw dropped. It was the camera her and Camila had shared growing up. She still recognized all the small scratches and stickers they had put on it. A smile tugged at her lips._

_"I'll be mommy, and you be kangaroo, kay'?" Rowan asked, crawling back up on the bed next to Lauren._

_Lauren nodded, facing the camera towards them. "Smile, Ro," she laughed, leaning down and kissing the small girl on the cheek. Rowan giggled as soon as Lauren snapped the picture, and a few seconds later the small glossy picture appeared from the side of the camera._

_Rowan eagerly grabbed the picture, her eyebrows furrowing when she couldn't see it. Lauren laughed. "You have to wait for a few minutes, and then you'll see it," she explained, taking the picture and placing it on the nightstand before Rowan messed it up by accident._

_Lauren laughed when Rowan walked over to the nightstand, staring down the picture, as if she was going to guard it intently. Lauren distracted her by putting on a movie, and both girls ended up falling asleep. When Lauren woke up, she tucked the picture into her book so she wouldn't forget to show it to Rowan. Unfortunately, she had left before she got the chance to._

Lauren smiled down at the picture. She'd never gotten to fully look at it after they took it.

"What's that?"

Lauren looked up face Keith, biting her lip. "A picture," she mumbled, looking back down at Rowan's smiling face.

"Of who?" he asked, scooting closer.

Lauren looked back up at him and froze after studying his face for a few moments.

She knew Rowan had looked familiar.

Camila wasn't lying.

Her eyes darted down to the picture again, studying Rowan's face and then looking back up at Keith. She was right. They shared the same cheekbones, and Rowan's smile was exactly the same as his.

The picture fell out of her hands and fluttered to the ground. Keith grabbed it before Lauren could.

"Who's that?" he asked, looking up at Lauren confused.

It all clicked.

"I don't know, _Keith_. Recognize her?" she hissed, standing up at the bed, fists clenched at her sides.

Keith quickly stood up after Lauren did, narrowing his eyes and looking at the picture closely. He shook his head.

"Good," Lauren snapped, snatching the picture out of his hands and shoving it in her pocket. Keith looked up at her, obviously annoyed with the way she was acting all of a sudden.

"What the hell a-"

"You fucking bastard," she muttered, shoving him against the wall and staring him down.

"Lau-"

"You put your hands on my best friend. You're disgusting," Lauren spat. Keith shoved her away from him but she quickly regained her footing.

"What are you talking about?"

Lauren was seething. He could have killed her. He practically _had_ killed her for two years, to Lauren's knowledge.

"Do you not care at all?! You took something away from her that she'll never get back! She'll live with that guilt for the rest of her life! And how do you apologize? You fucking try and kill her?!" Lauren screamed, taking a step forward and shoving him against the wall again. She saw the realization in his eyes and then she immediately regretted everything she had just said.

"She's alive?" he asked, almost amused as he pushed away from Lauren and walked over to her phone.

"N-no," Lauren quickly said, diving past him onto the bed and grabbing her phone. Their hands landed on it at the same time.

"Don't you dare," she warned between gritted teeth.

He just laughed, yanking the phone out of her hand. Lauren lunged for him, but his hand caught her throat and pushed her backwards, pinning her against the wall next to her nightstand.

"What the hell are you thinking?" she screamed, bringing both of her hands to her neck. Her eyes landed on the half empty beer bottle that sat on the nightstand, she made a grab for it.

He beat her to it.

Moments later there was an ear-piercing scream, a blunt hit to her head, and the sound of glass shattering to the floor, along with Lauren's body.

* * *

"Yeah, yeah. No, she's alive. I swear. They've been texting."

Lauren blinked her eyes open slowly, squinting to try and clear up the blurry jumbled colors in front of her.

"Apartment 117, yeah. See you then."

Keith.

Lauren opened her mouth to speak but a sharp pain in her side made her wince. She heard something drop to the floor, and then the sound of footsteps leaving the room.

That was Camila's apartment.

Camila.

How could she be so stupid.

Groaning, she lifted her head, realizing her hair was soaked with alcohol. She blinked the tears out of her eyes and recognized her phone laying only a few feet away from her.

Suddenly, her felt dizzy again, and darkness washed over her before she could react.


	14. the bridge where it almost ended

Lauren groaned, opening her eyes as light slowly invaded her pupils.

  
_Camila_.

She needed to get to Camila.

Lifting her head, her eyes landed on her phone. Her memories were jumbled, and she had a sharp pain in her side. Her clothes reeked of alcohol.

Pressing her palms to the floor, Lauren pushed herself up, being careful not to touch any of the shards of glass from the shattered bottle. She was lucky she landed the way she did, otherwise she may be in worse condition than she already was.

Starting to feel dizzy again, she pulled herself onto her bed. She hated this feeling. She couldn't focus. Her eyes landed on a half used water bottle on her nightstand, and she quickly grabbed it. Lauren threw her head back, dumping the contents onto her face.

That woke her up.

Coughing, she threw the water bottle to the side and used her hands to wipe off her face. She could think a little clearer now, and she knew she had to warn Camila.

Her side ached when she walked, and her head was throbbing, but she ignored it as best as she could as she crossed the room, picking up her phone.

She dialed Camila's number, putting the phone on speaker and setting it down.

One ring.

Lauren stripped out of her wet clothes, throwing them aside and pulling on the first hoodie she could find, along with a pair of pants.

Two rings.

Lauren pulled the sleeve of her shirt down, wincing as she pulled the couple shards of glass out of her shoulder. She pressed a balled-up t-shirt over them to stop the bleeding, thankful they weren't deep.

Three rings.

Lauren bit her lip.

Four rings.

_"Hi, it's me.... Camila, I mean... It's Camila. You can leave a message if you want, or just call me over and over until I answer. That works sometimes. Okey dokey?"_

No answer.

Lauren's next instinct was to call Ally. She brought her phone to her ear and tapped her foot impatiently.

She needed to go.

Slipping on her shoes, Lauren grabbed her keys and ran as fast as she could out of the house and to her car, phone still pressed to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Ally?"

"Yeah? What's up?"

"C-camila... have you talked to her? Is she with you?" Lauren breathed, starting her car and speeding down the street.

"I haven't seen her since this morning, no. Why? What's up?"

"Find her."

"What's going on? I thought you guys weren't talking?"

"They k-know where she is, she didn't answer her phone and th-they....Ally, this is all m-"

"I'm leaving my apartment now, I'll drive around. Don't call the cops, okay? That won't end well with these guys, if they are who we think they are. Call me when you get here. Lauren, listen to me... Don't panic, please," Ally said, and Lauren could tell Ally was trying not to freak her out.

"Okay... okay. Go look for her, I'll call y-you."

Lauren hung up before Ally could hear a sob escape her lips. She swerved into the airport parking lot, slamming her car door shut and running as fast as she could.

* * *

"I'll pay you any amount of money to let me off here," Lauren breathed, hopping out of her seat and running up to the bus driver. He looked her up and down, obviously surprised at her exhausted appearance.

The bus screeched to a stop and Lauren quickly reached in her pocket.

"Go, darlin', you don't owe me nothin'"

"Thank you," Lauren forced a smile, sprinting off the bus and pulling her phone out of her pocket. Ally picked up right away.

"I'm here."

She heard the call end and looked at her phone in confusion, but quickly realized what was going on when she saw a car turn into the parking lot. Ally rolled down her window and tossed something to Lauren, who caught it quickly.

Car keys.

"Those are Camila's extra set. She didn't take her car. I haven't found anything yet."

Lauren nodded, swallowing and looking down at the keys.

"Lauren?"

Looking up, Lauren bit her lip.

"You need to hurry."

"R-right," she nodded quickly, running into the parking lot as Ally backed out onto the street, taking off in the opposite direction than what she came.

Eventually, Lauren was swerving Camila's car onto the road, looking from side to side and trying to get a clue of where Camila could be. And Rowan. Lauren choked on her breath and fought a fresh set of tears. Crying wouldn't help at all.

She circled the block, finding no clue that would lead her to Camila. She turned off onto another street, deciding to drive further into the city.

Her knuckles were turning white from how hard she was gripping the steering wheel, and she swore she had drawn blood from biting down on her lip so hard.

Suddenly she noticed something in the road, and slammed on her brakes. The animal flinched, and ran back onto the side of the road. Lauren narrowed her eyes.

That wasn't an animal.

She parked her car, lucky that there was no one behind her. It was dark, but she could make out the figure on the side of the road.

"Rowan?"

There was a whimper, and that was enough conformation. She jolted out of her car, running over to the small child, who was crying hysterically.

"Rowan... Ro, It's me," Lauren said softly, bending down and putting a hand on the small girl's shoulder, who was hugging her knees to her chest. "It's kangaroo."

"L-lauren?" the small girl looked up, realizing who is was and jumping to cling onto the older girl.

"I've got you," Lauren whispered, picking the small child up and bringing her back to her car. She didn't bother placing her in the back seat, she just held her in her lap. She knew Rowan wouldn't let go of her if she tried.

"I lost mommy."

Lauren froze. "Wh-what?"

"At the park. I-I went down the slide a-and... and she wasn't t-there..." Rowan whimpered.

The park.

"I'm gonna find her, Ro. I promise," Lauren swallowed. With one hand on the steering wheel and the other on her phone, she dialed Ally's number.

"Did you find her?"

"I have Rowan. I need you to take her. Meet me at the park."

"On it."

Both girls hung up and Lauren used her free hand to hold Rowan close to her. She drove as fast as she could, pulling into the parking lot across from the park and noticing Ally was already there. The small girl ran towards Lauren's car as she got out, lifting Rowan out of her arms.

"Be careful," Ally said, giving Lauren's shoulder a light squeeze before turning to Rowan and trying to comfort her.

Lauren nodded, assuring Rowan she'd be back with her mommy before sprinting across the street and to the park.

Camila wasn't there. Camila's purse was.

Lauren found it on the sidewalk, all the contents spilled across the ground.

"Camila!" she cried, running down the sidewalk and looking around. No answer.

She tried to think logically. What would the closest, secluded place be to the park?

The bridge.

The stone bridge. The one she and Camila had gone to on the first day. Lauren sprinted down the pathway, not bothering to follow the dirt trail. The pain in her head had subsided, but the pain in her side was worse than before. She knew she would have a bruise, if there already wasn't one there.

Pushing through the trees, she emerged on the halfway point of the path, looking around frantically.

A scream.

Lauren took off, wincing when she turned to fast and a sharp pain shot up her side. She dug her nails into her palm and pushed through the bushes, nearly falling as she entered the clearing right before the stone bridge.

She saw motion, and quickly hid behind a tree, peering out. Camila was cowering on the ground, and Keith was standing overtop of her, taking a step closer.

Ducking down, Lauren disappeared back in the brush, trying frantically to find a rock, a stick, anything to defend herself.

Her hand gripped a large rock just as she heard a scream. The scream was cut short by a loud cracking noise. And then silence.

Lauren was out of the bushes before she knew what she was doing. Almost instinctively, her feet carried her quietly behind Keith, who was standing over Camila, laughing.

He was laughing.

Without a second thought, Lauren drew her arm back, throwing it forward and connecting the rock with the side of Keith's head. He crumpled to the ground, and Lauren had to grab him to ensure he wouldn't fall on Camila's body.

Shoving Keith aside, Lauren fell to her knees next to Camila.

"Mila," she whispered, shaking her friend's shoulder. There was no response. She was out cold. But she was still breathing, and that fact alone made Lauren burst into tears.

Stroking Camila's bruised face with one hand, Lauren dialed 911 with the other hand, offering a breathless explanation to the dispatcher who assured Lauren they'd get help there as fast as they could.

Lauren knew they weren't safe in the woods. She knew Keith hadn't come here alone. Carefully, she slid her arms under Camila's unconscious figure, inhaling sharply as the added weight made her side even more painful.

Her legs shook as she slowly stood up. She followed the path this time, ensuring that she'd find their way back instead of risking getting lost in the woods. It was almost completely dark out, and she practically collapsed when they reached the sign that signified the start of the path.

She stumbled a few feet over to a grassy area, lying Camila's body down gently before crumbling to her knees beside her.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered, burying her head in her friend's neck and carefully pulling her body close to her. The tears fell freely now.

She was supposed to protect Camila and she hadn't. She had let Keith find out about her. This was all her fault.

She jerked her head up when she heard voices. They weren't coming from the park, though. She turned her head behind her, noticing two figures in the woods.

"Get her," one whispered, and Lauren froze.

Suddenly a blaring noise approached them and she saw both the figures panic and run in the opposite direction. Red lights then illuminated the area around them and Lauren breathed a sigh of relief. They would be okay.

* * *

Lauren watched as Camila's body was lifted into the back of the ambulance, tears streaming down her face, but she wore a blank expression.

Suddenly a woman in a different uniform approached her, offering Lauren a blanket. She nodded thankfully, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders and taking a deep breath.

"There's.... she has... she isn't s-safe..." Lauren said softly, looking over at the woman.

"We know. We're aware of Karla's situation."

Lauren sighed in relief.

"How many people did you see?" she asked Lauren, and Lauren bit her lip, trying to remember.

"Three different people at least, but there could've been more," she said quietly, sniffing softly. She just wanted to be with Camila. "She's n-not safe here," she repeated, squeezing her eyes shut.

"The paramedics are aware, I've already made arrangements to have your... your f-"

"Girlfriend," Lauren corrected her, not even realized what she had said. Her hand found its way to her mouth, nervously toying with her bottom lip.

The lady gave Lauren a warm smile and nodded, but Lauren noticed there was something else. Sympathy. "They're meeting a helicopter a few blocks over. We're having her airlifted to a hospital in the next state over to try and keep her out of their reach."

Lauren nodded, thankful that these people seemed to be taking extra precautions with Camila. "I n-need to go see her, I need to be there," she blurted out, moving to walk to her car.

"Honey, wait. You can't-"

Lauren turned around with tears brimming her eyes. "I c-can... please...."

" _What I was going to say_... is that you can't drive in the condition you're in, and that you can ride with me to the hospital," the woman offered a small smile, and Lauren's shoulders dropped in relief.


	15. you could be gone again

"Don't go falling asleep now, we're almost there," the woman chuckled from the driver's seat. Lauren looked up groggily, realizing she'd left a foggy mark on the glass from where she'd been leaning against it.

"How much longer?" she asked quietly, keeping her eyes fixed on the road in front of them.

"Twenty minutes or so. Think you can handle that?"

Lauren nodded, biting her lip.

"Camila's going to be okay, Lauren."

She nodded softly, giving the woman a sad smile. She should call Ally to make sure Rowan's okay. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she turned to ask for permission, but the woman in the seat nodded before she could ask, telling her it was okay.

Ally picked up right away.

"I heard the ambulance, I've been trying to call for an hour! Is she okay?" the girl's panicked voice rang over the line.

"Yeah, yeah. Th-they're taking her to a hospital in North Carolina. I'm on my way there now. You've got Rowan?"

"Oh thank god, Lauren. I was so worried that he h-"

"Please don't say it," Lauren half-whispered.

There was a pause. "Right, sorry," Ally apologized. "I have Rowan. She's good... pretty shaken up. I'm just glad she didn't see anything happen. Do you wanna talk to her? She won't go to bed until she knows where her mommy is. I didn't want to lie to her."

"Y-yeah... yeah. Put her on," Lauren swallowed softly.

There was muffled talking on the other end of the phone before Rowan answered.

"Mommy?"

Lauren's heart broke at the concern in the small child's voice. This was all her fault.

"No, Ro. I'm sorry. It's me, Lauren," she said, trying to keep her tone light.

"Kangaroo?" her voice perked up.

Lauren laughed softly. "Yeah, kangaroo." She laughed when the woman next to her looked at her questioningly.

"Do you have my mommy?"

"Not right now, I'm going to see her right now though," Lauren bit her lip.

"Is she okay?"

Lauren took a deep breath. "She's gonna be okay Ro. She's hurting a little bit right now, but she's with the doctors, and they'll fix her. They're good at that."

"With bandaids?"

Lauren giggled. "I think so," she smiled.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, Ro. But I think tomorrow you're gonna come with Aunt Ally to see your mommy, and I can see you then, is that okay?"

"Yeah! I'll bring bandaids!"

"Perfect," Lauren giggled.

"Okay, Allyson is back from the toilet. Bye kangaroo!"

Lauren laughed, imagining Ally's reaction. "Bye, Ro."

"Hey," Ally laughed on the other line.

"Have fun on the toilet?" Lauren teased, crinkling her nose. She heard Ally laugh.

"She doesn't have a filter from her brain to her mouth. Everything she thinks, she says," Ally joked.

"I told Rowan you guys would come visit tomorrow... I don't know exactly what's going on but..."

"I was already planning on it," Ally smiled, and Lauren sighed softly. The car rolled to a stop and she looked up, realizing where they were.

"Hey, Al, we're here. I'll call you when I know more, okay?"

"Please. I'll be up all night, so don't hesitate," Ally said, and Lauren agreed before saying their goodbyes.

* * *

"Is anyone here for Camila Cabello?" a voice rang out, snapping Lauren out of her trance. She decided that she hated waiting rooms. She hated waiting, in general. There was too much uncertainty. And everyone else was doing the same exact thing you were. It was miserable.   


She hopped to her feet. "That's me," she said quickly, turning to look at the man who had spoken. He smiled. That must be a good sign. She followed him down the hallway so he could talk privately.

"And you are...?" he asked, looking down at his clipboard.

"Her girlfriend. Lauren. Lauren Jauregui," she didn't hesitate.

"Ah, yes. I see your name on here," he nodded, setting his clipboard down at his side. Lauren raised an eyebrow, wondering why she was listed on Camila's papers. She wasn't a relative.

"She's going to be okay,-"

Lauren breathed a sigh of relief.

"-she has a concussion, and skull fracture. A few inches about her right eyebrow." He pointed to her own forehead to show Lauren where it was. "She just got out of surgery. It went fine. Did you happen to notice if her attacker carried any weapons?"

Lauren swallowed hard and shook her head.

"Alright. Well, he seems to have had some sort of knife, but from the looks of it she fought back pretty hard and disarmed him before he could do any real damage. She has a few scrapes here and there, and two abdominal lacerations that required a few stitches."

Lauren brought her hand up to toy with her bottom lip, feeling wave after wave of guilt wash over her.

"But she's pretty darn lucky overall, Lauren. She's lucky you got to her when you did. Besides being pretty sore for the next couple weeks, she'll heal up in no time," he gave her a small smile, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. "She'll be able to have visitors first thing tomorrow morning."

"Thank you..." Lauren nodded, smiling sadly. "Really, thank you so much."

"Take care of yourself, yes? If she loves you as much as I can tell you love her, she'd want you to get a good nights rest."

Lauren felt a small smile creep on her lips and she nodded quickly.

"Alright, Lauren. You're welcome to find me tomorrow if you have any questions. Goodnight," he nodded, sending her a comforting smile before disappearing down the hallway. Lauren headed back to the waiting room, clasping her hands nervously. Just as she was about to sit back down, someone called her name.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" It was the woman who she'd driven with.

Lauren nodded, silently following her down a different hallway and into a small office. She sat down in one of the chairs and the woman did the same, sitting across from her. Lauren looked at her questioningly.

"I never got to fully introduce myself. I'm Kara, Camila's social worker."

Lauren nodded.

"You're probably exhausted, so I'm going to cut right to it. Camila has you listed as a standby guardian for her daughter, Rowan. Am I correct?"

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "I-I wasn't aware of that..." she said softly. That must've been why the doctor had seen her name before.

"That's what I figured. For the time being, we need someone to watch Rowan while Camila's in recovery..." she pulled a paper out of a folder on her desk, reading it over. "If you don't want to, I understand, we can always find someone el-"

"Of course I will," Lauren said simply, not understanding why she should question it. The woman smiled softly and handed Lauren a clipboard, showing her where to sign. Lauren did as she was instructed and passed the papers back over the desk.

"Now for the... interesting news," the woman said, and Lauren could sense her hesitation. She sat up straighter, anxious of what was to come.

"Multiple people were involved in Camila's attack. A gang, most likely. We've got practically no leads, Lauren. Gangs are hard to navigate in these areas," the woman read something on her desk and looked back up at Lauren, who was starting to have an idea where she was going with this.

"Camila needs to be transferred into a different living situation. For her and her daughter's safety," the woman broke the silence, and Lauren looked down as she felt a lump form in her throat.

"This means as soon as she's discharged, she's not allowed contact with anyone but her daughter, and whomever she associated with back here. Basically, she needs to fall off the map in this state, just as she did before."

Lauren balled her fists in her lap, digging her nails into her palm to try and calm herself down. She wasn't losing Camila again. Not this time.

"You're just sending her out there alone?" Lauren sat up straighter, shaking her head in disbelief. "Again?"

"Do you have any better options, Lauren?"

"I go with her."

"That isn't an option. You don't have a plausible reason for needing to be transferred. Even if you did, it would be unlikely that you would actually follow through. This is a big deal, Lauren. You can't just decide you're going to disappear from your home."

"I don't have a home," Lauren grit her teeth. "And I have a reason."

"You do?" the social worker asked, glancing over at her clipboard.

"The attacker was my boyf-... my ex-boyfriend," she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"He hit me too... I-I..." Lauren bit her lip, suddenly realizing that Camila wasn't the only one in danger. "He could... oh my god. I can't go home. I live with him... well, until today... what if he...? Shit..."

The woman saw Lauren's sudden change in attitude, from assertiveness to fear. "You're afraid you could possibly become a target now, too?"

Lauren nodded, swallowing hard. She originally had just used him as an excuse, but when she thought about it, she knew Keith wouldn't want to just let her walk away with this.

The social worker wrote something down on a clean sheet of paper, pursing her lips and then turning to type something on her laptop.

"I'll see what I can do, Lauren. Thank you for telling me," she gave Lauren a small smile, which Lauren returned with a single nod.

"Please... I have nowhere else to go," Lauren said softly, not giving up on leaving Camila.

"I'll try my best, and I'll talk to you again tomorrow when I find out what I can do. Get some rest for now, okay?"

Lauren nodded, getting up and leaving the room without another word.


	16. i thought you didn't love me

Lauren decided that there was only one thing worse than waiting rooms.

Waiting room chairs. And sleeping in waiting room chairs.

She hadn't planned on spending the night the way she did. She figured she would find a decent hotel and just come back in the morning. But she couldn't bring herself to leave, knowing she was the only person Camila had right now. She needed to see her as soon as she could, she'd even considered sneaking back into her room.

A hand on her shoulder brought her out of her half-awake, half-dreaming state, and she looked up at the figure sleepily.

"I wasn't going to wake you, but Camila won't stop asking about you," the same doctor from the night before smiled down at Lauren sympathetically. "She's down the hall. Room 304." He gave her a reassuring nod before retreating back down the hallway.

Lauren stood up embarrassingly fast, nearly losing her balance. Camila was asking about her? They hadn't talked in over a week. She assumed Camila wouldn't care what happened to her. She quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath and counting the room numbers until she reached Camila's room.

She couldn't. She couldn't face Camila. This was all her fault.

Just as she was turning to leave, she ran straight into a wet floor sign, and took a few quick steps backwards to avoid falling. Her elbow hit Camila's door, and Lauren winced, holding her breath.

"Yeah?" Camila's small voice echoed from behind the door. Shit.

Lauren took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut for one last moment before reaching for the doorknob and slipping into Camila's room.

Her eyes fell on the girl lying in the hospital bed. She looked so... helpless. Camila's eyes landed on her and she opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself. She didn't want to hurt Lauren any more than she already had.

Lauren saw Camila's hesitation. She offered a sad smile.

After a few moments of silence, Lauren slowly made her way towards the bed, sitting on the plastic chair next to Camila. She gently reached out to take the younger girl's hand, trying not to stare at the discoloration that streaked across her forehead.

Camila flinched when Lauren tried to take her hand, and Lauren quickly drew her hand back. Luckily, Camila reacted in time and grabbed Lauren's hand once more before she could move it out of her reach. She felt Lauren relax and sighed softly.

"They said you were asking for me?" Lauren asked, finally breaking the silence.

"I-I was asking _about_ you," Camila's raspy voice responded. Lauren felt herself feeling even more horrible when she heard how strained Camila's voice was.

"About me?"

"If you were okay... H-he's _your_ boyfriend, after all."

"Was," Lauren mumbled.

"Oh." Camila bit her lip and looked away from Lauren. "Did he hurt you...?"

Lauren shrugged, and saw Camila tense.

"Wh-what happened?" the smaller girl asked. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear it for herself, but she was too concerned that she had indirectly caused Lauren's pain. Or directly.

"It's my fault," Lauren blurted out. Camila looked surprised.

"I was... I... I saw a picture of me and Rowan... and then I saw Keith and I just... I realized," the dark-haired girl continued. "I flipped out on h-him but he's a lot stronger than me so... I woke up and he was gone, and I tried to call you, but you didn't answer and so I just... I just came here."

"You didn't have to do that," Camila said quietly, feeling tears welling in her eyes.

"Yes I did," Lauren answered without hesitation. "It's my fault."

"It's not your fault. It's mine," Camila mumbled, her voice cracking on the last word.

"It is most definitely not your fault, Camila. You didn't ask for any of this."

"Then it's not your fault either."

Lauren sighed and leaned back in her chair, running her thumb over the top of Camila's hand absentmindedly.

"What happened after I... he..." Camila stammered, tripping over her words and becoming flustered.

"I knocked him out."

"What? How?"

"A rock," Lauren shrugged. Camila gasped.

"You're crazy!"

"I know."

There was silence for a few more seconds until Camila spoke up again. "I didn't think you would be here," she said quietly, turning her head a bit so she could see Lauren better.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Lauren asked, starting to feel guilty again.

"I thought you d-didn't... di-"

"Didn't care?" Lauren asked, trying to finish Camila's sentence. Camila shook her head and Lauren grew confused. "Didn't...?"

"Didn't love me."

Lauren's heart dropped in her chest and she fought back a fresh set of tears. She immediately shook her head, her grip on Camila's hand growing firmer.

"That's impossible," Lauren whispered to herself. Camila heard her and lifted her head, studying Lauren's face.

Camila gave her a sad smile before lying her head back down, staring up at the ceiling. "Rowan's with Ally?"

"Yeah. I almost ran her over while trying to find you," Lauren bit her lip and Camila tensed. "She's alright though. Ally said she didn't see anything that happened at the park... She just couldn't find you. They're coming to visit today." She saw Camila's face light up and couldn't help but smile herself.

"When do I get out?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Lauren said with a shrug. "You listed me as a standby guardian for Rowan?" she asked carefully. She saw Camila grow embarrassed and squeezed her hand.

"When they moved me... yeah. I didn't know anyone else and... I don't know. You w- are my best friend. You don't have to..."

"I did," Lauren said casually, sitting up in her chair so she could look at Camila better.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna watch her until you get discharged-" Lauren's words caught in her throat when she remember what would happen once Camila was let out of the hospital.

Camila understood. "They told you...?" she asked quietly. Lauren nodded, biting the inside of her cheek.

"I-I don't wanna start over again, Laur..." Camila sighed, squeezing her eyes shut to try and stop the tears from falling. She failed. "I don't... I don't wanna lose you again... Rowan... she'll be devastated. She won't understand..."

Lauren opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Both girls turned their heads and the door opened a crack. It was Camila's social worker.

"Lauren, can I talk to you for a second?"

Lauren nodded. She brought Camila's hand to her lips for a moment, pressing a kiss on the back of her hand before getting up and following Kara out into the hallway.

"I put in a request for your transfer this morning. It's out of my hands now," Kara explained, running a hand through her short hair. Lauren nodded nervously.

"But are you sure you want to do this? You may be eligible, but do you really want to leave everything behind? That's a big change for someone so young..." she started.

"You did it to Camila twice..." Lauren raised an eyebrow suggestively. "If I don't go with them, everything I have will be leaving me behind. They are everything..." her voice softened and she bit her lip.

"I understand that. I'll let you know as soon as I hear back, okay? Try not to worry. These things have a way of working themselves out," the social worked nodded once, sending Lauren a smile before leaving her to go back into Camila's room.

Just as she was about to turn the doorknob, she heard the elevator ding and then felt something grab her legs.

"Roo," the figure cooed gently, and a wave of relief washed over Lauren. She bent down, hugging the small child to her chest and feeling a smile melt onto her lips.

A small hand was placed on her shoulder moments later, and Lauren let go of Rowan to look up at Ally.

"How is she?"

"She's alright," Lauren shrugged, not exactly sure how she was expected to answer that question. Ally nodded.

"You can go in," Lauren added, noticing her anxiousness. "I need to talk to Rowan for a second." Rowan's face lit up, excited to hear whatever Lauren had to tell her. Ally smiled, ruffling Lauren's hair teasingly before slipping into the hospital room. Lauren's cheeks grew warm when she heard Ally greet Camila excitedly, and she turned her attention back to Rowan.

She was still kneeling on the cold tile of the hospital floor so she could match Rowan's height, and reached out to take both of Rowan's hands in hers. The small girl smiled cheekily.

"I have something for you to give to your mommy," Lauren said, freeing one of her hands and holding it in front of Rowan. "See that ring with the green stone? Can you take that off my finger?" Rowan nodded and her small fingers gently eased the ring off of Lauren's hand, holding it up in front of her eye to examine it. Lauren hadn't taken it off her finger since the woman had given it to her at the airport.

"It's pretty. Is it a present?" Rowan asked, slipping the ring onto her own finger and admiring it.

"Yes ma'am," Lauren giggled. "But you can't tell her I gave it to you, okay?" Rowan nodded.

"Like a secret?"

"Exactly."

Rowan giggled, closing the ring tightly in her fist, feeling a sense of importance with her newfound mission.

"Ready to go see your momma?" Lauren raised an eyebrow, poking Rowan's nose and making the small girl blush. Rowan nodded excitedly, not waiting for Lauren to respond before reaching forward and snagging the doorknob, pushing on the door and running into the room.

"Mommy!" Rowan squealed, and Lauren entered the room just in time to see Rowan crawl onto the bed. She bit her lip when Rowan noticed the bruise on Camila's face and froze, praying that the small child wouldn't grow scared or make Camila feel even worse.

Rowan sat quietly on the bed for a few seconds, Lauren was just about to interrupt when Rowan lay down quietly, scooting closer to her mother and gently cuddling up next to her. Lauren could tell how hard the small child was trying to be gentle, and it warmed her heart. She was exactly like Camila.

"Hey, bug," Camila said softly, lifting her head to kiss the top of her daughter's forehead.

"Why are you crying mommy?"

Lauren walked to pull up a chair next to Ally, who was sitting in the chair Lauren had been in earlier. She realized Camila was crying, and bit her lip.

"I'm just very happy to see you," Camila laughed, looking down at her daughter with adoration in her eyes. Lauren realized just how deep of a bond those two shared, and she felt herself starting to tear up.

"You're always happy to see me, even when I do something bad. Like when I drew on the wall. You tried to be mad but then you laughed at me," she nodded, obviously very serious about her explanation.

All the other three girls in the room burst into laughter, and Rowan looked to all of them with confusion on her face.

"See? You're laughing again!" she giggled.

Rowan suddenly remembered her mission and tapped her mother lightly on the shoulder. "I have a surprise for you, mommy," she said proudly, holding out the ring and picking up Camila's hand, struggling for a moment but finally slipping it on to her mother's finger.

Camila looked down at her hands, a small smile appearing on her lips. "Where'd you get that, bug?"

Rowan's face went expressionless and Lauren bit her lip. The small child immediately glanced at Lauren.

Camila looked at Lauren as well, cluing into what was going on.

"It's a secret," Rowan whispered, looking back at her mother.

Camila already knew.

"I love it," she said softly, keeping her eyes locked with Lauren's. The green-eyed girl's cheeks grew red. "Thank you, Ro," Camila smiled, turning back to kiss her daughter on the forehead.

Rowan abruptly brought her hands to her face and groaned. All three girls looked at her, concerned. The small child threw her hands in the air out of frustration.

"I forgot the bandaids!"

Lauren couldn't help but laugh.


	17. it's whatever you want it to be

"Road trip!" Rowan squealed from her carseat, kicking her legs excitedly. Lauren laughed from the front seat, making a funny face at the small child in the rear view mirror.

It was only a few hours later, and Lauren and Rowan were now embarking on the long drive back to Camila's apartment to pack up her belongings for the moving truck, and take what they needed for a few days. Rowan and Lauren would be staying at a hotel next to the hospital until Camila was discharged. They were being tailed by police cars to ensure their safety. The thought made Lauren a little uneasy, but she tried to keep it to herself.

Rowan was asleep as soon as they pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

* * *

Lauren thanked the movers, watching as they took the last few boxes out of the apartment. Her eyes scanned the now-empty home, an uneasy feeling in her stomach. It seemed so... lifeless.

"I'm awaaaake!" Rowan sung from her spot on the floor, where she had fallen asleep while Lauren was helping carry boxes.

"I see that, kiddo," Lauren laughed, walking over and sitting down next to Rowan, who eagerly crawled in her lap.

"Are you gonna leave again?" Rowan asked innocently, her large gray-blue eyes staring up into Lauren's.

Lauren hated questions like that. But she couldn't lie to Rowan. She didn't know what the next few days held. And whether her and Camila had a chance together was ultimately out of her control right now.

"I'll try my best not to, okay?"

Rowan nodded. "Please don't leave. I don't like when mommy is sad."

Lauren's heart dropped and she nodded softly. This was similar to the conversation her and Camila had when Lauren had turned to leave on the first day they'd seen each other in years.

"I'll do everything I can to take care of you guys, I promise."

Rowan didn't hesitate to lock their pinkies together.

* * *

After the long car ride back to the hotel, Rowan and Lauren had both fallen asleep on the queen sized bed, with Rowan practically sleeping on top of Lauren. Both girls were awoken by a knock at the door.

Rowan hopped off of the bed, full of energy even though she just woke up. Lauren groaned, trudging behind her. The door swung open and Rowan waved at Ally, who held a bag of takeout in one hand.

"She's all yours," Lauren laughed, nodding to Rowan who was already begging Ally for a fortune cookie. Lauren parted ways with the other two girls, borrowing Ally's keys and leaving the apartment. Two stops along the way and a short drive later, she was parked in front of the hospital.

"Who are those for?" Camila asked, confused at why Lauren was holding a bouquet of daisies.

Lauren raised an eyebrow at Camila, placing the flowers on her nightstand, plucking one of out the bouquet and holding it out for Camila to smell. "You."

Camila blushed. "Oh." She took the flower, holding it to her nose and giggling. "Thank you."

"I brought food, too. In case you're hungry," Lauren said, tossing a bag of chips to Camila who eagerly opened them. Both girls laughed, already knowing the answer to that question.

"Oh, and one more thing. Rowan asked me to give you this," Lauren remembered, reaching in her pocket and handing Camila a folded up piece of paper. Camila smiled, unfolding the piece of paper.

"Rowan must think you have giant boobs."

"What?" Lauren laughed, leaning over Camila's shoulder to see the picture. She giggled and shook her head. "Well at least you get to be way taller than I am," Lauren smirked.

"But you get a purple hat."

"Rowan says that's because I'm a kangaroo and I'm special," Lauren nodded. Both girls giggled.

Lauren sat down on the edge of the bed, stealing a chip from Camila. "How're you feeling?"

"Lousy."

"Sore?"

"You betcha'."

"He's probably pretty sore, too," Lauren joked.

"Do you think they caught him?" Camila asked, suddenly changing the mood. Lauren thought for a moment before answering.

"Let's not think about that right now, okay?" Lauren bit her lip. Camila nodded.

"I told Ally," Camila blurted out.

"About being moved? What'd she say?"

"She was sad... But she gets it. You'll still talk to her when I'm gone, right?" Camila asked hopefully.

Lauren paused for a moment before nodding softly. She still hadn't told Camila about the possibility of her accompanying them. She didn't want to get the girl's hopes up for nothing.

"I'm so tired of leaving, Laur," Camila sighed, her breath shaky. She hated thinking about this.

"I love you."

"What?" Camila sat up, raising an eyebrow at Lauren. "You do?"

Lauren was taken by surprise. "I told you that before, Camz. Of course I do."

"Oh. I-I just... I just thought..."

"That I didn't love you anymore?"

Camila nodded and Lauren's face dropped. She scooted closer to Camila, gently cupping the girl's face in her hands and running her thumb over the smooth skin of her cheek.

"That's never gonna be the truth, Camila. It's you. It's always been you."

Camila's cheeks flushed red and Lauren smiled softly, green eyes meeting brown for a moment before Camila reached up to take Lauren's hands.

"Lay with me?"

"I-I don't want to hurt you..." Lauren bit her lip, cupping the back of her neck.

"I don't care. I want to lay with you. I don't know if I'll be able to again."

The thought scared Lauren shitless, and she nodded quietly, lying back on the very edge of the bed to leave Camila room. Camila giggled.

"You're gonna fall off," she whined, pulling Lauren closer to her and nuzzling into her shoulder. Lauren shivered at the feeling of Camila's warm breath against her neck.

"I love you too, Lolo. Always have."

* * *

Both girls ended up falling asleep on the small hospital bed. The thin mattress could barley fit one person successfully, but neither of them seemed to mind holding the other so close.

Camila stirred awake the next morning, whining when she reached for the girl next to her and was met with thin air. Her eyes quickly fluttered open and she propped herself up on her elbow. The space that Lauren had previously occupied was now empty.

Was this a bad dream? Camila held her breath and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, shivering when her bare feet pressed against the cold tile floor. She could feel the stitches in her side, lifting her shirt and pressing the pads of her fingers against the warm skin. She winced, holding her side and standing up.

A sigh of relief escaped her lips when her eyes landed on Lauren's hoodie that was draped over the chair next to her bed. Lauren wouldn't have left, especially without her favorite hoodie. Camila shimmied over to the door, nearly slipping when her foot slid out from underneath her. She grabbed the wall to steady herself and looked down. Underneath her foot sat a manilla file folder, slid under the door with a sticky note on the front. She bent down slowly, ignoring her sore muscles and grabbing the folder, blinking a few times to let her eyes adjust before reading the scrawled writing.

_Getting things settled out with Rowan. Told you I'd never leave you._

Still slightly dazed from sleep, Camila opened the folder cautiously. She scanned the papers inside. Her feet carried her back over to the bed and she sat down carefully, her eyes still frantically scanning the papers. Everything made sense and a split second later the papers slid out of her hands, scattering all over the floor. Camila blinked a few times before composing herself and kneeling down to gather the papers.

Lauren was staying. With her.

Camila had already mentally prepared herself for when she got discharged. The thought of Lauren coming with her never crossed her mind. Despite the fact that her side was shooting sharp pains though her abdomen, she couldn't help but feel like in that moment, everything was perfect. The ring Rowan had given her caught her eye, and she brought her hand to her lips to cover her smile.

After straightening out the papers and slipping them back into the folder, she placed them neatly on the chair beside her bed. Her eyes landed on Lauren's hoodie and she hummed happily, reaching for it and slipping it on. The smell of Lauren's shampoo instantly overwhelmed her and she realized just how long she'd been smiling like an idiot. She didn't mind.

Crawling back into her bed, the small girl hugged the sleeves of the oversized black hoodie around her torso, holding the closest thing she had to Lauren tightly around her chest.

Sleep came easier over her this time, all the worries from before were now practically non-existent.

* * *

"I brought you coff-" Lauren's voice trailed off when her eyes landed on Camila. She nearly dropped her coffee cup and quickly scrambled to set it down on the counter in order to keep the hot liquid contained. Camila sleepily lifted her head from underneath her arms. The younger girl's face lit up when she saw Lauren and she started to sit up.

Lauren giggled, moving across the room quickly so Camila wouldn't try to get out of bed. Camila threw her arms around the older girl's neck and buried her face in her shoulder.

"Hey," Lauren broke the silence, resting her chin atop Camila's head. She felt the smaller girl giggle underneath her and returned the gesture.

Camila made no move to let go of her, so Lauren carefully adjusted them both so she was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. Gently, she scooped Camila up into her lap, who lifted her head to meet Lauren's eyes.

Green met brown for a split second before their lips met gently. The kiss only lasted a few seconds but it was pure bliss. Sighing contently, Camila laid her head on Lauren's shoulder once their lips parted.

'The doctor keeps calling you my girlfriend," Camila giggled, and she felt Lauren's breathing come to stop. Her eyes opened and she lifted her head, confused.

"What?"

"It just sorta came out..." Lauren admitted, feeling embarrassed. Camila giggled and shook her head.

"I just figured I would be informed of our relationship status before he was, that's all," Camila teased, feeling a little nervous and using the hand that wasn't holding onto Lauren to twirl the string of her hoodie around her finger.

"Is that a yes?" Lauren smirked, and Camila turned her head to look up at her.

"You didn't ask me," she giggled when Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Will you?"

"Will I what?" Camila prodded, loving how flustered Lauren was becoming.

"You know..." Lauren giggled.

Camila stuck out her bottom lip and shook her head.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Lauren sighed, reaching out and poking Camila's lip. The wavy haired girl covered her mouth in response.

"If you'll be mine," she blushed.

"I'll have to get back to you on that one."

"Hush."

"You're crazy."

"I know."

"So that's a yes?" Lauren looked at her patiently.

"It's whatever you want it to be."


	18. homecoming

The next few days dragged by awfully slow. Both girls were eager to get out of the hospital and have a chance to start over. It was all just a waiting game now, until Camila was deemed fit enough to be discharged.

When Lauren wasn’t spending time with Camila, she was back at the hotel working out their living situation. The pair had been involved in the choice of where they would end up next, and ended up settling on California. They claimed it was because with such a large population, they would blend in easier. But both of them knew it was only because living by the beach had been a dream of theirs since childhood. 

Currently, Camila was fast asleep in the hospital bed while Lauren, Ally, and Rowan were boarding a small plane headed for California. Lauren had wanted to have everything settled before Camila was discharged, so the transition into a new home would be easier on both of them. Ally had accompanied them to watch Rowan, as Lauren needed to fly back to North Carolina the next day to finish the last of the paperwork by Camila’s side.

After some prodding, Lauren had convinced Camila’s social worker to pull a few strings and allow for them to stay in contact with Ally. After meeting the small girl, Kara had quickly realized that the only person Ally posed a threat to was herself, and agreed. The girl was just as excited as Lauren was to get to the new house.

Lauren made a move for her phone as soon as Ally pulled into the driveway of the house. The youngest Jauregui may or may not have splurged when purchasing the home where they would spend the next years of their lives together.

It was discovered that Lauren’s grandmother had left her a fairly large sum of money when she passed away, which was something Lauren never knew about. Lauren had already been emancipated, something she had worked on as soon as she came in contact with Camila again. Now, a few weeks later, she had been granted access to the money and set aside some of it to acquire the decent-sized house that had a beach, instead of a backyard.

She called Camila’s FaceTime, and it connected almost immediately. Her girlfriend’s face appeared on the screen, and Lauren giggled.

“Did you just wake up?”

"Psh, no,” Camila scoffed, an embarrassed grin creeping onto her face.

“We’re here,” Lauren chimed, just as Rowan and Ally climbed out of the car. Both Camila and Rowan squealed excitedly at the same time, and Lauren turned her phone’s camera so Camila could see the house.

“It’s a mansion!” Rowan gasped, letting go of Ally’s hand and running up to the front porch of the house. Camila’s eyes grew wide and Lauren could tell she was holding the phone closer to her face to get a better look.

“I wouldn’t go as far to say it’s a mansion…” Lauren laughed, following Rowan and Ally up to the front door and grabbing her key from her back pocket with her free hand.

“Holy shit, Lauren,” Camila finally said after studying her phone intently. “How did you afford that?”

“I told you, silly.”

“I just didn’t know your grandmother was the queen of England.”

Lauren rolled her eyes and laughed. “Hush. It isn’t even that big.”

“It’s bigger than the old apartment,” Camila rebutted. And Lauren couldn’t argue with that.

“I could’ve gotten a bigger house, but I chose this one for a certain reason,” Lauren smirked, handing Ally the phone for a second so she could unlock the door.

“Hey, Mila. How you feeling?” the girl holding the phone asked, giggling as Rowan eagerly waited for Lauren to open the door, hopping from one foot to the other.

“Sleepy. They gave me something for my pain and it made me fall asleep. I don’t even know what time it is.”

All the girls giggled, but were quickly distracted when Lauren swung the door open and Rowan squealed in excitement, running into the foyer of the house. She started to run to the left, but changed her mind and ran to the right, but then realized she didn’t know where she wanted to go and paused. Everyone laughed.

“Let’s go upstairs, first,” Lauren guided Rowan towards the stairs, to which the child eagerly ascended. “We’ll save the downstairs for last.” Ally winked at Lauren and both girls laughed.

After leading Rowan and Camila through the master bedroom, bathroom, study (complete with floor to ceiling bookshelves, to which Camila giggled excitedly), Lauren raced Rowan down the hallway and grabbed the doorknob of the last door before the small child could open it.

“Do you know what this is?” Lauren smiled, and Rowan nodded furiously. Ally followed behind them with Lauren’s phone, showing Camila the scene before her.

“My bedroom!” Rowan giggled. Lauren turned the doorknob, cracking the door open and biting her lip as Rowan cautiously peered inside. At first Lauren held her breath when Rowan didn’t react, but a smile tugged at her lips when the small child turned around and raced to wrap Lauren in a hug.

“Mommy, it’s purple!” Rowan exclaimed, reaching up and holding out her hands. Ally handed her the phone and Rowan scurried back into her bedroom, holding out the camera and attempting to show Camila her bedroom.

"It’s on your face, Ro,” Camila giggled at her daughter’s confused expression. Lauren quickly bent down behind her to turn the camera the right way, and Rowan giggled, spinning around in a circle to show the bedroom, which was colored brightly with a light purple, with small flowers that bordered the ceiling in a darker shade.

“I think that’s your dream bedroom, Ro,” Camila laughed, becoming dizzy from the choppy camera movements. Rowan started spinning in faster circles when to see how blurry she could make the picture on the screen, and Lauren quickly took the phone back to avoid Camila getting motion sick.

“Thank you,” Camila laughed, rolling her eyes playfully. “You know my kid too well.” Lauren crinkled her nose to the camera and then turned it back around, prying Rowan away from the bedroom so they could go back downstairs.

“This is the living room, there’s an office through those doors, a closet, a bathroom, and the kitchen’s through here…” Lauren continued once they reached the ground floor. She purposely avoided showing part of the kitchen, saving the best for last.

“I love it,” Camila sighed, wishing she could be there.

“Only a few more days,” Lauren reminded her, and giggled when she saw a smile make its way onto her girlfriend’s face. “Ready for the best part?”

“There’s more?” Camila asked, genuinely surprised. Lauren nodded and tapped Rowan’s shoulder.

“Go pull that curtain,” she whispered into Rowan’s ear, and the small child gladly accepted her mission. She skipped over to the big curtain on the wall in the kitchen, drawing it aside and squealing when she saw what was hidden underneath.

“You’re kidding me…” Camila said softly, leaning in closer to the camera. Ally lunged forward to grab Rowan before the child ran straight into the glass door, reminding her that she needed to open the door before she went outside.

Rowan eagerly pulled the door open and ran out on the deck, Ally and Lauren followed.

“You didn’t!” Camila squealed, sitting up in her bed.

“I did,” Lauren grinned.

“You bought us a beach!?” Rowan gasped, causing all three girls to laugh. Rowan hopped down the stairs of the deck, landing barefoot on the warm sand.

“This is the best day ever!” she giggled, falling back onto the sand and looking up at the sky. Lauren laughed, following her down the steps and kicking off her flip flops, feeling the sand inbetween her toes and breathing in the salty air.

“You’re crazy!” Camila gasped, still in disbelief.

“I know.”

“You’re lying, you have to be.”

“You’ll see for yourself in a few days time,” Lauren smirked. “I could always take it back if you d—“

“Shut up,” Camila giggled, shaking her head. “I love it.” Her head snapped up, taking her attention off her phone when the doctor came into the room. “Hey Laur, I’ve got to go. Call me tonight?”

The girls made plans to talk that night before they said their goodbyes, and Lauren took off after Rowan, who was already running towards the shoreline.

* * *

An hour or so later, the moving truck showed up with the boxes Lauren had brought from Camila’s apartment. She thanked the movers once they were finished, locking the door behind them and turning back as she heard someone enter the kitchen.

“She fell asleep while making a sand castle…” Ally giggled softly, holding a sleeping Rowan against her chest.

“Must’ve been a pretty exciting day for her,” Lauren nodded and Ally agreed. They laid the sleeping child on the couch and sat down at the kitchen table. Lauren rested her head in her hands and sighed softly.

“Miss her?”

Lauren lifted her eyes when Ally spoke, biting her lip. “I just don’t like being this far away from her and knowing she’s all alone.”

Ally nodded in understanding, reaching forward and squeezing Lauren’s hand. “Only a few more days and then things will settle down.” Lauren gave her a thankful smile.

“We should probably start unpacking while the human tornado is out,” Ally added, nodding towards Rowan. Both girls laughed and Lauren stood up, following Ally upstairs and into the master bedroom.

Lauren sat down on the floor, pulling one of the large boxes towards her. Opening it, a smile formed on her lips when something caught her eye. She turned to Ally.

“Do you mind if I run out to the store really quick? I have an idea.”

* * *

After unpacking for a bit, all three girls ended up falling asleep in the living room while watching Cupcake Wars. Rowan had her feet on Ally’s stomach, and her hands stretched across the carpet to tangle themselves in Lauren’s hair.

The next morning Lauren felt Rowan stir and opened her eyes slowly, realizing where they’d all spent the night. She looked over to see Rowan’s large gray-blue eyes watching her softly, and the small child smiled cheekily when she saw Lauren was awake. She giggled and crawled into Lauren’s arms.

“I’m glad you’re here, kangaroo,” she yawned.

“So am I, Ro.”

“The nightmares don’t like it when you’re here,” Rowan said softly, tilting her head and smiling up at her.

“What?” Lauren propped herself up against the back of the couch, playing with Rowan’s hair absentmindedly.

“They go away when you’re here. You scare em’ away,” the small girl explained, as if it were common knowledge.

Lauren felt her breath catch in her throat and she quickly looked down at Rowan with a small smile on her face. “Well I’m glad I’m here to scare them away, then,” she said softly, and Rowan giggled.

Rowan and Lauren relaxed in silence for a bit before Ally woke up, watching Rowan so Lauren could get dressed and ready to fly back to Camila. Depending on how she did that day, she could be discharged as early as tomorrow. Lauren needed to be there with her to finish the last of the paperwork. Plus, she just missed her girlfriend like hell. She smiled and brought her hand to her lips. _Her girlfriend._  


Ally appeared in her bedroom just as Lauren finished packing and leaned against the doorway, eyeing Lauren with a small smile on her face.

"You made it official?”Lauren turned to her with her cheeks flushed red, tilting her head to the side.

“Don’t play dumb,” Ally laughed. “You and Camila, yeah?”

Lauren just nodded, biting her lip.

“Finally!” Ally threw her hand in the air and walked over to Lauren, taking her by surprise when she hugged her. “I’m really happy for you guys. I see how happy you make each other.”

The taller girl blushed and Ally giggled, pulling away from the hug and placing a hand on Lauren’s shoulder before nudging her towards the door. “Go get your girl.”


	19. just out of my reach

After saying her goodbyes to Ally and Rowan, Lauren headed through security, collapsing into a chair when she reached her gate. The last few days had been exhausting, physically and mentally. She’d put all her effort in making sure Camila and Rowan were cared for, giving herself no time to recover herself, after her encounter with Keith.

She’d nearly fallen asleep when her flight was called. The people around her started to get up and she moved to follow, wincing when she stood up too fast and a sharp pain shot up her side. The bruise she’d gained after she passed out in Keith’s basement was most likely given to her when she was unconscious. He had literally kicked her while she was down. Lauren took a deep breath before walking to her gate, giving the flight attendant her ticket and boarding the plane.

The entire plane ride consisted of Lauren continually getting refills of water, wetting a napkin and using it as a cold compress on her side. It was hurting more than usual, and that was saying something. She ignored it as best as she could, her main focus was on getting back to Camila.

Once her plane landed, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and slowly made her way to the front of the airport. She was waiting for the bus when another sharp pain shot up her side and she was forced to sit on the curb.

Eventually, she pulled herself onto the bus and shortly after found herself in the hospital parking lot, walking stiffly through the front doors. She was relieved once she got in the elevator, thankful that she would now be able to see Camila.

The elevator came to a stop on the second floor and the doors dinged open. Lauren turned down the hallway excitedly, but found herself on the floor moments later, inhaling sharply and clutching her side.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” the stranger who had run into her apologized, but Lauren couldn’t focus with the pain searing though her abdomen.

“Wait… Lauren?” a familiar voice appeared from behind her, and Lauren lifted her head.

“I’ve got her, Becca,” Dinah said, ushering the other girl off before leaning down next to Lauren.

"D-dinah?” Lauren’s eyes widened, and she moved to stand up but stopped when she realized just how much pain she was in. “What… what are you doing here?”

"I’m interning with my aunt for college credits during the summer, I could say the same to you. Where the hell have you been? Can you stand?” Dinah asked, not bothering to wait for an answer, she was already grabbing a wheelchair from one of the supply closets.

“I’m visiting someone,” Lauren bit her lip as Dinah held out her hand. She held her breath as she was helped into the wheelchair, taking a deep breath once she was sitting down.

“Not now you’re not,” Dinah acted surprised. She started pushing the wheelchair down the hallway, past Camila’s room. Lauren panicked and dug her feet into the ground, nearly tipping herself over.

“Are you crazy?” Dinah asked, glaring at Lauren.

“What are you doing?” Lauren bit her lip, glancing at Camila’s door.

“Taking you to a doctor, what do you think I’m doing?”

Lauren moved to stand up but had to contain a gasp at the sensation in her side, giving up and sitting back down carefully. Dinah took this as a sign, and resumed pushing Lauren down the hallway.

* * *

Camila glanced at the door nervously, looking at her phone for nearly the hundredth time that night. Lauren should be here by now. She’d tried calling her multiple times but each time she was sent to voicemail. She called Ally, who said Lauren had left on time, and she hadn’t heard from her since.

Camila was just about to call Lauren’s phone again when the door opened, revealing a girl about her age. “I’m supposed to give this to you,” she said quietly, glancing out the door to make sure no one was looking before dropping the note into Camila’s lap and disappearing back out into the empty hallway, shutting it quietly behind her.

Biting her lip, Camila unfolded her note and scanned the messy handwriting.

_Hey babe. I’m right above you right now —no wait, I’m not dead, don’t worry. My room is above yours…. Apparently the nasty bruise is my side was more than just a bruise, it’s called a hemotoma, I think. I almost wrote hippopotamus. They won’t let me see you. “Hospital rules” don’t permit patients in each other’s rooms. It’s bullshit. I’ll come see you as soon as I can, okay? I’m about to go into surgery (it’s not major, don’t worry) and Dinah’s gonna give this to you once I’m out. You can text me now – please excuse if I’m a little drugged on pain meds. I’ll come see you as soon as I can. I’m sorry I’m not there right now. I love you._

_\- Lauren_

Camila giggled at Lauren’s corny jokes, but frowned when it dawned on her that she was supposed to be discharged tomorrow, and fly home that afternoon. She folded the letter back up and grabbed her phone.

  
**Camz** : _don’t be sorry_  


  
**Lolo** : _i feel highh_  


  
**Camz** : _you’re a dork, what’d they give you?_  


  
**Lolo** : _i know._  


  
**Lolo** : _something strong_  


  
**Camz** : _how do you feel?_  


  
**Lolo** : _fine, they said the surgery isn’t a big deal. doc said “it’s just draining blood that’s somewhere it’s not supposed to be”_  


  
**Camz** : _ouch_  


  
**Lolo** : _did you talk to the doctor today?_  


  
**Camz** : _yeah... I get discharged tomorrow_  


  
**Lolo** : _finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!_  


  
**Camz** : _you’re not mad?_  


  
**Lolo** : _mad?_  


  
**Camz** : _we were supposed to fly to cali together…?_  


  
**Lolo** : _oh_  


  
**Lolo** : _you don’t think they’ll let me leave tomorrow?_  


  
**Camz** : _you just had surgery, lo. our flight is less than 24 hours from now_  


  
**Lolo** : _fuck it_  


  
**Camz** : _don’t even think about making a run for it_  


  
**Lolo** : _you know me too well_  


  
**Lolo** : _it’s fine_  


  
**Lolo** : _as long as you’re okay_  


  
**Camz** : _smooth, jauregui_  


  
**Camz** : _all this crap will be over soon and then we’ll be together, and this is all be in the past_  


  
**Lolo** : _‘you two are now one, the darkness has past’_  


  
**Camz** : _what?_  


  
**Lolo** : _someone once told me that when i needed to hear it the most_  


  
**Lolo** : _it sounded cooler in hawaiian_  


  
**Camz** : _i have a feeling there’s a story behind this_  


  
**Lolo** : _i’ll tell you later when i’m not heavily drugged_  


  
**Camz** : _get some sleep, lo_  


  
**Lolo** : _i’ll call you in the morning_  


  
**Camz** : _yes ma’am_  


  
**Lolo** : _if you need me and it’s an emergency, just throw something at the ceiling until you get my attention_  


  
**Camz** : _you could always tunnel through the floor_  


  
**Camz** : _why aren’t you replying_  


  
**Camz** : _don’t you even think about it_  


  
**Lolo** : _…_  


  
**Lolo** : _kidding. goodnight?_  


  
**Camz** : _i love you_  


  
**Lolo** : _love you more_  


* * *

Camila fell asleep instantly, still wearing the hoodie she’d stolen from Lauren. She was excited to finally get out of the hospital and into the fresh air, especially since she’d be coming home to her daughter. The only downside was that she would be leaving Lauren all by herself in the hospital. She didn’t want to do that.

She knew she couldn’t prolong her stay at the hospital for another day, though. So the next morning she found herself packing up what little belongings she had on her, and changing out of the dreaded hospital gown (only to put on Lauren’s hoodie over a clean shirt), and follow her social worker out of the front doors of the hospital. She blew a kiss in Lauren’s direction as they walked to the car.

The car ride was silent, for the most part. Camila tried calling Lauren but she assumed the darker haired girl was asleep, because the phone rang until she was sent to voicemail.

She sighed and slid her phone back in her pocket, leaning against the window and watching the scenery pass by. Even though Lauren wasn’t there, there was still something so… important, about this moment. Camila was saying goodbye to an old life and starting a new one, once again. There was one difference this time: It was with the two girls she loved the most in the world. That thought alone made her close her eyes and let a smile spread across her lips. She had a good feeling about this.

Lolo: _have a safe flight dork_  


Camila giggled, pursing her lips and thinking for a moment before replying back and telling Lauren she’d call her once she got home. The car pulled up to the front of the airport and Camila felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” her social worker asked, sending Camila a small smile.

“I’ll be okay,” Camila nodded, clasping her hands together and circling around the car to grab her backpack from the trunk. Kara rolled down the window and motioned for Camila to come over.

“Be safe, okay? And take good care of your daughter. Lauren too,” she said, reaching out and squeezing the wavy-haired girl’s hand. Camila nodded softly.

“Thank you so much… for everything you’ve done. You don’t know how helpful you’ve been, to me and Rowan, and Lauren too,” she smiled warmly and reached in to hug the blonde woman.

Camila waved one last time before throwing her backpack over her shoulder and pushing through the large glass doors to the airport.

She was going home.

* * *

“Wake up, Jauregui. You’ve got some explaining to do.”

Lauren opened her eyes just in time to see Dinah tossing Lauren her jacket, and she made a move to grab it but missed. The jacket slid onto the floor and she groaned.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Fine, Mani, it’s n—… Mani?!” Lauren’s head shot up, recognizing the darker haired girl that had just walked in to stand next to Dinah with a smirk on her lips. “What’re you doing here?”

“We could ask you the same question,” the girl laughed, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. “Dinah called me.”

“And you drove all the way here?”

“Flew, but—“ Dinah interrupted Normani before she could finish.

“Kara’s my aunt.”

Lauren bit her lip. “I can expl—“

"You’re leaving? California? When did this happen?” Dinah interrupted again. Lauren sighed, pressing her hands into the mattress and pushing herself up. Normani grabbed her waist to help her steady herself until she was sitting up all the way. Dinah must’ve seen something on her aunt’s desk.

“It’s a long story,” Lauren laughed softly. Dinah sat down.

“We have time.”

Lauren nodded and ran her fingers through her hair, gathering her words for a moment before she spoke.

“You guys have to trust me, okay? I can’t tell you some of this stuff, no matter how much I want to. I’ve literally signed my life away on this, okay?”

Both girls nodded.

“I met someone a few weeks ago. She’s g—“

“She?” both girls turned to face her. Lauren swallowed. She hadn’t exactly been honest with her two closest friends when she told them why she was kicked out of her house. Lauren nodded hesitantly.

“What’s her name?” Normani asked, a wide smile on her face. Lauren’s shoulders relaxed. Her friends didn’t care that Camila was a girl.

“I—uh—I can’t tell you that…” Lauren knew they would put the pieces together if she did.

“Why? Is she some kind of super famous superstar or something?”

“To me, yeah,” Lauren shrugged. Both girls ‘aww’-ed and Lauren felt her face grow red. Normani reached out and squeezed Lauren’s hand.

“So you met this girl, you think she’s a superstar… and now what? You’re running away to California together?” Normani asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lauren chuckled. “Well if you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous. But yeah.”

“I’m trying very hard not to ask a million questions,” Dinah laughed, raising a questioning eyebrow at Lauren.

“We got… involved in something. It wasn’t her fault. Or mine. Basically Keith wants both of us dead, to put it bluntly.”

Both girls nodded, still confused, but trying to remain understanding.

“So you’re just gonna leave us?” Normani half-teased. Lauren’s throat grew dry and she looked down at her hands.

“I’m not allowed to have contact… with anyone from back home,” Lauren bit her lip.

Normani and Dinah exchanged glances. “My family goes down to California every summer. I’m sure we’ll ‘accidentally’ run into each other down there. Right, Dinah?” Normani smirked, elbowing her friend. Dinah looked up and nodded.

“And if you ‘accidentally’ drive down Oakland Avenue, and ‘accidentally’ visit the last house on the right, I’m sure the occupants would love to see you sometime,” Lauren lifted her head, laughing softly.

“But on accident,” Dinah nodded.

“Definitely,” Lauren giggled.

“We’re spending the rest of the day with you,” Normani decided for the both of them, scooting up further on the bed. Lauren smiled, thankful to have something to pass the time.

“So you have to tell us more about this mystery girl. How’d you meet her? What’s she like? Is she good in bed?” Dinah asked, and both girls hit her on the shoulder. “What?” she laughed, glaring at them and then laughing.

“We…” Lauren cleared her throat. “We met in an elevator, actually.” She smiled to herself, thinking back on the moment that had happened a few weeks ago. It wasn’t exactly a lie. She shrugged it off. “But it felt like we’d known each other for years. She’s kind of a dork…” Lauren giggled and shook her head.

“She’s super sweet. Like, she won’t even kill a spider. She makes me do it. And even then she can’t be in the room when I do. The cutest thing, though, is watching her with her daughter. She’s s—“

“Daughter?!” both girls blurted out, cutting Lauren off and causing the green-eyed girl to jump. She nodded and laughed softly.

“Yes, daughter.”

“And you didn’t panic and run away the second you realized that?”

“Why would I?” Lauren raised her eyebrows.

“Lauren, you wouldn’t even get a pet hamster with Keith. You can’t commit to anything.”

“Shit. I should probably take back the engagement ring then?” Lauren feigned shock. Both girls gasped and Lauren burst into laughter, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry guys, we’re not there yet. Maybe tomorrow,” she joked, and Normani shoved her playfully.


	20. don't wanna sleep alone

Camila thanked the taxi driver, pulling off her hoodie as soon as she set foot in the driveway. This was home. Her home. She took a deep breath, inhaling the clean, sea air.

Giggling brought her out of her trance and Camila’s lips curved into a smile, throwing her backpack onto the front lawn and heading around the side of the house. She kicked off her shoes somewhere along the way, hopping out onto the warm sand and giggling excitedly.

“Roooooowan,” she sung as she reached the back of the house, spotting her daughter digging in the sand. Blue eyes flashed up from what she was doing, and the small child squealed with glee when she saw her mother walking towards her. 

“Mommy!” Rowan gasped, hopping to her feet and scrambling over to Camila, kicking up sand as she ran. She leaped into her mother’s arms, and Camila lost her footing and slid to her knees in the sand, too busy giggling to pay attention to the soreness in her legs.

“Lauren bought us a beach, see?” Rowan exclaimed when they pulled away from the hug, pointing to the ocean.

Camila giggled. “I see that, Ro. Do you like it?”

The small child nodded furiously, tugging on Camila’s hand. “Come see my bedroom?” Her mother laughed, pushing herself up to her feet and brushing the sand off of her knees.

“What’s for breakfast?” Camila smirked, smelling something cooking as Rowan led her into the back door. Ally’s head shot up when she heard Camila’s voice, and her lips curved into a smile.

“Mila!” she sighed happily, throwing the dish towel in her hand down and walking over to hug Camila gently. “How do you feel?” the smaller girl asked, eyeing Camila up and down.

“Glad to be home.”

* * *

“Get a good night’s sleep, Laur.”

“Yeah. And we’ll ‘accidentally’ see you as soon as we can, okay?” Nomani added on to Dinah’s comment.

Lauren nodded and stood up carefully, moving to pull both of the girls into a tight hug. “I’ll miss you guys so much,” she whispered.

“Girl, don’t you dare act like this is the last time we’ll ever see you, okay? I’m about to hunt down the whole state of California just to find you and meet your little dream family,” Dinah laughed, squeezing Lauren’s shoulder. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Lauren nodded. The girls hugged one last time before her eyes followed them until they disappeared down the hallway. She smiled to herself, closing the door behind her and walking over to the bed.

Lauren pressed the button next to her bed to call the doctor.

Normani had told her to get a good night’s sleep.

She knew there was only one way she would be able to do so.

* * *

“Mommy, watch this!” Rowan called, and Camila peered over the edge of the deck to get a better look at her daughter. The small girl tore off a small piece of her pizza crust and tossed it in the air. Seconds later, a seagull dived down and caught the food in midair. Rowan squealed giddily and turned to see if her mother had seen.

“You’re already making friends!” Camila called out to her, and Rowan gave her a thumbs up before running further down the beach. Both Camila and Ally burst into laughter when the crowd of seagulls that had collected around Rowan continued to follow her.

“She takes after you,” Ally laughed, taking a sip of her drink. Camila turned back to her, reaching across the table and nudging her shoulder playfully.

“Hush.”

“Don’t hate me for telling the truth.”

Camila rolled her eyes and laughed, looking down at her empty plate. “I’m gonna go throw this away and change into shorts. We can take Rowan down to the water? I’m good as long as my stitches don’t get wet.”

Ally nodded in agreement and gave her a thumbs up, with a mouthful of food.

Once she threw her trash away, Camila grabbed her bag from the deck and headed upstairs. She’d yet to come upstairs, but she knew how to find their bedroom from when she’d FaceTimed Lauren.

Her bag fell out of her hand when she pushed the door open and she felt tears well in her eyes.

Camila’s feet quickly carried her over to the wall, pressing her fingers against the smooth blue paint and letting her eyes scan the collection of Polaroid pictures she’d kept hidden in a box for so many years. They were now strung and hung in rows, covering the entire wall above the king sized bed. In the middle of it all, their old, beaten up, baby blue camera sat proudly on a small shelf. Camila couldn’t stop herself from smiling like an idiot.

When she took a step back to admire the pictures from far away, something else caught her eye. Three Polaroid cameras sat on the table. One pink, one blue, and one smaller, kid-sized, purple one. Camila laughed softly and picked up the envelope that lay on the nightstand. Three Polaroid pictures fell out.

She picked up the first, laughing in shock when she realized Lauren had taken a selfie with her while they were sleeping in the hospital. Camila was curled up in ball, her head hidden by strands of hair that cascaded over Lauren’s chest. Lauren had held the camera above both of them and kissed Camila’s forehead, snapping the picture just as she did.

The second picture was taken yesterday, she could tell. It was of Rowan and Lauren on the beach, facing them from the back. Lauren was running away from the camera, with Rowan on her shoulders. The sun peeked out above them, making them glow against the background.

The last picture made Camila pout out her bottom lip. It was adorable. Ally must have taken it when Rowan and Lauren fell asleep. Lauren was on the floor, arms wrapped around Rowan, who was spread out on her chest. She giggled when she realized Rowan was still clutching the TV remote, while her other hand was tangled in Lauren’s hair, like it always was when she slept.

She set the pictures down on the table and unfolded the piece of paper in the envelope. Three small clothespins were taped on it, and above it, in Lauren’s handwriting, were the words “Here’s to many more memories.”

Camila didn’t know how she got so lucky. She pried the clothespins off of the note and used them to add the pictures from the envelope onto the wall. She giggled, taking a step back and studying the wall for a few minutes until Rowan’s tiny voice calling her from downstairs reminded her of what she was supposed to be doing.

* * *

Everything was falling into place.

Ally, exhausted from watching Rowan, had taken it upon herself to head to bed as soon as the trio got back from walking down to the water. Camila had allowed Rowan to stay up with her and watch the stars from the deck. She’d just put Rowan to bed, who was eager to sleep in her ‘big girl bed’, but Camila had a feeling she’d be gaining a small visitor in her bed that night.

Everything seemed perfect, except for one big, Lauren-shaped detail. She was impatiently waiting to see her girlfriend the next day, which is why after Rowan was settled in her bed, Camila laid down under her own large, empty sheets, hoping that tomorrow would come sooner if she fell asleep quicker.

Camila tossed and turned. She couldn’t fall asleep knowing that Lauren was practically on the other side of the country, all alone in a hospital bed. She finally grew comfortable at around midnight, curling up in a ball in the very corner of the bed with a pillow hugged to her chest.

Just as she felt sleep about to overtake her, she heard the door open slowly. She smiled to herself, knowing she had been right about Rowan, but also glad that she wouldn’t be alone on her first night there.

She heard the pitter patter of small footsteps and didn’t bother moving.

“How’d you know I needed my cuddle buddy, Ro?” she laughed, yawning softly. There was no answer, and just as she was about to turn over, she felt a pair of large arms snake around her waist and pull her towards the middle of the bed.

Suddenly there was a pair of lips pressed to her neck and an all-too-familiar smell overtook Camila.

“Will you settle for me, instead?” the raspy voice whispered, and Camila felt the blood rush to her cheeks. She turned over as quick as she could, cupping the girl’s face in her hands and laughing out of relief.

“You came home.”

“Of course I did,” Lauren’s soft voice answered back, running her fingers up Camila’s arm. “I couldn’t wait to see my favorite girl.”


	21. highest mountain to deepest sea

Waking up in Lauren's arms was Camila's favorite thing. But it was soon replaced by the feeling of waking up in her _girlfriend's_ arms, in their own house, with another smaller human snuggled up next to them.

"I'm gonna lay here with you until you wake up, okay?" Rowan smiled sleepily, her caramel hair was ruffled and falling all over her face. Camila giggled at her daughter, pressing her tongue between her teeth and nodding softly.

"I'd like that, Ro," she whispered, careful not to wake Lauren as she freed one of her arms to pull her daughter closer to her.

The trio lay in silence for what Camila wished would be an eternity. She was so innocently happy. She had all she needed within an arms reach of her. It was all she could ever ask for.

A light kiss pressed to her temple brought her out of her thoughts, and she felt Lauren's warm breath move down to press a kiss to her neck, lingering on the soft skin before the dark-haired girl lifted her head to study the scene in front of her. She wanted to remember it for the rest of her life.

"Psst."

Camila glanced at Lauren before turning to her daughter, tilting her head to the side. Rowan leaned down, cupping her small hands around her mother's ear and leaning in to whisper her question.

"Did you ask her to kiss you?" Rowan asked, concerned.

Camila raised her head, laughing softly. "What?"

Rowan glanced nervously at Lauren and then back at her mother, sitting up and clasping her hands in her lap. "Wyatt says you have to ask someone before you kiss them. He kissed a girl without asking once and made her cry."

Camila suddenly understood and giggled, looking at Lauren, whose cheeks were bright red. The two older girls sat up, exchanging glances and silently deciding this was the right time to have the conversation.

"Can we talk to you about something, Ro?" Lauren asked, and the small girl nodded. Lauren patted her lap, which Rowan eagerly crawled into, staring up at both the girls with her gray-blue eyes.

It was Camila's turn to speak, and she reached out to smooth her daughter's hair out of her face.

"Do you remember when you asked me about being in love?"

Rowan thought for a moment, bringing her hand to her face before nodding furiously.

"And I promised you that when I was in 'inside love' with someone, that I'd tell you, right?"

Rowan nodded and looked at Lauren, who was fighting back a smile.

"Well, Ro, would you like to meet the person I'm in love with?"

Rowan giggled, looking up at Lauren and shaking her head. "She's right here, mommy. I've already did meet her a long time ago."

Lauren and Camila both met one another's eyes with shocked expressions, and Rowan reached up to hold Lauren's face in her hands.

"I told you that, silly. She looks at you like you're Cinderella. And you look at her like that, too. I know your secret!" she giggled. The other two girls laughed softly, relieved that Rowan didn't seem to mind.

Lauren leaned over, taking Camila's hand and kissing her gently. They both heard Rowan giggle excitedly when they pulled away. They met eyes again and Camila blushed.

"Does that mean I get to call you mommy now?" Rowan asked innocently, looking back and forth from Lauren and Camila.

Lauren swallowed hard. She loved Rowan like her own, and Camila knew that. But she was concerned that Camila wouldn't want her having such an influential position in her daughter's life.

Just as Lauren opened her mouth to explain to Rowan that it wasn't that easy, Camila squeezed her hand.

"I would love that, Rowan. You have to ask Lauren first, though," she said softly, meeting Lauren's eyes nervously. Both girls instantly relaxed when they smiled at one another.

"I think that's a great idea, Ro," Lauren laughed, and Rowan clapped her hands. The small girl proceeded to stand up, wrapping her arms around both girls and pulling them into a tight hug.

"I'm still gonna call you kangaroo sometimes though."

* * *

"Being a human is weird."

"I thought you were asleep," Lauren laughed, wiping her eyes and lifting her head to look at Camila. She now realized the smaller girl had been wide awake the entire time, while she accustomed to the darkness.

"I've just been thinkin'," Camila hummed, reaching over and finding Lauren's hand.

"Enlighten me." Lauren squeezed her hand, holding it protectively in her own.

"I don't know, it's stupid. I was just thinking. You know how people always say matter can't be created or destroyed?" Camila asked. Her eyes studied Lauren's. She turned to lay on her side, propping herself up on her elbow so their faces were only inches away from each other.

"The first law of thermodynamics, yeah?"

"Stop showing off." Both girls laughed quietly and Camila wet her lips, glancing down at Lauren's before meeting her green-eyes again (which still pierced right through her own, even in the pitch black.)

"So that means our bodies are made out of like... dinosaur bones, right?" Camila asked, and Lauren thought about it for a second before shrugging.

"You could say that, yeah."

Camila nodded, biting her lip and pausing for a moment. "We've talked in history class about this war, between the Venetians and the Ottoman Empire. It lasted fifteen years, right?" Lauren nodded, unsure of where she was going with this explanation.

"Well the Venetians destroyed the Parthenon, which really pissed off the other guys. So the Ottoman Empire fought back and attacked the Fortress of Valona, in Albania," Camila paused, looking up at the ceiling to try and gather her words. Lauren smiled at how deep in thought she seemed to be.

"So I was thinking, what if some of the matter that made up the Parthenon is now in you?" Camila pondered, reaching out and tracing down Lauren's jaw. "And what if somewhere in me, there's matter that used be in the Fortress of Valona?" Camila brought her hand to her own face, pressing her thumb to her forehead and sliding it down to her cheek. Lauren listened intently. She loved the way Camila saw the world. She didn't take shortcuts. She took her time to observe things, to find similarities in some things that people claimed to be polar opposites.

"And I just thought it was funny, because these two things that once represented such a great conflict are now so docile, and they inhabit the bodies of two people who are the exact opposites of the destruction that they witnessed. So now instead of the hatred and resentment they once shared for one another, Valona wakes up every morning just so she can kiss the walls of the Parthenon. And instead of being used as a means for more retaliation and violence on the other, the Parthenon does the exact opposite by protecting Valona with everything she has."

"And I wonder how many other polar opposites we have brought together by falling in love. Inside you could have been the match that started the fire and burned down an entire house, and inside of me may live the remnants of a rocking chair inside the house that was burned to the ground. All these little things... these cells that make up our bodies, they could have once despised one another. But now every single part of me is in love with every single part of you. Just with one touch we would be resolving age old conflicts, or ushering the tip of the tallest mountain to kiss the sand that lies at the deepest part of the ocean."

Lauren didn't think she could ever love Camila more than she did in that moment. Even if she was the Parthenon and Camila was Verona, there was no ounce of her that hated any inch of Camila.

The other girl was awaiting a response from Lauren and was alarmed when Lauren's thumb grazed her bottom lip slowly, gliding over the sensitive skin, until her hand found its way to rest underneath her chin.

"Even if we're made of ancient buildings and matter that is millions of years old, I still think you're the biggest breath of fresh air I'll ever breathe." Lauren's voice echoed through the room and Camila wanted nothing more in that moment than to kiss her.

So she did.


	22. long time no see, karla

**4 months later**

“Babe?”

Camila looked up from her phone and yelled a muffled “I’m here!” with a mouthful of cereal. Lauren turned into the kitchen, giggling when she saw her girlfriend grabbing a napkin to wipe the milk off of her chin.

“G’morning,” Lauren laughed. Camila gave her a quick smile before standing up to take her bowl over to the sink. Lauren followed behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and resting her chin on the smaller girl’s shoulder.

“How’d you sleep?” Lauren’s raspy morning voice gave Camila goosebumps and she nearly dropped her bowl on the counter. She quickly set it down and turned around so she was sandwiched between Lauren and the sink.

“Good,” she hummed, leaning in and kissing Lauren gently. The taller girl eagerly returned the kiss.

The past months had been the best days of both of their lives. They were together, they were happy, and everything was running smoothly. Rowan couldn’t be happier having Lauren as a part of their family now, and Lauren couldn’t be happier to be a part of their family. It felt nice to belong somewhere.

Camila had gotten a job at a local surf shop. She’d even learned a bit of surfing in her spare time. Lauren stayed home with Rowan, but occasionally they’d hire a babysitter and go out on their own.

Both girls feared one thing, though. Keith. He wasn’t dead. He was in jail, but they both knew well enough what he was capable of. Neither of them discussed it though, they were both too scared it would jinx things.

“ _Moooooom!_ ”

Camila and Lauren quickly separated just in time for Rowan to hop down the stairs in her pastel pink nightgown with a big smile on her face.

“I get to go to the dentist today!” she beamed, and Lauren’s eyes widened.

“Thanks for reminding me, bug,” she laughed and winked at Camila, whose cheeks turned red. “What’s gotten you all excited to go to the dentist?”

Rowan shrugged before smiling widely at Lauren. “He does this,” she tapped on her teeth. “And then he gives me a prize!”

“Good observation,” Camila giggled. She bent down to kiss the top of her daughter’s head before turning to Lauren. “Are you taking her?” Lauren nodded and shooed Camila upstairs to get dressed for work. They exchanged one last kiss before Camila disappeared into her bedroom and Lauren followed Rowan into the room on the opposite end of the hallway.

* * *

Camila hummed softly to herself while she got dressed. She was soon adorning a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt that donned the logo of the surf shop she worked for. After locking the front door behind her, she noticed something had been left on her front stoop. She bent down to pick up the white envelope that was hand addressed to her. Realizing she had a little bit of time left before she had to leave for work, she sat down on the porch and ripped the envelope open.

_Long time no see, Karla._

* * *

“Mommy! Mommy!”

Lauren looked up from the magazine she was reading to see Rowan running out of the dentist’s office, holding out a lollipop and a new toothbrush. Lauren laughed, listening to the small girl’s detailed story about her teeth before thanking the dentist and leading Rowan back to the car.

“Can we go see mommy? I wanna show her my lollipop,” Rowan pleaded from the backseat, looking at Lauren through the rear view mirror. Lauren shot her a smile and shrugged.

“I don’t see why not,” she laughed. The small car pulled out of the parking lot and soon Rowan was clapping her hands excitedly when the bright yellow roof of the surf shop came into view. After parking, Lauren helped Rowan out of the car. The small girl didn’t bother to wait before running through the glass doors, smiling brightly when she caught sight of her mother behind the counter.

“Mommy! I got a lollipop!”

Camila looked up from the computer and bit her lip when she saw Rowan. She took a deep breath before circling around the counter, bending down so she was at Rowan’s level. “You did? What’d the dentist say?”

“No castles.”

Camila tilted her head to the side.

“I don’t have any holes in my teeth, mommy. No castles,” Rowan explained, opening her mouth wide to show Camila. Camila giggled and corrected the girl, explaining what the word really was. Lauren entered only a few moments later, smiling softly when she saw her girlfriend.

Camila’s reaction was a bit different, though. Her eyes widened and she quickly stood up. Biting her lip, she returned a nervous smile and tried to walk back around the counter to avoid her girlfriend.

“How’s work?”

Camila looked up, and Lauren was now leaning over the counter to talk to her. She swallowed hard and shrugged. “Slow.”

“Rowan wanted to stop by and show you her lollipop,” Lauren laughed, looking back at Rowan who was now playing with the wind chimes in the back of the store. “Do you get off for lunch soon? I want to take us all out somewhere.”

Camila knew she needed to turn Lauren’s offer down. She had a lot of things to get done at work, and there was… one other tiny detail. She shook her head.

“I already have plans… with a few co-workers. We have to have a meeting or something,” Camila lied, biting her lip. Her heart dropped when she saw the look of disappointment on Lauren’s face.

“Oh… well, another time then?” Lauren smiled, calling Rowan over. Camila nodded hesitantly.

“We’ll leave you to get some work done. See you when you get home?” Camila nodded. “Bye Mila, love you!” Lauren called as they exited the store.

Camila just nodded.

* * *

_Long time no see, Cabello._

_You probably knew I would make a reappearance eventually. I don’t break my promises. Jail isn’t as fun as they’ve hyped it up to be. Luckily I have my men on the outside. How’s your job? I’m sure you’ve sold a board or two today, you sure know how to charm the customers._

_Let’s jump straight to the chase. I want you dead. But I’d like to see you suffer a little before that. There’s no fun in letting you off easy for what you’ve done. So I got to thinking, what would break her heart? What would shatter her into a million tiny pieces?_

_Sofi is doing well, I hear. Oh, wait… you don’t know who Sofi is. Meet your new sister, Cabello. She’s got your eyes. It’s a shame she’s related to you, though. Because now she’s just a pawn in my little game. Along with your so-called “family.”_

_Here’s the thing. If you want them safe, you have to do exactly as I say. And trust me, I will find out if you don’t. Don’t think about telling anyone about this, either. You know what will happen. You’re smart enough to keep your pretty little mouth shut._

_First, if you’re caught doing anything outside of your home with Lauren, she’ll be the first to go. So it’s for her own safety that you stay away from her._

_Second, you will accept my gifts graciously and use them how they intend to be used. No one will know where they came from._

_Expect a letter from me soon. Payback’s a bitch, Karla._

_\- Keith_

Camila read the letter over and over as she sat in her car. This wasn’t happening. Everything had been going perfect.

She forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and folded the letter back up, sliding it into her pocket and clutching her bag to her chest as she exited her car. 

That’s when she noticed the box on her front porch. It was small enough to fit in one hand, and she quickly grabbed it before sneaking inside. She heard Rowan’s giggles from the living room and the sound of something boiling on the stove. Camila disappeared into her office as quietly as she could.

She tore open the box and cupped her hand over her mouth. The words “Wear me” were scribbled in sharpie on a small piece of paper, and underneath it lay a pure gold necklace.

Camila had no idea how she could get out of this. If she didn’t do what she was supposed to do, Keith would find out, somehow. She didn’t know how, but the fact that he knew where she worked was enough to scare her shitless.

Camila picked it up carefully, inspecting it before clasping it around her neck.

She’d do whatever it took if it meant protecting Lauren.

* * *

“Oh, hey. I didn’t know you were home,” Lauren smiled, looking up from the pot on the stove. Camila stood tediously at the entrance of the kitchen. She offered Lauren a nervous smile but remained quiet.

“How was w—?” Lauren raised an eyebrow when she noticed the necklace Camila wore. “Where’d you get that?” she asked, forgetting about the pot on the stove. She took a step closer to Camila and ran her finger across the gold chain. “Is this real?”

Camila took a step backwards. “I-It was a gift.”

“From who?” Lauren ran a nervous hand through her hair.

“I-I… um… I-I’ll get it!” Camila sprinted upstairs to answer the non-existent phone call, leaving Lauren in an utterly confused state, in the middle of the kitchen.

Camila couldn’t afford a necklace that expensive. Lauren knew it. Something was up and she was scared to find out what it was. Where could Camila have gotten a necklace like that? As a gift? Who would give her a gift that extravagant? Surely not a friend.

Was Camila cheating on her?

Lauren’s grip on the dish towel tightened and she took a deep breath, trying to calm down when she heard footsteps come back downstairs.

Dinner was exceptionally quiet that night.

* * *

Another letter was waiting for Camila on the porch the next morning. The mail hadn’t even come yet… they must be being hand delivered. Camila took a step onto the front lawn and looked around to see if whoever delivered the letter was still around.

Nothing in sight.

She sighed and sat down on the porch, biting her lip in fear as she tore into yet another envelope.

_Like the necklace?_

_I bet Lauren does, too. I wonder who she thinks it’s from._

_Glad to see you’re following my instructions. Here’s your next task._

_Inside the envelope is a bus pass. For the next week, you are to take a bus from your home to the next town over at 11:00, and then back home again. And Lauren? She can’t know where you’ve been. Do your best to sneak out without her knowledge, but there’s no escaping her finding out eventually._

_Enjoy your gift._

Camila couldn’t stop herself from crying. Why was he doing this to her? Just when things start to turn around for her, her past had come back to haunt her. She was frustrated. She just wanted things to be normal, for once.

She wished he would just kill her and get it over with.

* * *

Camila was gone.

It’d been over a week since Lauren first caught Camila wearing the necklace. As much as she wanted to dismiss it, Camila was acting differently and causing Lauren to worry even more. They rarely ever shared physical contact anymore, and Camila was never the one to initiate it. Lauren had just tried to ignore it and tell herself nothing was going on.

But something _was_ going on. Because when she woke up to go to the bathroom at 11:30, Camila wasn’t there in bed next to her. Lauren quickly checked downstairs but there were no signs of Camila, or any clues to where she’d gone. Even her car was in the garage.

Something was up, and Lauren was scared.

Just as she was about to head back upstairs, the front door opened.


	23. the eye of the storm

"Where were you?"

Camila jumped when she slipped through the front door and practically ran into Lauren. She stumbled backwards but the taller girl didn't budge. She was sure that _'sitting next to an old man on the bus who kept trying to smell my hair just so I could ride in a circle and then come home'_ wouldn't be an acceptable answer. For Lauren or Keith.

"Out."

She said the only thing she could think of.

Lauren's lips curved into a frown and her eyebrows furrowed together in thought. Camila tried to slip past her and up the stairs, but Lauren grabbed her wrist before she could escape. Camila bit her lip. She'd almost gotten away with it. Lauren hadn't caught her any of the other nights.

"What's going on?" Lauren's voice was deep in the back of her throat and Camila flinched. This is exactly what Keith wanted. If only she could tell her the truth.

"Nothing, Lauren. I was out," Camila tried to keep her voice from wavering. The pained look in Lauren's eyes made her heart drop. She hated this.

"Camila..." Lauren's voice grew softer.

Camila shook her head, yanking her hand out of Lauren's grip and turning around to go upstairs. Lauren followed her quietly.

"Where are you going?" Camila asked timidly, watching as Lauren grabbed her pillow from the bedroom and stormed past her down the hallway.

"The couch," Lauren mumbled, disappearing down the stairs before Camila could defend herself.

One of the only perks of Rowan being a heavy sleeper was that Camila could slam the door as hard as she wanted. And she did.

* * *

Breakfast was silent the next morning. As soon as Rowan finished eating, Lauren took the small girl down to the beach to get away from the house. Away from the tension between her and Camila.

Lauren didn't want to acknowledge what had happened that night. In a million years, she would _never_ expect Camila to cheat on her. Which is probably why she hadn't said anything about it yet. Maybe she was just being irrational.

But all the signs were there.

The necklace was a clear clue. A friend wouldn't buy a solid gold necklace for another friend. But yet again, even most couples wouldn't be able to exchange such extravagant gifts.

And then the sneaking out. Where had she gone last night? She sure seemed terrified when Lauren had caught her coming through the front door. And she wouldn't give her a straight answer.

She didn't stop Lauren from sleeping on the couch, either. Which Lauren found odd because Camila would usually beg her to come back to bed after they have a fight. She wouldn't sleep until they made up. Lauren wondered if she slept last night.

Lauren wondered if by not coming to get her, Camila was admitted to doing something she shouldn't have.

Lauren felt sick to her stomach.

* * *

Camila watched longingly out the window as her daughter skipped happily down to the beach. Lauren was following behind. Camila could tell she was overthinking. About her.

This was the most painful thing Camila had ever done in her life. Keith's beating didn't come anywhere close to how much she was hurting. She was watching the love of her life slowly lose faith in her. And if she did anything to stop it, Camila was sure she'd be watching the love of her life slowly die in front of her.

At least one of those options left Lauren alive. Camila knew either way, her own life would be ending soon. Keith was too smart to let her live after this. She should've realized that and ended this whole situation before Lauren ever got involved.

Just as the pair of girls disappeared from Camila's view, there was a knock at the door. She yawned, walking over and realizing what had just arrived. Whoever had brought it was already long gone. She grabbed the box and envelope, leaving her coffee cup in the kitchen and heading upstairs.

Once she was locked in the office, she tore into the envelope, tears forming in her eyes even before she even read the scribbled handwriting.

_Enjoy the peace and quiet while you can, Karla._

_I think you'll like this gift. The only thing required of you is to leave it in your bathroom. Hide it as best as you can, but the truth will always come out. And I bet she's already pretty suspicious._

_Your next letter will have the instructions that determine your fate. If you follow them correctly, your loved ones will be safe. I'm sorry that I can't say the same for you._

_Enjoy your last days, Karla._

Camila gasped, setting the letter down and shaking her head. This wasn't happening.

She wasn't scared of whatever Keith had in store for her. Maybe she deserved it. She just couldn't bear the thought of leaving Lauren behind without an explanation for what happened to her.

Unless Keith did something even worse. What if he was really trying to hurt Lauren? What if Camila was just a pawn in his game to try and make Lauren miserable? Maybe she could end it before it got worse.

She dismissed the thought.

The box taunted her from the table. Maybe if she just didn't open it, this wouldn't become reality. But she was too curious to see what Keith's next method of torture for her was. So she slowly opened the box.

The transparent orange container caught her eye and she felt her heart speed up. Turning the cylinder around in her hands, her worst nightmare was slowly coming true.

Keith had given her birth control pills. All she had to do was plant them for Lauren to find. She took a deep breath, and minutes later she was in the master bathroom, staring blankly at her reflection in the mirror.

Anything to keep Lauren safe, Camila decided before tucking the bottle into her medicine cabinet.

Anything to keep her safe.

* * *

Lauren hated the feeling of sand stuck to her skin, which was probably why she was glad Camila had never wanted to have sex on the beach. She left Rowan under Camila's watchful eye once they got back inside and silently made her way upstairs.

It bothered her that Camila wasn't even trying to apologize or explain herself. She must not have an explanation because what she was doing really was true. Lauren shuddered at the thought and pushed it to the back of her mind like she always did.

The truth was, even if Camila was cheating on her, Lauren couldn't bring herself to end things. She was so hopelessly in love with the girl downstairs, that she wouldn't be strong enough to stand up for herself. That thought alone scared her.

The bathroom was freezing, and Lauren hopped into the shower as fast as she could. The hot water calmed her nerves, and fifteen minutes later, she wrapped a towel around herself and wrung her hair out.

Searching for a hair tie, she checked the cabinets under the sink and came up empty handed. Thinking Camila may have a spare one, she checked the medicine cabinet on the opposite side of the room. But she found something else.

"Camila?!" her panicked voice rang out and suddenly her eyes were clouded with tears. The bottle fell from her hands and pills scattered all over the floor. Lauren stood frozen in the middle of the bathroom.

* * *

Camila was thankful Rowan had fallen asleep once she got home with Lauren, because a few minutes after she did, her name was yelled from the upstairs bathroom.

Here we go.

Camila took a deep breath, laying a blanket over Rowan's sleeping figure and kissing her daughter's forehead. She made her ascent up the stairs, hearing the bottle of pills fall to the floor and spread themselves across the cold tile. She made it to the bathroom just in time to see the first tear roll down Lauren's cheek.

Camila stood frozen in the doorway when they locked eyes and Lauren shook her head.

"I don't know what to say to you," her broken voice finally said. Camila nodded, unsure of what else to do.

"Do you have anything to say to me...?" Lauren asked, looking down at the collection of small white pills now covering the ground. When she looked back up, Camila shook her head and Lauren bit her lip.

"Okay," Lauren whispered, pushing past Camila and into the bedroom.

Okay?

That wasn't how Camila had expected it to go. There was no screaming, no throwing things, no list of questions. What was Lauren doing? She was supposed to scream at her and then tell her to leave. She was supposed to tell her to never come back. But she didn't.

She said okay.

Camila didn't like where this was going.

* * *

Lauren changed into pajama pants and a tank top, ignoring Camila who had knelt down to pick up the pills in the bathroom.

She had said okay.

She had basically told Camila that it was okay for her to be cheating.

Lauren didn't know what else she was supposed to say without completely breaking down. She didn't want to lose Camila. It should be the other way around. Camila should be begging her to stay. Instead, Lauren was about to break down at the thought of Camila leaving her for someone else.

She skipped dinner that afternoon and lay in bed by herself. She heard the guest bedroom door close and realized Camila wouldn't be joining her that night. She swallowed back her tears.

She would have to get used to this.

* * *

That night, Camila peered into the dark bedroom, standing quietly in the doorway. If this is really what was going to happen, if she was really going through with her plan, she would allow herself these last few moments, even if they weren't the happiest for either of them.

She slowly slipped into their bedroom. Lauren's figure lay motionless in the bed. Camila didn't give herself any time to back out, and she slowly crawled into bed next to Lauren.

She wouldn't touch her. She would just lay here and enjoy their last few moments together. Lauren wouldn't even have to know she was here.

Or she would.

Camila jumped when the figure next to her turned over and grabbed onto her, burying its face in Camila's shoulder. Lauren was crying. Camila swallowed hard and remained as still as she possible could.

"I'm so sorry," Lauren whispered between sobs and Camila decided if your heart could actually physically shatter into a million pieces, this is what it felt like.

Why was she apologizing when she thought Camila was the one who cheated? This wasn't right. Lauren hadn't done anything wrong. This was Camila's fault.

Camila didn't move a muscle.

Lauren never looked at her. She just kept her head tucked in Camila's shoulder. Camila wanted nothing more than to scoop her up into her arms and apologize. But instead, she lay completely frozen.

Eventually Lauren stopped apologizing and her tears slowly stopped. Once she was asleep, Camila moved out from under her as silently as she could. She leaned down and kissed the top of Lauren's head, smoothing out her girlfriend's hair before grabbing her bag that she'd hidden under the bed.

As she walked down the hallway, she stopped in front of Rowan's bedroom door. She couldn't even bring herself to say goodbye to her daughter. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe with Camila gone, Rowan wouldn't have to be in danger anymore. Camila kissed her hand, pressing it to the door before descending down the stairs.

* * *

Lauren woke up as soon as she heard the front door open. Camila wasn't in bed and she immediately jumped to her feet. Camila was leaving.

Lauren sprinted down the stairs, nearly faceplanting but grabbing a hold of the door and flinging it open.

"Camila!" she called, causing the small girl to whip her head around and see Lauren running towards her. Camila's heart stopped and all she wanted to do in that moment was burst into tears and tell Lauren none of this was her fault.

But it was. It was all Camila's fault.

Lauren grabbed her wrist with tears in her eyes. Camila had to force herself to take a deep breath. Lauren's hands were shaking and she struggled to form any words. So Camila beat her to it.

"Go inside, Lauren." Her voice was emotionless.

Lauren's heart was beating so fast she swore Camila could hear it. She shook her head. "Please come back inside. Please. We can t-talk about this... Mila..."

Camila needed to do this to protect Lauren. That's what she kept telling herself. If she were to walk back into that house, none of them were safe. She had to remember that.

So she tore her hand from Lauren's and turned around, walking away and leaving the dark-haired girl on the front yard to fall to the ground, sobbing as Camila's car took off down the street.

* * *

After god knows how long, Lauren picked herself off of the front lawn and made her way back inside. She passed Rowan's room on the way to her bedroom and broke down in tears again. Camila had left her own daughter.

Lauren couldn't help but feel like she didn't know everything that was going on.

But she couldn't focus with the thought that she had just seen Camila for what may have been the last time she would ever see her.

Before curling up in bed, she grabbed her cell phone and dialed Ally's number. She needed help if she was going to make it through the next few days.

"Lauren? What's up?" Ally yawned on the other line. Lauren took a deep breath and suddenly another wave of tears hit her.

"C-camila... she's... s-she... she's gone... she left... I tried to s-stop her, Al, I d-did...." Lauren hugged a pillow to her chest and heard Ally gasp on the other line.

"She left? What do you mean?"

"She packed a b-bag and left... I-I think I caught her cheating b-but I..."

"Lauren, listen to me. Breathe. I'll drive to the airport now. Please don't do anything stupid until I get there, okay?"

"Y-yeah..."

"Promise me, Lauren," Ally's voice was stern on the other line.

"I-I promise."

* * *

Camila was surprised she hadn't gotten into an accident with how recklessly she was driving. Tears were blinding her and she was propelling her car down the road to try and get as far away from her home as possible.

She couldn't believe that this was happening to her. But in her last moments, all that mattered was taking care of what needed to be taken care of to keep Lauren safe. That was all she could think about. If she didn't follow through with this, Lauren wouldn't be safe.

Hours had passed since she'd left Lauren in front of the house. It only felt like a few minutes, but when she looked to the side, she saw the sun starting to peek over the hills. She knew she had to take care of business soon, or else the daylight would ruin her plans.

So she parked her car in the middle of a big city, taking a deep breath and grabbing her black hoodie from the trunk. Pulling it on, Camila started walking down the sidewalk. She didn't feel anything. Her body begged her to feel something, but all she felt was comfort in knowing that soon, Lauren would be safe.

The cars buzzed past her as she stood on the corner of a crosswalk. She studied the faces of the drivers closely. Her eyes landed on an older woman, smoking a cigarette and on the phone with someone. She didn't look very happy with whoever was on the other line. She had no kids in the backseat. Camila decided that she probably deserved to live with the guilt of having killed someone. 

(a/n: if you haven't figured it out already, here's a trigger warning just in case)

One step.

The car sped closer and Camila found herself thinking of Lauren, hoping she'd be okay. Hoping Rowan would be okay.

Two steps.

She now had both feet in the intersection.

Three steps.

Four steps.

Five steps.

Camila turned, facing the car head on. The woman was still on the phone, completely oblivious to the girl in front of her.

Camila closed her eyes.

It wasn't until Camila's body was lying motionless in the middle of the street that the woman finally turned her attention away from her phone.


	24. aftershocks

“So she just… drove off?” Ally asked, handing Lauren the cup of tea she’d made and sitting down next to the green-eyed girl on the couch.

Lauren nodded. Her small hands clasped the warm mug, eager for some kind of warmth.

“Did it feel like she was unsure…? Like, do you think she’ll end up coming back?” Ally asked cautiously, placing a hand on Lauren’s shoulder.

Lauren shook her head. “I tried to get her to show some kind of emotion… I don’t know, Ally. She was just so… cold. Like she’d been waiting to do this forever.”

Ally sighed and rubbed Lauren’s back, trying to keep the girl calmed down.

“Well then we need to think about what we’re going to tell Rowan,” Ally said after a few minutes of silence. “I know it’s hard to think about, but it needs to happen sooner or later.”

Lauren’s breath caught in her throat and she swallowed hard. “What do we tell her?”

“The truth.”

* * *

So this must be what heaven feels like.

Wait, no. Heaven shouldn’t feel like this.

Heaven isn’t supposed to be this painful. Was she alive?

Oh god, she was alive.

Camila couldn’t move. The pain was unbearable. Waves of pain shot up her back, down her legs, and her head was throbbing. Her eyes felt heavy, and she was pretty sure her entire body had swollen itself until she looked like a human marshmallow.

Her tongue felt larger than usual, and when she moved her jaw slightly, she realized the texture of her mouth felt different. She must’ve bitten her tongue.

She was supposed to be dead.

“She’s awake!”

Camila’s hearing slowly fizzled back to normal, and she struggled to open her eyes. The lights in the room were blinding, and she realized she was in a hospital. Her eyes were heavy from being swollen shut. Camila didn’t even know how long she’d been out for.

Her first thought was Lauren.

Was she okay?

She tried to sit up but realized the doctors had placed her so precariously on the bed, with her leg elevated by a lift in the ceiling.

So she definitely broke a leg. That was easy to tell by the green cast that covered her right leg from the thigh down. If only Lauren were here to tell them that she hated the color green.

Camila discovered she could move her arms, but if she lifted them too high, a pain would shoot through her back. Well, at least she could move.

“Honey, can you tell us your name?”

Camila looked up and was met with a kind looking woman holding a clipboard. She stayed quiet.

“We can’t find anything that tells us where you’re from, or what your name is. There’s no records, no DNA matches, no anything. Do you have a name?”

Camila didn’t answer. She wouldn’t. Talking just made things worse. She was done with hurting people.

A look of concern spread across the nurse’s face and she jotted something down before looking back at Camila.

“Well, my name is Nurse Georgia. Do you know why you’re here?”

Camila didn’t speak.

“You were in a car accident, honey. The driver left you there and drove away, and no one has been able to locate him.”

  
_It wasn’t a him._ Camila stayed quiet.

“You’ve only been out for a week or so. No one expected you to wake up that quickly. You’re quite a trooper.”

The woman laughed and Camila found herself smiling softly.

“Anyway, you might as well get used to the view. You’ve got a while to go until you get out of this place. You were wearing a backpack when you were hit, and we’ve got that here for you. Unfortunately, there’s no information to help us identify you in there.” The nurse sat down and read over the papers on her clipboard.

“Our nurses have taken to calling you Matty Ford. You were wearing a shirt when you came in and one of our younger nurses recognized the band logo on it, saying that the lead singer’s name was Matty. And you drove a Ford. So, unless you get to speaking anytime soon, that’s what you’ll go by.”

Camila looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. Maybe this was for the best. She could start over. For the third time.

“You’ve probably seen your leg by now. It’s broken. You have a skull fracture, can you feel where it is?”

Camila wigged her eyebrows and felt a throbbing pain in the side of her head. She nodded softly and the woman wrote something down.

“And you had a herniated disc in your back. It had to be completely removed in surgery, and we fused the rest of your vertebrae together to keep it stable. And besides a few bumps and bruises, that’s about it. Nothing that can’t be fixed with time. Unless there’s brain damage, which we won’t know if you can’t talk.”

Camila didn’t move a muscle, she just laid still. She wanted to leave.

“Well, Ms. Matty, it looks like we’re gonna be getting to be know each other very well for the next few months.”

Camila groaned internally.

This isn’t how things were supposed to go.

* * *

**4 months later**

Camila could finally walk normally. After hours upon hours of physical therapy, she could finally do something as simple as walking. She thought it was ridiculous. Gaining back the strength in her legs and back had been an extremely frustrating process for her. But she couldn’t give up. It wasn’t an option. She’d already tried giving up. That’s what got her in this position in the first place.

She’d been out of the hospital for only a few weeks. The shelter had been her only option. It wasn’t ideal. At all.

That night, she had gone out on a walk as her doctors suggested she do every day. The more practice she got on her feet, the quicker she’d be back to one hundred percent normal. She still went in bed in excruciating pain each night. Camila wondered if this was the universe’s way of torturing her.

She had just rounded the corner of a busy street when she heard shouts coming from the alley in front of her. Anxiously, she peered around the corner and saw a young boy, surrounded by older guys, laughing and jabbing his side with their shoes. Camila wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do.

Unfortunately, before she had a chance to react, she was spotted.

“Hey! You! What do you think you’re doing?” One of the oldest in the ground took a few strides towards her. Camila froze.

Before Camila could even make a run for it, a fist connected with her jaw. She stumbled backwards, feeling her legs stiffen. Seconds later she was on the ground, clutching her jaw and wincing.

“You scared, princess?” another voice rang out. Camila bit her lip and watched as the group of guys turned their attention away from the other boy and crowded around her. She pulled herself backwards, but was stopped by someone behind her. Shit.

“Answer him, princess.”

Camila remained silent.

She flinched when a boot appeared out of nowhere, making contact with her side and causing her to double over in pain. She clutched her knees to her chest, burying her head within them. This wasn’t real. She had to be dreaming.

She made a grab for the rock next to her, but yelped when a boot prevented her, stomping down on her arm and twisting it in an ungodly direction. She inhaled sharply as she felt the splintering crack near her wrist, a fresh set of tears stinging her eyes.

“Awh, princess. You’re no fun,” a voice cooed mockingly. Suddenly, Camila felt a pair of callused hands on her face, turning her head to meet the man’s eyes. “Go ahead, princess, run and cry to mommy,” he sneered, removing the boot and shoving her backwards one last time on the gravel before leading the other guys back down the alley, disappearing into the darkness and leaving Camila alone once again.

Camila winced. She tried to lift her arm but whimpered when pain shot through it. Without any other option, she used her good hand to keep her broken arm still and struggled to stand to her feet. When she finally got up, she did her best to ignore the throbbing in her side, and the pain in her jaw. Limping, she collapsed inside the first store she could find, silently begging for help. 

“Mommy!” a child cried, spotting the tattered girl in front of the door. Camila heard a gasp and then someone was immediately kneeled down next to her.

“What happened, honey?”

Camila just hung her head down and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Okay, um, I’m going to call for help, okay? You stay right there.”

Camila swallowed hard and nodded. Just when she was getting better, something else had to come along and screw things up. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, she couldn’t help the sob that escaped her lips.


	25. can anybody hear her?

**1 year later**

"Rowan, that pan is hot!" Lauren called from the couch as the small girl ran into the kitchen.

"Rowan, did you hear me?" Lauren called again. She was answered by a crash and an ear piercing wail from the other room. She threw her book down on the couch and hurried into the kitchen.

"It's hot!" Rowan cried, running to Lauren and holding out her hand. Lauren bent down and picked her up, cradling her against her chest.

"I told you, Ro. I just took those cookies out of the oven," Lauren said, setting the small girl on the counter and wiping her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie. She grabbed a bowl and filled it with cold water, setting it next to Rowan and slowly dipping her hand into it.

"You didn't tell me it was hot!"

"Yes I did, silly. I yelled when you ran through the living room."

"I didn't hear you!" Rowan huffed. Lauren reached up to wipe another tear from her face.

"Just like you didn't hear me when I told you not to climb on the dresser?" Lauren raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not lying, mommy! I didn't hear you!" Rowan hung her head down, feeling guilty.

Lauren took a deep breath. This was only confirming her suspicions. Rowan had been getting into trouble for the past few months. At home and at pre-school.

At first Lauren had assumed it was her daughter's way of acting out after Camila left.

Yes, Rowan was now legally her daughter. And yes, Camila was still gone.

It hurt Lauren more each day.

Rowan didn't take her mother's disappearance well. She didn't understand why Camila had left them without even saying goodbye. And Lauren couldn't offer her an explanation, because she didn't understand either. So they coped together.

Lauren took over Camila's role as a mother and sung to Rowan each night before she went to bed, and Rowan filled some of the Camila-shaped hole in Lauren's heart just by being her daughter. Sometimes Lauren would see little bits of Camila showing in Rowan and it would warm her heart but make her extremely homesick at the same time.

"We're gonna go to the doctor tomorrow, okay Ro?" Lauren bit her lip. A month ago she had received the required hearing and vision tests done on each child at Rowan's school, and her daughter's hearing was sufficiently worse than the average child her age.

Rowan nodded softly. "Are they gonna make me do the beeping test?" she asked. "They made me to the beeping test at school, with my ears. You have to listen and raise your hand when you hear a beep. They made me do it three times, but my friends only did it once."

Lauren took a deep breath. "I don't know, Ro. We'll see."

"Can I have a cookie now?" the small girl asked, pulling her hand out of the bowl of water and looking at the red blotch where she'd touched the pan. Lauren laughed and grabbed one of the cookies, placing it on a napkin and handing it to Rowan.

"Ro, wait-" she called, but Rowan had already taken off into the living room, not hearing her mother calling her back. Lauren inhaled slowly and leaned on the counter, letting her head fall into her hands.

She was stressed beyond her limit. A few months after Camila left and Lauren hadn't heard anything from her, she moved both her and Rowan into a small apartment an hour or so away from their old house. She didn't like the memories there. But she couldn't get rid of the beach house, either. If Camila ever came back, that's where she'd go.

So now Lauren worked fulltime at a bar down the street, serving drinks. It wasn't exactly the most fulfilling job, but the tips were good. And she needed the money to keep paying for the apartment, and the beach house.

It might seem crazy that she was spending all this money just for the house to sit unoccupied, but she couldn't let go of it. Selling the house meant no chance of ever seeing Camila again. And she needed that chance in her life.

* * *

Camila stood in front of the mirror, scowling at what she saw.

She was skinny. She looked like a skeleton, especially since she was ghostly pale. Her broken arm had healed, but not before leaving an odd dent near her wrist. She had a long scar running down her back, and curving around the top of her shoulder from where she'd had surgery after the accident. Her burn scars still ran up her legs, covering her smooth skin with callused, bumpy scars.

But the worst part was her face. Camila rarely looked in the mirror because she considered the face staring back to be a monster.

A long scar ran down her chin, kissing the tip of her earlobe. The accident hadn't caused that one, either. "Matty" had caused it, when she ran into a group of guys and ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unlike her first altercation, these men had been armed.

"Matty" had caused her current black eye, too. Camila didn't know what she'd done, but at dinner one night another man flipped out on her when she took too long to pick a seat.

Camila lived in a homeless shelter.

When she'd finally gotten out of the hospital, all she had was her backpack full of the little money she had. So she ended up here, in the northern part of California. It was the best she could do.

She thought about Lauren all the time. She would wonder how her and Rowan were doing. Camila didn't regret leaving, though. Lauren was safe now, and that was still all that mattered to her.

Her face was hideous. Which is why she always wore a hoodie, tugging her hood over her head and keeping her head down as she walked. This had earned her the nickname "Shadow" around the shelter, because people rarely saw her face. Most of them had never seen her face at all. Not even once. Her hair hung in front of her eyes and covered whatever parts of her skin the hoodie couldn't. She was practically invisible.

Part of this was to avoid being found by Keith, but another part of it was to hide her scars. And yet, another part was because people rarely approached a mysterious stranger in a hoodie. And Camila didn't want to have the awkward silence that followed after someone would try to talk to her.

Camila was mute.

Well, selective mute. Leaving Lauren and the accident had traumatized her so greatly that her brain shut down. She didn't want to hurt anyone, so she didn't speak. She _could_ speak, though. She just didn't choose to. Things were easier that way.

She'd tried speaking once, when she was alone in the bathroom. That's when she discovered the accident had left her with not just physical scars.

_8 months ago_

_"H-h-hi, my... m-my name.... C-c-ca-camila."_

_Camila felt hot tears roll down her cheeks and she turned her face away from the mirror. It hurt to talk after not doing it in so long._

_"P-pl-please g-g-g-go away," she stuttered out again. Her voice was quiet, raspy, and she could barley speak a full word without stuttering. She didn't understand. She could speak fine before._

_Then she remembered. The nurse had said that they wouldn't know if there was brain damage until she spoke. And she had just spoken._

_Camila resolved on being quiet for the rest of her life._

She tore her eyes away from the mirror and willed herself not to cry. Who was she kidding? She was miserable. Who would have guessed that Karla Cabello would grow up to be the punching bag of a homeless shelter in California.

She sure didn't.

* * *

"Did I do a good job?" Rowan asked, taking off the headphones and looking at the doctor hopefully.

"Yes, honey. Yes you did. Can you go play in the waiting room while I talk to your mom?" The doctor looked up from his clipboard and Rowan nodded. But he looked less than pleased with her results.

"I told you there was nothing to worry about, mommy!" she smiled, kissing Lauren's hand before following one of the nurses back into the waiting room.

"I'm guessing there's something to worry about," Lauren raised an eyebrow once the door closed, crossing her legs. The doctor nodded and sat down, clearing his throat before talking.

"You said her father's medical information is unknown?" he asked after scanning his clipboard. Lauren nodded and bit her lip.

"Ms. Jauregui, it's safe to assume that hearing loss runs on his side of the family. Rowan's showing all the signs. When I compare the tests she took last month at school to the ones we just conducted... there's a huge drop in her ability to register different frequencies. She seems to be talking very loudly, even in face to face conversations. Rowan doesn't realize she's doing this, she's just talking loud enough so she can hear herself," the doctor explained.

Lauren clasped her hands together and took a deep breath. "How much is it gonna cost me?"

The doctor looked at her with a confused expression on her face. "What?"

"How much is this gonna cost me? You know, surgery or hearing aids or whatever needs to be done."

"I'm afraid it's out of my hands now, Ms. Jauregui. Nothing can be done in her case. I suggest Rowan start learning sign language before her hearing has completely lost function, and you as well. Luckily, she has her basic vocabulary mastered and she won't need to sign most of the time, she can talk. You will have to sign to her, though, and teach her how to keep her voice low," he said cautiously.

Lauren's jaw dropped. That possibility had never even occurred to her. Everything that could possibly go wrong, was going wrong. If only Camila were here, then Lauren wouldn't have to face this alone.

But Rowan was her daughter, and Rowan was the last bit of Camila she had left. Lauren would do whatever it took to make her happy.

She discussed her options with the doctor before thanking him and driving Rowan home. That night, after Rowan fell asleep, she pulled her daughter out of school and made a few phone calls.

She was going to make this work, no matter what it took.

* * *

"I wish you'd come to bed with me, Matty," a low voice echoed, taunting her through the dark hallways of the shelter. Camila kept her head down, shivering in the cold air and slipping into her bedroom. She ignored the other occupants of the shelter most of the time, and this was one of them.

Camila's schedule was simple. Wake up, Work, Sleep. Anything that kept her busy was a good thing. So she spent most of her time at the book store down the street. When she first moved into the shelter, she became a frequent at the store. The owner saw this, and showed Camila much kindness when he offered her a job. He even made sure she wouldn't have to do any speaking while she worked.

So she worked her ass off every day, coming in early and leaving late. She owed it to her boss for all the hospitality he'd shown her. He'd even let her take home books to read for no cost. Without that, Camila would have nothing to do.

She pulled her favorite book, _To Kill a Mockingbird_ , out of her backpack and sat down on her stiff mattress. She wondered if Lauren would like this book.

She wondered what Lauren was doing right now.

She wondered if Lauren still loved her.

Camila wanted to see Lauren. Just to see her. If she could be invisible and just follow Lauren for the rest of her life, she gladly would. But instead she was stuck here, in this dingy old bedroom, struggling to even remember what her girlfriend looked like.

She had no pictures of Lauren or Rowan. She'd been stupid enough not to bring them with her. She was supposed to be dead, otherwise she would have. Camila had tried to draw Lauren before, but it always resulted in a lot of shreds of paper and a complete meltdown. No pencil could recreate Lauren's beauty. Camila had been foolish enough to let it slip away.

Camila fell asleep like she always did that night - with a book in her hand and tears in her eyes.


	26. broken

**6 months later**

Lauren had been surprised at how quickly Rowan picked up sign language. Both her and Lauren saw a doctor every day, teaching them both how to communicate with their hands. Rowan thought it was fun, treating it like a game. She always looked forward to going. It was times like this that Lauren was thankful she had Camila's optimism.

At home, both girls talked as well as signed. Teaching Rowan to associate the signs with spoken words would be helpful when she couldn't actually hear what Lauren was saying. Sometimes Rowan would get too excited while talking, and Lauren became very familiar with the _"slow down"_ sign.

Rowan's hearing slowly grew worse. Now, Lauren had to sign to her all the time in order for Rowan to understand. The only time they could talk without signing was in a quiet room, with Rowan right next to her mother. It pained Lauren to see her daughter struggle, but it also made her proud of how much of a trooper Rowan was being.

She'd been working on getting Rowan enrolled into a school for the deaf. The only problem was that it was an hour drive away from their apartment. Lauren was willing to make the sacrifice, though. Her daughter came first.

A tap on her shoulder brought Lauren out of her thoughts, and she looked down at the small girl in front of her. Lauren smiled at Rowan, who gave her a big grin in return.

  
_'I love you'_ Rowan signed. Lauren's heart fluttered and she laughed softly, kissing the small girl on the forehead and ruffling her hair.

  
_'I love you more'_ Lauren spoke aloud as she signed back to her daughter. Rowan giggled excitedly and crawled onto the bed to kiss her mother's cheek before hopping down to the floor and disappearing back into her bedroom.

Only two good things have emerged from Rowan's slow descent into deafness.

Her laugh. As Rowan began growing less aware of what she sounded like, her laugh became more genuine. If something was really funny, she didn't hold back. Her boisterous laugh would echo throughout the house. It was such a happy, genuine sound for Lauren. It reminded her of Camila.

Something reminded her even more of Camila, though. And that was Rowan's singing. Before her hearing had gone downhill, Lauren would occasionally catch Rowan humming to herself here and there. But now, Rowan shamelessly belted out lyrics whenever she felt like it.

After the doctor's appointment, Lauren had a long talk with Ally about what she could do for Rowan while she still had her hearing. Both girls agreed on one thing. Music. And Lauren made it her mission to introduce Rowan to as many songs, instruments, and sounds that she could before Rowan wouldn't be able to hear them.

Rowan loved this, and from then on, they always had music on in the house. As soon as they woke up, Rowan would run over to the CD player and pick a CD for the day. Her favorites were The 1975 and Imagine Dragons. They'd blast the music and dance around the house until Lauren was out of breath. Then Rowan would pick another CD and they'd do the same thing over again.

As time went on, Lauren noticed Rowan began turning the volume up a little louder each day. Soon, Lauren was aware that Rowan couldn't hear the lyrics, and only the beat.

Then, the day came when the volume wouldn't go any higher.

_3 months ago_

_Lauren had woken up to hear the CD player turning on and off, filling the house with music and then silencing once again. She yawned, groggily pulling herself out of bed and venturing into the living room._

_Approaching Rowan from the side so she could see her coming, she tapped her daughter on the shoulder to get her attention. Rowan looked up with a concerned look on her face._

_'Broken,' she sighed, pointing at the CD player. She turned it all the way up, and then back down, and then back up, and back down again. 'No music', she signed. Rowan turned to Lauren._

_It was then that Lauren realized the CD player wasn't the broken one. Her daughter was._

_Rowan saw her mother's expression change and suddenly things made sense to her. She didn't want Lauren to be sad._

_'Mommy, music is not broken in my brain,' Rowan signed, tugging on Lauren's sleeve to get her attention. 'I have it here,' she pointed to her head._

_Lauren smiled as tears formed in her eyes and she knelt down next to Rowan. She tilted her daughter's chin so she would look at her, and then pulled the CD player's plug out of the wall._

_'Share it with me,' she signed._

Ever since that day, Rowan sung whenever she felt like it, no matter what the situation. Sometimes she would be silly, making animal noises in the middle of a verse or singing an extremely high-pitched version of her favorite Taylor Swift song. But other times, she would sing quietly to herself in her bedroom, lost in her own little world. Lauren had mistaken her for Camila a few times, only to realize it was Rowan. Those were her favorite times, when Rowan wasn't even aware that she was singing.

Although, Lauren did find it funny when she'd be awoken at 3AM to a heavy metal rendition of _Don't Stop Believin'._  


Lauren's favorite memory was when Rowan was dancing around as she belted out an old Beatles song, and she stopped her singing to get her mother's attention. She signed _'Thank you for giving me music,'_ casually, before resuming her song.

Needless to say, the CD player remained unplugged.

* * *

Camila couldn't make it to work the next day.

She now sat in the bathroom, holding a cold compress on her eye and willing the tears to stop falling. They didn't listen, though, and Camila had to turn away from the mirror to stop herself from crying even more.

She'd never expect to become such a little, broken thing. She'd never expected any of this to happen to her. Life was miserable and even then, Camila was too scared to try and end it again. The fear of waking up in a hospital and going through the excruciating pain that it took just to stand was too great. So she had to torture herself in the worst way possible - by living.

Camila removed the ice pack from her eyes, dabbing at the discolored skin with her free hand. She'd just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, once more.

She didn't understand how someone could mistake a stick-thin girl in an oversized hoodie for a prostitute. But they did, and when she tried to escape from his grip, she received a swift punch to the face as compensation. She was lucky he hadn't chased after her. Things could have been even worse.

She jumped when there was a knock on the door. She silenced quickly.

_Two knocks. Pause. Two knocks again._

"In h-here," she mumbled after she was sure of who it was.

"Joey said he saw you come back in a hurry. I came to see if you were o- Oh my gosh, Matty? What'd you do?"

Camila looked up at the 10 year old boy and shook her head. "I d-d-didn't do anything, Harry. H-he did."

Harry had been the first to befriend Camila when she came to the shelter. She quickly grew attached to the curly haired boy. He'd lived at the shelter practically his entire life with his mom and two younger sisters. She admired his strength. She'd depended on him more than she would like to admit.

She'd finally started talking to him about a month after she knew him. He didn't judge her, and by talking to him, she'd gotten better at controlling her stutter. He was the only person she ever let hear her voice.

"I'll kill em" Harry mumbled, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and resting his chin in his hands. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Camila shook her head. "Boss s-saw me and sent me h-home."

"He did the right thing," the young boy noted, drumming his hands on his lap. "Do you need anything? I can get you more ice or something," he offered.

"I'm g-good, H. You've done e-en-enough by just k-keeping me company."

He offered her a soft smile. "Well I'll still bring dinner to your room. I don't want Wilma asking you questions. I-Is that okay?"

Camila nodded. "I g-got a raise yesterday. How a-ab-about you r-run across the street and get us a p-pi-pizza? Just make sure n-no one catches you," she giggled, reaching in her pocket and handing the boy a ten dollar bill. He nodded excitedly.

"Yeah, Matty! That'd be fun. I'll be back before you know I'm gone!" he called, already out the door. Camila laughed at his energy. She envied it.

Harry was right, as it turns out. Camila ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor. It felt like only a few seconds had passed until she was being shaken awake by two small hands.

"Matty? Oh my gosh, I thought you were dead. What are you doing?"

"Sl-s-sleeping, dork. What's it l-look like?" she teased, shoving him playfully. He rolled his eyes dramatically at her and held up the pizza box. "And with change to spare," he added, handing Camila a few dollar bills.

"How'd you p-pull t-t-th-that one off?" she asked, pushing herself to her feet and sitting on the edge of her bed. Harry passed her a slice of pizza on a napkin and she didn't hesitate to dig in.

"They buy the homeless kid act all the time," Harry laughed, causing Camila to choke on her food.

"You're aw-a-awful!" she rolled her eyes. Harry shrugged.

"They don't need the money. They're practically billionaires with all the commercials they have on TV, I bet."

Camila tilted her head to the side. He was probably right. She laughed softly and took another bite of her food. Part of her felt utterly childish for spending most of her time with a ten year old. But Harry was mentally much older than he appeared. He'd been through more than almost any kid his age. In a way, Camila wished Rowan would grow up to posses the same kind spirit that he did, despite everything cruel that's happened to him.

"Matty?"

Camila zoned back into reality and blinked a few times. She lifted her head to give Harry her attention, nodding softly to tell him to continue.

"I have something to tell you..."

He seemed nervous. Camila set her food down and wiped her hands on her jeans. "Wh-what's up, kiddo?"

"Ma says we're moving..." he said quietly, hanging his head down.

Camila beamed. "And w-why is that s-s-such a bad thing? Isn't t-th-that what you wanted?"

Harry nodded softly and looked back up at her. "I don't want you to get hurt when I'm gone. I'm supposed to protect you."

Camila held her hand over her heart and gave Harry a soft smile. "No, Harry. You've d-done more for me th-than I d-deserve, okay? I'll be f-fine. It's time to w-worry about yourself for a change. You're doing g-good in school, right?"

He nodded.

"Well then I'll see you w-when you design my dream beach h-house, Mr. Architect."

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm gonna miss you a lot. I don't like leaving you here."

"Hey, d-don't worry about me. I h-h-have a feeling I'll be getting out of this place s-soon."

Camila swallowed hard, remembering the piece of paper that was hidden under her mattress. Today hadn't been the first time she'd been mistaken for a prostitute. Last week, a man had stopped her. He was a pimp. And he wanted her. And now his number was scrawled on a piece of paper and tucked away in Camila's room. It was her last resort. Just in case.

She hugged Harry goodbye once they finished talking and watched as he ran off down the hallway, calling for his younger sister.

She reached under the mattress, pulling out the number and saving it in her phone.

Just in case.


	27. she was always happy

  
_‘Scared’_  Rowan sighed, looking up at her mother and then forwards at the small classroom. She clung to Lauren’s hand and bit her lip. Lauren looked down at her daughter and saw the anxiety radiating off of her.

  
_‘Your mama would be proud of you, Rowan,’_  she signed, kissing her hand and holding it up to the sky.

Rowan had been sad when she realized that everyone’s name didn’t have a hand motion assigned to it. So Lauren and her daughter had made up signs for people they knew.

Rowan’s name was represented with using both of her hands, as if putting two halves of a broken heart together. Lauren thought it was fitting, considering Rowan had basically put Lauren’s heart back together after Camila left.

Rowan wanted to make up the sign for Lauren’s name, and she thought long and hard about it for a few days until she finally decided. Whenever she referred to her mother, she would kiss her hand and hold it over her heart. They decided that Camila’s name would be the same thing, except instead of holding their hand to her heart, they would hold their hand up to the sky.

Rowan said it was sending Camila a kiss every time they talked about her.

  
_‘I miss her’_  Rowan signed. She looked down at her shoes shyly.

Lauren took both of her daughter’s hands and leaned in to kiss her cheek. _‘I miss her too, Ro. Can you be strong for her today?’_  


Rowan nodded and wrapped her arms around Lauren’s neck. She engulfed her mother in a bear hug. Lauren returned the hug, rubbing small circles in her daughter’s back.

  
_‘You will have fun, I promise. The kids here talk like you do, I think you will like that,’_  Lauren signed, reaching out and placing a kiss on her daughter’s forehead. Rowan smiled widely and nodded.

  
_‘I think I will too, mommy,’_   she kissed Lauren’s forehead back before glancing in the classroom. The teacher smiled warmly at Rowan and Lauren nudged for her to go ahead inside.

The teacher greeted Rowan at the door, signing to welcome her to class. Lauren giggled when Rowan looked back at her, astonished that another grown-up could talk with her hands, like she did. She gave her mother a wide grin before waving goodbye and following the teacher into the classroom.

Lauren couldn’t be more proud of the small girl she was blessed to call her own.

* * *

The apartment seemed so lonely without Rowan to fill the noise with her boisterous voice. Lauren found herself looking at the clock often, trying to make time speed up so she could collect her daughter from school soon.

Eventually Lauren gave in to temptation. She knew she’d be early, but there was a shopping center right next to Rowan’s school that had caught her interest when they drove by.

As she drove the long drive to her daughter’s school, she found herself realizing how empty life would be once Rowan was old enough to go away to college. Without Camila or Rowan by her side, life would be miserable for Lauren.

She passed Rowan’s school and pulled into the next parking lot, scanning the stores and trying to keep her mind away from Camila.

* * *

Work was especially slow today, and to make matters worse, Camila wasn’t the only employee at the store. Another boy, Chase, was behind the register. Since she had nothing to do, Camila took her bag and hid away in one of the far aisles of books where people rarely shopped. The classics usually got no attention. No one was interested enough to try and decipher their meaning. Except for Camila, and the occasional high school student with a required reading project.

So that’s why she was surprised, when after a few minutes by herself, the aisle was suddenly filled with the presence of someone else. Camila hung her head in the book she was reading, keeping her face completely hidden.

Whoever it was had no concept of personal space, she decided. Because only a few moments later, the figure was standing right in front of Camila on their tiptoes, reaching for a book on the top shelf.

Then Camila noticed something.

Something scrawled in ink on the person’s ankle.

Camila shivered. Lauren had always written reminders on her ankle. She said it was better than writing things on her hand, because she always needed to be reminded of something when she put her shoes on. Camila couldn’t quite figure out what this person had written, but it looked like a time.

And then what she considered a funny coincidence took a complete turn around.

“To Kill a Mockingbird?”

The voice–No, _Lauren’s voice_ , filled the empty air in the aisle. Camila was physically frozen. After over a year, the girl she loved was standing right in front of her.

She wanted so badly to hop to her feet, burst into tears, and wrap the green-eyed girl in a hug. And she almost did. Before she stopped herself.

Because she still wasn’t safe. Neither of them were. Keith was still out there and for all Camila knew, he could know exactly where she was. Plus, it’d been a year. She assumed Lauren would’ve moved on by then.

Something else entered her mind, though. Rowan wasn’t there. Part of her was thankful. She knew she wouldn’t be able to handle seeing her daughter. But at the same time, she was having an internal panic attack thinking that maybe Lauren hadn’t kept Rowan after she left. She’d never considered that as an option.

“My best friend loved that book.”

Lauren’s voice made Camila’s heart skip a beat. Her heart was screaming for her to jump up and scream _‘That’s me! You’re talking about me!’_ but her fear kept her frozen on the ground.

Lauren didn’t take the hint that the girl on the ground was obviously busy. She just shrugged and switched the book in her hand for another one on the shelf.

“I’ll make sure tell you what I think of it,” she smiled, studying the small figure on the ground. Whoever it was, didn’t look healthy at all. She could practically see the girl’s bones through the large hoodie she wore.

Still no answer. Lauren bit her lip, deciding to buy the book in her hand. Thanking the young boy at the cashier, she disappeared out of the store just as fast as she’d come, to go pick up Rowan.

Camila let out a deep breath when she heard the bells at the door jingle to notify her that Lauren had left.

That was too close.

She looked up at the shelf where Lauren had taken a book from, narrowing her eyes to see which title Lauren had chosen.

_To Kill a Mockingbird_

* * *

  
_‘No one looked at me funny’_  Rowan signed as soon as she saw Lauren waiting outside to pick her up. Lauren giggled and wrapped her daughter in a hug, picking her up and spinning her around. Rowan’s hearty giggle echoed around them and it made Lauren smile even brighter.

  
_‘You were right, mommy’_   Rowan smiled when Lauren put her down. She held tightly to her mother’s hand while they walked to the car.

  
_‘Does this mean you’ll go back tomorrow?’_  Lauren smiled once they got in the car. She turned around to look at Rowan in the backseat, who nodded enthusiastically.

_‘Can I?’_

Lauren laughed and gave Rowan a thumbs up. As soon as she put the key in the ignition, the car was filled with Rowan’s soft voice, singing a song that etched a permanent smile on her mother’s face.

Firefly by Ed Sheeran had always been Lauren and Camila’s song, long before Rowan was born. There wasn’t a dramatic story about how it became their song. They’d just both loved it the first time they heard it and soon they referred to it as ‘their song.’ When Rowan was born, it also became her song. She demanded Lauren sing it to her every night before she went to sleep. Even though she couldn’t hear it, she’d sign along to the lyrics as Lauren sung to her.

Lauren would never admit it, but Camila’s absence had becoming more and more painful now that Rowan was getting older. Rowan was becoming more and more like her biological mother every day. Lauren found it endearing, but it also reminded her of Camila, and then she’d be reminded of the messy way their relationship ended.

Part of her still held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, Camila hadn’t been cheating on her. Maybe someday Camila would come running back into her arms and confess that it was all some sort of twisted joke.

But Lauren didn’t think the universe would grant her another chance with Camila after she’d already gotten a second chance and somehow managed to ruin that.

In the early days after Camila’s departure, Ally had tried to get Lauren to go out and possibly meet someone. She even went on a few dates, but each time she found herself comparing them to Camila. Eventually she swore off dating altogether and poured her heart and soul into Rowan, and making sure her daughter lived the fullest life that she could. She would offer Rowan the world if it meant seeing her happy.

Lauren settled down on the couch with a book once they got home, but she was interrupted when Rowan crawled onto the couch next to her and tugged on her mother’s sleeve to get her attention. Lauren smiled softly at her and nodded her head, as if to allow Rowan to talk.

‘ _Can you tell me about mommy?’_  Rowan signed, using the sign they’d made for Camila. Lauren felt her heart speed up and she nodded slowly. Adjusting herself so she was giving Rowan her undivided attention, she thought for a moment.

‘ _What do you want to know?’_   she signed back.

  
_‘What did she like? Was she funny?’_  Rowan paused for a second and Lauren could see a contemplative look in her eyes. _‘Would she be mad that I talk with my hands now?’_  


Lauren felt her heart drop and she quickly shook her head. She tilted Rowan’s chin to meet her eyes to stress the importance of what she was about to say.

  
_‘She would be proud of you, Rowan. You are very smart, like her’_   Rowan giggled when Lauren tapped her forehead with her index finger, as if she was pointing to her brain.

  
_‘She liked to sing, just like you do. Sometimes she would go surfing. She fell all the time,’_  Both girls giggled. _‘But she would just laugh and try again.’_  


  
_‘Am I like her?’_  Rowan asked, and Lauren had to stop herself from nodding too quickly.

_‘Yes. Very much. You sound like her when you sing. And you are funny, just like her. You always ask me to read to you, and when you learn to read on your own, I know you will be just like her. Sometimes she would spend an entire day just reading a book. She said it made her feel like she was in a different world.’_

  
_‘Do you think she is happy now?’_  Rowan signed.

Lauren bit her lip. _‘She was always happy, Rowan.’_  



	28. she wasn't happy

Camila wasn't happy.

She was miserable.

Being that close to Lauren had brought her back to the day she left the green-eyed girl on the front lawn of their house. Camila had never considered that she, herself, would have to live with that guilt for the rest of her life. She wasn't supposed to survive the car collision.

She had to say goodbye to Harry and his family about an hour ago. Luckily she was able to keep composed until after they left, and then she allowed the tears to flow freely.

Lauren was back at the bookstore the next day.

Camila and Chase were the only two people working the store that day. The small girl was wearing her signature hoodie, keeping her face invisible to the public. The bells had rung to indicate someone was entering the store, which also signaled for Camila to get away from the cash register so she wouldn't have to check anyone out. Disappearing into the back room, Camila busied herself with organizing the paper clips on one of the desks.

"I'm just on my way to pick my daughter up from school."

An airy voice was heard from near the counter and Camila nearly fainted when she realized Lauren was back again. If this was going to become a regular thing, she might as well lock herself in her bedroom and never come out again.

"Well I think you'll enjoy this book. It's one of my favorites."

Chase.

Camila's eyes narrowed. Chase never read. His favorite book was anything with pictures. And she knew Chase's flirting voice when she heard it. She wouldn't allow this to happen. That was her Lauren. She deserved better than him. She deserved Camila, but that couldn't happen.

Camila's brain went into auto-pilot. Cautiously, she searched through the drawers of the desk in the back room until she found Chase's car keys. Without a second thought, she pushed the panic button and moments later a loud, blaring horn was heard from the parking lot.

"Matty! Can you finish this one for me?"

Camila shoved the keys back into the drawer just as Chase rushed into the back room. She nodded once, slipping out the door and walking over to the cash register.

She could do this.

As she approached the other girl from behind the counter, she realized Lauren had said she was picking her daughter up from school. Relief washed over her when she realized Rowan was still with Lauren. She couldn't remember where the local school was though, and she wondered how Lauren had ended up here instead.

She looked down at the book Lauren was buying and held back a smile when she realized it was another one of her personal favorites. _The Catcher in the Rye._  


"You're probably gonna think I'm crazy, but I finished _To Kill a Mockingbird_ already. I just... couldn't put it down. It was so good," Lauren's voice made Camila's heart flutter and all she wanted to do was hop over the counter and wrap her into a hug.

But she couldn't.

So she settled for a curt nod.

"Have you read this one before? Someone I used to know used to read it a lot, so I figured... I don't know. I suck at picking out books."

Camila had to contain her giggle. Lauren was just as adorable. She couldn't stop herself before she pointed to the book and gave Lauren a thumbs up. She handed Lauren her receipt and bag, making sure their hands didn't touch. She wouldn't be able to control herself if that happened.

Lauren took the bag and gave the girl behind the counter a small smile. "I guess I'll let you know how I like it, then."

Camila watched as she walked away and swallowed the lump in her throat. That means Lauren would be back again.

She didn't know how long she could do this for.

* * *

Lauren was back two days later.

Camila was sitting in her usual spot in the back of the store, surrounded by all the classic novels. She heard footsteps and knew exactly who it was.

"Any suggestions?"

Camila kept her head low. Maybe if she just ignored her she would leave her alone. But that wasn't the case.

"I finished _Catcher in the Rye_ last night. It was better than I thought it would be, honestly."

Camila sighed softly. Standing up, she scanned the books, tapping them with her index finger until she landed on the one she was looking for. She swiped a copy of _Wuthering Heights_ off of the shelf and handed it to Lauren, who looked down at the book.

"Looks like I've found a book."

Camila rung her up, setting the bag on the counter and biting her lip. She could take off her hood right now and let Lauren know it was her. But she didn't. She had to stay hidden. She didn't want to hurt the girl more than she already had.

"I'm sure I'll be seeing more of you once I finish this one, Matty."

Camila shivered. Lauren knew her name. Well, her fake name. She must've heard Chase say it the other day. Had she remembered it on purpose? She shook it off, giving the girl a curt nod and waiting until the door closed to retreat into the back room.

* * *

The weekend came and Lauren found herself wanting to go back to the bookstore, even though she didn't have to pick up Rowan, and it was an hour drive away.

She didn't, though. Instead she finished _Wuthering Heights_ , took Rowan ice skating, and slaved over a homemade meal of chicken alfredo, which Rowan complimented and told her that she should cook more.

Lauren hadn't cooked fancier meals like this since Camila left. She had missed it.

Finally, Monday came around, and she found herself entering the bookstore once more.

Camila saw Lauren walk in the door and couldn't stop herself before she tapped the counter and waved the green-eyed girl over. Lauren looked at her, confused, and Camila held up a finger to signal for her to wait.

She ducked down behind the counter, grabbing the book she'd set aside that morning and handing it to Lauren.

" _Heart of Darkness_?"

Camila nodded.

"Awesome. Ring me up?"

Camila nodded again, realizing she was blushing. She was thankful her face was hidden.

She was just about to retreat back into the back room of the store as Lauren was leaving, but her name was called. She turned around and saw the green-eyed girl standing by the door.

"My name is Lauren, by the way."

* * *

Lauren didn't come into the store the next day. Or the next. Or the next. Camila found herself missing the minuscule interactions they shared for a few minutes each day.

On the forth day, Camila didn't even flinch when the bells on the door signaled another customer was in the store.

" _Moooom!_ "

Camila's head whipped around, landing on the small girl holding up a toy in the front of the store. She held onto it, disappearing behind one of the shelves.

  
_Rowan_.

Camila felt sick to her stomach.

She made it to the employee bathroom just in time to lose her lunch.

* * *

"I think I read this in high school once," Lauren said, looking down at the copy of _The Scarlet Letter_ that Matty had slid to her across the counter that day. She'd been looking for her yesterday when she brought Rowan into the store, but the hooded stranger was nowhere to be found.

Lauren didn't bother buying a book that day.

Matty just nodded, keeping her head down like she always did and sliding the receipt over to Lauren. Lauren wanted nothing more than to have a real conversation with her, but she wasn't sure what her story was and she didn't want to overstep her boundaries.

Lauren left a twenty dollar bill in the tip jar that day, telling herself it was an accident.

* * *

A few days passed and no sign of Lauren.

Camila hadn't even heard the door open, or the tiny footsteps that entered the aisle in the back of the store.

"Excuse me?" a loud voice echoed through the silence.

Rowan.

Camila swallowed. She found it odd that Rowan was talking so loud. But she stayed frozen. Maybe Rowan would think she was asleep or something and leave her alone.

"Miss, do you have this in purple?" Rowan held up a black blanket, nearly shoving it in Camila's face. Camila stayed frozen.

She heard the small girl sigh dramatically. Rowan hugged the blanket to her chest and just as she turned to walk away, Lauren ran past the aisle. She quickly reappeared, noticing Matty and her daughter and sighing in relief.

"Mommy?"

Both Camila and Lauren looked up, but Camila quickly hung her head again. She became confused when neither Lauren nor Rowan spoke again, but she could tell they were still standing there. She lifted her head slightly and instantly became confused.

They were using sign language.

Rowan looked frustrated. Lauren reached out and captured the small girl's hands in hers, meeting her eyes and breathing in deeply. Rowan copied her mother, and after they did a few deep breaths together, Rowan sighed and left to go put the blanket back where she'd found it.

Camila wanted to demand an explanation more than she'd ever wanted anything in her life. But she couldn't.

* * *

Lauren felt a tap on her shoulder just as she turned to follow her daughter. Rowan had been growing more and more disappointed that she couldn't communicate with strangers like normal people did. It broke her heart.

A copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ was slid into her hands and just as quick as she had appeared, Matty disappeared.

Needless to say, Lauren bought the book.

* * *

Before she left work, Camila found herself in a different part of the store. She scanned the shelves until she found what she wanted.

_American Sign Language: Beginner's Guide_

She checked herself out before heading back to the shelter. She fell asleep with the book on her lap that night, not even realizing she'd read right through dinner.


	29. a fate worse than death

Rowan was flipping through a picture book she found after school. She enjoyed accompanying her mother on their nearly daily visits to the small bookstore. Lauren had disappeared down one of the aisles with cookbooks. Just as she was about to go find her, there was a tap on her shoulder.

Rowan turned around, becoming frightened by the stranger, whose face was hidden. Suddenly, something was placed down in front of her.

A purple blanket.

When the small girl looked up at the stranger with a confused expression on her face, the girl brought her hands out in front of her.

  
_'Purple,'_ she signed, pointing to the blanket.

Rowan's face lit up and she nodded excitedly.

  
_'Thank you!'_ she signed back, as well as spoke out loud. She wasn't sure if this stranger could speak as well with her hands as she could.

Camila found it almost an impossible task not to wrap the small girl in a hug. _'You're welcome,'_ she sighed back, and Rowan giggled excitedly as she grabbed the blanket. The small girl ran down another aisle to try and find her mother.

Lauren was in the middle of looking at a large cookbook when she felt a tug on her sleeve.

  
_'There's a lady here who talks like I do. She showed me this!'_ Rowan signed, holding up the blanket.

Lauren had a feeling she knew who it was. She put down the cookbook and picked up Rowan.

Camila looked up from the computer when she saw Lauren approaching the cash register. Rowan eagerly placed the blanket in front of the girl in the hoodie.

"Got a book?" Lauren asked, adjusting her daughter on her hip. Camila nodded, motioning for the girl to wait before disappearing down one of the aisles. After some contemplation, she grabbed a copy of _East of Eden_ and headed back behind the counter. She held it up to show Lauren, silently asking if it was okay.

"You don't have to ask anymore, y'know. I trust your judgment when picking good books," Lauren laughed softly, setting Rowan down so she could pay.

Camila smiled internally, but nodded externally. She handed Lauren her things and raised a confused eyebrow when Lauren grabbed her book from inside the bag.

Reaching into her purse, Lauren retrieved a pen and set it on the counter. Without a second thought, she tore the first page out of the book she had just bought and scrawled something down on the page. Shoving her book back into the bag, she folded up the piece of paper, making sure Camila saw it before dropping it into the tip jar, along with another twenty dollar bill.

As soon as Lauren and Rowan drove away, Camila grabbed the piece of paper from the jar, unfolding it and reading the familiar handwriting.

_Thank you._

* * *

The weekend dragged by painfully slow. Lauren cleaned the entire apartment... twice. She even woke up early one morning to cook both her and Rowan a large breakfast. Rowan was excited when she woke up to Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes, something Lauren's parents had done for her.

The weekend lasted even longer for Camila. She kept Lauren's note tucked safely in her pocket.

Then, on Sunday night, she remembered something.

The phone number in her phone was deleted, and the same number scrawled on a piece of crumpled paper hidden under her mattress was soon torn to shreds, and replaced with her note from Lauren.

Things were getting better.

* * *

Monday finally came around and Camila was overjoyed to be back at work. She was even happier when Lauren and Rowan entered the store at the same time as always. Rowan disappeared into the toy aisle, and Lauren walked right towards the counter where Camila stood.

Camila immediately placed the book she had chosen that morning on the counter, _The Grapes of Wrath._  


After she handed Lauren her book and receipt, she felt her heart literally stop. Lauren had grabbed her hand. It only lasted a few seconds, but the green-eyed girl gave Camila's hand a light squeeze before collecting her daughter and disappearing back down the road in their small car.

Camila would've vowed to never wash her hands again, if she could.

* * *

Camila decided she hated winter break.

She didn't get to see Lauren or Rowan for a whole week, and she was miserable.

Lauren decided the same thing, especially after she had found a note tucked away in the last book Matty had given her.

_You're welcome._

* * *

Even Rowan was itching to go back to the book store once the break ended. She practically dragged Lauren through the front doors the following Monday. Lauren caught sight of Matty behind the counter and waved excitedly.   


Camila shyly raised her hand to wave back, motioning for Lauren to come over. Lauren ushered Rowan off down the children's book aisle and headed over to the counter.

Camila had already scanned the copy of _The Great Gatsby_ by the time Lauren was standing in front of her.

"Is that yours?"

Camila stilled when Lauren spoke, looking where she was pointing. Camila's phone lay on the counter. She was thankful she'd gotten a different phone after she left Lauren. The small girl nodded slowly.

Without a second thought, Lauren grabbed the girl's phone and entered her number, saving herself as a contact.

When Camila handed Lauren her book, she once again ripped out a page and scrawled something down. Instead of putting it in the tip jar, she slid it over the counter, tapping it in front of the girl.

All Camila could do was nod as Lauren took her book and left to find Rowan. She waited until they were out of her sight to unfold the note.

_If you ever need someone to talk to, don't be a stranger._

Camila found it ironic that she was considered a stranger to Lauren, when it was really the opposite. She tucked her note in her pocket and stared down at the newly entered contact profile in her phone. Before she could stop herself, she changed the contact name.

  
_Her_.

* * *

Lauren was mad at herself for being so disappointed that she didn't receive a text from Matty after she got home with Rowan. She kept her phone with her at all times, just in case.

  
**226-736-5683** : _Is this Lauren?_  


Lauren had to stop herself from giggling excitedly when she received that text a few minutes after midnight. She wondered what Matty was doing up this late. She quickly entered the girl as a contact.

  
**Her** : _Matty?_  


Camila giggled, pulling her blanket over her legs and typing back almost instantly.

  
**Matty** : _Depends on who's asking..._  


  
**Her** : _It's Lauren, what are you doing up so late?_  


  
**Matty** : _Reading. I could ask you the same thing._  


Lauren smiled softly. It was weird for her to actually be having a normal conversation with this girl.

  
**Her** : _Touché. What're you reading?_  


Camila looked down at the book in her lap, the same book on sign language she'd purchased over a week ago. Biting her lip, she decided on keeping that tiny detail a secret.

  
**Matty** : _To Kill a Mockingbird_  


  
**Her** : _Again?_  


  
**Matty** : _It's my favorite._  


Lauren bit her lip to stop herself from smiling.

  
**Her** : _Can I ask you a question? If you don't mind._  


Camila swallowed hard. She was curious, though.

  
**Matty** : _Sure._  


  
**Her** : _How do you know ASL?_  


Camila furrowed her eyebrows.

  
**Matty** : _ASL?_  


  
**Her** : _American Sign Language_  


Camila instantly regretting letting Lauren ask her a question. She answered in the only way she could.

  
**Matty** : _Taught myself._  


It wasn't technically a lie.

  
**Her** : _Rowan wouldn't stop talking about how someone else could talk like she did after you gave her that blanket._  


  
**Her** : _Rowan is my daughter's name, by the way._  


Her daughter. Lauren had called Rowan her daughter. Camila's heart fluttered.

  
**Matty** : _She's adorable. Can I ask you a question now?_  


  
**Her** : _Go for it._  


  
**Matty** : _Why are you being so kind to me?_  


Camila genuinely was curious. Lauren didn't know who she was. All she knew was that Matty was a random girl who hid her face, and read classic novels.

  
**Her** : _I know a good person when I see one._  


  
**Her** : _I've got to head to bed, but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?_  


Camila bit her lip.

  
**Matty** : _Yeah._  


  
**Her** : _Goodnight, Matty._  


* * *

Camila read the conversation over and over that night. Lauren was talking to her. She was talking to Lauren. 

She already knew she was in way too deep.

She should back out, but she didn't want to.

And Camila decided that night that she wasn't going to let her fear get in the way of doing something she wanted to do.

* * *

The next week or so passed by smoothly. The girls would exchange a few texts each night. Lauren never asked Matty why she didn't talk. She didn't care. She was happy just to be able to communicate through written words.

She texted Matty a goodnight before turning to look at the stack of books on her nightstand. She'd read each one, and Matty had hand picked every book that was stacked next to her. She enjoyed that. She liked the small tradition she'd started with the girl.

Lauren couldn't help but be curious about Matty's life. Where did she live? She surely didn't look too healthy. She was too small. When Lauren had squeezed her hand out of a burst of courage, she was afraid she would crush the girl's fragile bones with the simple gesture.

About two weeks after Lauren and Matty had texted for the first time, Lauren pulled into the parking lot of the book store, like she always did.

When she walked inside, she immediately felt the lack of Matty's presence. Matty had never missed a day of work.

It worried Lauren more than it should've.

* * *

"And just where do you think you're going?"

Camila froze when she felt a hand on her shoulder, stopping her from exiting her bedroom to head off to work.

She knew that voice.

She turned around, biting her lip and looking up into his cold eyes.

_Keith's eyes._

"Found you, Karla."

* * *

"If you're going to kill me, just get it over with," Camila growled between gritted teeth. She was now being led down the street. Keith had a tight grip on the sleeve of her hoodie, and was making sure she was aware of the gun tucked into his jeans.

Oh, she was aware. She was well aware.

"If I wanted you dead, I would've gotten one of my men to do that a long time ago, sweetheart."

"Then what do you want?" Camila snapped. At this point, she wasn't even afraid. This was it for her.

"A fate even worse than death, Karla."

Suddenly, something repugnant smelling covered her mouth. Camila tried to scream, but was suddenly overtaken with a wave of dizziness. Her body fell limp and everything went black.


	30. after the storm

"M-matty?"

Camila's eyes blinked open, and she was surrounded by darkness.

"Matty! Are you okay? I've got you, Matty. It's Harry, can you hear me?"

"H-h-harry?" Camila rasped, and she suddenly felt two small hands around her shoulders, helping her sit up and leaning her against some sort of wall. It was still pitch black.

She was naked.

"I'm gonna turn on a flashlight, okay? I'm gonna keep the light off of you, I just need to find your clothes. Is that okay, Matty?"

"Y-yeah..." Camila nodded, covering her hands over her exposed chest. "Wh-w-what ha-h-happened?"

She saw the light flick on and realized they were in some sort of building. Following the light with her eyes, she gasped when it landed on a lifeless body on the floor.

"Do you know him, Matty?" Harry asked, flashing the light on the body.

"Y-y-yeah... His n-name is Keith," she brought her hands to her head and winced at the throbbing in her forehead. "Wh-w-what happened?"

Harry gently placed what felt like her clothes in her lap.

"I'm gonna turn around and close my eyes and I'll turn on the flashlight so you can get dressed, okay Matty?" he asked, still not answering her question.

"Y-yeah," Camila said softly. Harry did as he said he would, and Camila pulled herself up to her feet. She was sore, but as far as she could tell, she wasn't injured severely in any way.

"My cl-c-clothes... d-d-did he...?" she stumbled over her words, suddenly becoming panicked.

"Are you dressed? Is your hood on?"

Camila quickly pulled on her hood. "N-now I am, y-y-yeah. Wh-w-what happened? H-how'd you g-g-get here?"

Harry sighed, turning the flashlight over so it shone on the ceiling, casting a little light through the small room they were in. Camila could tell it was some kind of shed.

She look at Harry, realizing how visibly shaken he looked. When he sat down next to her, she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I saw you walking with him... Keith... and I got worried, because you looked scared. And I remembered you mentioning something about someone like him once... So I... I, uh, I took my mom's gun that she keeps hidden and followed you guys on my bike," he said quietly, scratching his temple nervously.

"Y-you did what? H-h-harry, you could've g-g-gotten hurt!"

"But I didn't! I followed you here and then... I looked in the window and he was t-t-taking his belt off and then... then I... well, I..." Harry shook his head, grabbing the flashlight and showing Keith's full figure. Camila's eyes widened. Blood was pooled around his head.

"Y-you shot him?"

"I h-h-had to... Matty... He was gonna hurt you!" Harry raised his voice and Camila quickly shook her head.

"I'm not m-m-mad Harry... I-I just... Thank you..." she whispered. She pulled the curly haired boy in for a hug and didn't realize she was crying until he reached out and used his sleeve to wipe her tears.

They sat there for a while in silence until Harry spoke quietly.

"Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?"

Camila shook her head. "No. Just s-sore... Can you w-w-walk me back to the sh-s-shelter?"

He nodded softly. After picking up the flashlight, he offered her his hand and she took it, standing to her feet.

"Thank you, H-harry."

Camila didn't look back as they exited the small shed that seemed to be placed in the middle of nowhere. She felt as if a weight was lifted off of her shoulders.

She felt... free.

* * *

Matty didn't show up to work for the rest of the week. Lauren texted her a few times, but she never got a response. Camila had lost her phone after her encounter with Keith.

After a long, boring weekend, Lauren pulled into the parking lot of the book store once more. Rowan ran in ahead of her. She'd been especially grumpy today after having trouble sleeping the night before.

Lauren sighed when Matty wasn't waiting for her behind the counter. Instead, she followed Rowan down one of the aisles.

  
_'Can I get these?'_   Rowan signed, picking up two books that caught her eyes. Lauren bit her lip and shook her head.

  
_'Only one,'_   Lauren signed, and Rowan groaned. Sometimes Lauren forgot that her daughter was only 5 years old. She was intelligent beyond her years.

  
_'Please?'_ Rowan signed again, pouting out her bottom lip.

Lauren shook her head. She had to remain strong in the decision, she didn't want Rowan thinking she could beg and get away with anything she wanted.

She should've expected an outburst, though. Rowan was tired and grouchy. The small girl put the books back on the shelf and sighed. She didn't bother signing the her next words, instead she spoke them loudly.

"Mom would have let me!" she huffed. Lauren's breath caught in her throat.

* * *

Camila looked up from her book when she heard Rowan's voice echo through the store. She was back at work for the first time since the encounter with Keith. Physically, she was fine, minus a few bruises here and there. Emotionally, she was quite affected. The whole incident had shaken her up pretty badly.

Which is why she wasn't waiting behind the counter for Lauren like she usually was. Instead, she retreated far back into the Computer Manual aisle to hide while Lauren made her daily visit to the store.

She stood up, peering through the bookshelves at the mother and daughter a few aisles down from her. Rowan had been talking about her.

Swallowing hard, she watched as Lauren signed something to her daughter. The only word Camila could understand was " _car_ " but she realized what Lauren had told her daughter to do when Rowan crossed her arms and stormed off. The small child opened the back door of the black Toyota and sat in the back of the car. Camila could tell she was grumpy.

She expected Lauren to follow her daughter out of the store, but ducked down quickly when she saw Lauren turning in her direction. She remained hidden, watching as Lauren's feet disappeared into the back hallway of the small bookstore, headed towards the bathroom.

She was crying. Camila had seen it.

Camila couldn't bring herself to move. But something kept telling her that this was her chance. Keith was dead, she wouldn't have to worry about him getting in the way.

Suddenly, she couldn't control her feet as they led her towards the bathroom door.

* * *

Lauren cursed herself for letting Rowan's small outburst get to her. She knew Rowan hadn't meant it. But at the same time, she felt horrible thinking that she may not be enough for Rowan, that what the small child really needed was her real mother.

She had just gotten the tears to subside when she heard the door to the bathroom creak open. She quickly composed herself and smoothed out her shirt. As she turned to leave, she nearly ran into Matty, who had her head hung low to the ground.

"I—uh, I was just leaving," Lauren mumbled, turning to move past the other girl. She was too embarrassed about how flustered she was to be happy that Matty was back.

A hand stopped her from walking towards the door, and suddenly she was pulled back to stand in front of the girl.

"Matty? Wh-wha—" she started, but stopped when the other girl pressed something in her palm. She saw Matty take a few steps back and realized just how vulnerable the girl really looked. Her head was always looking at the ground, keeping her face invisible.

Lauren tilted her head to the side, looking down at her hand and opening her fingers to reveal the small object the girl had placed in her palm.

No way.

* * *

Camila held her breath when Lauren saw the small green ring in her palm. She didn't know what to expect.

Suddenly, Lauren crossed the room so she was standing right in front of her. Camila bit her lip when Lauren's hands raised up to take both sides of her hood inbetween her fingers.

"C-can I?" the girl almost whispered. Camila paused for a moment before giving her a shy nod.

Lauren drew the hoodie away from Camila's face slowly. Her hands were shaking. Camila lifted her head as the hood dropped to rest on her back. She looked up and met Lauren's eyes for the first time in over a year.

Lauren wasn't looking at her eyes, though. Her eyes were scanning Camila's face with a fresh set of tears.

_Her face._

Camila panicked, bringing her hands to hide her face and stumbling backwards. She was hideous. She instantly regretted everything.

Camila expected Lauren to hit her, or scream at her, or leave in a flurry of curse words. She didn't expect what happened next.

She heard something metal fall to the floor, bouncing against the cold tile. Seconds later, she was pulled into Lauren's arms, being clutched tightly against her chest.

Camila froze with her arms at her sides. She could feel Lauren's irregular breaths right next to her ear. She couldn't move, she couldn't speak. She could barley think.

Then, slowly, she lifted her arms. After a few moments, she threw her arms around Lauren and returned the hug in one swift motion.

They stood there like that for what felt like ages, just holding one another. Neither of them wanted to let go, but Lauren finally broke the embrace.

Carefully, she ran her hands up and down Camila's arms, looking her up and down and realizing just how malnourished she was. When they had hugged, Lauren swore she could have mapped out every rib on Camila's torso.

"Are you... Are you okay?" she asked nervously, biting her lip.

They met eyes and Lauren could feel the pain radiating off of Camila. It had been so long. She didn't care that Camila cheated. She didn't care. She was just overjoyed that she was here. That she was safe.

Camila wanted to answer Lauren's question, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She just stood still, tracing Lauren's face with her eyes.

"Where do you live?"

Camila stayed frozen. Lauren noticed her hesitation and took a deep breath. She reached into her pocket and a few moments later handed her phone to Camila.

Camila looked down, realizing the notepad app was open.

"Okay... so... first, are y-you okay? What... what happened?" Lauren asked. She cautiously reached up to trace the scar on Camila's chin with her index finger.

Camila quickly typed something back and handed the phone to Lauren.

_It was my fault._

"What was?"

Camila inhaled deeply and typed something once more.

_Everything._

Lauren decided not to delve any further right away. "Where do you live?"

Instead of typing, Camila pointed in the direction of the shelter, which was only just down the street. Lauren furrowed her eyebrows, trying to think of where Camila was referring to.

"The trailer park?"

Camila shook her head. She motioned with her hand, telling Lauren her home was closer than the trailer park.

"Uh, I dunno, Starbucks?" Lauren laughed nervously.

Camila shook her head.

"The only place that's left is that shelter, and you obviously don't l—"

Lauren shut up when she saw Camila tense.

"Y-you...?"

Camila just nodded. Lauren brought her hand up to run her thumb over Camila's black eye.

"Is that what these are from?"

Camila's stillness answered Lauren's question for her.

Lauren took a deep breath and thought for a few moments. She nodded softly and placed a hand on Camila's shoulder.

"Stay here. I need to take Rowan home and then I'm coming back for you."

Lauren caught Camila's hesitation even before Camila did, and she raised a finger in warning.

"Don't you dare argue with me, Camila."

Camila's shoulders dropped and she just nodded.

Lauren had a hard time leaving Camila after seeing her for the first time in over a year. But she needed to get Rowan home and safe before she could take care of the other girl.

She gave Camila's shoulder a comforting squeeze before driving off in her car. The drive was quiet until Rowan caught her attention in the rear view mirror.

  
_'I'm sorry,'_  she signed just as they pulled into the parking lot of the apartment.

Lauren gave her a soft smile and exited the car, unbuckling her daughter and carrying her inside.

  
_'I'm sorry, too,'_ she signed back, and Rowan wrapped her arms around her mother's neck.


	31. from nothing at all, to everything you ever wanted

After leaving Rowan with a neighbor who knew sign language after growing up with a deaf brother, she sped back to the bookstore. She'd done too much driving today but the only thing that was on her mind was Camila.

She finally pulled up in front of the bookstore, practically falling out of her car. She was worried that Camila wouldn't be there. Lauren's heart sped up when the small girl wasn't anywhere in the aisles, but she let out a sigh of relief when she opened the bathroom door and Camila was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall. She looked up when she heard Lauren and offered a nervous smile.

"C'mon," Lauren said softly, motioning for Camila to follow her. She noticed the small girl's struggle to get up and hurried over to grab her hand and help her to her feet. Camila smiled thankfully and followed Lauren outside to her car.

"You gonna buckle up?" Lauren asked once they were in the car. Camila looked completely out of her element. She'd put her hood back on, but kept her head up. Lauren could just see the lids of her brown eyes.

She giggled when Camila quickly reached for her seatbelt. Lauren wondered how long it had been since she'd been in a car.

The car ride was silent for the most part. Camila wondered where they were going, but she had no way of asking without getting Lauren to pull over and look at her phone. So instead, she settled for clasping her hands in her lap and subtly studying Lauren's face while she drove.

"You should know by now I'm not letting you go back to that shelter," Lauren broke the silence once they were parked in front of what appeared to be a decent sized shopping mall. Camila instantly turned to look at Lauren.

"So you have two options," Lauren said, running a nervous hand through her hair. "You can either let me buy you a hotel room until you can get back on your feet..." Lauren paused and studied Camila's reaction.

"Or you can come home with me. Only if you plan on being a part of Rowan's life again, though. I don't want her growing even more confused than she already is." Lauren didn't expect Camila to pick the second option, but she'd thrown it out there just in case. Camila deserved the choice.

Camila felt waves of guilt wash over her. Truth is she was terrified of sleeping in an empty hotel room, all by herself. But, she was also terrified of what Rowan would say when she saw her.

But she remembered she'd told herself she wouldn't hold herself back anymore. Keith was dead. She shouldn't have anything to worry about.

Lauren didn't have her phone out so Camila thought for a few moments before waving her hands to get Lauren's attention.

  
_"H-O-M-E,"_ she signed, spelling out the word since she didn't know the sign yet.

Lauren was surprised. "With me?"

Camila nodded.

Part of Lauren was scared to let Camila back into her life. She didn't care what it did to her, but she was afraid of what it would do to Rowan. But she knew that Rowan deserved the choice for herself. If Rowan were to tell Lauren she didn't want to be around Camila, Lauren would find another way to accommodate her. For now, Camila was her responsibility.

"Then it's settled. Let's go get you cleaned up," Lauren smiled, squeezing Camila's shoulder comfortingly. She realized this was going to be an adjustment for the both of them.

She realized something else, too.

She still loved her.

* * *

"You like hoodies, yeah?" Lauren giggled, watching as Camila sifted through a colorful pile of the sweatshirts. They'd been shopping for a while now, and Lauren had been the one making most of the decisions. She'd hold up a shirt and Camila would give her a thumbs up if she liked it. If she got a thumbs down, the article of clothing went back on the rack.

Camila nodded with a soft smile, picking up a baby blue hoodie and looking at it. Lauren took it from her hands and tossed it in the cart. Camila gave her a confused look but Lauren shrugged.

"You looked like you wanted it."

Camila felt guilty letting Lauren do this for her. But she knew if she argued, it wouldn't even make a difference.

Lauren thought Camila had somehow managed to get even more adorable. She still retained her innocent, childish nature, even after everything she'd been through. Camila saw the world through the eyes of a child. Everything was new and exciting for her.

Lauren saw Camila eyeing a pair of comfortable looking pajama pants. Without a second thought, she grabbed them and tossed them in the cart as well. Camila raised an eyebrow at her and Lauren giggled.

"You looked like you liked them."

Camila rolled her eyes and covered her face, silently telling Lauren she would stop looking at things altogether. Lauren giggled and shook her head, rolling the cart towards another section of the store. A few moments later, she heard rushed footsteps behind her and then someone latched onto her arm.

She looked down at the small girl that was now shyly holding onto her arm. Lauren realized that Camila was scared of being left behind. She took a deep breath before prying her arm out of Camila's and turning to face her.

"Don't be so nervous, Camz. I'm not leaving you," she felt Camila's old nickname roll off of her tongue like second nature. She caught Camila's face lighting up for a second before the smaller girl quickly composed herself and nodded softly.

The tension slowly went away for the rest of the trip. Lauren teased Camila the entire time in Victoria's Secret, trying to get her to buy the ugliest lingerie she could find. She'd even gotten Camila to giggle once, which she considered her proudest accomplishment. She'd missed that sound too much.

Lauren spent more money on Camila then she should've. But she wanted to.

Once they finished shopping, Lauren loaded the bags in the back of the car and helped Camila up into her seat. She could tell the small girl was sore. She wasn't sure what it was from, but she didn't want to push questions. She told herself if Camila wanted to tell her, that she would eventually.

"So I though we'd go somewhere to eat, but then I figured you would probably be tired of fast food. I have stuff at home, are you okay with chicken enchiladas? They're Rowan's favorite," Lauren bit her lip, looking at Camila hopefully. She was scared of letting her down.

Camila smiled widely and nodded. She missed Lauren's cooking.

* * *

Both girls glanced at one another nervously when they pulled into the parking lot of the apartment. Lauren knew they were both anxious about what Rowan would think.

"So..." Lauren broke the silence, inhaling slowly. "I can't promise you how she'll react. She's already a bit grumpy today. Long night."

Camila nodded. She was overwhelmingly guilty for leaving the responsibility of her daughter with Lauren. But she knew, also, that she did what she had to do to keep them safe.

"You're probably wondering about her whole... situation..." Lauren vocally realized Camila had no clue about Rowan's descent into silence.

Camila nodded quickly.

"They can only guess it was something that ran in Keith's family. It just started happening one day. She kept getting in to trouble. And to tell you the truth, I feel like shit for not noticing it sooner. We both learned sign language and she's been completely deaf for a while now. It's been a struggle... but she's yet to give up, and so I haven't either," Lauren shrugged. She bit her lip, unsure of what Camila was thinking.

When Camila didn't respond, Lauren continued.

"Don't be scared if you hear her belting out songs at the top of her lungs," she laughed to lighten the mood. "I gave her a thorough walk through the world of music before she lost her hearing, so she's got a pretty big library of songs up there," she pointed to her head and smiled softly.

"How much sign language do you know?"

Camila bit her lip. She made a pinching motion with her fingers to show Lauren that she didn't know much.

"I'll translate back and forth for you guys, then. Uh, here," Lauren reached over and took both of Camila's hands.

"This is how we say her name," Lauren explained, moving Camila's hands and showing her the motion. Camila nodded, repeating it when Lauren removed her hands.

"This is my name," Lauren said, kissing her hand and pressing it to her heart. 

"And uh, you've got one too... hopefully that doesn't weird you out or anything..." Lauren bit her lip, and was relieved when Camila quickly shook her head. Lauren proceeded to kiss her hand, before holding it up to the sky.

Lauren saw Camila's eyes fill with tears and quickly shook her head. She reached and grabbed her hands again to make Camila look at her.

"Don't cry, please. She's said nothing but good things about you."

Camila nodded softly.

"Is there anything else you wanna know how to sign?" Lauren asked. She slid her phone over to Camila.

Camila typed furiously.

_I love you and I'm sorry_

Lauren bit her lip when she read what the smaller girl had typed. But she wasn't going to stop her from apologizing to Rowan. She showed Camila the signs, who quickly imitated them.

Just as she was about to exit the car, Camila grabbed Lauren's arm. She turned back around, tilting her head to the side. Camila reached for Lauren's phone and quickly typed something else.

_How do you sign "I'm not leaving this time"..?_

Lauren couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips.

* * *

Lauren fumbled with the key to the apartment for a few moments before finally getting it unlocked.

"I apologize for the mess," Lauren said nervously, pushing the door open and studying Camila's expression as they walked into the apartment. The small girl stood nervously in the doorway, taking in her surroundings.

"Are you okay with a blow-up mattress? No one uses the office so you can sleep in there," Lauren said. Once Camila nodded, she walked over to the closet and pulled out their spare air mattress, handing it to Camila and then retrieving the electronic air pump.

"The office is through there," Lauren said, nodding towards the door furthest down the hallway. "Can you get it set up while I go get Rowan?"

Camila nodded slowly and Lauren noticed her hesitation. She took a step closer to the girl and reached out, gently drawing her hood back from her face so she could meet her eyes.

"Camila, you're her mother. Nothing bad is going to happen, okay?"

Camila nodded softly and brought one of her hands up to her face to cover her scar. Lauren shook her head and moved her hand away.

"Please don't hide it, Mila. There's nothing wrong with you."

Camila didn't expect Lauren to be this kind to her. She'd cheated on her and then left her. Well, she hadn't. But that's what Lauren was made to believe. Camila took a deep breath before keeping her hands at her sides and motioning at the air mattress, silently letting Lauren know it was okay to go.

No more words were exchanged between the girls. Lauren just gave her a soft smile and slipped out the door. She ran up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, anxious to get this reunion done and over with.

Minutes later, she was thanking her upstairs neighbor and leading Rowan down the hallway. She tugged on her daughter's hand to get her to stop walking before kneeling down next to her.

  
_'Rowan, someone has come to visit us at the apartment,'_  she signed.

  
_'Who?'_  Rowan asked eagerly.

  
_'Your mother is gonna stay with us for a while. She's had some... bad luck, and we're going to help her. Is that okay with you?'_  Lauren took her time putting her words together.

Rowan's face underwent a series of emotions before she finally bit her lip, looking at Lauren worriedly. _'Is she mad at us?'_  she signed shyly.

  
_'Of course not, Rowan. She is scared that you will be mad at her,'_  Lauren answered honestly. She could tell Rowan was deep in thought.

  
_'I'm nervous,'_  Rowan signed slowly.

_'So is she, Rowan. I am too. It's gonna be a little funny at first, but I promise I will try my best to keep us all happy. Is that okay?'_

Rowan nodded softly. _'I'm happy she's here, mommy.'_  


_'I think she is, too. I need to tell you something before we see her, though.'_

Rowan nodded, motioning for Lauren to continue.

_'She's been around some... mean people. So her body is very sore. She looks a lot different than she did when you knew her, but she's still the same person, I promise.'_

Rowan looked concerned. _'Is she hurt?'_  


Lauren didn't know how to answer that question. _'She is safe now, with us.'_  


Luckily Rowan accepted that answer and tugged on Lauren's hand, leading her towards the elevator.

As they neared the apartment, Rowan started slowing down. Lauren could tell she was nervous. She couldn't imagine how confusing this would be for Rowan. She gave her daughter's hand a reassuring squeeze and Rowan looked up at her with a shy smile.

When they reached the door, Rowan didn't make a move to open it. Lauren picked her up, hoping she'd be less nervous in her arms. She opened the door slowly and walked into the living room, hearing scuffling noises coming from the office.

"Camila? We're back," Lauren called. Rowan looked up at her, and Camila could see just how anxious her daughter was. She gave her a comforting smile and kissed her forehead, smoothing out her hair.

A few moments later, the office door creaked open slowly and Camila shyly emerged from the room. Lauren's eyes darted back and forth from mother to daughter. She motioned for Camila to come closer, and took a few steps forward herself.

Rowan was busy studying her mother. She'd undergone a major change since she'd last seen her. Her eyes were scanning the small girl's body. Lauren bit her lip.

  
_'Hi, Rowan,'_ Camila signed slowly.

Rowan looked at Lauren with a surprised smile on her face. Lauren giggled and the small girl looked at Camila again.

Rowan didn't say anything, instead she reached out. Lauren took a step forward so the child in her arms could gently take Camila's face in her hands. Camila shivered when Rowan ran her fingers over Camila's bruises ever-so-gently.

  
_'She is pretty,'_ Rowan signed to Lauren, who smiled softly.

"She says that you're pretty," Lauren told Camila, who gave Rowan a shy smile.

Rowan pulled Camila's head closer to hers so she could place a gentle kiss on her mother's forehead. Lauren swore her heart melted right then. And by the look on Camila's face, she was feeling the same way.

Camila held up her hands so Rowan would know she was about to sign. _'I missed you.'_  


Rowan wiggled out of Lauren's arms, and Lauren set her down on the ground. The small girl took a few shy steps forward, still somewhat uncertain. She slowly held her arms up, signaling to Camila that she wanted a hug.

Lauren wished she had a camera with her. Camila knelt down and Rowan wrapped her arms around her, Camila returned the gesture immediately. Rowan giggled and Camila looked at Lauren, confused.

"She giggles when she's happy," Lauren explained, and Camila bit her lip to stop herself from smiling even more. There was something so bittersweet about this moment.

Rowan pulled away from the hug and signed up to Lauren. _'Is she going to stay this time?'_  


"She wants to know if you'll stay this time," Lauren said softly, not holding back anything from Camila. She saw the guilt in Camila's face and wondered how she'd even been able to leave Rowan behind.

  
_'I will not leave you,'_  Camila signed to Rowan, who nodded softly. She turned back to Lauren and tugged on her sleeve.

  
_'Hungry,'_ she signed, and Lauren giggled. It was that simple for Rowan. She was able to forgive and forget that quickly. Camila looked at her, curious to what Rowan had said.

"She's hungry," Lauren explained, and it was Camila's turn to laugh. "See? I told you it wouldn't be awful."

Camila nodded softly. She signed _'Thank you'_   to Lauren. Rowan took her mother's hand, pointing to the kitchen. Camila looked at Lauren, as if she was asking for permission.

"Go ahead," Lauren laughed, and Camila followed the small girl into the kitchen.

Lauren got changed into something more comfortable and entered the kitchen. Rowan and Camila now sat at the table, with a puzzle spread out in front of them. Lauren started preparing dinner, keeping an eye on both girls while she did.

In the short time they'd been back together, Rowan and Camila had developed an interesting way of communicating. Since Camila didn't know much sign language, both girls made up their own hand motions and facial expressions to get their message across. When Rowan needed to push a piece harder into the puzzle, Camila would bang on the table and make an angry face, which would cause Rowan to giggle and do the same to snap the puzzle piece into place.

Lauren would catch Rowan studying Camila's face every once in a while. She knew her daughter was curious as to how Camila had gotten the scars and bruises, but she was proud of Rowan for knowing not to ask about them right away.

Rowan still seemed a little nervous, but it wasn't for the reasons Lauren thought she was be. She had expected Rowan to be somewhat afraid of allowing Camila near her, but instead, Rowan seemed more afraid of hurting Camila. She treated her mother so gently and shyly, making an effort to keep her movements slow and predictable. Lauren was astonished at how intuitive Rowan was really being.

This gave her hope.


	32. assessing the damage

Lauren quit her job.

She knew it was an insane decision, but she couldn't leave Camila by herself in the apartment. It wasn't a matter of not trusting her, it was a matter of making sure Camila wasn't alone and afraid at night. Camila's comfort was more important to Lauren than the money her job would have brought in.

The next few days passed by slowly. Camila picked up on sign language quicker than Lauren had expected her too. She still had her goofy games of charades with Rowan, though. Lauren had woken up the other morning to the sound of both of them giggling excessively, because Camila had put a lampshade on her head in the spur of the moment and was trying to get Rowan to realize that she needed to turn on the oven light inside the stove if she wanted to see the cookies they were baking.

Lauren didn't mind that Camila didn't talk. The sound of her laugh was enough to fill the house and make it feel like home again. Everything was brighter when Camila was around.

Most of the clothes they'd bought together were still in the same bags they'd been in when they bought them home. Lauren had walked in on Camila quietly digging through her closet multiple times, stealing one of Lauren's hoodies and disappearing back into her bedroom. Luckily, Camila didn't know that Lauren had seen her. But by the redness of her cheeks whenever Lauren raised an eyebrow at the familiar-looking sweatshirt on Camila's torso, both girls were well aware that the other knew what was going on.

Lauren didn't mind, though. So she started leaving her hoodies hung on the end of her bed so Camila could find them easier. She thought it was adorable.

Lauren would drop off Rowan at school, and then take Camila to work immediately after. She'd make some sort of excuse for her to hang around the bookstore longer than she should, but Camila never questioned her.

Lauren would have to leave eventually, whether it was to run errands or return home. But she'd always return to Camila's work with just enough time so they could pick out a new book together and then pick Rowan up from school.

Camila had just wandered into Lauren's room one night, hugging the black hoodie she had on of Lauren's to her torso and holding a tattered copy of _Gone with the Wind,_ looking at Lauren hopefully.

"Huh?" Lauren asked, picking up the book gently and tracing her fingers across the worn cover.

Camila bit her lip, thinking for a moment before sitting down on the edge of Lauren's bed and nodding at the book shyly.

Lauren set down her cup of coffee and took hold of the book in both hands. "I don't understand...?" she said softly.

Camila crawled up on the bed so she was sitting next to Lauren and gently took the book back out of her hands. Flipping to the first page, she set the book back in Lauren's lap and tapped the first word.

"Scarlett?" Lauren asked, looking down and reading the first word. Camila nodded with a soft smile and traced her finger across the entire sentence.

" _Scarlett O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the Tarleton twins were_..." Lauren read slowly, turning to Camila and raising an eyebrow. Camila clasped her hands together and motioned for Lauren to go on.

"You want me to read to you?" Lauren realized, a soft smile creeping on her face.

Camila nodded shyly.

Lauren simply smiled and nodded before she turned her attention back to the book in her hands. " _In her face were too sharply blended the delicate features of her mother, a Coast aristocrat of French descent, and the heavy ones of her florid Irish father. But it was an arresting face, pointed of chin, square of jaw. Her eyes were pale green without a touch of hazel, starred with bristly black lashes and slightly tilted at the ends,"_  she paused her reading when Camila tapped her shoulder and pointed to Lauren's eyes.

"Me?"

Camila nodded and pointed to the words in the book.

"My eyes?"

Camila nodded again, thinking for a moment before reaching over Lauren to grab a pen from the nightstand. She found the first sentence once more and circled a word.

_Beautiful._

"My eyes are beautiful...?" Lauren bit her lip. Camila nodded quickly, and Lauren noticed her cheeks were slowly turning red. She set the book down next to her and took Camila's hand. Giving it a gentle squeeze, she got Camila to meet her eyes.

"Thank you," she smiled softly. Camila grew bashful and looked down shyly. Lauren giggled and picked up the book again. "Where were we? Ah, okay..."

_"Seated with Stuart and Brent Tarleton in the cool shade of the porch of Tara, her father's plantation, that bright April afternoon of 1861, she made a pretty picture. Her new green flowered-muslin dress spread its twelve yards of billowing material over her hoops and exactly matched the flat-heeled green morocco slippers her father had recently brought her from Atlanta..."_

* * *

They finished _Gone with the Wind_  in three days. Camila would tiptoe into her room at the same time every night, placing the book in Lauren's lap and sitting cross legged on the bed in front of her. They'd giggle at the funny parts, and shed a few tears at the sad parts. Camila never stopped Lauren. Lauren was always the one to finish a chapter and suggest that they head off to bed. If Lauren didn't do that, she was sure Camila would've listened to her read all night long.

Over the course of the next week, Lauren began noticing something in Camila. It started when she took Rowan and Camila out to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory that Friday as a treat. All three girls were looking down at their menus when Camila slid hers in front of Lauren.

Confused, Lauren looked at Camila questioningly. Camila pointed to something on the menu, and Lauren scanned the piece of laminated paper.

"Carrot Cake?" Lauren questioned. Camila quickly shook her head and slid the menu back, flipping it to another page and hurriedly pointing to another item on the menu.

"Mushroom Burger?" Lauren asked again. Camila grimaced and took the menu back. The small girl narrowed her eyes and leaned down until her face was only inches away from the table. A few moments later, she pointed to a different item and looked at Lauren questioningly.

"Grilled Chicken Salad..." Lauren read the words, raising an eyebrow at Camila. She looked back down when Camila slid her finger to the item under the one Lauren had just read.

"Chinese Chicken Salad."

Camila moved her finger again.

"Santa Fe Salad," Lauren was utterly confused. She heard Camila sigh in frustration and move her finger down once more.

"Caesar Salad?" Lauren asked, and Camila immediately sat up straighter. She tapped the words once more and nodded to Lauren with a nervous smile on her face.

"That's what you want?"

Camila nodded quickly.

Their conversation was cut short when the waiter stopped by the table to take their drink orders. She saw fear flash in Camila's eyes when he pointed to the list of available drinks on the back of the menu. The small girl leaned down and squinted her eyes. Lauren knew something was definitely up when she realized Camila was reading the 21 and over section of the drink menu.

"We'll all have water," Lauren quickly said, sliding the menu away from Camila, who looked relieved. Lauren ordered for the three of them, finding it funny that she had taken the role of both Camila and Rowan's translator.

She met Camila's eyes, who looked embarrassed. Reaching over the table, Lauren placed her hand on top of Camila's gently and sent her a comforting nod.

"We're gonna talk about this later, okay?" she asked, biting her lip.

Camila looked extremely ashamed of herself. The younger girl nodded softly, looking down at her hands in her lap.

Instead of bringing it up again, Lauren changed the subject and took one of the crayons they'd given Rowan with the kids menu. She took a napkin and tapped the table to get Camila's attention before drawing a tic-tac-toe board. Camila giggled and grabbed her own crayon, thankful Lauren hadn't asked her anything else about the situation earlier.

* * *

Camila wandered into Lauren's room that night nervously. She set a brand new copy of _Jane Eyre_ in front of Lauren, hoping the older girl wouldn't remember the events from earlier that day.

She did.

Lauren set the book on the nightstand and patted the bed next to her. Camila reluctantly crawled up next to her and hugged one of Lauren's pillows to her chest.

"Can you read, Camila?"

Camila looked up nervously before nodding.

"Can you read the same as you've always been able to?"

Camila didn't respond. Lauren sighed and opened to a page in the book Camila had just handed her. She grabbed a piece of scrap paper from her nightstand and handed it to Camila, along with a pen.

"Copy that sentence."

She saw the panic flicker in Camila's eyes, but allowed her to calm herself down. She needed to know what was really going on.

Camila took the book from Lauren's hands, holding it extremely close to her face and furrowing her eyebrows. A minute or so passed by before Camila set the book down and turned her attention to the pen and paper.

Lauren noticed how Camila was holding the pen straight through her clenched fist. Slowly, she reached out and pried it out Camila's fingers.

"Hold it like this," she said softly, showing Camila the proper way to hold a pen before sliding it back into Camila's fingers and closing them around it. Camila just nodded, keeping her eyes on the piece of paper.

Ever so slowly, she scratched the pen across the piece of paper. Lauren bit her lip, noticing how shaky and trivial Camila's handwriting had become. A few minutes later, Camila slid the paper in front of Lauren.

_They don't look grave and mysterious, as if they had heard something strange._

"So you can read," Lauren said, comparing Camila's sentence to the one Lauren had told her to copy.

Camila nodded shyly.

"It just takes you a little longer to figure out what the words are?" Lauren asked softly. Camila nodded once more. Lauren took a deep breath and placed a hand on the younger girl's knee.

"What happened to you, Mila...?"

Camila immediately swung her legs of the bed and disappeared out of the room without another word.


	33. letters

A handful of hours later, Camila peered into Lauren's room. Her shoulders dropped when she realized Lauren had fallen asleep. She took a deep breath before quietly walking over and placing the piece of paper on Lauren's nightstand before slipping out of the room and into her own bedroom.

Lauren blinked her eyes open, confused, when she heard her bedroom door shut. She sat up, groggily turning on the lamp next to her bed. That's when her eyes landed on the piece of crumpled notebook paper that lay on the table next to her.

She pulled the blanket over her legs and unfolded the letter. Lauren immediately recognized Camila's chicken scratch handwriting, and was surprised at how much effort she'd put into completely filling up both sides of the paper.

_Lauren,_

_I bet you have a lot of questions. Yes, I can talk. But... I just can't. I wish I had a better explanation for you, but I don't. I have a lot of explaining to do. But first, please don't hate me._

_I didn't cheat on you. I'm so sorry for letting you believe it. The necklace, the pills, the sneaking out... it wasn't me. Well, it was, but I had no choice. The day you asked me about the necklace was the day I got my first letter from Keith. I had to do all those things to keep you safe. He knew where I worked, Lauren... I didn't know what else I was supposed to do. It's not like I would change what I did if I could do it again._

_The day I left... I didn't want to. I swear, Lauren. You may not believe me, but hopefully you know me well enough to know that I wouldn't leave you or Rowan voluntarily, in a million years. That day I had gotten a letter from Keith and I just... wanted to get it all over with. Please don't be mad at me for what I did._

_I knew Keith was going to kill me eventually. And I didn't want to give him that satisfaction. So I guess I just... took it into my own hands. I woke up in the hospital after the car hit me and I was so... so mad. I felt like I'd failed. I wanted to talk, but I didn't. Because I didn't want to hurt anyone else, like I'd done to you._

_They couldn't figure out who I was because I didn't talk to them. So they called me Matty Ford, cause I had your 'The 1975' shirt on when they found me, and one of the nurses knew who the main singer was. And I was driving the Ford._

_I broke my leg, screwed up something in my back (they had to 'fuse my vertebrae together'... whatever that means) fractured my skull and some other stuff that I can't remember._

_It took awhile before I could walk and stuff properly, and when I finally got out of the hospital, I ended up at the shelter because I was broke and had no other options. I wore the hood and stuff to hide my face. The guys at the shelter had it out for me from the start, I guess. Besides this kid named Harry that I was friends with. He's the only person I've ever talked to since the accident._

_Oh, yeah. The first time I spoke since the accident was when I realized I sounded like a blubbering idiot. I guess the accident screwed me up more than I thought. Cause' I have the reading and writing skills of a five year old._

_I got a job at the bookstore and I guess that's when you met Matty. I wasn't purposely avoiding you, Lauren. If it was safe, I would've run right into your arms. But I wasn't safe, and neither were you. Keith was still alive and for all I knew, he was watching me closely. So I just tried to make you befriend 'Matty.'_

_I didn't mean to get as close to you as I did, really. It just happened._

  
_And then I didn't show up to work for a week. It's all a blur but I just remember Keith finding me and walking me somewhere, and then blackness. I woke up and I was naked_ - _don't worry. Remember the Harry kid I mentioned before? I guess he saw us and followed us. All details aside, Keith is dead, and he didn't hurt me in any way (minus a few bruises)._  


_When I came back to work the next week was when I showed you who I was. And now we're here._

_I don't expect you to believe me. I just needed you to hear my side of things. I mean, you probably hate me more than anything. I'm sorry things had to turn out like this._

_\- Camila_

Lauren's never been so mad at someone in her life. She was glad Keith was dead. She was so, so relieved that Camila was safe now. But as she wiped the tears from her eyes, she suddenly became aware that Camila thought that she hated her.

It was quite the opposite.

* * *

Camila jumped when she heard something scratch on her floor. She heard footsteps and quickly turned her light on, crawling over to the door of the office where she slept and looking at the ripped piece of paper that had been slid underneath it.

_Camila,_

_You're insane if you think I hate you. And I do believe you, one hundred percent._

_When you left... I was surprised. It didn't seem like you. The Camila I knew wouldn't give up that easily. But I didn't know what I could possibly do about it. So I believe you, because I never really believed that you left in the first place._

_I guess since I know what happened in your life during that year, you deserve to know what happened in mine._

_I moved to this apartment a few months after you left. The beach house is still legally mine, though. I don't really have a complicated reason for moving. I just needed to get away from those memories._

_Most of my attention was on Rowan from then on. When her whole hearing issue started, I pulled her out of school and tried to give her everything I could while she could still hear. Music, the sound of waves at the beach, anything she could remember before her world went silent, really._

_We learned sign language, and then she started the new school year at her current school. I don't even know what made me stop by the bookstore that day. But hell, I'm glad I did._

_I was so intrigued by 'Matty'... you were so fragile yet gentle and I just had this overwhelming need to protect you. I still do._

_Camila, I am so glad you are here. Thank you for opening up to me. I'm so proud of you._

_\- Lauren_

Camila let the letter fall to the floor and quickly wiped her tears with the sleeve of her hoodie. She practically ran to Lauren's bedroom, pushing the door open and freezing in the doorway.

"L-l-lauren...?" she breathed.

Lauren had been asleep, but the sound of Camila's voice immediately woke up. She assumed something was really wrong, and she shot up out of bed.

"What? What's going on?" she asked quickly.

"I-I st-s-still love you," Camila's voice came out barely a whisper, and then she burst into tears, letting every single emotion she was feeling overtake her.

Lauren's heart sped up and she swore she hadn't heard Camila correctly. She quickly got out of bed, sliding on her knees next to Camila, who'd crumpled down to the floor.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" she asked, reaching out and prying Camila's hands away from her face. She had just heard the voice of the girl she loved for the first time in over a year and she was in utter shock at how familiar this felt.

Camila just shook her head and looked down, squeezing her eyes shut.

Lauren couldn't contain herself anymore and she scooted closer to Camila, gently pulling her into a hug. Camila didn't fight it, in fact she did quite the opposite, she buried her head in Lauren's shoulder and clung onto her for dear life.

A few moments of silence passed. The silence was filled with Camila's irregular breathing, and Lauren could feel how fast the small girl's heart was beating against her chest.

She still loved her?

Lauren hadn't considered that to be a possibility. Never in a million years.

"I don't think anything could keep me from loving you, Camila," Lauren whispered. She didn't even flinch. It was true. And she wasn't going to deny herself of that fact anymore.

Camila instantly froze in her arms and quickly pulled away. She frantically searched Lauren's eyes to see if she was telling the truth.

Lauren couldn't help but laugh, relieved that she'd finally been able to confess what'd she'd been holding in since she first saw Camila in the bookstore. "Yes, Camila, I'm not lying," she said softly, becoming shy.

Lauren didn't expect Camila to burst into tears again, but she did, and moments later Camila's arms were wrapped back around her neck and her head was buried in Lauren's shoulder.

"Pl-p-please don't l-let m-me leave again," Camila said softly between sobs. Lauren felt her heart break in two and she tightened her grip on Camila.

"I will never let that happen again," she whispered in the smaller girl's ear, kissing the top of Camila's head before resting her chin there.

Lauren realized she'd been crying when she felt Camila pull away and reach up to wipe Lauren's tears with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Both girls had tears in their eyes.

"I... I-I... I..." Camila groaned loudly and threw her hands down at her sides. "I-I... I t-t-th...I..." She couldn't get her words out, and she considered it one of the most frustrating things she would ever have to deal with.

Lauren grabbed both of Camila's hands without missing a beat. She met the small girl's eyes and silently breathed in deeply, nodding at Camila to signal for her to mimic what she was doing.

Camila turned her hands so she could lace her fingers with Lauren's. For her, it was like putting the puzzle pieces that were their eventful lives back together for the first time. She took a deep, shaky breath in and held it in her chest.

Lauren exhaled. Camila did the same.

"Don't rush yourself, Camz. Take your time. I'll still be here," Lauren whispered, keeping their hands interlocked. She recalled doing this same thing with Rowan when she would get flustered and sign hurriedly, not allowing anyone the time to understand what she was saying.

Camila swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded softly.

"I-I'm just s-s-so... ha-h-happy," her tiny voice filled the space between them and she pressed her hands against her cheeks, which were now bright red.

Lauren laughed softly, not being able to recall a time she'd ever been happier.

"Do you want me to read to you?" she asked, knowing well enough that neither of them would be getting much sleep that night.

Camila nodded softly. And Lauren squeezed her hand, pulling both of them to their feet. She led Camila over to the bed and waited for her to crawl in first before grabbing the copy of _Jane Eyre_ and flipping over to the first chapter.

" _There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning; but since dinner (Mrs. Reed, when there was no company, dined early) the cold winter wind had brought with it clouds so sombre, and a rain so penetrating, that further out-door exercise was now out of the question_."

As Lauren read, she felt Camila scoot closer and closer to her. Lauren realized Camila was the human equivalent of a kitten and she smiled softly to herself. After a few minutes of just a small gap of space separating them, Lauren set the book down and pulled the covers over their feet. Camila looked at her, confused, but instantly snuggled into Lauren when the older girl put one arm around her shoulder, using her free hand to hold the book.

" _I was glad of it: I never liked long walks, especially on chilly afternoons: dreadful to me was the coming home in the raw twilight, with nipped fingers and toes, and a heart saddened by the chidings of Bessie, the nurse, and humbled by the consciousness of my physical inferiority to Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed."_  


Lauren had just started the forth chapter when she realized a certain someone wasn't giggling every few minutes when a joke was made. She turned her head to look at Camila and bit her lip, holding back a smile when she realized the small girl had fallen asleep.

The book slid off the bed and onto the floor, and Lauren didn't bother turning off the light. She found herself in a very precarious position, not being able to move without disrupting the sleeping girl nuzzled into her side. Using her free hand, she pulled the blankets up to their chests and turned slightly, wrapping both arms around Camila and pressing her head into the crook of her neck. She could feel the small girl's breath against the side of the face and shivered.

"I love you," she whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Camila's temple.

She missed being able to roll those three words off of her tongue.


	34. an unexpected guest

Camila woke up confused the next morning when she tried to move and was weighed down by something. When she breathed in deeply, she was instantly overwhelmed with the smell of Lauren's perfume. A content sigh escaped her lips and she wiggled herself around in Lauren's grip so their faces were only a few inches apart.

She pressed a soft kiss on the bridge of Lauren's nose and held her breath when Lauren's eyelashes fluttered slightly. A few moments later the green-eyed girl hummed softly and blinked her eyes a few times to allow her pupils to adjust to the light.

Camila's soft expression slowly blurred into Lauren's view and a smile instantly spread across her face.

"Morning," Lauren's voice rasped. Camila had missed waking up to that sound. She offered Lauren a soft smile, too tired to try and struggle to talk. Lauren didn't seem to mind, instead she just planted a soft kiss on Camila's forehead before pulling Camila closer to her.

_"I knew you were trouble when you walked innnnn!"_

Both girls burst into laughter when they heard Rowan's voice belting out from the other room. Camila giggled, sitting up and wiping her eyes. She tugged on Lauren's sleeve and pointed to the door.

Lauren groaned dramatically, causing Camila to giggle. The younger girl crawled over Lauren and slid her feet onto the floor, shivering at the loss of warmth. She waited for Lauren to follow, and after some prodding, both girls slipped out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

Rowan smiled brightly, sitting up in her bed when she saw the two girls enter the room. Camila and Lauren exchanged glances before running over to Rowan's bed and tickling her, causing her to giggle excessively.

  
_'Is it a happy morning?'_ Rowan signed slowly so Camila had time to process what she was saying. Camila glanced at Lauren and nodded softly.

  
_'Yes, Rowan,'_  she sighed. _'I love you.'_  


Rowan's face lit up. _'I love you too, mommy.'_  


Camila looked at Lauren, who was already looking at her. Lauren squeezed her hand and Camila bent down to give Rowan a kiss on the cheek.

Things were looking up for them.

* * *

Camila spoke for the first time that day after breakfast.

As Lauren was scraping the remnants of Rowan's scrambled eggs into the trash can, Camila's small voice filled the room.

"D-d-do you th-t-think s-she looks like m-me?" she asked softly, pointing to Rowan. Lauren didn't get a chance to answer her question before Rowan was crawling up on the kitchen table where she and Camila sat and cupping her mother's face in her hands.

The child turned to Lauren with a confused expression on her face.

_'Did she talk?'_

Lauren laughed softly and nodded. Rowan turned back to Camila and placed her fingers gently over her mother's lips, as if she was trying to hear her voice through touch. Her lips curved into a frown and Camila noticed this.

  
_'What's wrong?'_ she signed, and Rowan drew her hands back to her sides, moving her legs so she was sitting cross legged on the table in front of her mother.

  
_'I can't hear you,'_ Rowan looked down shyly.

Both Lauren and Camila exchanged sad looks before Camila turned back to Rowan and tilted her daughter's chin up to meet her eyes.

  
_'Do you hear your voice when you sing? In your head?'_ She pointed to Rowan's forehead and tapped it with her index finger. Rowan brought her hand to her head, pressing her palm against the smooth skin and thought for a moment. She nodded.

  
_'That is my voice,'_  Camila signed, running her thumb across Rowan's cheek. She grabbed the spoon out of her coffee and wiped it on her napkin before holding it up in front of her face like a mirror, handing it to Rowan who did the same.

  
_'Smile big,'_  Camila signed, and Rowan did as she was told. Camila tapped her finger on the crinkles around Rowan's eyes when she smiled, making Rowan pay attention to them in her reflection. Rowan studied her face in the mirror before faltering her smile and looking at Camila for an explanation.

Camila then smiled widely, moving the spoon out of the way and taking Rowan's hand in hers. She brought her daughter's hand up to the side of her eye, placing it on the creases that formed when she smiled, just as Rowan's had.

Rowan smiled shyly.

  
_'That is my laugh,'_ Camila signed, smoothing out her daughter's hair. _'There are parts of me inside of you that you don't need to hearing to feel.'_  


Lauren had forgotten about the dirty dishes in the sink. She stood, watching the interaction between mother and daughter with a warm smile on her face.

  
_'You smell the same as I remember,'_  Rowan signed while giggling, and Camila turned to Lauren, not understanding what Rowan had signed.

Lauren had familiarized herself with the words Camila had trouble remembering. She signed _'smell'_ and spoke it aloud so Camila understood. Camila giggled and poked Rowan's nose, crinkling her own at the same time.

  
_'I made something at school!'_ Rowan suddenly remembered, hopping off of the table and running into her bedroom. Lauren moved over to Camila and placed her hand on her shoulder giving her a soft smile.

Rowan reappeared moment later, tugging her backpack behind her. She dug around until her hands brought a piece of paper out. She held it up for the two girls to see with a wide smile on her face.

Traced carefully in purple crayon across the top of the paper were the words _'I love my family'_  and underneath was a colorful drawing of three girls. Rowan set the paper down so she could go on to explain who was who in the picture.

Camila couldn't stop smiling. She belonged somewhere. She belonged to _someone_. She'd forgotten how much she loved that feeling.

"W-w-wait h-here," she said, standing up and slipping into Lauren's bedroom. Camila quickly found the old Polaroid camera she'd seen while stealing one of Lauren's sweatshirts. Emerging in the kitchen, she held it up for Lauren to see.

"St-s-stand n-next to h-her," she said, motioning for Lauren to move next to Rowan. But Lauren shook her head, pulling Camila with her.

"You're part of this family, too," she said, taking hold of one side of the camera and turning it around so it was facing them. Rowan held up her picture proudly, and Camila reached to hold the other side of the camera.

Lauren turned to kiss Rowan on the cheek and Camila did the same. Seconds later, the camera clicked and the picture started printing. Rowan giggled, taking the picture once it was printing and shaking it gently to help it develop.

Soon the image of the three girls faded into view and Camila smiled softly. Lauren took it from Rowan and walked over to the empty refrigerator, grabbing a piece of tape from the drawer and placing it smack-dab in the middle of the cold metal surface.

Slowly, their small apartment was starting to feel like home.

* * *

The week went by quickly, and soon Lauren was waking up on Sunday to an unusual weight on her back.

Camila had slowly moved herself into Lauren's room, silently claiming it as her own. Lauren didn't stop her, though. And soon she found herself packing up the air mattress Camila used to sleep on and shoving it back into storage.

She wasn't sure exactly what Camila considered them to be. They hadn't even kissed yet. There was a hesitation there for both of the girls. It wasn't that they didn't want to kiss, they did. Tremendously. But they were both scared. Scared of putting a label on them and something going wrong like it always seemed to do.

Rowan had started asking questions.

Lauren didn't blame her. The concept of her and Camila's relationship had a long and bumpy past. Whenever Rowan asked about them, Lauren would just tell her the truth. She wasn't exactly sure.

Luckily, Rowan was patient, and would always accept Lauren's answer.

"Lolooooo," Camila hummed. Lauren reached to pull Camila closer to her but realized the girl was standing on her a bad side.

"It's early," Lauren groaned, rolling over and looking up at Camila. She became confused when she saw that Camila was already dressed.

"H-h-happy b-birthday!" Camila beamed.

Lauren furrowed her eyebrows and realized.

"It's my birthday?"

Camila nodded with a smile on her face, and then turned and motioned to the door. Lauren sat up, confused.

Rowan burst into the room with a party blower in her mouth, blaring a continuous screeching noise. Lauren laughed when Rowan continued blowing into the toy, crawling onto the bed next to her.

Lauren covered her ears and fell back onto the bed dramatically, making Rowan giggle. The small girl tossed the horn aside and tackled Lauren in a hug. Lauren laughed, sitting up and ticking her daughter, who squealed and fell back on her bottom on the pillow next to Lauren.

  
_'Happy Birthday,'_ she signed with a wide smile on her face. Lauren leaned in, kissing her forehead. She then reached out and pulled Camila close to her, planting a kiss on her cheek as well.

' _We made you breakfast_ ,' Rowan giggled excitedly, sliding off the bed and tugging on Lauren's hand to lead her into the kitchen. Lauren smiled, yawning and allowing herself to be led into the other room. Camila scurried up behind her and covered her eyes before they turned into the kitchen.

"Okay, now you're scaring me," Lauren teased. Camila just giggled and motioned for Rowan to stop walking when they reached the entrance of the kitchen.

"H-h-happy bi-birthday," Camila said softly, removing her hands from Lauren's face.

On the kitchen table sat a brand new record player, along with a collection of records piled up next to it. There was another machine, but Lauren couldn't tell what it was. Camila quickly explained.

"I-it's a li-l-light ma-machine... it h-hooks t-t-to the pl-p-player and coordinates th-t-the lights with t-the mu-m-music. For R-rowan," she bit her lip hopefully.

"Has anyone ever told you you're a genius?" Lauren smiled, turning to Camila and pulling her closer to her by the waist. She leaned in kissed the bridge of her nose.

"Thank you. I love it," she whispered before turning and signing a thank you to her daughter as well.

  
_'Can we eat now?'_ Rowan signed, pointing to the stack of blueberry pancakes on the counter. Both girls giggled and nodded, and Lauren walked over with Camila to make her a plate.

The doorbell rang a few seconds later and Camila glanced at Lauren.

"I-I've got it."

"You sure?" Lauren asked, knowing how Camila felt around strangers. Camila nodded and walked over to the door.

Camila froze when the door swung open.

"Camz, who is it?" Lauren called from the kitchen, noting the silence.

"Oh my god."

Lauren whipped her head around when the new, familiar voice echoed through the apartment.

"Ally?" Lauren called, jogging over to the door and coming face to face with the small girl. She placed a reassuring hand on Camila's shoulder.

"Camila?" Ally said, astonished. Camila stayed silent and Lauren almost forgot that she was the only person Camila talked around.

Lauren gave Ally a warning look, wanting her to know that she needed to be careful. Luckily, Ally understood. Lauren pulled Camila aside so the other girl could enter the apartment.

Rowan nearly fell out of her chair when she saw Ally. She scrambled over to the girl, jumping into her arms and giggling excitedly. Ally picked her up, ruffling her hair and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Surprise?" Ally laughed. "I decided to stop by on the way back from Troy's parent's house for your birthday."

Lauren smiled, hugging Ally around Rowan. "You're crazy," she laughed and shook her head. She realized Camila was still standing awkwardly behind her and wrapped her arm around the small girl's waist, pulling her to stand next to her.

"Are you okay with telling Ally what's been going on?" she whispered. Camila nodded softly. Lauren realized she'd probably remain silent until they were alone once more.

"We've got a lot of explaining to do then," Lauren laughed softly, nodding for Ally to go over and sit on the couch.


	35. a sense of normality

Camila let Lauren do all the talking.

"Keith was blackmailing her, basically. Setting her up to do things to make it look like she was cheating," Lauren glanced at Camila, wondering how much of the story she would allow Ally to hear. She decided to play it safe. "She tried to run away, but there was a... an accident. She ended up in the hospital. She can talk, by the way. She just doesn't do it much because... it's difficult for her. After the accident she worked at a bookstore. Under a different name. I used to go there every day, and I didn't realize it was her... she had her face hidden pretty well," she smiled at Camila, who gave her a shy smile back. "And then it just sorta ended up happening that we were reunited. And now she's here. Right?"

Camila nodded softly.

Ally gave them both a sad smile and reached over to squeeze Camila's hand. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said softly. Camila stood up from the couch and motioned for Ally to do the same. When the small girl did, Camila wrapped her in a hug.

Ally gave Lauren a surprised look over Camila's shoulder and Lauren just smiled. When the hug pulled away, Ally took both of Camila's hands in hers and met her eyes.

"Mila, I know you, and I know you're probably over thinking everything. You did the right thing, okay? In a twisted, fucked up way, it was the right thing to do. You did what you had to do to protect the people you love, I would've done the same thing," she squeezed Camila's hand, causing the small girl to nod softly.

"Th-t-thank y-you," Camila whispered. Not missing a beat, Ally pulled her in for another hug. Lauren couldn't have been more proud of her.

* * *

Lauren and Camila sat in the kitchen, tossing an orange back and forth out of boredom. Rowan and Ally had disappeared onto the balcony, not allowing the other two girls to follow them. Rowan claimed it was a 'secret meeting.'

The other day, Lauren had purchased an expensive computer program that converted text to sign language. If she were to type a sentence, it would then be made into a video so Rowan could understand. Lauren had bought it with the intent of allowing Camila to learn more sign language, but now it was coming in handy as Ally was visiting.

"I wonder what they're talking about out there," Lauren laughed, throwing the orange across the counter to Camila, who caught it effortlessly and sent it flying back towards Lauren.

Just as Camila was about to respond, Rowan came running back into the room and crawled up on the table in the corner of the living room where they kept the printer. She clapped excitedly and grabbed the two pieces of paper that appeared moments later. Without another sound, she disappeared back onto the balcony. Camila and Lauren exchanged questioning glances.

"N-now I'm c-co-concerned..." Camila giggled. Lauren just rolled her eyes playfully and tossed the orange back to Camila, who happened to be completely unprepared. The fruit bounced off her forehead and onto the floor.

"Shit, sorry, are you okay?" Lauren asked, hurrying over to Camila and cupping her face in her hands. Camila just giggled and nodded, crossing her eyes and crinkling her nose at Lauren.

"You're a dork," Lauren mumbled before leaning in and kissing Camila's forehead. Not a second later, Rowan came running into the kitchen, followed by Ally, who was hiding something behind her back.

"We've got a last minute birthday present for you, Lauren," Ally smirked. She nudged Rowan with her foot and motioned for the small girl to take whatever was behind her back. Rowan did as she was told, and happily held up a small envelope for Lauren to take.

Sending Ally a questioning glance, Lauren took the envelope and turned it around in her hands. She looked over at Camila, who looked just as confused as she did.

  
_'You have to open it,'_ Rowan signed. She tugged on Lauren's shirt and pointed expectantly to the envelope.

Lauren laughed and moved to sit down at one of the stools on the counter. Carefully, she opened the envelope without ripping the edges. She pulled out two pieces of folded up paper. After unfolding them, she scanned the words slowly and read them aloud so Camila could understand.

"You got me dinner reservations at Boccaccio's?" Lauren asked, looking up from the papers. Ally nodded with a wide smile on her face. Rowan looked confused and Lauren quickly repeated her question in sign language so the small girl could understand.

"That's like, two hours away...?" Lauren asked, confused. Ally nodded once more.

"Pack a bag, then. You've already got a place to stay," Ally winked at her and then nodded to Camila. Lauren followed her gaze and looked at an even more confused Camila, who was standing next to her.

"The beach house?"

Ally nodded.

Camila tapped Lauren's shoulder, raising an eyebrow at her in confusion.

Lauren just smiled thankfully at Ally. She realized what she'd been hinting at. Turning to Camila, she took the girl's small hand in hers and gave it a soft squeeze.

"You up for a road trip?"

Camila nodded softly, still slightly confused. Lauren stood up and hugged Ally, whispering a 'thank you' in her ear before signing the same to Rowan and smoothing out her daughter's hair.

Camila was still clueless.

"I'll pack us a bag, m'kay?" Lauren asked, turning to Camila hopefully. Camila just gave her an unsure nod. Lauren took that as a yes, and leaned in to kiss the small girl on the cheek before slipping into the bedroom.

"As for you," Ally giggled, taking Camila's hand and tugging her towards the office. "You're coming with us." Rowan ran excitedly after them.

* * *

Lauren carefully organized what she and Camila would need for the next day or so and placed it carefully into a small suitcase. Part of her was scared to be staying at the beach house with Camila, knowing the memories they both associated with the familiar home. But she was also grateful Ally had given them a chance to get away on their own for a bit. She was comfortable knowing Rowan would be in good hands the entire time, as well.

Once she zipped up the suitcase, Lauren searched though her closet until she found something to wear. A few minutes later, she was smoothing out the short, burgundy dress she'd chosen, and fixing her outfit in the mirror.

* * *

"She's gonna be all over you, Mila," Ally giggled, waiting in the office as Camila disappeared into the bathroom and changed into the dress Ally had let her borrow.

She was nervous. She wasn't exactly sure what Ally meant. They hadn't put labels on what they were yet. Camila was scared to. She was afraid things would only end in her hurting Lauren again.

Ally's eyes widened when she reappeared from the bathroom. Camila glanced nervously at her feet.

"Oh my god, Mila..."

* * *

Once Lauren finished touching up her hair with a straightener and applying her makeup, she slipped into a pair of black heels and peeked out into the living room.

"Ally? Camz?" she called. The living room was empty, and she turned into the kitchen, which was also unoccupied.

Suddenly, two pairs of excited footsteps caught Lauren's attention and she turned around to see Ally and Rowan standing in front of the door to the office.

"I present to you, Lauren, your honorary date to your birthday dinner," Ally winked, stepping aside from the door. When nothing happened, Ally reached behind the wall and tugged a nervous Camila out into the open.

Lauren's jaw dropped.

Camila had donned a short black dress that hugged her waist, showing off the curves she'd slowly gained back now that she was on a normal diet. Her hair fell in loose curls down her shoulders. On her feet were her signature black converse, which Lauren found adorable that she chose to wear them even to a fancy dinner. It was so... her. She was effortlessly beautiful.

Camila kept her eyes on the ground shyly when Lauren looked her up and down. A few moments later, she felt her hand being lifted, and a soft kiss was pressed to the back of her palm. Her cheeks immediately flushed red and she looked up at Lauren, who seemed to be blushing as much as she was.

"I don't know how I got this lucky," Lauren smiled, reaching up to twirl one of Camila's curls around her fingers. Camila giggled bashfully and hung her head again, but Lauren quickly stopped her and used her index finger to tilt Camila's chin back up.

"Keep your head up, silly," Lauren kissed Camila's forehead. Both girls pulled apart when they heard Rowan giggle happily from her spot next to Ally. Camila laughed and bent down, picking up her daughter and kissing her on the cheek.

  
_'Don't cause too much trouble while we're gone,_ ' Lauren signed, walking over to where Camila stood holding Rowan and poking the small girl's nose. A flash startled all of the girls, and Ally laughed, watching as the photo was printed from the Polaroid camera in her hands.

"Go on, lovebirds," Ally smirked, rolling the suitcase over to Lauren, who took Camila's hand in her free hand. Camila smiled softly and looked over at Lauren, who was already looking at her. Rowan reached over and kissed Lauren's cheek before doing the same to Camila.

Camila returned the kiss before handing her daughter over to Ally. They exchanged goodbyes and a few minutes later, both girls were loading the suitcase in the back of Lauren's car and pulling out of the apartment parking lot.

"Can you hand me my bag?" Lauren asked, nodding in the direction of the backseat. Camila nodded and did as she was told. Lauren pulled a book out of her backpack and handed it to Camila.

"Read to me."

Camila tensed and bit her lip, glancing nervously down at the brand new copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_.

"I-I can't..." Camila mumbled. She turned the book around in her hands and swallowed hard.

"I don't care if you mess up, Camila. I don't care how long it takes. I just want to hear your voice," Lauren reached over and placed her hand on Camila's leg. The smaller girl felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

Lauren kept her eyes on the road and a few minutes passed in silence.

  
_"Wh-w-when he was n-nearly th-thirteen, my brother Jem g-got h-his arm badly broken at t-t-th-t-t-th..."_ Camila groaned and dug her nails into the pages of the book. Lauren quickly reached up to grab her hand. 

"Don't rush, Camz. You're doing good," Lauren said comfortingly. Camila took a deep breath and nodded.

_"Th-t-the elbow. W-wh-when it h-healed, and Jem's f-fe-fears of never being able to p-pl-play f-football were assuaged, h-he was s-s-s-seldom self-co-c-conscious about h-his injury..."_

* * *

The majority of the two hour long car ride consisted of Camila's shaky voice reading the beloved book. Halfway through chapter two, she began to get a headache. She paused mid-sentence to bring her hands to her temples. Lauren noticed this and reached over to gently close the book in her lap.

"I'm so proud of you," she smiled, grazing her fingers up and down Camila's arm. The small girl felt goosebumps line her skin.

"Y-you are?"

Lauren looked at Camila in complete disbelief. "Of course I am, Camila. Look at how far you've come."

"I c-can't even t-t-talk normally," she rebutted with a frustrated sigh.

"And I can't dance to save my life, Camz. But that doesn't stop me from dancing. Everyone has setbacks," Lauren shrugged.

"Y-y-yeah but y-you didn't st-s-step in f-front of a car and l-lose your ab-ability t-to dance," Camila huffed.

Lauren bit her lip. Whenever this topic came up she couldn't help but feel guilty.

"You know why I'm proud of you, Camila?"

Camila lifted her head and raised an eyebrow in question.

"You survived. And you're still surviving. Look at you," Lauren smiled. The car rolled to a stop as they pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. Lauren parked the car and turned to cup the small girl's face in her hands.

"You are so, so strong. And so, so beautiful. I wouldn't trade one Camila for a thousand Allys, or Normanis, or Dinahs. You are you. You are so genuinely _Camila_. And I find every single thing about you endearing," she traced her thumb over the scar that ran down Camila's chin, causing the girl to shiver. "There's a reason I fell in love with you, and you're constantly proving to me that I made the right choice by not giving up on you."

Camila drew in a deep breath, studying Lauren's eyes.

"C-c-can I ki-k-kiss you?" she breathed out softly.

Her words surprised Lauren. She'd never imagined Camila would be the one to initiate their first real kiss since they were separated. Not able to find her voice, Lauren nodded softly.

Camila's small hand traced Lauren's jawline before leaning in so her face was just centimeters from the older girl's. She looked into Lauren's eyes for reassurance and found nothing but comfort in them. Gently, she closed the space between them and captured Lauren's lips in her own. Both girls felt their breath catch in the back of their throat at the contact they'd been missing for over a year.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, and when they both pulled away, neither of them spoke. Comfortable silence fell between them. Camila's small hand traced circles around Lauren's exposed collarbone, causing the green-eyed girl's breath to grow shallow.

"I love you," Camila whispered.

Both girls sat up straighter and Camila cupped her hands to her mouth.

"Did you just—?" Lauren felt a smile tugging at her lips. "You didn't stutter..." Lauren whispered in shock. Camila just nodded quickly.

"For the record, I love you too," Lauren said quietly, running her thumb over Camila's bottom lip. Camila shivered and felt her cheeks flush red.

Things were starting to feel normal again.


	36. lifeforms

Camila stared out at the water as the gentle breeze flicked her hair around behind her. Lauren watched the girl from across the table, in love with how intently she appeared to be studying the scenery.

"It's so p-pretty," Camila smiled before turning back to Lauren. "Just l-like you."

Lauren giggled and reached across the table to take both of Camila's hands in hers. She laced their fingers together, meeting the small girl's eyes and running her thumb over the back of her palm.

"Are you happy?" Lauren asked abruptly. Camila raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, like... are you happy here? With me and Ro...?"

Camila nodded quickly, giving Lauren a look of disbelief. "Of c-course!" she laughed. She saw how widely Lauren was smiling and bit her lip to stop herself from smiling like an idiot.

"A-are you?" Camila asked.

"Of course!" Lauren mimicked her, and both girls laughed. Moments later, the waiter came out to bring them the food they'd ordered. Lauren thanked him and looked down at her plate.

"It sm-s-smells like h-heaven," Camila giggled. She'd ordered chicken parmigiana, one of her personal favorites from any restaurant. This plate looked even better than usual, though.

"Ally loves this place," Lauren laughed, unrolling her napkin and placing it on her lap. "That's why she sent us here."

Camila looked up at Lauren before taking her first bite. Humming dramatically, she swallowed and giggled. "Well s-sh-she had a v-valid reason t-t-to love it," Camila nodded. "It's g-good."

Lauren laughed and cut off a piece of her filet mignon. She popped it into her mouth and copied Camila's overdramatic act of satisfaction.

Camila giggled and cut another piece of her food, twirling her fork around in her hands.

"L-laur?" Camila asked when they were almost through dinner. Lauren looked up and nodded, telling Camila to continue.

"I'm s-sc-s-scared."

"Why?" Lauren asked, setting her fork down and placing her hand on top of Camila's. Camila tensed slightly and bit her lip.

"I-I just... I don't w-want to h-h-hurt you, or sc-s-screw up Rowan's l-life." she said quietly. Her gaze dropped down to the table. "I'm s-scared th-that's gonna happen a-again."

Lauren quickly shook her head. "Camila, you being back in Rowan's life is only doing good for her. Trust me, she doesn't have to ask questions about you anymore, she has the real thing. I know she's thankful for that."

Camila smiled softly.

"C'mon," Lauren said softly, paying for their dinner and standing up to take Camila's hand. "I have something to show you."

* * *

Their hands never left one another's during the car ride.

"Wh-w-why did you k-keep the house?" Camila asked as they neared their destination. She'd figured out where they were going during the duration of the day. She heard Lauren hold her breath for a moment, and the green-eyed girl exhaled slowly after a few seconds of silence.

"I just thought... if you ever decided to come back, that's where you'd go," Lauren said softly. She glanced over at Camila, who was already looking at her. Turning her attention back to the road, she shrugged. "I guess if I sold the house, it'd be like completely giving up on any hope of you coming back."

"But wh-w-why? You th-t-thought I ch-c-cheated..." Camila bit her lip.

"I... It just didn't seem like something you would do, Mila. It happened so suddenly... I just... I couldn't come to terms with the fact that you 'cheated', but what was I supposed to do, y'know? You just... left," she took a deep breath. "And I'm not mad at you, I don't resent you for what you did. You didn't have a choice, like Ally said. But I had no way of contacting you... so I just had to wait. And that's what I'd been doing... waiting."

Camila nodded softly and squeezed her eyes shut. She felt horrible. Years and years of guilt had built up on her shoulders for leaving Lauren not once, but twice.

"I'm s-s-so sorry," Camila whispered. Her voice was barley audible and Lauren almost didn't catch what she'd said.

"You're gonna be sorry if you apologize one more time," Lauren teased. The car rolled to a stop in front of the beach house, but Camila hadn't even noticed. Lauren put the car in park and turned to face Camila.

"You have nothing to apologize for, okay? The only person that should be apologizing is Keith. You, me, and Rowan, we didn't ask for any of this to happen to us," Lauren squeezed Camila's shoulder and looked her straight in the eyes. "We're together now. What's in the past is in the past. Right now, I'm happy the way things are. And that's what matters."

Camila smiled shyly and brought Lauren's hand to her lips, planting a soft kiss on the back of her palm.

"We're here, by the way," Lauren giggled. Camila's face lit up and she turned to look out the window, admiring the house she'd left behind over a year ago. A wave of nostalgia washed over her and she suddenly grew extremely nervous.

Lauren had already exited the car, and opened Camila's door. The small girl offered a sad smile and stood up. Moments later Lauren's arm was around her waist and they were walking towards the house.

"I haven't been back since we moved," Lauren admitted. She fumbled with the key, eventually turning the doorknob and instantly being overwhelmed with the memories of when they lived within these walls. Camila stepped inside slowly. Lauren followed her into the kitchen and gasped, running forward and grabbing Camila's hand.

"Don't go in there," she said quickly, biting her lip.

This only made Camila more nervous and she took a few steps forward, peering in the kitchen even though Lauren was trying to hold her back.

"Wh-what?" she asked in shock, turning to Lauren for an explanation.

"I just... I forgot about that... I-I did it in case you ended up coming back..." Lauren's face grew red out of embarrassment. The vase of roses, now completely rotted and dead, sat next to a pile of their Polaroid pictures and what looked like a letter, folded up and placed between them.

Camila crossed the kitchen before Lauren could stop her. She grabbed the piece of folded up paper. Lauren quickly approached her and tried to grab the letter, but Camila shook her head. "I-I want to," she said firmly, turning her back to Lauren and unfolding the piece of paper.

She'd expected a long, wordy monologue like Lauren was famous for. But instead, only one sentence was written carefully in the middle of the page.

_You always have a place to come home to._

Underneath was the address to Lauren's current apartment and her cell phone number. Camila noticed something else on the counter. She pushed a few of the Polaroid pictures aside and grabbed the iPhone. It was brand new.

She turned to Lauren for an explanation.

"I-If you ever came back, I figured you'd need one," Lauren said softly. Camila unlocked the phone. 

**Missed Voicemail (238)**

Camila's breath caught in her throat and she turned to Lauren, who'd obviously just realized what the phone would reveal about her. She made a dive to grab it from Camila's hands before she could listen to them, but Camila beat her to it. Seconds later, the phone was smashed down against the corner of the counter, completely destroying the screen.

Lauren looked at Camila in shock of what she'd just done. Camila let the phone drop to the ground and walked over to Lauren, shaking her head.

"Th-the past is in t-the past, ri-r-right?" she asked hopefully. Innocence flickered in her eyes and Lauren melted at the sight of her.

"Yeah," she whispered, leaning in and kissing Camila's forehead. "It is."

They stood in the kitchen in comfortable silence for a few minutes, absorbing all the memories they'd once shared in that kitchen. Lauren broke the stillness by taking Camila's hand.

"I still have something to show you," she said softly, leading the girl upstairs. Camila followed as Lauren took them out onto the balcony off of the master bedroom. They had a perfect view of the beach, which happened to be empty that day. It was extremely peaceful.

She turned around when she heard scuffling from behind her. Lauren had dragged a plastic chair over and was standing on it to reach the roof. Using her upper body, she pulled herself onto the roof and smiled, satisfied with herself.

"Your turn," she said, holding out her hand for Camila.

"Y-you're crazy," Camila mumbled, shaking her head playfully.

"I know," Lauren giggled, grabbing Camila's hand once she stood on the chair and helping the smaller girl pull herself onto the roof. Lauren crawled over to the tallest point of their roof, laying back and looking out at the beach. Camila followed suit.

Seeing the house had already shaken Camila up a bit. It felt a little too real coming back to the exact place where she'd left Lauren sobbing on the lawn. She didn't realize she was crying until she felt a tear roll down her cheek and land on her hand.

Shit.

Lauren looked up when she felt a drop of wetness hit the hand she had laced with Camila's. The smaller girl quickly turned away to wipe her eyes, but Lauren already realized what was going on.

"Camz?"

"Mhm?" Camila hummed, sniffing and looking over at Lauren. She willed the tears to stay back.

"Talk to me," Lauren whispered. She scooted closer to Camila and pulled her into her so the small brunette could rest her head on her shoulder. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"I just... l-like I sa-said before. Everywhere I-I go, I'm s-s-s-scared. I'm n-n-not good f-for you. I d-d-don't ha-h-have good l-luck," Camila took a deep breath when the words started becoming more difficult to form. "I'm s-s-scared someone's g-g-gonna ge-get hurt and it's going t-to be my f-fa-fault..."

Lauren shifted her position so she was facing Camila. They both sat cross legged, and the tips of their knees were touching. She reached up with both hands and glided her thumbs across the sad girl's cheeks to wipe her tears.

"Camila, I'm in love with you," Lauren said softly, keeping her eyes locked with Camila's. "I won't let anything bad happen to you, okay? And if anything does happen, we'll work through it together. Me and you? We're a team. We always have been."

She leaned in slightly, gauging Camila's reaction. The girl saw Lauren lean in and mimicked her, and suddenly their lips were brought together in a deep, passionate kiss. Lauren could taste the saltwater from Camila's tears and she brought her hands up to tangle themselves in Camila's hair. She slid her tongue over Camila's bottom lip, but was only met with two hands pressed against her chest, pushing her back and separating their lips.

Camila scooted back and shook her head. "I-I can't d-d-d-d-do th-this... I c-c-can't hurt y-you again..."

"I'm not letting you run away again, Camila. I promised you I wouldn't let you leave, remember?" Lauren grabbed Camila's wrist to keep her from moving any further away from her.

"Listen to me. Look me in the eyes and listen. I would rather have you break my heart a million times than for you to disappear out thin air. When I'm with you, it's the only time I _feel_ something, Camila," Lauren felt Camila's shoulders relax and took the opportunity to pull the girl back towards her.

"I-I can't.... I can't not have you around in some way. I need you, Camila. I don't feel like myself when you're gone."

She heard Camila sigh softly and seconds later the small girl had crawled into Lauren's lap, burying her head in her shoulder. Lauren exhaled slowly, grazing the ghost of her fingers up and down Camila's back to calm her down.

The feeling of Camila's soft breath against her skin gave Lauren goosebumps. They sat like that as the sun slowly tucked itself away behind the ocean, leaving them with only the dim light coming from the moon to illuminate them.

Camila finally lifted her head to look up at Lauren. The moonlight shone perfectly down her face and made her look unreal. Lauren didn't think she could've gotten any luckier in that moment.

"You're beautiful," she breathed, kissing the bridge of Camila's nose.

"Absolutely..." she kissed Camila's forehead. "...Beautiful," she whispered, kissing Camila's cheek. Their faces pulled apart for a few moments before Camila reached up to run her thumb over Lauren's bottom lip. The pink flesh bounced back and Camila set her hands on Lauren's shoulders, wrapping them around her neck and leaning in so their foreheads were pressed together.

"I," she whispered, pronouncing her words slowly to avoid her stutter. "Love," she kissed the underside of Lauren's jaw. Their noses brushed and Camila's lips were just barley ghosting Lauren's.

"You," she whispered, closing her eyes and locking their lips together. Butterflies flutttered in her stomach and she ignited. Her hands reached up to play with the soft hair at the nape of Lauren's neck, drawing a soft gasp out from the other girl. Camila giggled against Lauren's lips, feeling the girl's warm breath mix with her own.

The kiss broke so the two of them could catch their breath. Camila had so desperately missed this feeling. Nothing could compare to the feelings Lauren could draw out of her. 


	37. thank you

"It's getting late," Lauren whispered against Camila's neck, peppering kisses up to her chin and placing a gentle kiss on her soft lips. Camila nodded, scooting off of Lauren's lap and hanging her feet over the edge of the roof above the balcony. She pushed off without a second thought, landing square on the deck and turning to look up at Lauren as she did the same.

"Wh-w-what are we?" Camila asked shyly when they reentered the master bedroom.

Lauren sat down on the edge of the bed and turned to Camila. "What do you want us to be?"

"Married," Camila didn't miss a beat. Both girls giggled and Lauren motioned for Camila to come sit down next to her.

"One day, Camz. But I think there's another question I've gotta ask you before we even think about getting married," Lauren said. She reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind Camila's ear. The smaller girl shivered. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"N-no," Camila giggled. She stood up to walk into the bathroom but Lauren grabbed her hand and pulled her back onto the bed.

"You're a brat," Lauren teased, kissing Camila's nose and leaving their faces just inches apart. Camila lifted her head to connect their lips but Lauren pulled out of the way. Camila whimpered.

"I don't think I can kiss you if you're not my girlfriend," Lauren smirked. "Scout's honor." She brought her fingers up to her forehead to salute and Camila giggled.

"Fine. I'll b-be your g-gi-girlfriend," she said, not wasting a second before pulling Lauren down and crashing their lips together. The kiss broke and they were both laughing.

Rolling off the bed, Lauren unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor, leaving her only in her bra and panties. She could see Camila eyeing her subtly from the mirror and felt her cheeks flush red. Moments later, she slid back under the covers and waited for Camila to join her.

Camila pulled her dress over her head and let it join Lauren's on the floor. The moment she slid under the covers, she was pulled into Lauren and instantly overwhelmed with the familiar scent of the older girl. Camila turned over so she was facing Lauren and gave her a soft smile.

"I-I'm glad I d-d-didn't die," Camila whispered, resting her head on Lauren's chest.

"Me too," Lauren sighed softly. She kissed Camila's forehead and leaned over to turn off the lamp. The room was quickly coated in darkness and with the loss of one sense, Lauren's others senses became heightened.

Just as she was feeling sleep overtake her, she was jolted back awake by the feeling of a small hand tracing circles in her abdomen. Her breath caught in her throat when Camila's hand trailed down lower.

"W-what're you doing?" Lauren choked out, breaking the silence. As soon as Lauren spoke, Camila twisted herself out of Lauren's grip and was suddenly on top of her, straddling her waist.

Their lips crashed together and Camila's hands slowly grazed up and down Lauren's exposed stomach. They pulled apart, breathless.

"I want t-to do th-t-this for you," Camila whispered. Lauren felt her breathing turn shallow and her heart sped up.

[smut warning - consider yourselves warned]

"A-are you sure?" she asked, already feeling the throbbing where she needed it the most. Camila nodded and moments later a soft moan was escaping Lauren's mouth when Camila's lips latched onto her neck. She left open mouthed kisses down Lauren's collarbone, making her way down to her chest. Her hands simultaneously trailed up her stomach and cupped her breaths. Lauren inhaled sharply as Camila's hands snaked around her back to unhook her bra. She struggled for a moment and Lauren caught her giggling.

"I-I can't g-get it," Camila whispered. Lauren laughed softly and reached back to unclasp her bra herself. As soon as she did so, her bra was joining the rest of their clothing on the floor and Camila wasted no time before bringing her head back to Lauren's chest and flicking her nipple with her tongue.

Lauren gasped as Camila's other hand cupped her center. She could already feel the wetness pooling in her underwear and Camila ignited when she realized she was the one who had done this to Lauren. Leaving open mouthed kisses down to her navel, Camila slid off Lauren's panties so her face was only inches away from where she needed it the most.

"C-camz," Lauren's voice rasped. It was all the prodding Camila needed and she slowly brought her lips up to Lauren's to capture them in a kiss while she slowly ran a finger through the girl's folds. Lauren moaned into her mouth and Camila shivered, feeling goosebumps line her own arms.

Camila's finger teased Lauren's center, looking at her for some sort of reassurance.

"Please," Lauren whispered. Moments later, Camila slid a finger into Lauren and felt her walls tighten around her. Lauren let out a loud moan, her head falling back on the bed as Camila explored her for the first time. She knew she was already close, knowing what Camila could do to her.

"R-right there," Lauren gasped when Camila's finger curved and brushed up against her walls. Camila followed her instructions, simultaneously adding another finger which made Lauren cry out in pleasure. Every sound that escaped Lauren's lips only elevated Camila's confidence.

Lauren felt the familiar knot forming in her stomach and she reached up to pull Camila down into another kiss. Their lips danced together sloppily as Camila's fingers brushed Lauren at just the right spot and she hit her climax. Her legs shook and she moaned Camila's name, feeling wave after wave of pleasure overtake her as her most powerful orgasm overtook her.

Camila slowed her pace and continued to help Lauren ride out her orgasm. When her legs stopped shaking, Camila gently slid her fingers out of Lauren and before she could move herself, Lauren had pulled her back up next to her, nuzzling her head into her shoulder.

"You're good at that," she whispered. Camila's cheeks turned bright red.

* * *

Lauren woke up to the absence of warmth next to her, still seeing the sheets crumpled from where Camila had been. This woke her up instantly, and she panicked. Her mind automatically assumed Camila had left again.

The sound of the running water quickly calmed her down, and she realized Camila was merely in the shower. She'd have to grow used to Camila actually being there, with her, instead of just a figment of her imagination.

She quietly slipped into the bathroom, already in just her panties from last night. Letting them fall to the floor, she kicked them aside before carefully drawing the shower curtain aside.

Camila gasped when she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist but quickly relaxed when she realized who it was.

"Mornin'" Lauren's raspy voice echoed through the small room. The green eyed girl rested her chin on Camila's shoulder. Camila shivered.

"H-hi," she said softly. Lauren giggled and kissed the soft skin on Camila's neck.

"Sleep well?"

"Better than I-I have in a l-l-long time," Camila confessed. She turned so she was now facing Lauren, the warm water running down the sides of her face and dripping down on her bare chest. Lauren trailed her hands up and down Camila's abdomen, making the smaller girl shiver.

Lauren gave Camila a soft smile and pressed a kiss to the bridge of Camila's nose, before reaching up and grabbing the shampoo from the shower rack. Squeezing a generous amount into her free hand, put the bottle away and cupped her hands together.

"I love you," Lauren whispered, reaching up to lather the shampoo through Camila's hair. She felt Camila's warm breath against her shoulder and shivered. Her fingers massaged deep in Camila's scalp and she giggled when Camila crinkled her nose playfully.

She took a step back to shamelessly admire her girlfriend's body. Camila noticed this and quickly grew embarrassed, bringing her hands up to cover her torso. She was ashamed of the variation of scars and bruises that mapped her body.

Lauren knew this. She grabbed Camila's wrists and shook her head. "Don't cover them, Camila," she said softly, running her thumb over the back of her hand.

"They're bad memories," Camila mumbled. She sighed deeply and felt Lauren let go of her wrists. Moments later, she traced the two, long scars that ran diagonal down Camila's abdomen, from where Keith had tried to attack her that night on the bridge.

"These have good memories," Lauren whispered, and Camila grew confused.

"I dressed these wounds for weeks when we first moved in here. And every night you'd make me read to you after I did, because the medicine we had to put on it stung a little bit, and you needed a distraction," Lauren ran her thumb over the raised white skin. "And somehow you'd I'd always lose my place because you'd randomly kiss me mid-sentence." Camila giggled at the fond memory.

Lauren's hands traced patterns up Camila's torso, across her collarbone, and to her chin. She planted a soft kiss on her cheek before tracing down the scar that ran from just below her earlobe, to the edge of her chin. Camila had gotten it while she was still 'Matty', and just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"This was the second thing I saw when you revealed yourself to me in the bathroom of the bookstore," Lauren said. "After your eyes, of course," she gave Camila a small smile. Camila's cheeks were bright red by now.

"And I remember just how concerned I was. I was ready to jump the guy who did that to you. And that's when I came to terms with the situation that I was, in fact, still in love you with you," her last words were drawn out breathily and Camila felt Lauren's hands cup her face, kissing her gently. After a few seconds, Camila's arms found their way around Lauren's neck and she tilted her head, deepening the kiss. Both girls didn't care about the water dripping down both of their faces, in fact, they could've cared less. All that mattered in that moment was their bodies and the heavy, matched breaths that left their lips when they pulled apart.

Camila inhaled sharply when she felt Lauren's fingers drum against her thighs, against the burn scars that mapped her legs like roots of a plant. She despised them.

"And these..." Lauren began, leaning in a pressing a kiss where Camila's earlobe met her face. "These show that you survived," she whispered. "These scars tell everyone ' _Hey, I'm Camila Cabello, and when everything is trying to kill me, I kick fear in the ass and I fight for myself, and I will survive every single time you try to bring me down,'_   and they couldn't be more right."

Camila's heart sped up when she felt Lauren pepper kisses from her neck down to her chin, and then lingering just above her lips.

"And for the record, I think your scars make you look pretty badass," Lauren whispered, and Camila giggled. Their lips met in a passionate kiss, only pulling apart when they both needed to breathe.

"Rowan even asked me the other day if you were a superhero," Lauren said with a soft laugh. She traveled her hands back up to Camila's scalp, switching positions so Camila was directly under the stream of water. The smaller girl closed her eyes lightly to avoid getting soap in them, as Lauren began rinsing out her hair.

"She told me she thought you were a superhero because you save her from the bad guys under her bed."

Both girls giggled. Once the shampoo was washed out of her hair, Lauren repeated the same process with the conditioner. There was no talking, only silent conversations passed between their eyes. Both of them enjoyed the comfortable silence.

Once they exited the shower, Lauren came up from behind Camila to wrap a towel around her torso. Camila smiled softly and held onto the front of the towel to keep it up before turning to Lauren, who was also drying herself off.

"T-th-thank you," Camila said softly.

"No problem," Lauren smiled, turning to walk into the bedroom but stopping when Camila grabbed her wrist.

"N-no, I mean _th-thank you_ ," Camila stressed the importance of her words. Lauren took a step back towards her and gave her a confused look.

"Y-you've been s-s-so kind to me wh-w-when you had every r-reason to hate m-me after l-leaving you," she said quietly. "You s-saved me so many t-t-times."

Lauren bit down on her lip to stop the tears that threatened to fall. She moved her hand so their fingers were laced together.

"You should know you've done the same for me," she smiled softly. "I think we're good for each other, yeah?"

Camila giggled and nodded simultaneously.

"Here's to the rest of our many days together then," Lauren nodded once, kissing Camila's cheek and leading her out to the bedroom to get dressed.


	38. a not-so-scary halloween

  
_'More,'_ Rowan signed, pointing to her face which was covered in an artistic array of orange and black stripes, with a detailed pair of whiskers, and a black spot highlighting the tip of her nose.

  
_'There is not a spot left on your face that I can paint!'_ Lauren signed, making a funny face back at Rowan. The small child craned her neck to see her reflection in the mirror next to them. She twisted her face and wiggled her nose, observing the new makeup.

  
_'Do I look like a tiger?'_ she asked.

Camila walked into the room moments later, seeing what Rowan had signed. She faked shock, throwing her hands in the air.

  
_'Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?!'_ she signed. Rowan giggled and bared her teeth at Camila, who squealed and ran out of the room in response. Rowan clambered out of her chair and scrambled after her mother.

Lauren grabbed the chair as it fell from the force of Rowan's rushed escape. Once she set it back in place, she peered out into the living room and directed her gaze towards the intense giggling she heard from the couch.

"Don't you dare mess up her makeup! Camila Cabello, I swear!" Lauren called, watching as Rowan pounced on her mother with a pillow, giggling excitedly.

'A-alright, alright," Camila sighed dramatically, shooting a playful wink at Lauren before bringing Rowan into the bedroom to get on the rest of her costume.

Meanwhile, Lauren grabbed the bowl of candy she and Camila had hidden from Rowan and placed it on the table next to the front door. It'd been exactly 4 months and 4 days since her and Camila became official again.

Being reunited had done a lot of good for the three girls.

Rowan was overjoyed to have her mother back. Seeing that Lauren had no resentment towards Camila had allowed Rowan to openheartedly forgive her for disappearing the way she did. She was doing better in school, her sleeping habits were improving, and she was constantly astounding both girls with how much she could fit in that tiny brain of hers.

Lauren was in love. Lauren was completely, utterly, hopelessly in love with Camila. She loved. She loved continually. Lauren loved her little family. She loved their cozy apartment. She loved waking up to a pair of golden brown eyes across from hers. She loved seeing the joy on her daughter's face when someone would go out of their way to accommodate her hearing disability. She loved watching Camila and Rowan share small, goofy moments with one another. She loved. Camila had shown her what love was, and ever since Lauren discovered it, she constantly gave wherever she went.

Camila was safe. Her entire life had felt like a maze... a labyrinth, of sorts. Whenever she thought she'd escaped the suffering, it was only waiting for her around the corner. Camila had come to accept that she could never fully avoid bad times. Everyone had them. But she'd found Lauren. She'd lost Lauren, she'd found Lauren, and she'd lost her again. But now she was here. And they were together. And she felt safe. Camila knew she could handle the maze of life as long as Lauren was by her side.

Lauren had convinced Camila to start going to therapy. Camila's stutter has slowly been improving. She'll never be able to read and write at a normal level again, but Lauren could tell she was slowly getting better at both of those things. She believed Camila could do whatever she set her mind to.

The beach house was still in Lauren's name. But after spending her birthday night there with Camila, both girls realized they would rather not live somewhere that didn't hold good memories for them. Lauren had begun renting it out to tourists who needed a place to stay. It brought in a good income, and they could still take Rowan to the beach whenever she pleased.

"Laur," Camila giggled from across the room. Lauren was snapped out of her thoughts and turned around, just to be pummeled to the ground by a blur of orange and black.

"Don't say I d-didn't w-warn you!" Camila giggled, shaking her head. Lauren picked up Rowan, tickling her before setting her back on her feet.

  
_'I'm a real tiger,'_ Rowan signed. She spun around in her costume, making a funny face at Lauren, who laughed more than she should've.

  
_'Show her your tail,'_ Camila got Rowan's attention. Rowan giggled and turned around, wiggling her bottom and making the fake tail shake back and forth.

  
_'You look awesome, Rowan,'_ Lauren smiled. She kissed her daughter on the cheek and turned to Camila.

"I'll take her out while you give out candy, and then we'll switch?" Camila asked, already knowing what Lauren was thinking. Lauren gave her a soft smile and nodded.

Rowan hopped over to them with the Polaroid camera.

  
_'Picture!'_ she signed, holding it up for Lauren to take.

Camila and Rowan both scooted closer to Lauren when the green-eyed girl motioned for them. She turned the camera, and noticed Rowan was making a goofy face at the camera. Lauren tickled Rowan as soon as the camera clicked, and the small girl squealed, giggling and ducking away from Lauren's grip.

The picture printed out and Camila didn't bother waiting for it to develop before taping to the fridge, which was now covered in pictures of their tiny family. It made her smile every time she looked at it.

Lauren said goodbye to her girlfriend and daughter as they disappeared down the hallway to go find candy.

They hadn't even gotten any trick or treaters at the apartment when the apartment door opened and Lauren shot up from her seat on the couch. She sighed in relief when she realized it was just Camila and Rowan.

"W-we have a pr-p-problem," Camila sighed, nodding at her daughter, who had her head buried in Camila's shoulder. "She's terrified."

"Of what?"

"The kids, t-the decorations, y-you name it," Camila bit her lip. Rowan lifted her head, revealing her smudged makeup and tear stained cheeks. "I-I didn't even consider that t-t-things may be scarier for her b-because she can't hear them approaching."

Lauren nodded softly, silently holding out her arms for Camila to pass Rowan to her. The small child clung to her mother. She was disappointed she wasn't able to do something that the other kids did. 

"Looks like we're s-staying in then," Camila sighed. She plopped down on the couch and was about to kick off her shoes when Lauren stopped her.

"No we're not," she said. Placing Rowan on the back of the couch so she could sit and see her, she gave her daughter a small smile.

  
_'Do you still want to get candy?'_ she signed. Confused, but curious, Rowan nodded slowly. 

  
_'Good. We're gonna do a different kind of trick or treating, okay?'_  Lauren signed and winked at her girlfriend, who was just as confused as Rowan was.

Without saying anything else, she scooped Rowan up in her arms and headed toward the door, turning the lights off behind her. Camila quickly followed, making sure to lock the apartment before they left.

"What are you d-doing?" Camila asked quietly, following Lauren as they weaved through the crowds of parents and their children in the hallway. Passing the elevator, she decided to take the stairs to save time. Rowan remained silent, too focused on figuring out where they were going to say anything.

Lauren raised a finger to tell Camila to be patient, and all three girls got into the car after Rowan was secured in her car seat. Lauren turned so both of them could see her.

  
_'We're going to go trick or treating minus the scary stuff. And I think it's even more fun because you get to pick your own candy, okay?'_ she signed and spoke so Camila could hear her. Rowan nodded softly, still somewhat confused.

"Where's the nearest gas station?" Lauren asked, turning to Camila. The younger girl thought for a moment before pointing down the street and then to the left. Lauren nodded, and without another word, she was following Camila's directions.

Only a few minutes later, they were pulling to a stop in front of the small gas station. Both Rowan and Camila looked at Lauren questioningly. Lauren laughed and grabbed her backpack, pulling out her wallet and handing each girl two dollars.

  
_'Go pick out a candy,'_ she crinkled her nose at Camila, knowing that Camila would want to do it along with Rowan. She'd planned ahead to have this as backup, just in case.

Rowan, who finally understood, giggled excitedly and unbuckled herself from her carseat. Camila however, sat frozen, a small smile making its way onto her face.

"H-has anyone ever t-told you that you're a genius?" she giggled, leaning over the seat to kiss Lauren on the cheek before getting out of the car to help Rowan. Lauren blushed, watching Rowan skip off ahead of Camila and into the gas station.

A few minutes later, both girls reappeared. Camila waved a Hershey's bar in the air, causing Lauren to laugh. Rowan excitedly scrambled into the backseat and held up the lollipop she'd gotten for Lauren to see. Lauren gave her a thumbs up and waited for Camila to get in the car before driving off down the road.

They came to a crosswalk and Lauren turned to get Rowan's attention.

  
_'Left or right?'_ she signed, pointing in both directions. Rowan pondered the question for a moment before waving her arm to the left. Lauren laughed and nodded, turning back around and driving left through the crosswalk.

"Keep an eye out for any gas stations," Lauren reached over and placed a hand on Camila's thigh. The smaller girl nodded.

They carried on like this for the rest of the night. Picking a random direction, driving until they came to a gas station, sending Camila and Rowan inside to pick out candy, and then piling the candy into one of the grocery bags in the back of the car.

They had just left the gas station. It was a little after 10 o'clock and Lauren knew all the stores would be closing up soon. When Rowan crawled into the backseat and showed Lauren the gummy worms she'd gotten, Lauren figured out where they'd be going next.

Camila looked at Lauren questioning when they pulled off to the side of the road, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Lauren ignored her glances, hopping out of the car and helping Rowan out of her seat.

"C'mon, Camz," she laughed. Camila was still sitting in the car, wondering what they were doing. The small girl's head shot up when she heard Lauren's voice, and she quickly slipped out of the passenger side and moved to stand next to her girlfriend.

"Where are you go-g-going?" Camila laughed, watching as Lauren started walking down the hill they'd parked their car next to.

"The beach."

"What?" Camila quickly followed after Lauren, who had put Rowan down and ushered her to follow the dirt path they'd ended up on. Her arm snaked around Camila's waist when the smaller girl caught up to them.

"H-how could you possibly k-k-know if there's a beach d-down h–"

Camila was cut off by the sound of an excited squeal a few yards in front of them, and the blur of an orange tail took off in the distance. Lauren just looked at Camila and smirked before jogging off after Rowan.

Camila walked quickly to catch up with them, pushing through the brush that Lauren and Rowan had disappeared through. Her breath caught in her throat as soon as she did. The beach was absolutely beautiful. It was isolated, trapped between large rock cliffs and hidden from the road by the forest.

But the real thing that made her heart skip was the sight of Lauren. She had Rowan in her arms and was spinning in circles, causing the small girl to giggle incessantly. The moonlight, which Camila was very thankful for, was illuminating the pair, casting an ethereal glow on both of them. It was as if the world was highlighting them, saying _'hey, these are the people that mean something to you.'_ And Camila swore she was slowly falling more and more in love with them, even though she thought it was impossible to love them even more than she already did.

"Take a picture babe, it'll last longer," Lauren giggled, noticing Camila's staring. The wavy haired girl's face instantly flushed red and Lauren couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. She put Rowan down, who proceeded to make snow angels in the sand, and walked over to Camila.

"Happy Halloween," Lauren laughed, pulling her girlfriend towards her and placing her hands on her waist. She could tell how red Camila's had grown even in the dim light.

"I l-like you a lot," Camila whispered. Her breath turned shallow when Lauren leaned in, only inches away from her face. Even after being with her for so long, she still made her heart beat as fast as it did the first time they kissed.

"I like you a lot, too," Lauren said with a light laugh. Then she closed the gap between them, connecting their lips and shivering as the familiar feeling of sparks ignited inside her and reminded her just how amazing Camila made her feel.


	39. i'd give you the moon

"Pssssst. Lauren."

Lauren groaned and covered her face with the pillow.

"Santa c-came."

Lauren couldn't help but giggle when she realized why Camila was up this early. She turned over and pushed the pillow off of her face, being greeted by Camila. Ironically, Camila was dressed in her Christmas pajamas, with pink and red penguins. She smiled cheekily at Lauren before yawning.

"Someone's excited," Lauren smiled softly. She loved waking up next to Camila. It never got old. The days she woke up alone were carved in her memory, so each morning her eyes fluttered open to meet Camila's golden brown eyes, she was constantly reminded how lucky she was.

"I'm excited to s-see Rowan's face when s-sh-she sees w-what Santa brought her, that's all," Camila laughed. She sat up and stretched out her arms. The light poured in the window and shone through her hair, making her glow in the dimly lit room.

"I'm just excited to spend Christmas with you guys," Lauren lifted her head from the bed and ran her hands through her hair, which was ruffled from sleep. Camila looked over at her girlfriend and giggled. She loved Lauren's raspy morning voice.

"Wanna k-kn-know the real r-r-reason I woke up s-so early?" Camila said softly. She crossed her legs and motioned for Lauren to sit up. Slowly, Lauren did so, and Camila laced their fingers together.

"Sure," Lauren laughed.

"I knew it'd be t-t-the only alone time we'd g-get today," Camila smirked. She leaned in slowly and lingered in front of Lauren's face for a moment. "And I f-figured I'd use it wisely."

"Oh really?" Lauren giggled. She raised a playful eyebrow and pressed their lips together. Any last bit of grogginess from the night before disappeared the second their lips touched, and Camila slid her tongue across Lauren's lip. Lauren opened her mouth slightly and their tongues danced together. Camila let out a soft moan, and Lauren almost didn't hear the loud footsteps running down the hallway.

Luckily, she did, and she quickly pulled away. Camila started to pout, but jumped when the bedroom door burst open and seconds later, their daughter flew onto the bed.

"Santa came!" she squealed, signing and talking at the same time. Lauren and Camila exchanged glances and both giggled.

  
_'Come on!'_ Rowan signed. She grabbed a hold of both of their sleeves and tried to tug them off the bed. Both of them pretended to fall back asleep and Rowan giggled. She shook Lauren's shoulders, who finally got up from the bed and tossed Rowan into the air, spinning her around and kissing the laughing child on the forehead.

  
_'Should we go see what Santa brought you?'_ Camila signed. She stood up, shuffling over and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's waist. Rowan nodded furiously and wiggled out of Lauren's arms. Both girls laughed as she skipped off into the living room.

Soon Rowan was tearing into her first present. Camila passed Lauren the mug of coffee they'd been sharing and Lauren leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. Lauren had figured out how to turn on the fireplace in their living room just for this occasion, and it surely made it feel even more like Christmas.

  
_'Space?'_ Rowan signed. With a confused expression on her face, she walked over to her mothers and held up the box for them to see. Camila studied it and smiled softly.

  
_'Want me to turn it on for you?'_ Camila signed, taking the box into her lap and starting to open it after Rowan nodded. She slid the batteries into the device and stood up, motioning for the girls to follow her.

She led them into Rowan's bedroom and plugged the toy into the wall.

"L-lights," Camila pointed to the wall and Lauren flicked the lights off. Seconds later, Camila turned the machine on and stars burst out of the circular toy, dotting the ceiling and the walls and making Rowan's entire room look like the night sky.

Both Camila and Lauren giggled when Rowan gasped. The small child walked over to the wall, pressing her palm against the light and watching as the stars were now projected on her hand.

"Santa got me the sky!" Rowan spoke aloud, knowing it was too dark for them to see her sign. Lauren laughed and turned the light back on so they could see her.

"I'd get you guys the moon if it meant making you happy," Lauren whispered to Camila, pulling her girlfriend into her and kissing her cheek. Camila blushed and laid her head on Lauren's shoulder. She was so in love with this girl.

They opened presents for a while longer. Lauren found it adorable how Rowan took her time to put together and play with each toy before moving onto the next one. She didn't rush through them. The small child showed so much gratitude for everything she'd gotten. Her favorite was her "Space Machine", though. After they'd eaten breakfast together, Rowan had brought the machine into the living room and demanded they lie down and look at the stars with her.

So now, Camila and Lauren lay on the floor with Rowan sandwiched inbetween them. They were in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Lauren propped herself up on her elbow to face them both.

"There's one more present," Lauren smiled softly. Camila grew confused. Lauren got up from the floor and turned on the lights, which caused Rowan to glance at them both in confusion.

  
_'Go get mommy's present_ ,' Lauren signed. Rowan, knowing what to do, giggled excitedly and hopped to her feet. Camila raised an eyebrow as Rowan sprinted into the office.

Lauren motioned for Camila to come sit on the couch with her. She was wearing the small bracelet Camila had gotten her, which had their initials carved on it. The girls had agreed on getting each other small gifts this year, for the sake of saving money. They didn't need expensive things to express their love, anyway.

Lauren pulled Camila down next to her as Rowan hopped back into the room. She handed Camila a book.

_To Kill a Mockingbird_

Camila raised an eyebrow at Lauren and turned to open the worn book, but Lauren quickly stopped her by placing her hand on the cover.

"First, turn to the first page."

Camila did as she was told once Lauren removed her hand and gasped as soon as she saw why Lauren had instructed her to do so. In black pen, the author's signature was scrawled on the yellowing page.

"You didn't..." her mouth dropped open and she traced her fingers across the ink.

"That's just the first part," Lauren giggled. "Turn to page 18."

Camila flipped through the pages until she reached the eighteenth page. An envelope slid out and landed on her lap. Her eyes landed on the highlighted words on the page.

_Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing._

Lauren let Camila take her time to read the sentence, watching as the small girl narrowed her eyes and follow the words with her index finger. Once Camila lifted her head, Lauren tapped the sentence on her page.

"That's how I feel about you," Lauren whispered softly. She kissed Camila's cheek and nodded towards the envelope. "Open it."

Camila traced her fingers over the words again, knowing it's the exact same way she felt about Lauren. Closing the book gently, she set it safely on the couch next to her and took the envelope in her hands. Rowan giggled excitedly and Camila glanced at them both.

Slowly, she ripped open the seal and slid three pieces of paper out of the envelope. After further inspection, she realized they were plane tickets. Lauren gave her time to read them, and after a minute or so, the tickets fell out of Camila's hand and onto the ground.

"H-h-h-hawaii?" Camila asked in disbelief. Her stutter always grew worse when she was excited or surprised, but she didn't mind at this point.

Lauren nodded with a soft smile on her face. "But what's missing?"

Camila raised an eyebrow and picked the tickets up again to study them. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and glanced at Lauren for an explanation.

"The return tickets," Lauren smirked. Camila was still confused, which made Lauren giggle. She held up a finger to signal for Camila to wait. Reaching into her back pocket, Lauren pulled out a set of keys and dropped them into Camila's palm.

"See this key?" Lauren asked, pointing to the biggest one. Camila nodded slowly. "That's the key to our new house."

Camila gasped and Rowan squealed in excitement. The small child climbed into Lauren's lap a few seconds after.

"W-w-w-wait... a h-h-ho-h-ho..."

Lauren grabbed Camila's hands to calm her down. Camila took a deep breath and shook her head.

"Just let me explain, okay?"

Camila nodded and bit her lip.

"The green ring I gave you, remember how I told you I wanted to borrow it a few weeks ago?"

Camila nodded and looked down at her hand, smiling softly when she saw the beloved ring on her finger.

"I got it the night I flew to see you... the night we spoke on the phone for the first time in years. I ended up spilling my heart to the woman next to me on the plane, and she gave me the ring before we left."

Camila nodded. She freed one of her hands to look at the ring closely.

"Well a few weeks ago, while you were at work, someone came to the door asking about it. You had it with you, but I showed them a picture of us where you were wearing it, and they told me to get it to them as soon as I could. I mean... they seemed legitimate, so I told you I needed to borrow the ring and I ended up meeting with a lawyer. The lady who gave me the ring had passed away."

Camila was utterly confused, but she waited for Lauren to continue.

"Turns out, she had given me the ring because I reminded her of her daughter, who passed away when she was about my age. And she had no other family..." Lauren bit her lip. "So she ended up giving everything she owned to the ' _girl on the plane who she gave the green gem ring to_ '."

Camila giggled softly, but moments later her eyes widened when things started to fall into place.

"And apparently, she lived in Hawaii. In a beach house. And now it's in my name. Our name, actually."

"You're k-ki-k-kidding..." Camila shook her head, causing Lauren to laugh.

"That's not the best part, though," Lauren said softly. She reached over and held up one of the smaller keys she'd given Camila. "Wanna know what this is?"

Camila nodded furiously.

"That's the key to our brand new book store." Lauren reached into her pocket and pulled out a picture, sliding it into Camila's lap.

"Wh-w-w-what?" Camila half-whispered. In the picture, which appeared to be quite old, stood a husband and wife with a young girl in a floral dress. Behind them there was a large sign that read " _Grand Opening of Lahaina's own:Peridot Books and Records."_  


"That's her, by the way," Lauren smiled, pointing to the young woman in the picture. "That's her family, but she outlived them."

Camila felt a tear roll down her cheek and land on the picture as she stared at the small building behind them. It was an adorable little bookstore, with books practically toppling out from the inside. It was... perfect. Camila had always dreamed of owning her own book store one day. She'd just never imagined it would come so soon.

"Those better be happy tears," Lauren said softly, reaching up to wipe Camila's cheek with the pad of her thumb. Camila nodded quickly and a small smile tugged at her lips.

"I-I'm just so... oh my god," she shook her head. "Th-t-thankful."

"There's even a school for Rowan not too far away from the house. And we can walk to the beach whenever you want," Lauren smiled. "Trust me... I cried when I found out too. It just seems too good to be true."

"N-no." Camila shook her head and Lauren raised an eyebrow in question. "It's only t-t-too good to be true b-because we're going to be t-t-together. All of us," she whispered, kissing Rowan's forehead.

Lauren quickly smiled and nodded. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

"I-I should've g-g-gotten you s-s-something else," Camila sighed, looking at the book and the plane tickets. "This m-makes the bracelet seem so... l-lame."

Lauren just laughed and shook her head. "I figured your present would be agreeing to go with me," she smirked.

"Of course I'll d-do that," Camila giggled. She kissed Lauren on the cheek. Her whole body was still in shock. Everything was slowly falling into place.

"Good, cause' we leave in three days."

Camila's mouth fell open in shock and Lauren burst into laugher. "I love you," she whispered, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend gently on the lips.

"I love you, too," Camila giggled against Lauren's lips, not stuttering once.


	40. beginnings in pajamas and a tiger suit

The following morning, Camila was awoken by a knock at the door. Groggily, she rolled out of bed beside Lauren and padded over to answer whoever was knocking this early in the morning. Well, ten o'clock wasn't exactly early, but Camila considered it to be.

"Mila!" the familiar voice gasped when she opened the door.

"H-h-harry?" Camila's eyes dropped down to the young boy, who immediately moved forward to wrap her in a hug. "Wh-w-what are you doing here?"

She suddenly became aware of the other people with Harry, and studied them when she pulled away from the hug. An woman who looked about ten years older than her stood there, a toddler in her arms, and another young girl holding her hand. Realizing they must be Harry's siblings and mother, she gave them a shy smile.

"We just stopped by to thank you..." his mother smiled. Camila suddenly became aware that there were tears in her eyes.

"Thank m-me? For what?" Camila asked softly.

"You don't know?"

Camila shook her head.

"I hadn't gotten around to telling her yet," Lauren's voice appeared from behind her and Camila jumped when her girlfriend laid her arm across her shoulders.

"Oh," his mother laughed softly, wiping her eyes and smiling at Lauren. "Well, in that case, your girlfriend here... she, uh... she..." The woman suddenly teared up once more.

"I gave them the beach house," Lauren explained to Camila.

"You d-d-did?"

Lauren nodded. "And I may have helped a little with Harry's college fund."

"Oh, you've helped more than just a little," his mother spoke up, shaking her head. "I can't ever thank you enough... we can't... you've helped us so much..." She moved forward to hug both of them. Camila returned the gesture, but stood there in shock.

"I just... I didn't mean to wake you... but when we got the news I had to come over than thank you in person," Harry's mother gave them a compassionate smile. Camila could tell just how genuinely thankful she was.

"You're welcome," Lauren smiled softly. Harry hugged her tightly. Lauren whispered a 'thank you' into his ear before saying their goodbyes. Camila stood silently while Lauren closed the door behind them.

"Babe?"

"Hm?" Camila was snapped out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I was going to, things just got so busy and it slipped my m——"

"I love you, s-so much," Camila shook her head, interrupting Lauren and wrapping her arms around her neck in a tight hug. "You're s-s-so amazing."

Lauren's face blushed red and she held Camila tightly, rubbing circles in her back.

"W-why'd you do it?" Camila asked softly once the hug pulled away.

"I wanted to help them out somehow after hearing all the good things you told me about him. I wanted to make sure that kid got a good education. We need more people like him in the world," Lauren shrugged and laced their fingers together, gently swinging their hands back and forth. "Plus he was there to protect you when I couldn't be. I owe him eternally for that."

Camila felt her eyes well with tears and without another word, she cupped her girlfriend's face and pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

"You're constantly gi-g-giving me more reasons to love you."

* * *

Camila lay awake in bed, studying the patterns on the ceiling. They left for Hawaii in less than 24 hours. The apartment was practically empty, except for their mattress on the floor and Rowan's sleeping bag, which she'd insisted on placing under the kitchen table so she could sleep in her 'fort.'

She was practically starting a new life with Lauren. That was a big deal. It terrified her but excited her at the same time. Suddenly, she turned over and shook Lauren awake.

"L-lo... Lauren," she whispered. Lauren groaned, wiping her eyes and looking at Camila, confused.

"What?"

"Marry me."

Lauren sat up almost instantly, shaking her head and blinking a few times to make sure she'd heard Camila correctly. "Wh-what?"

"Marry me," Camila breathed out, biting her lips.

"Camila, we're l——"

"I want t-to start this off r-r-right. I w-w-want to marry you. I want us t-to spend the rest of our lives t-t-together. I'm not losing you th-this time," Camila grabbed Lauren's hands and looked up at her anxiously.

"You know I want to marry you, Camila," Lauren laughed softly.

"So it's a y-yes?"

Lauren, still surprised by the sudden proposal, nodded softly. Seconds later, Camila was out of bed and grabbing her shoes from the closet.

"Wait... you mean right now?" Lauren asked, widening her eyes. 

Camila giggled. "Yeah, w-why not?"

Lauren bit her lip and thought for a moment before shrugging. "I guess I can't wait that long, either," she stretched out her arms and giggled when she realized they were both in their pajamas.

"Shouldn't we... get dressed?"

Camila shrugged. "That'll j-just waste more time, c'mon," she giggled, grabbing Lauren's hand and pulling her out of the bedroom before she had a chance to argue. Lauren was amused by her girlfr—— no, _fiance's_ excitement, and honestly, she didn't mind the idea of such a rushed marriage. It was unusual. Like them.

Camila knelt down next to Rowan, tapping her gently. The small child didn't stir, so Camila took both her shoulders and shook her carefully until her daughter yawned and fluttered her eyes open.

  
_'We're getting married,'_ Camila signed, looking at Lauren. _'Go get dressed.'_  


Lauren giggled at how blunt Camila was being. She didn't expect Rowan to smile and run into her room obediently. Camila hadn't, either.

"T-that was easy," Camila laughed, watching as Rowan disappeared into her bedroom to get dressed.

"I think she saw it coming before we did," Lauren answered honestly. Camila just giggled in agreement and walked over to the dark haired girl.

"I like t-this. This is fun. We s-should get married at midnight more o-of-often."

Lauren laughed and kissed the bridge of the younger girl's nose.

"I'm ready!" Rowan called, knowing their couldn't see her signing from her bedroom. Moments later, the small girl skipped out into the living room.

_In her tiger costume._

Lauren and Camila both burst into laughter before exchanging glances. They shrugged. They saw no point in making her change. Their marriage was already off to an unusual start, so why not?

* * *

Surprisingly, marriage bureaus that were open 24 hours a day were fairly easy to come by in California. Less than an hour later, Camila and Lauren now stood in front of each other, in their pajamas, while a tiger (who looked suspiciously more like a child) sat cross legged on the floor in front of them.

"Do you, Lauren, take Camila to be your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish her friendship and love her today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor her, laugh with her and cry with her? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?"

Lauren couldn't help but giggle at the thought of growing old with Camila. She nodded and met Camila's eyes.

"I do."

"And do you, Camila, take Lauren to be your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish her friendship and love her today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor her, laugh with her and cry with her? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?"

"Of course," Camila said, as if it was common sense. "I mean... w-wait, am I supposed to s-say 'I do'? Did I ju-just mess everything u—?"

She was cut off by Lauren's lips against hers, but quickly melted into the kiss. Her arms wrapped around the green-eyed girl's neck. And in that moment, everything was perfect.

"Well, I guess I pronounce you wife and wife now," the marriage officiant laughed when they pulled apart.

"I like the sound of that," Lauren giggled. Seconds later, Rowan practically climbed up Lauren to get into her arms, pulling them all together and kissing them both on the cheek.

She waved her hands to get their attention, looking at them both with a wide smile on her face before signing.

_'Family.'_

"I-I like the sound of that, too," Camila smiled. She kissed Rowan's forehead and smiled at Lauren softly.

After that, they drove home and went to bed. Because for them, marriage was just another piece of paper. They already knew they'd be together forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and they all lived happily ever after. maybe, who knows. hahaha well there you go! i don't really know what to say, omg. my first fic is finally completed, this is so bittersweet. thank you all for reading and sticking with me!  
> i was debating on writing an epilogue but there's a possibility i may write a sequel, if there's enough demand for it. so for now, this is the final chapter.  
> thank you, so so so much. i love you all endlessly. i hope this fic lived up to your expectations!!! as always, have a great day bbies. love each other.  
> \- lena (@lenajfc on twitter, txrches on tumblr)


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